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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2006 2:46:27 GMT -5
I guess no one will review my article...
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Post by Kushbi on Jan 29, 2006 8:50:25 GMT -5
I guess no one will review my article... Be patient, this thread is active until the next issue comes out. We don't get floods of instant reviews the moment the thread starts, they usually trickle in over the week. Tyrannian Pets – Stones and No CombsA very delightful and comprehensive article about life in Tyrannia. I'm awed at the amount of research that went into this piece of work. However, I feel that it would be more orderly if each paragraph had a heading - fashion, food, language and so on. The interview made me grin, even though I'm not a big fan of author + author banter and interviews. =) There are some points I'd like to add: It struck me as odd the way the line refers to "you" then switches to "one". I think it would be more fluent to use either "you" or "one" throughout, like "First thing you notice when you see a Tyrannian pet is that their outfits look simple". I love this. Rofl. XDD All in all, this article is a great effort. Hope to see more of your stuff in the NT. ^_^ By the way, who is your collab writer? Has he/she joined the NTWF? And reviews for All for a Freebie are warmly welcomed. Link: www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=171705&issue=225 |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2006 10:03:23 GMT -5
Ok, reviews coming up  Tales from Cabin 8The idea of a scary, horrible camp is fairly cliche, but the way you played up the cliche made the story really enjoyable. I particularly liked the description of colours throughout, which maybe sounds a little strange, but for some reason they really stood out very clearly to me. Although a 'scary story', it almost made me laugh when they found the spyder in cabin 8- overall I enjoyed the piece very much. It balanced nicely between scary and funny, in my opinion. I look forwards to reading more tales from Cabin 8 ^_^ Treasure of the CavesWriting in the cabinet? I don't really understand what you mean by this. Maybe it's just me, but.. I don't know.. I think the comma should be after quietly? words out loud quietly, but the others... Should be commas around the clause? His ship, called the Black Dagger, was a .... Should be 'were planning to go to sleep' Sorry if it seems like I'm nitpicking, but you did ask for any grammar mistakes.. Although arguably, I think some are just my own opinion, rather than a true error. The introduction to your characters is really great. By the end of it, I really feel like I know the basic personalities of the principal characters very well. When you talk about Saura's petpet though, it would be nice to know the species, as you talk about the others wondering how it could balance. This would probably be more interesting if we knew the species of it The 'gang' is a whole host of lively characters, and I will certainly be following the series to find out what happens to them Triple NegativeSo cute- it made me smile I love the snorkle's expression, although I have to say, the blue background looks perhaps a tad plain. I'm not very good at comic reviews.. but good job ^_^ Tyrannian Pets - Stones and No CombsThe article was a nice lighthearted read, and you clearly did a lot of research which made it more interesting to read. In my own personal opinion, I thought that some of the interview, where you and your partner were conversing, dragged on a bit, and detracted from the point of the article. Others though would find that very funny, so I don't think that it's a problem. Nice job ..And that's all I have time for right now |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2006 10:49:23 GMT -5
I guess no one will review my article... Be patient, this thread is active until the next issue comes out. We don't get floods of instant reviews the moment the thread starts, they usually trickle in over the week. Tyrannian Pets – Stones and No CombsA very delightful and comprehensive article about life in Tyrannia. I'm awed at the amount of research that went into this piece of work. However, I feel that it would be more orderly if each paragraph had a heading - fashion, food, language and so on. The interview made me grin, even though I'm not a big fan of author + author banter and interviews. =) There are some points I'd like to add: It struck me as odd the way the line refers to "you" then switches to "one". I think it would be more fluent to use either "you" or "one" throughout, like "First thing you notice when you see a Tyrannian pet is that their outfits look simple". I love this. Rofl. XDD All in all, this article is a great effort. Hope to see more of your stuff in the NT. ^_^ By the way, who is your collab writer? Has he/she joined the NTWF? And reviews for All for a Freebie are warmly welcomed. Link: www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=171705&issue=225Sorry, I'm a very impatient man, hehe We were going to use heading but my collab partner decided against it. Since this was my first article in, I picked her way since this is like her 7 time being in. With the "You" and the "One" thing, we tried to make it more interesting but I guess it didn't work. I'll remember that next time. Yes, I wrote that part, people think I'm funny  Squirrel/NF is my partner and yes, she is a member. Thank you for the Review |
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Post by Dan on Jan 29, 2006 11:51:34 GMT -5
Ok, reviews coming up Tales from Cabin 8The idea of a scary, horrible camp is fairly cliche, but the way you played up the cliche made the story really enjoyable. I particularly liked the description of colours throughout, which maybe sounds a little strange, but for some reason they really stood out very clearly to me. Although a 'scary story', it almost made me laugh when they found the spyder in cabin 8- overall I enjoyed the piece very much. It balanced nicely between scary and funny, in my opinion. I look forwards to reading more tales from Cabin 8 ^_^ Thanks for the review! |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2006 12:40:34 GMT -5
Tales From Cabin Eight: the Creature in the Cabin
Great story, you made everything match up. You explained each and every character real well and still had room for a story which is a plus. But then again, the whole main story was short so maybe in future stories from Cabin 8 is to make a bigger story since you explained it so well in the first story. Just a suggestion, overall, very nice story, Can't wait to read another like it.
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Post by Dan on Jan 29, 2006 13:15:35 GMT -5
Tales From Cabin Eight: the Creature in the CabinGreat story, you made everything match up. You explained each and every character real well and still had room for a story which is a plus. But then again, the whole main story was short so maybe in future stories from Cabin 8 is to make a bigger story since you explained it so well in the first story. Just a suggestion, overall, very nice story, Can't wait to read another like it. Great, I'll try to do that. Thanks. |
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Post by nttryingtogetin on Jan 29, 2006 13:37:26 GMT -5
Tales From Cabin Eight: the Creature in the Cabin
I like the way you began this story, and it was good that you gave a brief description so the reader could catch the mood. Agreeing with Doughnut that it a tad cliche but I think you did a really good job. I loved the character of Hank - a real leader, and another thing I loved was the way you described each character in paragraphs that slotted very nicely into the story. It was a great story, and I'm also looking forward to more tails of Cabin 8!
