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Post by Tashni on Apr 24, 2006 0:08:32 GMT -5
Here are my reviews for the week. If I have any time left, I'll try to do some series, but don't count on it. ^_^
The Neopian Review: A Guide to Fine Dining by phsycoticdancer - Excellent article, Psycho! It was very well thought out and organized. Your descriptions of the restaurants really made me feel like I was in there, waiting to be served. You also described the tastes and textures of the different foods well, especially considering YOU'VE never even tasted them! ^_~ The only problem I could really see was in the sections of the reviews that itemized the least and most expensive items of each course. Those got a bit wordy and boring after awhile, I found myself skimming through Kelp's itemization. But that's not your fault, it just gets boring to read a list of items. You couldn't really have fixed it without removing it entirely. Overal, great job!
Shad and Saura: The Old Neolodge - Part Two by ssjelitegirl - Ooh, it's really getting creepy and interesting. I can see that Shad is more of the go-getter for clues, and Saura is the thinker. I'm really curious about these crimes, I can't wait to see how you pull it all together!
The biggest problem I had with this chapter was the events leading up to Sweetie's capture. Ash was very adamant only a while ago about keeping everyone together. Yet, he fairly easily lets Sweetie go by herself. Even after they all get the "curtain" scare, he lets her continue on by herself! After that, it's still a while before they realize she's been gone awhile. If Ash, and Shad and Saura for that matter, were so concerned, wouldn't they be counting the minutes? Well, those were my thoughts, anyway.
Your cliffhanger was great! I'm wondering, what did they find? What was this "GET OUT!!" mirror thing? What does the age of the house mean? All of these questions will ensure that I and many other readers will be back for more next week!
Invisible by star_29791 - This was a very cute piece, Jimmy being a good character. His lonely ways were highlighted very well, Marvin being his only friend. I only wish I could have gotten even more of that! Some sort of foreshadowing would have been nice, for instance, you could have refered to that in the title. Judging by the title, I was expecting Jimmy to turn invisible since he is the main character. Just a thought!
The Would Be Detective: A Question of Strength by silentbutterfly - This is really an great story! Strife isn't a wonderfully original character, but the situations she get in are great. I love how you portrayed Arnold. He sends poor unsuspecting Strife after sand to keep the scores low. That's clever!
The only thing that I didn't really like is how she ran literally all over the world in no time, since she didn't have time to shop for sand. That didn't really make sense.
But I loved your ending. It gave me a sense of conclusion, but was also open in that there was no "that's it, that's the end." I like that sort of ending since there ARE no "that's it, that's the ends" in life. Good job!
Starry Starry Night by doughnut215 - Wow! Seriously, wow! This was amazing. You really kept me in a sort of mysterious suspense throughout. Telling it backwards chronologically was a very interesting choice. That certainly added to the mystery and fantasy to it, but I often felt myself confused as to when the events were happening. I'm not sure how you could correct that and keep the current format, but I'm just letting you know.
The opening really didn't do justice to the story. It was all description with no plot or even character. If I were you, I would have skipped right to the "100 years previously" part. That was where it started to get good. And Iliria was a really interesting character! I would have loved to see more of her. Overall, this was really great.
Dinner with the Kings by mygoodguild - That was one of the wierder short stories I've read in a while. ^_^ Your use of the "you" POV was genius! It wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining without, as it prepared me for a wild ride. Your portrayal of Skarl was good, I loved the way he talks!
The Five Sacred Stones of Geraptiku: Part One by dan4884 - I like this! Your main character, I haven't noticed a name or even a gender yet, is very interesting. I'm interested in reading more from this self-hating loner. Usually it's not a good idea for characters to explain their own personalities, but since he's all by himself so far, it was a very wise course of action. This eye gem has me intrigued, of course, and your cliffhanger was great! I can't wait to see what's going to happen next and where you'll go with this story.
Now you'll all be indebted to me and owe me reviews. Mwahahaha! (Orbulon and the Queen of Mystery Island!)
