Meditation: What does (and doesn't!) work for you?

[June Scarlet]

Meditation, for a long time, didn't seem to be a thing that worked for me.

I'd participated in guided group meditation before, and I really disliked it. The leader, whoever they were, would start out by telling us to count our breaths in and out, counting so slowly, telling us to focus on breathing.

I hate thinking about breathing. Reminds me too much of getting an asthma attack, when I very much think about breathing. I'd struggle to keep my breaths timed with the group. Not very calming at all.

Then, in the last year, I came across someone who didn't count out the breaths, "one, two, three, four." Rather, they said to take deep breaths in the way your body wants to be honored in that moment.

That was a huge improvement! I could breathe however I wanted to!

Then more recently, I attended a meditation session where they explained why they have you breathe slowly in and out. It actually "resets" your brain, causing it to quiet down and relax.

I've been experimenting with it in the evenings, after the lights are out and I'm just laying in bed, trying to fall asleep. Rather than focusing on getting my breathing to a certain count, I focus on taking deep, slow breaths like I'm falling asleep or sleeping.

And you know what? It's working. It's helping me relax and fall asleep faster.

So rather than meditation being some person telling me how to relax, it's more like "Fake it 'til you make it." It feels the same as forcing a smile to make yourself a little happier. Obviously not going to combat the worst of sadness, but if you're on the line, it does make a difference.

So if you're not already relaxed, you can "fake" being relaxed by breathing and thinking like you're relaxed. And it will actually make you more relaxed. It can only do so much, but it's still a tool.

That's my little journey with meditation! I'd like to hear about your experiences and how it does or doesn't work for you.

[Celestial]

That sounds like a positive breakthrough! I am glad you got to figure it out and experiment.

Meditation does not work for me. I fidget a lot in order to be comfortable, which it seems to discourage. I also tend to get bored of it very easily, if I am forced to sit still with nothing to do. If I get bored, the thoughts begin coming in. If I am in a bad place already, the last thing I need is to be in my own head. Breathing is not enough of an exercise for me to not be bored. And often, the breathing isn't the issue, it's my brain going a thousand miles an hour into Badville.

If I am anxious and cannot relax, the last thing I need to do is dwell on it. Rather, I ned to be distracted and do something active in the moment that forces me to focus on something else, like video games or cooking or other stuff.

For processing my thoughts, once again, standing still is bad. What I prefer to do is go for a walk. I know my routes and thus my legs can take over while my brain works through all the thoughts. It also means if I get into a spiral, I can stop and look at my surroundings. That tends to cut it off. But if I also need to work through something, a Socratic dialogue in my head while my body is busy doing other stuff is pretty good.

[Breakingchains]

Seconding that I HATE anything where you count breaths, time breaths, etc. I have never managed to do that and not feel suffocated. "Do deep belly breaths at your own pace" works much better for me.

There are so, so many kinds of meditation out there. I think mindfulness meditation took off in the west mainly because it's (1) easy to divorce from any religious/spiritual aspects and therefore easy for corporations to endorse; (2) works well if you are neurotypical with no significant traumas. Everyone else has to work a little harder. I will say I did find it rewarding after sticking with it long enough to get good at it, but man it was hard to get to that place, especially with my ADHD.

[Killix]

If I'm just trying to relax and I'm not having anxiety or anything, I try to focus my mind on one specific thing that I am interested in at the time. If I can get my mind to get carried away thinking about a video game, characters, or making up a story, then I will be able to fall into a relaxed state without even realizing it. (Great for getting to sleep at night!)

When I'm having bad anxiety, however... trying to relax or clear my mind never works. Mostly due to intrusive thoughts constantly bursting through the wall like the Kool-aid man.

I have to find something external to distract myself with. Playing a video game, watching a movie or episodes of a tv show that I have not yet seen, drawing while listening to music or a podcast, reading (works best with something I'm interested in learning about)
The distractions don't always work, but I've found them to consistently be my most successful option.

[Moni]

meditation is one of those things that you basically get out of it what you put into it. it's also not "for" mental illness; it wasn't founded/developed to deal with it. meditation is found in numerous religions throughout the world (yes, even the abrahamic "nonspiritual" religions. yes including christianity.) and they've never been really something specifically molded for that. that's not to say anybody with mental illness shouldn't try it, after all you are more than mental illness, and various types of meditation (broadly: focus vs. observing) can even be part of a treatment plan depending on exactly what you struggle with.

anyways i don't meditate anymore really but there was a time in my life where it was super helpful for a very specific problem and i probably wouldn't be around if i hadn't tried it.

