Issue 231 Reviews

[Nut]

[glow=blue,2,300]When Life Gives You…[/glow]
Huntress, your Shad and Saura comics have become one of my favorites in the Times. ;D I love how clearly you make your pets’ personalities come across, and each comic contains mini gags in nearly every panel. And this one was pretty well hilarious. I love Shad’s happy expression in the first panel. It strikes me as humorously ironic that Illusen would call the spiky-collared shadow wolf-ish Lupe a “little pet”. I think I would’ve had some of Shad’s red mouth visible in the first panel instead of having the trees show through, though. Illusen is very nicely drawn; I particularly like her hair. Though, something about her eyes and mouth in the first two panels look a bit off… I think the problem I have with the mouth is that it’s not properly aligned with the nose. You can draw a straight line from the tip of a normal nose down through the two upper points of the lips, but Illusen’s mouth is shifted over to one side of the nose. This looks okay in the fourth panel, but when her lips are visible it seems a bit odd. And I think I’m just applying my own opinion about the colored-circle-inside-colored-circle eye design (which I’ve seen more than once) to Illusen’s eyes; sorry about that. ^^; But the style does kind of have the effect of giving a zoned-out/insane-ish appearance, especially in the first panel. o.o;

I love how you have so many things going on in each panel, yet without crowding them. Everything is perfectly timed. You introduce the cute little Kacheek in the first panel, and it transfers smoothly and easily into the next one when Illusen thanks him (her?) for the gift. I love how you so casually introduce Saura in the same panel, with a humorous bit of side dialogue to go with him. And the next two panels—terrifically executed. I love how Saura and Shad are in the middle of fighting with each other when Illusen lets out a shout of horror, and the expression on Illusen’s face when she’s reading the purple tag is just hilarious and fits the mood perfectly. ;D Love the little tooth that appears in her mouth just for that scene. Her whole face changes style in that one panel, with her eyes turning white and her green lips disappearing. It lends more emphasis to her outraged expression. The dialogue in the panel where Shad is sniffing the Starry Battle Dung is great—it fits the scene perfectly. ^^ Although the dung looks a bit… pointy. o.o I was expecting the general idea of the punchline, but it was still fun to see how you drew it out. Love all the pets; you get their excited/interested expressions perfect. And the background! You get a great sense of the perspective. That extra stretch of green grass behind the stand, and the little buildings in the background, make the layout of the image seem more realistic.

Overall, I loved this comic. ^^ You have a great style, Huntress; all your comics have so much humor and character. ^^

[Tashni]

Bullied by Nut

Only mildly involving first paragraph, but the title gives a little foreshadowing. The way you explained that it's autumn is nice.

"Yes," the Aisha said faintly, giving the schoolyard a quick, frightened stare

How can you give a quick stare? By definition, this is a contradiction.

The opening dialogue between Kesshe and Rusu is nice, giving a good idea of what they're like. Ewana not so much, because afterward she reacts the same as Rusu and even agrees with her in the faerie debate.

I don't see how Kesshe could so quickly go from hating the 3 Kougras to joining them. You really should have given some foreshadowing or something in her character that would allow her to do this.

Unexpected ending, but it wasn't necessarily fulfilling. Overall, the dialogue was nice, the descriptions were nice, but there were so many contradictions in Kesshe's character that I wasn't sure if I should be rooting for her, or if I even cared about her.

[Tay - Sock Eater]

COMICS REVIEWS!!! I'll just review the ones I feel like. =P

Notions and Nonsense by patjade

This was great. I liked the art. I think it's weird where theres an asterik (or however it's spelled) a *, in the thought bubble... Also, I love the joke, but I can swear I've heard it somewhere before. Great work, though!

Petpet Perils: Mistaken Identity by velveteen

At first I was like, "Well that's not funny." But then I got the joke, and it was *really* funny! I guess I'm just slow. But I loved this one. I love the artwork, too, how you drew everything. The heart, the flower, the grass, the trees... Especially the little ghoster--whatever it's called. =) Great work!

