Issue 259 Reviews!

[Nimras]

Maraquan Meercas Are Hard to Hug
by krychek2001

Awww… How sweet! *sniff*

I like the ‘soft’ art style you used here. The colors remind me of those chalk portraits…

[Nimras]

Luck Out
by nanoalchemist

I had that happen too.

I like how you remember to put a mote-glow on the shield. And I don’t need to tell you my comment about the length of the author’s note.

[Nimras]

Lessons of Fame
by ssjelitegirl

*boggles at Shad’s disguise*

I love Shads expression in the second panel, though something in Donna’s position seems a little … off in the last. I’m no artist though, so I sure as heck can’t tell you what it is. Though my favorite thing of all has to be the floor in the house… Detail!

[Nimras]

Mutant Doughnut
by sockmonk and frostychica_

…. I don’t get it. He’s either playing a prank on his friend… or the abomination has swallowed his soul…

[Nimras]

Test My Patience
by gliderames

Ouch. Although I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a couple versions of this comic in the NT before. I really like the Mynci’s expression when he’s assuring them the game isn’t rigged.

[Nimras]

Sticky Hand!
by imogenweasley

I need one of those for my dog. ^^ Very cute. About the only critique I have is the Korbat in the second panel’s wings and feet don’t really match the other two… I really like the way you cut the different panels to show the progression and how thing were moving in a still frame.

[Deleted]

nimras23 said:

Test My Patience
by gliderames

Ouch. Although I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a couple versions of this comic in the NT before. I really like the Mynci’s expression when he’s assuring them the game isn’t rigged.

Eew, really? I haven't seen any, but would love too.
If I would have seen TYS comics, in droves, I wouldn't have done one, but I haven't seen any. Sorry if it bored you. lol.

[Yuka]

Again, sorry for the lack of reviewishness... tomorrow, I promise. My reviews are useless anyways cause I can't give concrit without worrying that I'll upset someone. xD

[Psycho]

yuka said:

Again, sorry for the lack of reviewishness... tomorrow, I promise. My reviews are useless anyways cause I can't give concrit without worrying that I'll upset someone. xD

These are the Review boards, not the bloat-the-ego boards

If someone doesn't want to hear about how to improve in addition to what they did well, then they shouldn't ask for a review. So in any case, give the reviews!

[Huntress]

phsycoticdancer said:

yuka said:

Again, sorry for the lack of reviewishness... tomorrow, I promise. My reviews are useless anyways cause I can't give concrit without worrying that I'll upset someone. xD

These are the Review boards, not the bloat-the-ego boards

If someone doesn't want to hear about how to improve in addition to what they did well, then they shouldn't ask for a review. So in any case, give the reviews!

Well, basically we've lately been doing all-NTWF lists without anyone having to ask for a review. But I'm pretty sure that we all appreciate critique on our pieces, as long as it's constructive... but we don't have tactless omg-ur-stori-STINKS people here anyway x3

Thanks for all the reviews, guys ^___^ Yah, I was too busy this week to do some. Shoot me. But I do appreciate the feedback. Nim - I can see what bothered you with the Xweetok x.X Her head is bent too much sideways. All I can say in my defense is that Xweetoks should be relatively feline and cats bend like born acrobats >>;

[Yuka]

Okay… here goes.

Sleight of Hand

First Impressions:

I thought this was a cute story with a great idea behind it, and you executed it reasonably well.

In-depth critique

Okay, to start off with, I noticed some of the phrasing was a bit out. That’s not a huge problem, however, as it didn’t take anything away from the story or its readability. I’ll try and point out any I see along the way. Grammar and phrasing is a weak point of mine, and I tend to make a lot of errors like that myself so I can’t really talk, can I? *nervous laugh*

I've always had a fondness for magic, one might say; it's always been a part of my life. Everything about it has always enticed me... from the eccentric performers to the spectacular feats they put on display.

Great opening paragraph. It’s good because it really draws the reader in and makes them want to read more. It doesn’t give too much away, which is good, but it also tells us what style the story is written in without shoving it in our faces. Nice work. One thing I will say is that the semicolon in the very first part doesn’t look quite right to me. Probably just a personal preference, but I think it would have sounded better if you’d put a full stop after “magic” and missed out the semicolon entirely. But you’ve probably thought of that already, so don’t mind me. I’m just being nitpicky and horrible.

But I can never figure them out, sadly. They make Neopets disappear with a flash, or escape from impossible situations, and I can't for the life of me understand where I blink... where I lose focus long enough for the magicians to get the best of me.

