Issue 236 Reviews

[Dan]

nimras23 said:

The Five Sacred Stones of Geraptiku: Part One by dan4884
All in all it’s a very good beginning for a series. The only thing that bothers me is that the main character doesn’t have a name yet. I guess I’m one of those people who has to be able to assign a name to my characters. *grin* It will be interesting to see more of Geraptiku.

Thanks very much!

[Tay - Sock Eater]

Long reviews board! I love it!

Now You See Me, Now You Don't: Series by mygoodguild
Aww… Mohogs! Wow, this series covered a lot. I love Merigold’s relationship with Kipper. About the only thing I’d change in this series is to add more description. Sometimes it seems like its all action, with nothing given to help visualize it… especially in the pound. I also would have liked to see more on Belinda’s change of heart, it kind of went by fast. But that may simply be my personal preference. I loved the toilet… probably just my warped humor but I kept giggling every time it made an appearance. I like the way they turned invisible and visible, that was a nice touch. I also liked how invisible pets can see all the other invisible pets. *grin* Must make for an interesting life, seeing people do things that no one else can see.

Aw, thanks. This is like, my first review for the whole series and its six parts. Yes, I suppose it does need more description. While writing it I guess I just assumed what everything looked and felt like, but I didn't write it down. I just knew for myself, but of course, no one else (the reader) could know these things. Thanks for the review!

Quote:
"Here your appetizer is!"


This bit really bothered my, though it really isn't that major of an error. As with everyone else who has commented, I like the 2nd person narrative, it's very original. I think it worked really well, although it seemed at times that there were a few too many exclamation marks. That could just be my personal preference though I don't really know what else to say.. Lol xD Nice job, I enjoyed it ^_^ It'll be interesting to see how many other people attempt something like this now, I myself am tempted to see if I could get that style to work for me xD

Whoa, I WROTE that?! o__o; That sounds really weird, but I guess I added it to make the characters sound as if they speak differently. Hmm. I <3 exclamation marks. Hehe. But I will try not to use as much. Thank you so much for the review!!

[Deleted]

Plushie Eaters: Series by literalluau
I didn’t bother reviewing the first part of this story, because I edited it, but now that it’s done I suppose I should tell you that I liked it. *grin* I must be a mean person, because her whole sign escapade in the second part made me laugh. Not because I approved of what she did, but simply because she had the audacity to do it. She’s just so determined to protect herself and her sister (and plushies!) from what she thinks is a very dangerous threat that she’ll go to ridiculous lengths. I like how they went to Roo Island for her birthday party. Not only does it sound like a fun place for a girl to have her party, it’s a place that doesn’t show up very often in the NT. (Or the plots for that matter.) Daniel at the end was a nice touch, not only was he a NEW Grarrl, he had was a believable character to deal with her … problems.

Thanks, Nim. I had so much fun writing Plushie Eaters that I immediately launched into a new series and wrote on it for eight hours before I stopped for the day. An day well-spent.

[Deleted]

The Five Sacred Stones of Geraptiku: Part One by dan4884

I'm interested to know where this will go! I like the introduction to catch us up on the story. I also love the imagery in the beginning of the story. I can see (having had the ocean catch me by surprise many a time) his mouth filling with water and the foam of the waves as they go away from the shore and the look on his face as he gets the water out of his mouth. I absolutely love little places like this: a scene that's real and fresh and originally the author's own.

Only a little place I'd have fixed: "Living alone on a beach was all well and good, but now and then, this emotion would scream at me from the inside. Usually, I'd just suppress it, but it still comes back occasionally." You mixed up past and present tense. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but if so the reader has difficulty catching your meaning. I would have said something like "Usually I'd just suppress it, but it just kept coming back." How nitpicky of me.

Great beginning, Dan. Can't wait to read more!

[Dan]

luau said:

The Five Sacred Stones of Geraptiku: Part One by dan4884

I'm interested to know where this will go! I like the introduction to catch us up on the story. I also love the imagery in the beginning of the story. I can see (having had the ocean catch me by surprise many a time) his mouth filling with water and the foam of the waves as they go away from the shore and the look on his face as he gets the water out of his mouth. I absolutely love little places like this: a scene that's real and fresh and originally the author's own.

Only a little place I'd have fixed: "Living alone on a beach was all well and good, but now and then, this emotion would scream at me from the inside. Usually, I'd just suppress it, but it still comes back occasionally." You mixed up past and present tense. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but if so the reader has difficulty catching your meaning. I would have said something like "Usually I'd just suppress it, but it just kept coming back." How nitpicky of me.

Great beginning, Dan. Can't wait to read more!

Thanks so much! I appreciate it!

[Nut]

I’m sorry I didn’t do this earlier, Psycho. ^^; You’ve had so many reviews now that I’m afraid I’ll be repeating things you’ve already heard, but since I promised, here it is (and the more reviews the better, right? ):

Article Review

[glow=blue,2,300]The Neopian Review: A Guide to Fine Dining[/glow]
Wow! This is an excellent article—well-written, informative, and packed full of details. ^^ It’s filled with great imagery that makes the reader feel like they’re right in the restaurant seeing these things—I’m sure all the frustrated souls who have never set foot inside the Kelp restaurant appreciate that. I don’t often see such good description in an article; you make the restaurants sound like real places I could visit. I love your descriptions of Captain Hackett and his one eye, and his little behavioral patterns. Your mention of keeping young Neopets behaved in Kelp was nice—I hadn’t really thought about how children would come into play in that restaurant, and it gave me something to consider.

My favorite sections in your review were undoubtedly the Atmosphere and the Service, where you really let the description fly. As someone who never cared enough about either restaurant to bother looking up foods or prices, I found the Prices sections interesting as well (assuming the prices listed are factual), though someone with knowledge of the menus (or less interest in the subject) might find those places a little boring, since there’s not much description there. The article was long, and full of big blocks of text, which to a reader like me is rather daunting. I think that chopping up the paragraphs into more manageable pieces would have made the article seem less intimidating. I would’ve bolded the section headings and broken up the paragraphs a little. n:P

In all, though, this is a very well-written article. I loved how you combined imagination (your idea of the inside of the restaurants) with facts (the prices and foods). I don’t much like articles that are all imagination and contain no information I can really use, but worse are articles that are full of nothing but cold facts with nothing special or interesting about them. Your article used both to form the best of both worlds. Excellent work!