DM!: Green Apple by fip

This was funny, but I think this joke is way overused. I like the art, however. But apple is a little spotty. Is this intentional? It also took a second to realize it was the doctor Gelert. But I cannot wait to view more of your DM! comics in the future. <3

[fipples~]

mygoodguild said:

DM!: Green Apple by fip

This was funny, but I think this joke is way overused. I like the art, however. But apple is a little spotty. Is this intentional? It also took a second to realize it was the doctor Gelert. But I cannot wait to view more of your DM! comics in the future. <3

Thank you. And about the apple - as I said a few posts ago, the quality of the art got somewhat ruined in one of the steps from entering it in till it got 'published' in the NT.

[Star]

scarven said:

Thanks, To and From Illusen
by star_29791

Firstly, creative title I must say. This is just me but I feel that a title that properly describes the entire article/story/comic and is yet subtle and evocative makes a good beginning to any entry.

And the story comes after a title and I must say it was nicely written and touching, the letters realistically portraying their author's feelings. There were a few awkward sentences such as ...

"And I know it is a terrible thing to have favourites, love everyone equally blah blah blah."

And a few punctuation mistakes ...

"If Greta had said, “Jump in a pit of Slorgs!?then into the pit of Slorgs, Maggie would’ve jumped."
(The comma after 'Slorgs' can be removed)

Another small thing I wish to point out is that some parts in the letters seemed more like spoken words than written ones but not a big grouse all the same.

Nevertheless, I especially liked how Illusen replied to the letters. Formal and to the point but the cheeky little note in the last letter was a gem Overall, a great story. Keep up the good work

Thank you! Ah, I never get the commas right!!! I never thought of the title being creative but thanks.

[Belle]

Short Story Review

I wasn't really going to read and review Times' stories, being my exam week and all, but when I visited the Short Stories section, this one caught my eye. I thought it was a very good story so I decided to give it a review.

All It Takes by imagiknight

I don't know how to explain how I feel about this story exactly. The first paragraph sucked me in at once and although I could fairly predict some of the plot details just from those first few lines, that gave me all the more reason to continue reading. I'm glad I did. ^^ The author has a wonderful writing style. The prose wasn't hard to keep up but at the same time, it was very detailed. I loved detailed stories.

Brianna's characterization was done very well. I symphatized with her immediately (and I loved the use of flashbacks/nightmares). Jake's (the owner) character was a bit underdeveloped in my opinion (I guess I just want to know more about him - some of his dialogue sounded awkward although I loved the part in the hospital). Tom, Brianna's brother, was a fun character whom I thought was also developed well. ^^ He played the teasing, I-don't-care-about-you - but - really - I - do brother very well.

There were a few awkward, somewhat redundant sentences like "Little sparks, like fireworks, exploded on her back. " but other than those, the story is clean grammarwise. ^^

Totally loved it! ^^ If you have the time, I highly recommend that you read it.

Also, is the author an NTWFer by any chance? :3

[reinarita]

ladyariel32 said:

Short Story Review

I wasn't really going to read and review Times' stories, being my exam week and all, but when I visited the Short Stories section, this one caught my eye. I thought it was a very good story so I decided to give it a review.

All It Takes by imagiknight

I don't know how to explain how I feel about this story exactly. The first paragraph sucked me in at once and although I could fairly predict some of the plot details just from those first few lines, that gave me all the more reason to continue reading. I'm glad I did. ^^ The author has a wonderful writing style. The prose wasn't hard to keep up but at the same time, it was very detailed. I loved detailed stories.

Brianna's characterization was done very well. I symphatized with her immediately (and I loved the use of flashbacks/nightmares). Jake's (the owner) character was a bit underdeveloped in my opinion (I guess I just want to know more about him - some of his dialogue sounded awkward although I loved the part in the hospital). Tom, Brianna's brother, was a fun character whom I thought was also developed well. ^^ He played the teasing, I-don't-care-about-you - but - really - I - do brother very well.

There were a few awkward, somewhat redundant sentences like "Little sparks, like fireworks, exploded on her back. " but other than those, the story is clean grammarwise. ^^

Totally loved it! ^^ If you have the time, I highly recommend that you read it.

Also, is the author an NTWFer by any chance? :3

I just read this- fantastic. I agree with all your comments. I can't believe how really wonderful this was. It makes me almost embarrassed when I compare it to my story that I submitted. In fact, this is a great work of art.

