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Post by puzz on Nov 29, 2006 23:05:57 GMT -5
(During a presentation on objects that represent our personality)
Dude: I brought a screwdriver keychain, because I like to fix things and screw things.
(Everyone bursts out laughing)
(Dude realizes what he just said 10 seconds later)
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Post by Nimras on Nov 30, 2006 11:50:03 GMT -5
Husband: I wonder how many of your fans know your stories come from plotbunny porn?
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Post by Kat on Nov 30, 2006 11:54:22 GMT -5
[shadow=purple,left,300](During a discussion about porn on the 'Net)
Me: I call it pr0n. With a zero.
Friend: Isn't that a kind of shrimp?[/shadow]
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Post by puzz on Nov 30, 2006 19:56:03 GMT -5
Julia: He's DEAD!?  Jessica: Yeah, that's what he told me! |
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Post by bag on Nov 30, 2006 20:37:24 GMT -5
News (About a Whooping Cough outbreak at a school): The board is advising all kids to get shot.
Me & Mom: XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD
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Post by Omni on Nov 30, 2006 22:18:45 GMT -5
A friend of mine was talking to my class about a youth conference and telling us what the conference was about, who was hosting it, who would be speaking, what the sign-up fee was. But she didn't mention when it was, so the teacher (who also happens to be her mom) asks: "Do you have a date for the conference?" And we all burst out laughing  This is one that I read about. In programming (C++ at least) theres this term known as 'if and only if' and a lot of the time it's written as 'iff' (and apparently it ties into symmetry, somehow) This one guy was teaching a bunch of germans about programing, and mentioned that he thought that since 'iff' had to do with symmetry he thought it should be written symmetrical, as 'fif.' Turns out in german 'fif' means 'a little joke.' My sister and I were playing a computer game when our cat walked in: Omni's sister: Just think, if we this was still unregistered we would only be at level eight by... Hi Tiger! (...Might be one of those 'had to be there' moments) Me playing Metroid Prime, up against the Metroid prime: Me: Come on... give me some more of those floating bubble things (which in case you're wondering, can give you items when you burst them)... (and it did) Me: Why, thank you (similar thing occurs several times) Omni's sister: Wow, it must actually like you! Me: Maybe, it keeps doing what I ask Omni's sister: And its attacking you is just a really weird way of showing its affection Me: Well, you always hurt the ones you love! |
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Post by Fj0rd on Dec 5, 2006 19:06:08 GMT -5
Kid in the acting class: Is Sodomy good?
(The song, Sodomy, from the musical Hair which my school is doing this year. XD)
Fj0rd's friend: It's people like you who stereotype people! I hate people like you!
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Post by Elcie on Dec 5, 2006 21:14:06 GMT -5
Trying to figure out this assignment in Spanish when our teacher was sick and we had a clueless sub-
Desiree: *trying to fix the CD player*
Landen: *gets up*
Andrew: Ohh, LANDEN'S gonna fix it!
Landen: *gets a tissue*
Joseph: Or blow his nose. XD
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Post by Speck on Dec 6, 2006 16:05:35 GMT -5
(In my Theatre Production class, we each had to learn how to tie a knot, and then show the rest of the class how to tie that knot. Chris decided to show us how to tie a noose. Here's what he said after he showed us...) Chris (jokingly): Now you have no excuse not to commit suicide.  |
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Post by Gelquie on Dec 6, 2006 22:33:44 GMT -5
*It was after school and me and my friend were studying our vocabulary for our literary terms test tomorrow.*
Me: Okay, spell 'apostrophe'. (Not that kind of apostrophe. A different apostrophe.)
K: *Spells it.* It's where you address an imaginary or absent being or object.
Me: Yes. Isn't that right J? *Holds out hand to the air, pretending it is J.*
K: ...Oh, hello J.
*Both of us laugh.*
Me: *Wanting to continue on.* Okay, go away J. *Waves away imaginary person.*
(*5 minutes later*)
*J walks up to us, for real.*
K: Oh, he came back.
*Both of us start laughing.*
J: ...?
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Post by Spot on Dec 9, 2006 1:11:10 GMT -5
Mom: ... Well, there's another set of directions on the other package you could look at.
Spot: *faking disbelief* You want me to read two sets of directions?
Mom: What, are you male now?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2006 14:04:32 GMT -5
Ray: So what's your mom's first name?
Belcuore: *writes it down on paper* Susan, same as Kevin's mom.
Kevin: Hey, that's my mom's name!
Me: Nothing gets past you.
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Post by puzz on Dec 10, 2006 14:00:07 GMT -5
On a science paper on genetics:
A black female had 6 kittens: 3 were black and 2 were tortoise shell.
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Post by Gelquie on Dec 10, 2006 22:01:29 GMT -5
*Could be seen as a sequal to my earlier post on this page. Same location as before; after school, talking to K while in entry hallway.*
Me: *joking around, referring to a song that I have to play and K has to sing* They keep talking about the song 'And he shall purify'... well who is this he person that they keep referring to?!
(We then talk for awhile on who could be 'he'.)
Me: *continuing on* Well, you don't have to 'pure' to 'purify'. I could easily 'purify' by killing a few people, but you don't have to be 'pure'...
*Z walks up to us.*
K: Z! Z shall purify!
Me: Yes!
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Post by lemmykoopa300 on Dec 11, 2006 14:38:18 GMT -5
"My father used to tell me that if I wanted sympathy to look it up in the dictionary. And sure enough, THERE IT WAS!" - My English teacher
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Thanks, Leoness! ^__^