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Post by Tay - Sock Eater on Apr 24, 2006 0:12:31 GMT -5
YAY; more reviews!  Well, I guess I wanted the person to be a lad or chap?  It sounds like the Kings would be more likely to say chap or lad than lass. THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! Wow, nice review.  Thank you so much for the review. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2006 9:31:19 GMT -5
Short Stories: Starry Starry Night by doughnut215 While I really liked the basic plot of this story, the time jumping back and forth, made it hard to follow. It was also difficult to tell who was speaking, when it was Iliria or the Darkest Faerie. Maybe arranging the story in a slightly different way would make it easier. Though telling Iliria in third person and the Darkest Faerie in first helped a little, on the second read though. Thanks for the review ^_^ This is a style I'm experimenting with and plan on using again, so it helps to know that I still have a ways to go with it. I'm glad you like the plot though- I got the idea before Neo's TDF plot came out, so it's kind of my own take on it Starry Starry Night by doughnut215 - Wow! Seriously, wow! This was amazing. You really kept me in a sort of mysterious suspense throughout. Telling it backwards chronologically was a very interesting choice. That certainly added to the mystery and fantasy to it, but I often felt myself confused as to when the events were happening. I'm not sure how you could correct that and keep the current format, but I'm just letting you know. The opening really didn't do justice to the story. It was all description with no plot or even character. If I were you, I would have skipped right to the "100 years previously" part. That was where it started to get good. And Iliria was a really interesting character! I would have loved to see more of her. Overall, this was really great. Thanks! It's interesting that you thought the beginning was a weakness. I wondered myself whether that was the best thing to open with, and yet, I was so attached to that description xDD I guess my gut-feeling to scrap it was right, hehe. *gets to work on reviewing some series* |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2006 10:23:26 GMT -5
The Shoyru Tamer by dragoncatcher_sammyPart 1 - Nice start, I love the ending. The opening seems a little slow and kind of confusing, but then, on the second reading it seems much better. Maybe I read it too fast the first time, I don't know The one thing that annoyed me here was Sammy seemed to say "Oh, fine" to Duel a few times. Don't know why I noticed that, since it really wasn't that many times. But yeah xD As I said, lovely cliffhanger at the end, really makes me want to read on. Oh, and also, did I miss it or is Duel's colour not mentioned? I don't remember seeing that xD Part 2- Oohh, the mystery deepens ^_^ I love the way that you introduced all of the characters. It could get tedious introducing so many all at once, but it's not, it's really nice and works well. I also feel as though I know them all quite well, which is good since I hate it when there are so many characters in the story that I get confused My two gripes for this part, are that you repeat the words 'head', 'heading' and 'headed' quite a bit, or at least enough that it's noticeable. It also seems quite strange that Duel couldn't recognise the Tamer without his helmet on, but then, I guess this will be cleared up later on. Part 3- I LOVE this bit xDDD And the next few bits, actually. I can't quote them all, but the part when Curse arrives is just awesome. I wish I could write humour like that ^_^ The speed-testing-machine-thingy part is excellent as well. There was one bit where you contradicted yourself, saying the attack nearly missed her but she was able to dodge it. Still, unlike with a lot of battle/action type parts, Duel's actions were really clear to me and I did not have to reread or anything to understand what was going on Mega's change in attitude was nicely done, too. Part 4- The timing of this was all great. And I loved the prejudice Nik created when he turned into a mutant.. Lol, I can just imagine what his owner's reaction would have been to that xD There are a few bits where the phrasing is a little clumsy, but just as I started to wonder where the story was going, you pulled me back in very nicely. The ending in particular was very classy, and some of the earlier mini-mysteries were answered too Though, I have to say, I'm very curious about Duel's eyes changing colour. I hope that's answered later on ^_^ Part 5- Angel's comment at the beginning about kicking Jhudora's butt all the way back to faerieland is nicely ominous xD It makes me wonder if she really is going to attack, and the custom pic for the story backs that up xD Woah. The ending is so.. tension-ish =o Wow xD Very nicely done, you seem to have the tension filled one liners at the end of each part down pat xD My complaint from this part is that the battle scene could have been better. It really wasn't that clear - the shoyrus had all vanished, and then suddenly, they're back? Where did they come from? The battle seemed to move quite quickly.. I think it would have been better if you'd added some more description, and it had moved a little more slowly. Still, all in all, it was still good Overally- I can't wait for the next part ^_^ I don't really read series that much, since I tend to have varying amounts of time for the NT each week and find it hard to keep up with them xD But that's no excuse, so yeah, hehe. Tried to make this extra detailed, since you have had very few reviews for this, and it really does deserve more  Oh, and if this review seems to jump around a little, it's because I reviewed it as I read it, as opposed to writing it all at the end and maybe structuring it a bit. Heh ^^; ((more reviews later, promise xD I seem to have run out of time for now))