[Nut]

Two Comic Reviews

[glow=blue,2,300]Who Knew?[/glow]
This is a nice little comic. I like how you drew those four cute little faerie dolls, and the shiny Poogle was fun to look at. Jhudora’s wings look a bit… un-Jhudora-like, though. The curvy shape seems a bit odd, since I’m used to seeing her with large bat wings. I think also that redrawing Jhudora in the second panel instead of copying and pasting her would have been better. But overall the art was cute; I especially like the little Fyora and Soup Faerie dolls. ^^

I didn’t think the joke was laugh-out-loud funny, as it seems to be a comic version of the various Jhudora-is-really-sweet-inside gags that crop up in articles. :/ Perhaps the punchline would have been emphasized more if you showed all the things the Poogle thought Jhudora was going to do with the doll, having him imagine her torturing it in various ways. This sequence could easily be driven by the art. Then when the final panel did come, it would contrast not only with the general view of Jhudora but with the Poogle’s awful misgivings.

Overall, though, it was a cute comic. Very nice! ^^

[glow=blue,2,300]DM!: Green Apple[/glow]
The art here is quite nice. I like the thick-lined style, and the doctor’s pose is nice, especially with the glasses and briefcase flying (although the briefcase is rather dark; I think a lighter color, or at least one different from the panel border, would have been best). I think the thick lines would work better on a bigger image, though; that would make it easier to see that the round green object is an apple (I wasn’t sure what it was at first, but upon looking closer I could make out the stem and leaf). I like the overhead view on the Kiko, though since the rest of the picture is shown from the side, the Kiko logically should have been drawn from the side as well. Still, I do like the art. ^^

The layout in this comic could have been a lot better. There is an awful lot of text, and most of it isn’t needed. The huge text is the first thing the reader sees; it takes up the space of a whole other panel. You could have shrunk it down a lot and placed it in an inconspicuous little text box at the top of the panel or something. (By the way, there is a grammatical error in the text itself; “How Neopia would be if we all took item descriptions TOO seriously” is more correct. ) Moving on, the description of the item should really have come before the picture. This would not only have prepared the reader for the joke, but helped them identify the green object as an apple. As it is, the reader has no clue what’s going on in the panel, so when they read the description, their reaction is “Huh?… Oh, so that’s what was going on there…” instead of “Haha, funny pun!”.

The “green laser beam shield thing”, I thought, was not needed. It only makes the reader more confused about what the item really is. The panel would have worked fine if the doctor was cowering in terror from just a regular apple.
Aside from explaining the title, the afternote wasn’t really necessary. The title could easily have been “Description MANIA!: Green Apple”, saving you the trouble of including that note.

Overall, this was a nice comic but would have been a lot more clear with a different layout. ^^

[Patjade]

mygoodguild said:

COMICS REVIEWS!!! I'll just review the ones I feel like. =P

Notions and Nonsense by patjade

This was great. I liked the art. I think it's weird where theres an asterik (or however it's spelled) a *, in the thought bubble... Also, I love the joke, but I can swear I've heard it somewhere before. Great work, though!

Most of my jokes are ones I remember from when I was younger, so I plead guilty on them being pretty old and fairly common. It's the efforts of the artists that volunteer their time and talents that really bring them to life. The asterisk was a cute way to show QT's little speechless pause and thought process before launching into her diatribe. I suppose we could have used an ellipsis, but I think the way Mossy did it was cuter.

[Huntress]

Aw, thanks guys ^^ *floats in Nut's praise* Yus, Illusen turned out weird >.< I've never been that fond of the little goody-two-shoes faerie brat anyway...

And dontcha worry Kat, I'm being very patient here *nod* *nod* If you ever spot a rabid meepit lurking behind your window and keeping an eye on the story's progress, then bear in mind that the meepit isn't mine. Yus. *shifty eyes*

Ohkay, time for random reviews *clicks on a link* So here we have

The Clover How-To: *chuckle* T'was pretty good, though you didn't mention the one and only reason people really look the four-leaf clover for - so that it'd bring them good luck. And maybe it's just me but having numbers show up as, well, numbers in a text usually doesn't look good. It would've looked better as "four-leaf clover", not "4 leaf clover". I liked those *counts* five afternotes ('cept for the OMG part, I'm allergic to chatspeak >.>) but I'd say that the caps really weren't necessary. As for the article in general, I liked it ^^ At times it could've been more concrete, those explanations tended to get a bit aimless from time to time but overall I enjoyed the article. Nice work :3

