|
|
Post by Kat on Dec 30, 2006 1:27:06 GMT -5
[shadow=purple,left,300]Gonk me if I forgot anything. XD[/shadow]
SHORT STORIES:
Watching the Sunset - yours truly
Letters to Rosie - Dan
Dear Akkani - Akkani
COMICS:
Unpacking - Huntress
NEW SERIES:
Cylara's Journey - Doughnut and Lulu
CONTINUED SERIES:
Shad and Saura - The Story of Elversti - Huntress
Into the Sea - Sytra
In This Together - Dream
The Petpet Detectives: Case of the Disappearing Deaver - Playmobil
Hissi, Come Blow Your Horn - Bitsy
Revisited - Puppy
Whispers - Trilly
|
|
|
|
Post by Kat on Dec 30, 2006 4:24:35 GMT -5
[shadow=purple,left,300]Dear Akkani by akkani
Wow, the two short stories I've already read in the Times are both letter-related. XD Anyway, your story was really sweet, and the persona writing the letter sounded like a very endearing character. I loved your descriptions of the past, and of the environment around your story, but the only problem was that some of the grammar was a little off and made me go, 'What was that again?'. Still, the ending was just...it tugged at my heartstrings.
Letters to Rosie by dan4884
Yup, letter-related stories, indeed. XD Anyway, I really like how Walt is persistent in sending letters to Rosie, and how each letter (with the exception of the last) is full of a longing to be with her again. The ending was really melancholic, to say the least. And hey - Walt apparently has a big vocabulary. And if you don't mind my saying so, I've had an idea for a story like yours for a while, albeit with a different ending and a slightly different plot.[/shadow]
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2006 11:00:51 GMT -5
Neopups by coshi_dragonite (the same sounds...familiar, and Komo's in this!)The artwork was very smooth-lined and cute. Some of the text, especially that in the left-most panel in the second row down, was a bit small and therefore hard to read. The joke was funny, and I liked how you drew the arms throwing snowballs. Overall, a wonderful comic. Unpacking by HuntressSince we're married now... I guess I should sugar-coat this. ^_^ The art was *sugar sugar* quite lovely, as usual. The joke *more sugar sugar* was just as good as all of them. And *sugar sugar* the reactions on all of their faces were priceless. But *last sugar sugar* who was the... electric Ixi? It's not from an NTWFer, to my knowledge at least, but Neowned - "That's Cheating!" is worth looking at.
|
|
|
|
Post by Huntress on Dec 30, 2006 12:04:54 GMT -5
Unpacking by HuntressSince we're married now... I guess I should sugar-coat this. ^_^ The art was *sugar sugar* quite lovely, as usual. The joke *more sugar sugar* was just as good as all of them. And *sugar sugar* the reactions on all of their faces were priceless. But *last sugar sugar* who was the... electric Ixi? xD I have about five 'bloidal spouses by now, if I got sugar-coat from all of them, I'd go nuts within minutes (and I'm not particularly fond of sugar to start with, infact). And the 'bloidal marriages are usually kept on the 'bloids x3 But thanks for the review ^^ The Ixi is Ice, one of my eight pets. I don't always use Shad and Saura only when I need more cast. Eh, I've been lazy these days. Lazy, lazy, lazy. Meant to review the Christmas issue but never got started with that. Hopefully I'll get around to do some reviewing for this issue... and as always, reviews for my pieces this week are muchly appreciated, etc ^^ |
|
|
|
Post by Tam on Dec 30, 2006 12:50:22 GMT -5
Although she doesn't come around the forum all that much, Trilly (betazoid_telepath) would also greatly appreciate reviews on Part Three of "Whispers".  |
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Dec 30, 2006 14:15:03 GMT -5
Watching the Sunset
First off, thanks for the review KatKat. =)
I liked this story. The descriptions were amazing. You have a real talent in creating and setting the scene, and I think that if the descriptions were any less, this story wouldn't be half as good because there's not much of a plot. But because they were, it was great. I would have liked the scene between Reuben and Melissa to be a bit less ambiguous and confusing (the "he knew she knew what he knew," etc), but it turned out ok. ^^ I love character stories, so this one was right up my alley. Nice job. =)
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2006 15:14:22 GMT -5
Shad and Saura: The Story of Elversti - Huntress
Another wonderful part, Huntress! I have a feeling that that lone Spyder may have something to do with the "Seventh." As for the Air Faerie... poor girl. I have no idea what the boys are planning, but I hope they can save her, and then save themselves...
Not much else happened here, so I truly do await the next chapter. This one ended with a lovely cliffhanger, by the way.
And, though it's me being nitpicky, I oft say that halfway is but one word.
Into the Sea - Sytra
This was... a beautiful ending for my now-favorite piece in the NT.
I am short of words. I was brought near tears by the end. Things were so... unexpected, and so... emotional, and realistic... I can't say much, I can't think of the words to properly convey what I'd might normally say, but this has been the best thing I have ever read in the NT. I mean that. I truly do. Inspiring and amazing to say the least, Sytra.