[Huntress]

I've been subscribing to the Calm app for - oof, probably like seven years by now? (should've gotten lifetime back when it was cheaper, welp). It's the only app I throw money at and I still consider it to be worth it, even when I don't use it anywhere near daily. They do guided meditations of various length, purpose and involvement (as well as music, sleep stories, masterclasses and other odds and ends) and they're very, for lack of a better term, kind about it. The stated goal is to generally follow your breath and keep returning to it over and over again, regardless of the number of times your thoughts might begin to wander. And you're not failing when your thoughts wander, because that's what thoughts do. You're just practising the awareness of what's going on in your head, to be able to let those thoughts go again rather than to hitch a ride on whichever train they're trying to drag you onto at any given time.

One of the central tenets that's been very helpful for me overall is that you can't be in your head and your body all at the same time. So if you want to get out of your head, you need to get into your body. Hence the focusing on breathing, but that's just one of the myriad of possible ways for doing that; this is also why I tend to start Doing Things when I get agitated or just want to center myself for whatever reason, be it baking, handling plants, tidying up or taking a walk.

[Gelquie]

Breathing exercises for me I've never really considered 'meditation,' as while it can be helpful as a quick grounding technique, it's not exactly taking my mind elsewhere.

So I know quite a few, and a lot of them are admittedly focused on breathing exercises. Not just doing it, but how. Like one where you do staged breathing at different rates to a rhythm, which can be very relaxing at the end of it but in the middle is very intense. That would be my last resort one if I was more consistent with meditation.

...Yeah, I've had meditation pushed on me a lot, and while I don't dislike it, I also find it's not really a... problem solver. More like something that takes the edge off. Or puts you in an existential crisis because of reading your thoughts and feelings and oops you didn't know that was a thing. Which can be important, but usually I get the former former. So it's a strategy, but I kind of prefer other techniques.

I've been doing more of it more often though. I got (minorly) bonked on the head recently, and while I'm mostly asymptomatic and over the worst of it, I am achey and tired more often. I'm supposed to rest when tired and avoid stress until I'm healed. But I'm not really one that does mid-day naps, or I wouldn't be in a position to do so anyway. So while meditation really only takes the edge off, I need all the edges-offing I can get right now. So more often, I've been laying down (when possible; otherwise sitting down) more often and doing the typical body-scan meditations. They help a little on the stress side, but most of all, it gives me a little more energy that I need to help me get through the rest of the day, and can help alleviate anything acute going on.

I'm actually surprised to not have seen body scan meditations here, since for me it's the first one I hear about that's pushed. And it's not a bad one either. The basic steps are:

SPOILER: Click to show

-Sit/lie down comfortably, and close your eyes. (I don't think anyone will necessarily notice if you fidget. As a fidgeter, I often don't need to, but hey, everyone's eyes are closed or should be. Or maybe you're alone, which hey, better.)

-Do relaxed breathing. Generally you can do normal breathing for this, unless your normal breathing rate is fast, then just try to pace it. It doesn't have to be perfect.

-Become aware of your environment. Mostly the sounds going on around you, but this could include what you're leaning against. Then "become one with it." Which is just sort of accepting the background before you go on.

-Become aware of your body. Then normally you go to the bottom of your body (that is, your toes/feet, depending on how hyperspecific you want to get), and go up, one body part at a time. Each time, just notice it, notice what's happening there, if anything. Note it and continue up. You continue until you get to the top of the head. Then, become aware of the whole body, and "become one with it." New background.

-Become aware of your thoughts. Basically, you notice your thoughts as they come. "X thing that happened is so annoying." "I wanna listen to The Prince after this." "I'm hungry." Notice them, acknowledge them, let them drift on. Remember, you're not stopping or judging your thoughts, you're noting them and letting it flow on. (I like to take the analogy of thoughts floating by like leaves on a river. They float in, you see them, they float on. I visualize this at this point.) If you don't notice any thoughts, well, cool. Acknowledge that. Then "become one with your thoughts."

-Become aware of your feelings. Positive, negative, boredom, whatever it is. Just note and acknowledge them and that they're there. Then "become one with your feelings."

