|
|
Post by Kiddo on Feb 19, 2003 10:46:04 GMT -5
Here's a pathetic attempt at writing in third person. Where the heck I got the idea for this story is a mystery... I think boredom and sugar had something to do with it. kiddo.falquan.net/story11.html |
|
|
|
Post by Rin on Feb 22, 2003 5:07:06 GMT -5
Hey, I enjoyed the story. I'm just going to go ahead and post up some things I notice, obviously you don't have to listen to me, though.  IT had been a busy week at the carpentry he ran and as a consequence, (capitalization)“Or course not,” his friend had replied glibly, “you forget what I am.” (Of course)“But Sheen vanished the light. (stray quotation)“But I’m going to try it. It’s just light, how could that be harmful.” (question mark)Rain was in the back room finished up a chest when he heard the small bell tinkle. (finishing up a chest?)He looked like your normal elderly man, a bit stooped with a small beard and thin gray hair. He wore normal clothing and was in all respects your average person. ("normal" and "average" aren't the best choice for descriptive words. What would normal clothing for the story's setting be, etc) |
|