Evergreen (yus, I'm teh great equalizer and try to review stories that haven't gotten reviews yet, mainly because I wouldn't want to repeat anyone's earlier point): Well, even though it was written for the day of Giving, it still hasn't lost its mood as we still have huge piles of snow everywhere. Only I bet Meridell's is less dirty. Bleh. As for the story, t'was really sweet ^^ Brought back Xmas memories and that whole idea of introducing some new custom to the Darigani (one really interesting word o.o) is pretty original, to say the least. Gotta say that I loved Kass's character the most :3 His dry sarcasm not only emphasized his personality but made the story a lot funnier than it would've otherwise been x3 All in all, a great story ^^ Never got boring, though it's pretty long - well done!

[Deleted]

Eep! I haven't been able to get online for the last two days and I haven't even read the articles yet! I'll get right on that, starting with The Clover How-To.

[Deleted]

The Clover How-To

First of all, I think this is a really cute idea for an article. Most people write about Illusen for St. Patrick's day and, while I haven't been looking hard, I haven't seen another clover article.

I like how you split your article into different categories to make it easier to read. You could have written it without the categories, of course, but the bold headers make it more aesthetically pleasing and divide it into smaller sections that are more manageable.

I had some snort-out-loud moments while reading your article such as when you were describing what a four leaf clover is and when you said a Faerieland supporter slapped you with a blandfish. That's the kind of relevant randomness that I like to read in articles.

I liked your ideas on what to do with your clover once you find it and had another snort-out-loud moment when you talked about eating it. The way you wrote it also let the reader know what you thought about eating a four leaf clover. OMG.

The only comment I have about this article that isn't positive is the end. Knowing what I know about the Neopian Times and considering I could tell your article was shorter, I had the distinct feeling that the ending "END OF ARTICLE. YOU MAY STOP READING NOW." etc. was done to fill space. And even if you weren't trying to fill space, that's still what it seemed like. An ending like that, in my opinion, will always detract from what the article was and what the author was trying to say.

Great article, I just think that an article this good needs a good, clean ending. It's like when someone stands up to give a speech and says "Umm" before they start. Their speech may be great, but the "umm" takes away from it. The capitalized ending, I felt, took away from the overall article.

[super]

I know this is a little late to be posting this, but if anyone wanted to review my short story, "Healing", it would be appreciated. :3 Thanks!

[velveteen]

mygoodguild said:

COMICS REVIEWS!!! I'll just review the ones I feel like. =P

Petpet Perils: Mistaken Identity by velveteen

At first I was like, "Well that's not funny." But then I got the joke, and it was *really* funny! I guess I'm just slow. But I loved this one. I love the artwork, too, how you drew everything. The heart, the flower, the grass, the trees... Especially the little ghoster--whatever it's called. =) Great work!

ee! thanks for the kind review! art really isn't my strong point at all, so I appreciate your words! thankyou.

[Deleted]

Healing

This was a sweet little story. I love your first sentence. It grabbed my attention right away, and that's exactly what an opening sentence needs to do.

I think you did a good job with description. I could see the story in my head and felt that I knew what was going on. I only wish you had developed Mioashi more. I think that if Mioashi (boy, girl? Others may know just by the name, but I don't. ) was developed more, your readers might feel even more sympathy for him/her.

This is nitpicky, but in the park you say "I glanced around happily at the lush grass." That doesn't fit with Mioashi's character at that moment. In the next sentence, you talk about how upset he/she is. Mioashi is depressed. This is the only time he/she feels happy until the end.

I would think a month would be a little long to be that depressed unless there were some other issues going on, but that's really nitpicky as well.

The other criticism I have is when Mioashi sees his/her sister in the park, Heaven is very defensive at first. Then she switches quickly to being sympathic. The shift is too harsh, if it's going to be there it should be a little more gradual.

It's easy in a story like this to rush events. I thought your pace and sequencing of events was quite good. Also, your ending sentence tied everything in: the pain, the depression, the title, etc. It wrapped up the story very nicely. Good job.