I noticed a few things, like grammar and italics, that might have been chained a bit to flow better, more traditionally, though they were pretty much me being nitpicky, so I see no reason to state them. But, seriously, your spelling and such has been flawless. That's means a lot. I mean it.
Sytra, this has been... great.
In This Together - Dream
Woah! I was reading this, still a bit sullen from Into the Sea, and I got to the end, feasting upon every word as the Werelupes danced around Novella, and then I saw-- The End
Quite obviously, I quite enjoyed this part, and am now tensely waiting for the next part.
There are just two things I have to make specific comments about...:
I don't understand that... is it missing "for" before "my"?
Was the name Rachel chosen for the Miamouse, or for the Acara? And is it true that the Acara was a guy? I mean, Rachel isn't a name I take to be for a male...
Hissi, Come Blow Your Horn - Bitsy
This was an awesome part, Bitsy. Less happened than last time, but it happened just as quickly. It's hard to describe time and stuff, for me at least, but it was nicely paced. And well-written. And quite enjoyable to read. This part has definitely left me wanting more.
As before, though, I did notice two things...
It's probably just me, but when you use an exclamation point, I can't envision it being said softly...
I understand the use of moderating pronouns and varying things, but how could Billie put his face in her paws? I think it was meant to be "her face," unless I have been misreading this thing the entire time...and that certainly changes things!
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2006 20:08:20 GMT -5
*these last three reviews are a bit lengthy all together, so I'm breaking them up*
Watching the Sunset - Kat
Alas, the pains of a broken heart...
I know them well, sadly...
And either you do, too, or else you do incredibly well improvising, as this story was incredibly, I felt, heartfelt and serene in its way. I never read "A Hero's Journey," but I understood this after I made sense of what was happening towards the beginning (and recalled that, yes, Rohane was yellow...). And then, this was quite a well-written and meaningful story.
That paragraph made me think of that scene in "An American Tale," where Fivel (sp?) was on the water tower, singing that song... I can see it oh-so-clearly in my mind, yet I can't seem to recall the words, which is odd as I once knew the song by heart...
This next bit gave me goosebumps, simply because it was... so something that I can't quite put words to.
Overall, a lovely story and I quite enjoyed reading it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2006 20:08:48 GMT -5
Letters to Rosie - Dan
Unrelated to the story, isn't it's illustration the avatar you've had for a while until...yesterday?
Normally, I am not a great fan of letter-stories. The switching back and forth is just... not something I enjoy reading that much. But this one, though still a kind of letter-story, didn't have that. It was more of a journal, I think, than a series of letters. But everything in it was quite well-written and quite... emotional, though that's not the word I want to use. Walt's feelings were realistic, I felt, and I could feel as if I could easily relate what he was feeling when reading his letters to Rosie.
The ending was then bittersweet. I liked it, though. Good job.
I just wonder...did he know he was addressing his letters to the Neopian Times?
I apologize for that humor... after two depressing stories, I feel the mood needs to be lifted somehow...
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2006 20:09:25 GMT -5
Dear Akkani - Akkani
I had hoped to find happiness in this story, and in a way, I did, but in a larger way, I found more sadness, but sadness in the sense that it is both heart-breaking and so...joyous. I'm a sucker for father-child stories, I am, so maybe I missed the reassuring message that was clearly written into this story (which was wonderful, I should add).
This story was beautiful. The reminiscent scenes were flawless. It was well-written and perfected. I quite enjoyed this.
And now, if you all don't mind, I shall find a dark place to go weep in silently...
|
|
|
|
Post by Trilly (18426 words) on Dec 31, 2006 14:01:28 GMT -5
Squee! Thanks so much to everyone who gave me reviews on Whispers! I've been pretty much hiding away all week, so I think it may be time to make good on my promise to review some stuff.^^ Humour me, I'm new at this.
Shad and Saura: The Story of Elversti- Part Eight
I loved this part. The events in it flowed together so nicely, and the writing was all very descriptive. I especially liked the way old lupe janitor talked and moved. He was so completely believable.
Into the Sea: Part Five
This story was hugely emotional for me... but one thing that I really liked about it was that I could kind of connect with both Sasha and Katrina, and I could really understand how they both must've felt. It also had a very nice, if sad, ending.
