More "Things People Say"

[Frozen]

After just finishing a test

Me: Meh, there's too little time to answer all the questions.
Friend: Well, there's 80 questions in this test and we're only given 1 1/2 hours, so I calculated that we only have under 1 minute for each question. How not to have too little time? I couldn't manage to finish the last few questions.
Me: ... How long did it take you to work this out?

[Deleted]

isowannabefamous said:

After just finishing a test

Me: Meh, there's too little time to answer all the questions.
Friend: Well, there's 80 questions in this test and we're only given 1 1/2 hours, so I calculated that we only have under 1 minute for each question. How not to have too little time? I couldn't manage to finish the last few questions.
Me: ... How long did it take you to work this out?

Actually, you had 1.125 minutes for each question. nerd=me

[Fj0rd]

Max: For a while the most violent movie I'd seen was Lord of the Rings, but then I saw Saving Private Ryan and... *outlines a violent scene and acts it out*
Me: ... you know, if you ever become a serial killer, no one will go, "Oh, Max, he was such an innocent and gentle child, we never thought he'd grow up to do that!". They'll just be like, "Oh, yeah, I always knew he'd end up that way. That kid was seriously messed up."

[Elcie]

fj0rd said:

Max: For a while the most violent movie I'd seen was Lord of the Rings, but then I saw Saving Private Ryan and... *outlines a violent scene and acts it out*
Me: ... you know, if you ever become a serial killer, no one will go, "Oh, Max, he was such an innocent and gentle child, we never thought he'd grow up to do that!". They'll just be like, "Oh, yeah, I always knew he'd end up that way. That kid was seriously messed up."

Hahaha, yeah, we joke about that with Julia too.

Me: We'll have a class reunion ten years in the future... I'll be some writer, Renice'll be a famous athlete, and.... you'll be a famous serial killer. We'd have to hold the reunion in the top-security prison. xD

[Kengplant]

In social studies we're trying to cram the last of the chapters into the last 3 weeks of the year by making various groups present them in a project, one group did teen culture. As part of the presentation everyone in the class had to get up and do the twist. My teacher was joking about incorperating it into the final exam by making it a question somewhere in the middle so that everyone in the room would get up one at a time in the middle of the final exam and dance XD

[rmuecke]

Ellen: *fake sincere voice* Thank you, Pythagoras!


Don't know why I found that so funny, but there ya go.

[Lex Luthor]

stabdecayraven: sup ben finn
stabdecayraven: it's kevin
DarkFortunez: Hey
stabdecayraven: I changed my username to plug directly into my pain
DarkFortunez: LOL
DarkFortunez: I could tell
DarkFortunez: Kind of like how mine is a metaphor for my dark fortune in life
stabdecayraven: nice
DarkFortunez: Yours is a brilliant form of self expression to spread your message
stabdecayraven: it's the only three words that sum up my strife
stabdecayraven: stab...
stabdecayraven: decay...
stabdecayraven: raven
DarkFortunez: Amazing… just amazing…

xwaltercrunkitex: I should've done that as my project
xwaltercrunkitex: talked like bill cosby for a week
DarkFortunez: LOL
DarkFortunez: And do the oddest facial expression and tell pointless stories
xwaltercrunkitex: "NOW I USED TO KNOW A GUY NAMED CLARENCE AND HE SOLD BICYCLES, WHAAAAA"
DarkFortunez: Now I remember a time, when I wanted some Ice Cream, and I walked up to that counter and said
DarkFortunez: Lookie here mister, I want some Ice Cream, and the sprinkles and the chocolate toppings
DarkFortunez: and the cherries and the whoopieddoopied
xwaltercrunkitex: NOW THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME WHEN MY DAUGHTER SAID,
xwaltercrunkitex: "DADDY, I WANT SOME BREAKFAST"... SO I MADE HER CHOCOLATE CAKE, AND GRAPEFRUIT JUICE!
xwaltercrunkitex: FOR BREAKFAST! KOO KOO KACHOOOOO

darkfauks69: i like reese's
DarkFortunez: Like the candy?
darkfauks69: no like the intergalatic spaceship sitting im my backyard.
DarkFortunez: Theres the breakfast cereal
DarkFortunez: don't forget
darkfauks69: it's in my super secret super secure hightech robot underground facility

octagenarian55: i came up with the BEST FREAKING kimps sign ever.
octagenarian55: i mean it.
DarkFortunez: what
octagenarian55: i can't tell you unless you're my partner
octagenarian55: becuase it's TOP SECRET it's awesome.
octagenarian55: alright i'll tell you
DarkFortunez: phew
DarkFortunez: I almost had to go Jack Bauer on you
octagenarian55: (ben you know i live under a rock)
DarkFortunez: 24
octagenarian55: the rock is HUUUGEEE
DarkFortunez: Kiefer Sutherland
octagenarian55: OH MY GAWD BEN IT'S NOT A ROCK OKAY?! IT'S ANOTHER PLANET

DarkFortunez: Cause he can get out of any situation
octagenarian55: ohhh
octagenarian55: he's like superman?
DarkFortunez: LOL
DarkFortunez: Like Macgyver
octagenarian55: THE WHO?
DarkFortunez: OMG

DarkFortunez: It's going to be really interesting to see how many people show up
Karatefighter02: Yeah
Karatefighter02: Did you just invite like...half of the school? =/
DarkFortunez: yea
DarkFortunez: and told them to bring someone, to get the other half

[Fj0rd]

Me: Isn't there a law against shouting "CAKE!" in a crowded theater?

