Issue 232 Reviews

[Strife]

W00t, new issue! Reviews for the second half of my story, Deserts and Desserts: A Gargarox Isafuhlarg Story would be much appreciated. ;D

[Deleted]

I'll get around to some reviews, I promise.

[Deleted]

I'd like some reviews on the first part of The Shoyru Tamer, plz. ^^ I'll try to find some time to read and review, too.

[Retired Blub]

Lullaby by precious_katuch14

I just loved this story. I deeply admire how your writing abilities have grown so much in the past year, Kat. You're one of the authors in the NT that I look up to, and this is why. Youe writing is perfect. The descriptions are not over-loaded and you really get the feel of the story in your mind. The plot was simple, but it had such a beautiful and subtle resonance to it, and it really shows us the bond that a mother has with her child. I was sure that the ending would turn out cliched with the bullying, but no, it was meaningful and unexpected. I really think this is one of your standouts, Kat, and it makes me want to read A Hero's Journey. Fantastic job.

[Tashni]

Deserts and Desserts: A Gargarox Isafuhlarg Story - Part Two by darkerstrife

The title makes much more sense at this point. ;P

The first paragraph sets me right back where I left off, which is important. Your Grundos act fairly naturally, and they all play a part instead of simply being bystanders. That's nice.

You tend to use commas where you don't need to. Here, for instance:

Gargarox raised his metal spatula in the air, and lunged at the Sloth clone.

Where there's an "and" you generally don't need a comma.

"Rrrgh, THIS is for trying to enslave me!" the little green Grundo snarled with anger, pounding on the clone's head like a drum. The clone ran around in circles, waving his arms.

This got a laugh out of me. Great image.

"Let's see..." beads of sweat rolled down Rexen's face.

Because "beads of sweat" does not describe the dialogue, it is a seperate sentence.

This was a nice series that I enjoyed reading. It had action, humor, and a shrinking ray. What more could I ask for in a Gargarox Isafuhlarg story?

Oh, and this story made me think of a potentially way cool BD item: the Battle Spatula. *snicker*

[Deleted]

thepuppyreturns said:

Climbing the Snowflake Tree-I like the way you caught my attention in the beginning of the story by describing the new neohome and setting the scene for the story. Because the plot wasn't extensively developed, the story seemed very short and a little repetitive. A plot twist or some more action might have helped to make the story more interesting. Another thing I liked was the way Bordelian seemed so determined to climb the tree, though by the end of the story, I'm still slightly confused why he was. I'm assuming that it was just a personal goal of Bordelian, but it would have been nicer if you would have stated it a little more clearly. I like the way that you ended the story. Bordelian requesting another move wasn't something I was expecting. Overall, I thought the story was cute and enjoyable!

Thank you so much for the review ^_^ Re-reading it myself, I can see where you're coming from with those points. I think plot development is something which I need to work on in my writing =) And yeah, it was just like a personal ambition for him, although it definitely could have been better explained.

Thanks again!

[Strife]

Thank you Tashni for your comments and suggestions. ^^ Hopefully, this will be the first of many future stories I create for the Times, above and beyond the 10-trophy point where I unlock the avatar.

[Kat]

Edited the list on the first page. ^_^ Tell me if I left anyone out.

OMG Blub thanks for the awesome review. *hugs*

KAT'S REVIEWS...sort of

A Piece of Maraqua in your Dry Neohome by Tashni

From the added accent to the descriptions, precautions and recommendations, I can say that this is one well-prepared and well-written article, definitely worth reading. Everything was explained in a precise yet descriptive manner, so it didn't end up too dull. However, some readers may find an article like this tedious, if it weren't for the occasional injections of humor. You could have added a few more, but this article is pretty much awesome the way it is.

Climbing the Snowflake Tree by doughnut215

The beginning was cute and set the pace of the story, but there were a handful of awkward parts that were either too rushed or too vague. You could have added a twist or two to make things more interesting. The ending was quite unexpected, and on the whole, I liked the determination of Bordelian and the fact that he wanted to climb the tree instead of just flying. This is a very entertaining piece, and you did a good job on it.

(More reviews soon. ^^)

[Deleted]

COMIC REVIEWS

Something Fishy

LOL. Love it. ^^ I love the Zafara's expression when (s)he catches the Madfish. It's priceless, and I'm glad it got accepted. Great job.

Weird, is there anyone else with comics that're from the NTWF? Oh well, I guess I'll start reading some stories.

[Deleted]

Making Ex-tensions of Your Extensions

This was fun to read. I like how you wrote it without categories or a list and just bolded the extension names. That was very interesting. I love some of the lines in there and I could name them all day, but I won't. ("If you're scared by the last sentence..." Hehehe.)

Personally, my favorite section was the wall paper. The other two extensions were fun, but it seemed like you really had a good time with wall paper.

Two things, though:
The second line with all the hyphens was extremely confusing --and--
Why didn't you put the security options in your article?

[Deleted]

A Piece of Maraqua in Your Dry Neohome

Tashni, what a cute idea for an article! I love the pictures; I think anytime something slightly unfamiliar is being talked about, pictures should be used.

Your voice is great at the beginnng. You sound like a grumpy seafaring pirate, matey. I felt like you completely lost that voice during the descriptions, but I didn't mind as much because they were descriptions. In the last part of your article, the voice came back, but it wasn't as strong.

The creativity here is astounding. You've made characteristics for these petpets (even though I assume some of their descriptions were taken into account) and then at the end you used what you had created to give examples of habitats.

And instead of asking for comments or saying they'd be appreciated at the end, you used the voice of the grumpy pirate to let us know you'd be delighted for feedback.

[Star]

I will definitely review tomorrow. *hits self for never reviewing* I never really talk on these forums but I'm lurking in the background...mwahaha

[Tashni]

Thank you Puppy, Kat and Luau for your reviews! I'm glad you liked the article. I was inspired to write it because of my aquarium hobby. There is SO much to it, including figuring out what fish do best with other fish and habitats. Hence, this Maraquan article came to me!

[velveteen]

Thanks so much for the review, Luau! So glad someone was actually vaguely amused by it. Yeah, the wallpaper was fun...but I really did start running out of things to say about everything after a while. It kind of started out as a semi-helpful article and when I got to the mental image of the straw floor floating around in the maraquan neo-home, I just sort of threw it all in and went for general silliness. And I skipped security (along with heating) because I really didn't have much funny stuff to say about them...I may consider a follow up article if I get inspired and, yes, the second line is confusing but it was kind of supposed to be - it was a sort of joke on the fact that neohome address are so ridiculously long...*ducks* but your comments are very much appreciated, thankyou! *hands you a quiche*

[Kat]

Something Fishy by ssjelitegirl

I love the art, and the plotline is simple and yet entertaining. The expressions of the characters were well-portrayed, and the last panel pwns. XD

Making Ex-Tensions of your Extensions by velveteen

No one really knows what this “electric” is but these lights sure do make your room bright. If only we could harness this strange power to let us play those CDs from the Tyrannian Concert Hall...but what am I saying? Madness. Onwards!

Heh, that quote made me snicker. XD Anyway, this was a rather informative yet humorous article that's really fun to read. Although some parts just made me stare, and I didn't get a joke or two, it was still a great read, especially for anyone hoping to snag a Neohome. j;) Good job.