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2006 11:50:44 GMT -5
I just wanted to pop in and say that loved Patjade's punchline in this issue. It made me smile. |
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Post by Nina on Apr 24, 2006 11:54:16 GMT -5
Aha! I shall listen to sappy love songs and review Komori's comic =P. SpookyOoh, man. This is by far my favourite comic series in the NT ^_^. I like how it's so.. regular, most of the time. It's not like my comics, where I don't make any for a few months at a time, and then everyone forgets about them =P. I like the little storyline here ^_^. The introduction is cute, with the two pets playing, and the knock coming. It's nice that you added the first frame in, although you could have probably done without it if you had really wanted to. But it's much better than abruptly getting into the joke. I'm not too huge of a fan of the yellow Gelert(?)'s pose in the second panel, though. His leg looks awkward, although it's probably anatomically correct. The Baby Lupe's really cute, though ^_^. I'm jealous of your drawing skills. You can draw any character in any pose from any viewpoint, it seems. It's quite a talent. I can't say that I can do the same =P. Aww, Tombstones is the best <3. He's so awesome. The punchline is perfect, too. When he's reaching inside of the door, he looks like he's outright insane =P. Great expression there. He looks so clueless in the last panel ^_^. Hmm... you're really good with choosing colours, in general. I was looking over your last few comics that I had missed when I wasn't able to come online, and wow... Your comic in Issue 226 is hilarious xD. The Wocky's so cute ;-;. And the little petpet, too ;-;. I'm so tempted to make a pet after that comic and give it that little petpet, once I remember what it's called xD! And the comic in Issue 231 has beautiful colours! I know I'm being picky here, but I don't really like the shade of blue you used on the sky in the current comic's last panel. It's too dark, methinks. Nice houses! I wouldn't buy the one on the left, though =P. Looks like it's about to collapse . Really, Komori. I'm, as always, impressed with your comics ^_^. This one isn't a favourite, but 'tis still really, really good. As always. You never disappoint! I swear, you -have- to do a Smelly Nelly crossover one day =P. Once I start up my comics once more, since it wouldn't be worth it for you to do one, seeing as virtually noone knows my comics these days, and yours are well-known ^_^. However, I would love to do a Spooky one day. It looks like it causes a bit of a problem, though, eh? The crossover/using other people's pets thing xD. Just looking at your lookup, it's clear that you're really being bothered by random n00bs after this week's comic =P. -shakes head in disgust- Hopefully it improves ^_^. |
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Post by Komori on Apr 24, 2006 12:35:07 GMT -5
Aha! I shall listen to sappy love songs and review Komori's comic =P. SpookyOoh, man. This is by far my favourite comic series in the NT ^_^. I like how it's so.. regular, most of the time. It's not like my comics, where I don't make any for a few months at a time, and then everyone forgets about them =P. *pokes you to make more comics* You're right. It does look really odd now that I look at it. I just couldn't seem to capture that abrupt turning-around pose with a gelert. Guhg. XDDD Collapse! Squee! Hehe, yeah. When I drew this, my house-drawing ability was really craptacular. I think I've improved since this comic. And yeah, I see what you mean about that sky. It's hard to pick colors, because I use a Mac, and the colors on Macs always appear brighter than PCs. I'm looking at it from a PC right now, and you're totally right, the color's really too dark.  Gotta remember that for next time. Nah, the nOObs aren't so bad, but I put that comment on my lookup early so I wouldn't get bugged. I feel bad, though, because I always say I never put other people's pets in my comic. *shrug* Hehe, but crossovers are different. With crossovers, you just get accused of out and out stealing that person's comic. Heh, when I did the Meepits Outgrabe crossover, I was flooded with so many neomails of people saying they were going to report me for copying Kittylin. XDDD But if you don't mind that sort of stuff, I'd totally and definetely want to do a crossover. ;D Gleeeee. |
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Post by Sammish at school on Apr 24, 2006 13:02:33 GMT -5
*jumps in and hugs doughnut* And I love younow and forever! A review! Thank you thank you thank you. ^_____^ |
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Post by Nina on Apr 24, 2006 13:50:10 GMT -5