[Deleted]

I gots a lots.

Fitzy: Isn't this supposed to be the smarter class?
Me: Define smarterer.

Me: How do I look with glasses? *swipes Ray's glasses and puts them on*
*ten minutes later*
Ray: Hey, gimme back my glasses!
Me: Took him long enough.

Me: Ray, your glasses are evil! Now I'm all dizzy.
Ray: That's what you get for stealing them. *pretends to punch me in the face*
Me: PHYSICAL ABUSE! BATTERY AND ASSAULT! BATTERY AND ASSAULT!

Me: I have bad depth perception. *to Mike B.* High five! *whacks Justin, who's standing next to me, in the head with her hand instead of high fiving Mike*

Me: *tries to kick Justin in the shin*
Justin: *grabs my leg and won't let go*
Me: Aaah! Rape! Rape!
Ray: No, more like "gold". *takes a picture with his camera phone*

Maria: *takes a picture of me with Melissa's camera phone*
Melissa: Sammy, you look possessed in this picture.

Me: Narf!

Me: Hey Ms. Hirsch, can Sammy go to the bathroom?
Ms. Hirsch: ... Yes, Sammy can. *starts giggling at me*
Me: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful! *walks off*

Emma: Don't you think Adam and Sammy would make a cute couple?
Katie: I'd prefer her with your cousin.
(just for the record, J.D. is Emma's cousin. )

Johanna: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...
Me: STOPTHATSTOPTHATSTOPTHAT!!!

Fitzy: Jen, when did I tell you you could go to the bathroom?
Kelly: But Fitzy, it's Jen! She has to go to the bathroom this time everyday.
Me: Yeah, funny how it just so happens to be the same time the 8th graders switch to 9th period.

Mike B.: So yesterday, I was chasing Adam, and my grandpa calls me and he's like "Mike, what are you doing?" so I said "Chasing a midgit."

Melissa: Do you like those popular girls?
Me: Sorta'.
Melissa: For me, they're okay. Emma's pretty cool, same with Katie. But I really can't stand Olivia or Liz.
Me: Same here. Except the only reason Emma's pretty cool to me is because I'm her cousin-in-law. Well, in ways.

Me: Mike, why do you always act gay with Justin?
Mike: 'Cause it's fun.

Adam: Sammy, stop making fun of my brother!
Me: I thought you hated your brother.
Adam: Yes, but not when you make fun of him.
Mike: Shut up, midgit man!

And my last one's kinda old... Back from, like, December when I kept the whole having a crush on J.D. a secret except for Nicola, but I was being a ditz and trying to strike up a conversation with J.D., but I was just making sure he wasn't taken yet.

Me: So, uhm, do you have a girlfriend yet?
J.D.: No, but I'm still looking.
Me: *thinking* [Well, don't look too far, or you might miss me.]

I'm such a romantic.

[Speck]

It's so good to be back in pants again.

[scorchdragon]

Me: Hey, Pa, they eat dog meat in Korea, right? To keep warm?
Dad: Nah, it's just another meat soource for them.
Me: I read that it's heaty and that keeps them warm.
Dad: The Chinese will tell you that.
Me: Since you're Chinese, aren't you supposed to tell me that dog meat is heaty?
Dad: Shut up.

[Ginz ❤]

My uncle: But I can't use my laptop for that. Firstly because I don't have one.

XDDD

[william]

I'd just given Leoness the link to a shock site. But in my defence, she knew full well what it was before opening it!

Here's a possible scenario I imagined happening whilst she was stunned.

You: *stunned*
Mr Leoness: Hello wife, it's me, your rich Danish husband! How was Denmark while I was at my Danish office?... Oh my Allah! What is that?!
You: Wait, Rich Danish Husband! I can explain!

[Deleted]

Me: Hey boo.
SmarterChild: You can't scare me.

Of course, this would go under the coveted topic, "Things Robotic IMs Say."

[Deleted]

Okay, this one could be considered one of those jokes where you hang your mouth wide open. We were walking through the high school's clubs and one of them was the Gay/Straight Alliance Club. This is what one idiot kid did.

Idiot Kid: Do you guys have a flier?
GSA Member: Oh... no.
Idiot Kid: Well that's gay!