In This Together: Part Five
I like the rising action in this part a lot. The writing really does seem to pick up the reader's attention right off the bat. ^^ I can't wait for the next part.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kat on Dec 31, 2006 20:18:29 GMT -5
Watching the Sunset First off, thanks for the review KatKat. =) I liked this story. The descriptions were amazing. You have a real talent in creating and setting the scene, and I think that if the descriptions were any less, this story wouldn't be half as good because there's not much of a plot. But because they were, it was great. I would have liked the scene between Reuben and Melissa to be a bit less ambiguous and confusing (the "he knew she knew what he knew," etc), but it turned out ok. ^^ I love character stories, so this one was right up my alley. Nice job. =) [shadow=purple,left,300]^_^ Thanks, Danaroo.[/shadow] Watching the Sunset - KatAlas, the pains of a broken heart... I know them well, sadly... And either you do, too, or else you do incredibly well improvising, as this story was incredibly, I felt, heartfelt and serene in its way. I never read "A Hero's Journey," but I understood this after I made sense of what was happening towards the beginning (and recalled that, yes, Rohane was yellow...). And then, this was quite a well-written and meaningful story. That paragraph made me think of that scene in "An American Tale," where Fivel (sp?) was on the water tower, singing that song... I can see it oh-so-clearly in my mind, yet I can't seem to recall the words, which is odd as I once knew the song by heart... This next bit gave me goosebumps, simply because it was... so something that I can't quite put words to. Overall, a lovely story and I quite enjoyed reading it. [shadow=purple,left,300]Thanks. =D Reuben's taking all the attention away from Rohane right now, despite the latter being the star of AHJ. XD And I think you were referring to the song 'Somewhere Out There'...and yeah, Fievel was singing with his sister Tanya... Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight...[/shadow] |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2006 23:40:34 GMT -5
Yes, Kat, that is exactly what I was thinking of! Thank you! ^_^
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2007 8:48:47 GMT -5
Watching the Sunset, by Kat Well, I haven't read AHJ and have never played Neoquest II, but despite this, I still thought this was a beautiful story. You explained enough that it made sense to me without knowing the background, but it was also vague enough that it wasn't blatant and so I don't think it would have been annoying had I already known about the characters. I enjoyed the descriptions, they were, as always in your writing, very vivid and clear. There was also a really nice, tender atmosphere to the piece which was cemented at the ending which was perfect, a nice conclusion to his feelings. I think that you also delivered the advice through Liwanag nicely, as she came across as a friend, not an annoying know-it-all. Overall, I really enjoyed this, and it has confirmed that I really ought to find time to read A Hero's Journey before the sequel arrives xD Letters to Rosie, by Dan Aww  -sniff- Sad ending D= But also, I suppose, a good ending since he could get past her in the end. I think that Walt expressed his sentiments really well, and there is a clear progression in attitude from lone etter to the next which seemed to flow very naturally. I would have liked a little more description about the fight, Walt talks about yelling at Rosie and how they cried together, but what were they yelling about? I also wondered why Rosie wouldn't reply, I think perhaps a few more details about the fight might have made it more clear? Still, I do appreciate that you were trying to keep it like a letter, and obviously Walt wouldn't go over and over the fight and describe it to Rosie. Come to think of it, I'm not sure I'd be able to write a story by one-sided letters, it'd be quite challenging to maintain a realistic tone from the writer, in your case Walt, whilst still giving enough information to the reader. I think you did really well with this, and (even though it's a sad ending )I really did enjoy this quite a lot ^_^ Dear Akkani, by akkani Another letter story, and sad but happy-ish ending. At first I was really confused, because as your username is Akkani and the custom pic so cheerful, I was fully expecting a 'yay thanks for the holiday' letter story from your pet to you. However, as the true identity of Akkani was revealed, I was surprised that it had bypassed the no deaths rule... But anyway, I digress. You had a really nice writing style through Khalon, and I definitely got the feel of his character. There was some nice description, and I particularly liked the part towards the end about the paper uplifting him and freeing him of his burdens. I was confused about how Akkani died? But then, due to NT rules I can understand why you had to be vague, and I guess on a second reading I would pick up on some more clues. Just... yeah, really sweet story, as Kat mentioned there were a couple bits with grammar but nothing too major, as a whole I thought it was really very well written |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2007 11:48:15 GMT -5
Letters to Rosie
Mmmmm... I loved it. ^__^ First NT story that I've read in a while, and I loved it. I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat after the conclusion of each letter, just hoping for "Dear Walt," but that never came. Suspense. I liked that. Sadness too. I could really feel Walt's depression. You did an excellent job, Dan. *applauds*
|
|
neo username - dan4884 
-sniff- Sad ending D= But also, I suppose, a good ending since he could get past her in the end. I think that Walt expressed his sentiments really well, and there is a clear progression in attitude from lone etter to the next which seemed to flow very naturally. I would have liked a little more description about the fight, Walt talks about yelling at Rosie and how they cried together, but what were they yelling about? I also wondered why Rosie wouldn't reply, I think perhaps a few more details about the fight might have made it more clear? Still, I do appreciate that you were trying to keep it like a letter, and obviously Walt wouldn't go over and over the fight and describe it to Rosie. Come to think of it, I'm not sure I'd be able to write a story by one-sided letters, it'd be quite challenging to maintain a realistic tone from the writer, in your case Walt, whilst still giving enough information to the reader. I think you did really well with this, and (even though it's a sad ending