Like so far?

[powerofthentpen]

This is supposed to be a start of a series about a faerie war......
Iyana, the earth faerie streaked across the sky above the lush green of Meridell. Bystanders below could tell she was frustrated. Also, bystanders were amazed to see an angry faerie.
"How could she?!?!" Iyana thought to herself," she comes down here for a cordial visit......cordial, indeed, she never even comes to neopia.........and ends up poking fun at my dear earth!"
Iyana slowed down when she reached her cavern in the rolling hills of Meridell. She landed, but wasnt paying attention where, banging her head right against the roof of the door. She fell backwards and blacked out.
"Hhhhheellllloooooo....."
A soft voice seemed to echo in her head
"Hhheelloooo??? IIIIyyyyaannnaaa?? Cannnn you hheeeeaaar mmeeeee?"
Iyana opened her eyes and there was Illusen, in her herby pajamas.
"Are you ok? You took quite a hit on the head!" Illusen spoke, clearly, at last.
"Yes.... I'm fine. Darn Space Faerie....." Iyana murmered, wearily.
"Space Faerie? What about a Space Faerie? Did she actually come down today?"Illusen asked, eagerly.
Iyana began to tell about how she came down for a visit, and how the rude space faerie dissed her and her realm. While listening, Illusen looked shocked.
"Why, that's horrible!" Illusen blurted," what would she know, she's only been down here a desolate many times."
At that same moment, up on Virtupets.......
"GRUNDO!!!!"
A rather large looking grundo scrambled towards the shadowy blue figure
"Yes, miss" the grundo remarked
"What do you make of this?" the shadowy figure asked as it clicked a button and a hologram movie came up of the earth faerie speaking harsh words to the......
Out of the shadows floated the Space Faerie.
"Welll?" she demanded
"Well , miss I think that creature is a disgrace to all Neopia! Including our lovely, all-mighty, beloved....."
"ENOUGH! Have Grundo Chef make me a spiced cherry pie....AND BE QUICK ABOUT IT!" Space Faerie screamed," I'll be in my chambers, working out this problem....."
"Yes....miss.... GRUNDO CHEF!" the Grundo bellowed
As the malicious faerie was floating off she mumbled to herself..."I believe the only way to solve this conflict is WAR!"
At Jhudora's Cloud.....
Maelsta, Jhudora, and Psellia, the dark faeries and the air faerie were laughing.
"....and to think, the started this over an disagreement!" Maelstra cackeled
" Yes and now a ....declaration of war! Hahahahahaha! Gracious me!" giggled Psellia

[peachifruit]

Ooh, a faerie war. Although, the whole Earth/Space Faerie argument thing was just a teensy bit confusing. Why would the space faerie make fun of Neopia if she saved it?

There are a few grammatical errors here and there, but so far, you're off to a good start.

[itsme]

just trust me it will all work out....
(heheheh that is a line from the play im in at the moment, Alice in wonderland!) ^>^

[calvinseviltwin]

War between the faeries. That's new! I want to see more though!

[Nikkio2003]

Lol.. herby pajamas..XD I like it!... except you should clarify more on who/what Iyana is, and kind of.. change a lil' bit on the how she hit her head part.. either make it less confusing, and/or a little comical.^^ I think that'd work out good.. i just didn't think that people should just throw in names into the story like the reader would know who they were already..


**...Like, for instance.. "a disgruntled earth faerie flew along in the air", instead of Iyana, and they'd learn her name when she awoke, when illusen was speaking.^^

[Lappi]

Umm... Space Faerie isn't evil! >_< But I like the idea. If only I didn't like the Space Faerie that much. =P

It COULD do with a bit editing, would you like me to? I know you could do it yourself, but I really like it so far! ^^ I can't believe I actually read it, lol, I'm actually saving reading for the holidays, but I read this one. Anyways...

-_-' Don't mind mee!

Iyana thought to herself," she comes down here for a cordial visit <-- Don't forget the space between 'herself' the quotation mark and err... yeah, just those.
Try putting three periods. I don't know, you could do whatever you want, but it just looks better
Don't forget periods!! --> A soft voice seemed to echo in her head
"Yes, miss" the grundo remarked <-- missing two punctuation stuffy

Hmm... after reading it again, I understand! =) Are you going to make the dark faerie brain wash her and make her eeevvviiil?? (yeah, I can't really imagine the Space Faerie evil..)

[calvinseviltwin]

I think it's that look you know?

[sollunaestrella]

Cool! I'd like to read more ;D
It could, however, do with some editing as the others said. It's also a little fast moving, which made me a little confused at first, so you might want to consider maybe a little more action and a little less dialogue (I mean, add more action in, but keep important dialogue). Maybe that's just me, though...I'm prone to confusion.

[Lappi]

Yeah, description. =) But It's pretty good. Just edit it a lil'

[calvinseviltwin]

Details... I know a lot of things are rushed...

[Lappi]

Edit ~> Add details and description, punctuation and grammar.

Goodie! Lemme know what happens next

[roselladestiny]

Original idea! I've heard about Illusen/Jhudora, dark/light, and fire/water controversy, but this is the first I've seen about earth/space. In the first paragraph, you might want to replace "bystanders" with some other word in one of the sentence, or find a way to merge the two together. Am I making sense? How about "The bystanders below were surprised to see an angry faerie, but they could tell she was frustrated."