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Post by Dan on Jan 29, 2006 14:30:43 GMT -5
Tales From Cabin Eight: the Creature in the CabinI like the way you began this story, and it was good that you gave a brief description so the reader could catch the mood. Agreeing with Doughnut that it a tad cliche but I think you did a really good job. I loved the character of Hank - a real leader, and another thing I loved was the way you described each character in paragraphs that slotted very nicely into the story. It was a great story, and I'm also looking forward to more tails of Cabin 8! Thank you. |
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Post by Buddy on Jan 29, 2006 15:26:45 GMT -5
I'm hoping to do more reviews later (including series reviews in a day or so). But for now, here's one to start off what's from me.
Tales From Cabin Eight: The Creature of the Cabin: This story had a great two-paragraph opening. For the most part, there were good solid descriptions. They were the type of descriptions that didn't so much describe the setting, but described the setting of the setting - as in, they did a goob job of presenting the mood and feel of an area. Although I sometimes had a hard time getting a mental image for the setting, I could always get a mental feel for the setting (if that even makes sense). And all things considered, this abundance of feeling descriptions help to outweigh the slight lack of image descriptions.
One drawback is the lack of showing and too much telling. This wasn't actually as huge a problem as I've found in other stories (and I've always felt a little more leeway can be provided when it comes to short stories, rather than series, in this area). But, for instance, instead of saying that Marcus told jokes and was very animated, show us his jokes through dialouge and his animations through specific descriptions. It helps make the characters more personal if you can give the reader a bit of room to draw their own conclusions about a character, rather than spelling out a character's personality for them.
I thought the whole event with the spider was rather weak, but I suppose it's understandable - afterall, I'm assuming this is just the first part in what'll be a long series of stories. So since so much of the story was used to set up the characters and where they were, it's fair to say there wouldn't have been as much room for the spyder part. Although, I do like the nice foreshadowing with the web on the door and the Spyder they saw crawling around earlier.
Overall, a good, solid opening story to what looks like a promising series of stories. More imagery descriptions would've been nice to help me gain a better mental image, but the descriptions that were there really helped to make up for it by creating a nice mental feeling. Next time, I hope to see more showing and, perhaps, a plot problem that doesn't feel so rushed and forced. I certainly hope there's a next time, anyways - this series looks very creative, interesting, and promising, to say the least!
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Post by Nut on Jan 31, 2006 3:01:00 GMT -5
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Post by Komori on Jan 31, 2006 16:22:14 GMT -5
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Post by Kushbi on Jan 31, 2006 21:29:31 GMT -5
All the more for reviews to come in? |
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Post by Huntress on Feb 1, 2006 8:43:51 GMT -5
Teh List is out, meaning that Huntress the lazy one starts reviewing. Yay. Right after some feedback... I think the comma should be after quietly? words out loud quietly, but the others... I thought of that, but that changes the point of the sentence. Generally the idea is "even though he spoke the words out quietly, the others had good ears" and so forth. *scratches head* Kinda confusing, ne? I did mention that. Saura's petpet is a Wuzzle. They're not very well-known but they look like this:  Thanks for the review ^^ T'was really helpful. As for comics.... Triple Negative: kehehe, long live Slothy the green chicken as a rolemodel x3 Loved the expressions and the smooth art. Not to mention the details *pokes the wooden table* I'm never able to make it look like this x.X The only thing I could pick on is the Snorkle's head which is kinda out of proportion. Good work though ^^ ...and stories. All for a Freebie: ooh, Geraptiku stuff :3 It was kinda odd to see a story in which going to the city and back is so easy as I once wrote a series about it and there it took me four parts to get my characters to the city... but it's just me and I like to blab. The story itself is really nice, never got boring and was easy to read. As English isn't my first language, reading stories that have long fancy descriptions make my brain flow out.. o.o; (As a suggestion to all writers... write for people who don't know the language on ultimate level. The easier, the better. And Neo has many foreigners. Whoa, I'm getting offtopic again...) I don't think the Kreludan Grundos are as minion-y as you picture them to be but it was a nice touch. Not to mention all those little ideas like the mental transmission. All in all, one story I enjoyed :3 |
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Post by Kushbi on Feb 1, 2006 9:13:33 GMT -5
All for a Freebie: ooh, Geraptiku stuff :3 It was kinda odd to see a story in which going to the city and back is so easy as I once wrote a series about it and there it took me four parts to get my characters to the city... but it's just me and I like to blab. The story itself is really nice, never got boring and was easy to read. As English isn't my first language, reading stories that have long fancy descriptions make my brain flow out.. o.o; (As a suggestion to all writers... write for people who don't know the language on ultimate level. The easier, the better. And Neo has many foreigners. Whoa, I'm getting offtopic again...) I don't think the Kreludan Grundos are as minion-y as you picture them to be but it was a nice touch. Not to mention all those little ideas like the mental transmission. All in all, one story I enjoyed :3 Thank you for the review! =) This story was intentionally "action-packed". The easy part about going to Geraptiku and back was part of my dig at how easy it is to do our dailies at Geraptiku. n:P Uh, I have to 'fess up to something. I was sleepy when I wrote the story and misspelled my Krawk's name. It's Gvidion, not Dvidion. *runs away before Krawk comes a-smiting* |
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neo username - dan4884 