Aha! I shall listen to sappy love songs and review Komori's comic =P. SpookyOoh, man. This is by far my favourite comic series in the NT ^_^. I like how it's so.. regular, most of the time. It's not like my comics, where I don't make any for a few months at a time, and then everyone forgets about them =P. *pokes you to make more comics* You're right. It does look really odd now that I look at it. I just couldn't seem to capture that abrupt turning-around pose with a gelert. Guhg. XDDD Collapse! Squee! Hehe, yeah. When I drew this, my house-drawing ability was really craptacular. I think I've improved since this comic. And yeah, I see what you mean about that sky. It's hard to pick colors, because I use a Mac, and the colors on Macs always appear brighter than PCs. I'm looking at it from a PC right now, and you're totally right, the color's really too dark. Gotta remember that for next time. Nah, the nOObs aren't so bad, but I put that comment on my lookup early so I wouldn't get bugged. I feel bad, though, because I always say I never put other people's pets in my comic. *shrug* Hehe, but crossovers are different. With crossovers, you just get accused of out and out stealing that person's comic. Heh, when I did the Meepits Outgrabe crossover, I was flooded with so many neomails of people saying they were going to report me for copying Kittylin. XDDD But if you don't mind that sort of stuff, I'd totally and definetely want to do a crossover. ;D Gleeeee. Weeell, I sent in a comic a couple days ago, and it got accepted. So I'll have a comic in the next issue ^_^. It's one that I made a couple months ago, though. It's one of my favourite comics that I've ever made, so hopefully everyone will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it. I'm quite proud of it. Other than that, though, I think I'm sort of out of inspiration. Hopefully something will spark it once more sometime soon. I would really like to continue the comics. Oh, wow. You've got a Mac? I'm quite jealous . That would explain it. Nah, I don't mind at all. I'd love to do a crossover with you, but when I get an idea for a joke, and maybe after my inspirationless period passes ^_^. Right now, no matter how much I'd like to, I don't think I could make a decent comic. |
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Post by Star on Apr 24, 2006 16:05:53 GMT -5
Thank you for the review The PB problem was that Stella (owner) won the Invisible one and Mattie was going to be painted anyway so she forked out for it. At least, I think that's what I wrote Well, the title Invisible was referring to the Paint Brush, obviously being an Invisible PB but also symbollically, as that's how Jimmy felt. But yeah I know what you mean. Thank you very much for the review! I'm sooo sorry. I'm a bad NTWFer as I never review. I try but I don't really have time as it's my exams soon I will definitely try my hardest. |
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Post by Dan on Apr 24, 2006 16:29:33 GMT -5
The Five Sacred Stones of Geraptiku: Part One by dan4884 - I like this! Your main character, I haven't noticed a name or even a gender yet, is very interesting. I'm interested in reading more from this self-hating loner. Usually it's not a good idea for characters to explain their own personalities, but since he's all by himself so far, it was a very wise course of action. This eye gem has me intrigued, of course, and your cliffhanger was great! I can't wait to see what's going to happen next and where you'll go with this story. Thanks! I appreciate it! |
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Post by Psycho on Apr 24, 2006 19:47:01 GMT -5
Dinner with the KingsHeh, I think the use of second person here was ingenious........... and I'm a tiny bit peeved that you sent yours in before I sent mine Yours is different than mine, which is always good. I'll say that yours is probably better written than mine! I did enjoy reading this piece, Tay. I think you did a spectactular job describing the kings and portraying their personalities, as well as highlighting their differences (though I picked up on some of the sibling-similarities) also. Your portrayal of King Hagan was especially nice for me, because I always pictured him as being this regal, too-wise-for-you (and therefore not really all that wise), stuffy old guy who sipped tea with his pinky finger in the air and whatnot. I was surprised to "see" him amble up in person to invite "me" to dinner, and I think having many different dining tables was a neat detail! Let's see... King Skarl was the usual King Skarl, and I'm quite amazed at how much "I" could eat. I think my one gripe about this piece is that "I" didn't feel like me, if you know what I mean. I felt like "you" was just another third-person character. I think you directed the main character (the reader) to have more actions than thought, so for me personally, I didn't feel like I knew why I was doing what I was doing in the story, and the things I said didn't really fit with how I would have reacted. For this reason, I think second person is best used in those "create your own adventure" stories, where the reader still has some input. For such a difficult POV, this was a very well-written piece! Haha, I hope you'll like my piece as much as I liked yours (that is, when I get around to finishing and submitting it )!