Another nice paragraph. It’s really easy to understand where the character is coming from. Technically, you’re not supposed to start sentences with “but”…. Then again, I do that all the time (especially when writing in this style) and I don’t think it’s an enormous problem.

He always has someone new, which makes me wonder just how he does it! At first I thought they were a plant, but I'd seen the act five times now and it's always been someone new. A Yurble. A Grarrl. Always someone new, so there could be no means of planting them ahead of time.

Ah, but that’s the beauty of it… they wouldn’t hire the same person every time. Your words have a wonderful rhythm that fit perfectly with the character’s flow of consciousness.

Without warning, he'd begin to spin the container, clockwise, always clockwise, and commence chanting some words that I could never make out. He'd spin the container faster and faster until you knew the poor Yurble or Grarrl had to be sick to their stomach and the container couldn't possibly take much more. It was at that point the box would explode in a monstrous BANG, sending its four walls sailing around the stage in every direction, and we'd be left staring at an empty wheeled platform.

I love the description here. Instead of “commence” you should probably have said “commenced”, but I’m willing to overlook that.

It was about this time they'd announce my act and I'd make my way to the stage, case in hand and a handkerchief dabbing against my forehead.

This sentence is always a surprise to me. You’d never suspect that he’s a part of the show himself!

I'd make my way to the stage and place my case next to the stool and set down a glass of water on a neighboring table. The crowd would always silence themselves in this process and allow me to gather my nerves as I unpacked my trusty dummy Barry.

According to MS word, “neighboring” should be “neighbouring”, but I think it can go either way.

Barry was a unique dummy, in the sense that he was truly one of a kind. He was a brown Yurble and looked eerily life like, from his blue eyes that seemed to stare into yours, and if you were tired enough, or been out late that night, you'd swear you'd see him wink. He was crafted with realistic feeling fur that sprouted from his head and ran down his back, and sometimes I swore it felt like petting a living creature.

Nice foreshadowing and description here. The second sentence is slightly awkward, but it works..

"Barry, I noticed you have new glasses after breaking your old pair, how are they working out for you?" I asked in my normal tone of voice, smiling to the Neopets sitting closest to me and then to Barry.

Hehehe…

"My sight? Well I thought I was getting a check-up from my dentist! I thought 20-20 meant I wasn't missing any of my teeth!"

xD Good one.

"Then you can go on without me, I have enough material for another hour! Besides, two dummies don't make a right, Yazid," Barry shot back, and the audience laughed at the remark.

This gives us more of a clue as to what’s really going on. I think it’s kind of awesome that the dummy has a life of its own, even if it’s only in Yazid’s mind.

"You've ruined my life, Barry... " I whispered at the dummy, but we'd had this conversation too many times before for me to feel serious anymore. "You've ruined me... you're like a curse I can't seem to shake."

Very ominous, somehow.

"What is Barry! Just tell me! I know you can hear me and I know for a fact you can talk... regardless of what the doctors say. I know I'm not crazy and that's what counts! You make up jokes I've never heard of before, stories of places I've never been... you steal stage time just to soak in the audience applause, I nearly have to drag you offstage, and people say I'm crazy!?"

You missed a word out here… in the first sentence. Also, the truly crazy always believe that what they’re seeing is real… regardless, I think you did a nice job of developing his character here.

The doll continued its broad, toothy smile accompanied with his empty stare.

Suspense… will the doll start talking or not? X)

"Look who's talking," Barry laughed back, winking.

He doesn’t stop making wisecracks, even backstage. X3

Starring at the dummy, it took me a moment to realize I really wasn't imagining it, as the dummy continued to look around and blink.

You put an extra ‘r’ in ‘staring’.
Overall: I really enjoyed this story and I look forward to reading more of your work. If you need more help, just PM me.

Sorry if I was too nitpicky or anything. I hope this was helpful in some way. If anyone else wants a review for this issue or issue 260, drop me a PM or post here. In the meantime, if anyone is up for reviewing Isaiko I would be eternally grateful...

[Lex Luthor]

yuka said:

Okay… here goes.

Can't thank you enough and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hope to pick back up a spot in the Times in the weeks to come, so if you liked this piece, you'll enjoy what else may be published.

[Deleted]

I know it's a bit late for this review, but I had been intrigued to read this before, and since I have a moment now, I would like to read it. So...

Isaiko by yatomiyuka
This story was... to say a single word... beautiful.
The story itself was a great read, easy and well-written.
The poetic aspect of it all was enchanting and supreme.
I'd love to say more...but I can't seem to think of anything more than saying this....
I really, really enjoyed this, and I am quite glad that I was able to find the time to read this.
Thank you.