-Here the script notes that now you are with peace and joy. For me it just doesn't feel like anything, but perhaps the void can be a comfort. You went through all the steps and are now at some sort of apex of nothing, which is better than the chaos below.

-Time to go back. Become aware of your feelings. Then your thoughts. Then your body (you don't need to do the step-by-step scan here). Then your environment. One step at a time. No need to rush, just go at your pace.

-Take a breath. Then when you're ready, open your eyes. Done.

(I tried looking this up, but I could only find the one that goes to the body scan and stops there. Which I suppose is fine if you want something faster. If I find a source I'll post it. I'm actually really surprised I can't find it elsewhere, as it seems to be the standard go-to.)

[Stephanie (swordlilly)]

Aug 11, 2024 14:32:23 GMT -5 Gelquie said:

I'm actually surprised to not have seen body scan meditations here, since for me it's the first one I hear about that's pushed. And it's not a bad one either. The basic steps are:

SPOILER: Click to show

-Sit/lie down comfortably, and close your eyes. (I don't think anyone will necessarily notice if you fidget. As a fidgeter, I often don't need to, but hey, everyone's eyes are closed or should be. Or maybe you're alone, which hey, better.)

-Do relaxed breathing. Generally you can do normal breathing for this, unless your normal breathing rate is fast, then just try to pace it. It doesn't have to be perfect.

-Become aware of your environment. Mostly the sounds going on around you, but this could include what you're leaning against. Then "become one with it." Which is just sort of accepting the background before you go on.

-Become aware of your body. Then normally you go to the bottom of your body (that is, your toes/feet, depending on how hyperspecific you want to get), and go up, one body part at a time. Each time, just notice it, notice what's happening there, if anything. Note it and continue up. You continue until you get to the top of the head. Then, become aware of the whole body, and "become one with it." New background.

-Become aware of your thoughts. Basically, you notice your thoughts as they come. "X thing that happened is so annoying." "I wanna listen to The Prince after this." "I'm hungry." Notice them, acknowledge them, let them drift on. Remember, you're not stopping or judging your thoughts, you're noting them and letting it flow on. (I like to take the analogy of thoughts floating by like leaves on a river. They float in, you see them, they float on. I visualize this at this point.) If you don't notice any thoughts, well, cool. Acknowledge that. Then "become one with your thoughts."

-Become aware of your feelings. Positive, negative, boredom, whatever it is. Just note and acknowledge them and that they're there. Then "become one with your feelings."

-Here the script notes that now you are with peace and joy. For me it just doesn't feel like anything, but perhaps the void can be a comfort. You went through all the steps and are now at some sort of apex of nothing, which is better than the chaos below.

-Time to go back. Become aware of your feelings. Then your thoughts. Then your body (you don't need to do the step-by-step scan here). Then your environment. One step at a time. No need to rush, just go at your pace.

-Take a breath. Then when you're ready, open your eyes. Done.

Ahh I didn't know that was the name for it, but I was taught something very similar in choir class, of all classes. It was before a major performance, and we did it as a group. We all lay down on the floor and there was someone who led the meditation by saying things in a soothing voice like "Listen to your breathing," and "Imagine you are on a beach. Your body is sinking into sand. It is warm. You put your toes in first," etc.

The "become aware of your thoughts" part is complicated for me personally, though, because oddly enough - despite being trained in literary studies - I don't actually think in words. Instead it's like movie scenes panning through my mind. And I'm a participant in the scenes, I'm not just watching them. It's kind of like a background news reel going on all the time. If I pay too much attention to it or get too immersed in it, I can actually feel like I'm in the imagined scene itself and can provoke myself to laughter or to tears. So I find it best to actually not pay too much attention to it most of the time, and pay more attention to what's actually going on around me. >_> If I'm alone in bed at night preparing to sleep, though, I might indulge in the imagined scenes a little more. I mostly use them to work through hypothetical scenarios and process feelings. It's also - there's no process to it, like I don't have to go through any kind of breathing or awareness to slip into the scenes. In fact it takes more effort to stay out of them and stay attentive in real life

Sometimes it can also be very mundane stuff I'm imagining, like if I'm hungry and have a specific craving I might imagine myself going to a certain place for food, etc. But it does typically involve scenes rather than words.