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Post by nikki on Apr 24, 2006 20:41:07 GMT -5
Whoops, I didn't see this review xD It was one of the longer articles I've made and I think you're right about it becoming less interesting by the number one item. I've got to try to pace myself more when writing. Thanks for the review! ^^ I'll try to find people to look over my work before sending it in from now on |
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Post by nikki on Apr 24, 2006 20:50:31 GMT -5
Dinner With the Kings Like everyone is saying, I like the way this way written! It was interesting, fun and very descriptive. I also liked that it was an idea I hadn't seen in the NT before Good job ^^ The Neopian Review: A Guide to Fine Dining I really liked this article! It was really well thought-out and written. There was so much information and description that it made it feel as if the restaurants were real. =) Jobs You Should Never Do I enjoyed this article ^^ It was a first of this topic that I've seen and it was interesting. It kept my attention, also! One thing that bothered me was a few sentences that just seemed awkward such as "You probably can’t even afford a decent battle set too." I would've made it 'either' instead of 'too' but that's just me. Good job! Spooky This comic is so cute ^^ I love the art and the expressions on the pets. Something Has Happened This was also a cute comic I liked the art work and the descriptive details to buildings/pets. The joke was nice too Notions and Nonsense - Lemonade Stand Very cute, I liked this comic =) I especially liked the expression on the Usul at the end, very funny. Orbulon and the Queen of Mystery Island Looved this story It was original and cute, and it made me wonder where Orbulon would end up next! I love the characters and the greedy Queen. I love how you made it seem so real that she was truly rigging Mystery Island activities. And the incidents where Orbulon made her stumble. I also liked the when he was in the cave and ran into the Lizark, so cute :3 Great job ^^ I can't wait until the next story. |
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Post by Tashni on Apr 24, 2006 21:25:00 GMT -5
Orbulon and the Queen of Mystery Island Looved this story It was original and cute, and it made me wonder where Orbulon would end up next! I love the characters and the greedy Queen. I love how you made it seem so real that she was truly rigging Mystery Island activities. And the incidents where Orbulon made her stumble. I also liked the when he was in the cave and ran into the Lizark, so cute :3 Great job ^^ I can't wait until the next story. Yay! Thank you for the review. I'm glad you like all the nonsense. I had a LOT of fun writing Jhuidah. EDIT: I just found this review: Wow, no negatives! Cool! I'm glad to know I have at least a few readers who still associate this with "Orbulon Has Landed." I'm also glad it at lives up to "Orbulon Has Landed." Thanks for the comments, Nimras! |
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The subtle compare/contrast of Skarl and Hagen was nicely handled. Just too much food, *grin* one of those courses is probably more than I eat in a day.
It sounds like the Kings would be more likely to say chap or lad than lass. THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! 
Thank you so much for the review. 
Oh, and if this review seems to jump around a little, it's because I reviewed it as I read it, as opposed to writing it all at the end and maybe structuring it a bit. Heh ^^;
Gotta remember that for next time.
neo username - dan4884 