|
|
Post by RielCZ on Feb 24, 2023 17:30:42 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by downrightdude on Feb 24, 2023 17:46:37 GMT -5
 I didn't get into the Valentines issue, and this is how I find out. Mega congrats to everyone that got in!!! Snaw loves you all!  |
|
|
|
Post by June Scarlet on Feb 24, 2023 18:51:31 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by Stephanie (swordlilly) on Feb 24, 2023 23:27:46 GMT -5
Spreading Love Across Neopia: Explaining the 5 Love Languages by RielCZ and Rabbit ♠ It's really cool to see your Neopian take on this idea! (though its scientific merit is questionable as you noted xD) I especially liked this part: An Elderly Customer by Ajax The intro is good. In particular, this part sets up the scene visually and establishes Stana as an attentive, responsible character: Stana is exactly the kind of character to play the role of listener. I also liked the dialogue between Stana and the customer; it's finely crafted and natural-sounding. And the last image is really sweet. A Day to Remember by Carolyn I really liked the beginning! The pacing here is really good.  The choppy sentences accurately convey the hectic daily life of a grad student (and one who keeps getting lost, too xD). I liked the contrast between Norbert's frantic, eager personality and Dorado's relative calmness. I did feel that the relationship developed a bit too quickly to be believable, but everyone is different. *shrugs* Some people do in fact fall in love very steeply at first sight, so who am I to judge haha. A Flight to Altador by Geo 🇺🇦 🌻 I liked the details in this story xD Very cinematic! Some of the dialogue could probably be made more natural: "Those around me that I hold dear" sounds oddly formal, like the kind of thing a person would write rather than say. Then again, she's a queen so maybe she does talk like that.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ajax on Feb 25, 2023 3:57:54 GMT -5
A very generous review. Thank you Steph!
|
|
|
|
Post by Stella on Feb 25, 2023 7:47:09 GMT -5
I'm not very familiar with how formatting works on the forum, hopefully the quotes within spoilers are functional and everyone gets their pings? Really enjoyed reading these! I haven't had the time to look at the articles or comics yet though. 
An Elderly Customer by Ajax Oh man, this is such a good line. And the very classic image of literally falling for someone! Very fluffy, I love this section.
This killed me, haha. I love this grouchy guy.A really really REALLY sweet image, perfect closer.
Overall this was so cute and warm, even if a little bittersweet! I personally really struggle with writing this kind of story, where it's just two characters talking but it still makes you feel things; and you've done it so well. :') And I'm left a little curious by what happened to Mrs. Truffles and her spongecake recipe for it to be lost for what seems like a few decades! Not a critique, I definitely think this kind of vignette story works best when you leave these loose threads. These were some of my favourite one-liners, haha. I also really liked how you included the Gelert-isms of Norbert wagging his tail. A lot of the time when I'm writing, I find that I relegate the Neopets part of the characters to their introduction paragraphs; and it feels very check-listy, like okay, I mentioned their species and colour, and now I will ignore this for the rest of the story LOL. So yes, it felt very nice to see him being a Gelert was actually relevant, so to speak, throughout the story. And like Stephanie said, their relationship developed very quickly, but not un-enjoyably so. It works fine in the romcom context here, and we don't have a lot of words to work with in the short story section! Maybe I'm immature, but this kind of slapstick is endlessly amusing to me, hahaha. And the abrupt entrance of the very familiar Tooth Faerie adds to the skit-like comedy. Hahahaha, I KNEW something was suspicious when she just jumped into her own racer mid-air. That did NOT scream responsible driver. My critique here is that it's very dialogue heavy with no descriptive passages to break up the pace or provide imagery. For instance, the part about the Earth Faerie-shaped key when Aethia is figuring out the cloud racer was a nice little detail that set the scene. It's not a huge issue since we're all familiar with Neopets imagery and can definitely fill in the blanks ourselves, but when it's there it makes the story feel more grounded! Related to the dialogue, I also thought Fyora's register moves between casual and formal too quickly in some places. Her "voice" sort of gets lost, which is really noticeable in a dialogue heavy story like this one. When she's talking to Siyana, she says " I’ve decided that since it’s late in the day, I’ll stick around for the night"; with the first part (late in the day) sounding more Queen-ish than 'sticking around'. A Late Valentine's Reunion by Azusa I really liked this line, and the whole heart-aching atmosphere of this first section. We don't know a thing about the first Sasha, but we still miss her.Aww, I'm a sucker for scenes with older people (of any age) interacting with children. Incredibly pure <3 INDEED!!
A really nice story about the non-romantic kind of love!
|
|
|
|
Post by Stephanie (swordlilly) on Feb 26, 2023 13:29:15 GMT -5
The Lavender Room by StellaA really imaginative story, playing with time and alternative pasts. I liked that you set up the concept of time travel by having us eavesdrop on the village gossip first. xD All of these details - the judgmental glances, the nervous fanning, the prayer-muttering - are very Neovian. xDD I appreciated the description of the time travel itself, too: These scenes are both vividly imagined. I love the sensory details involved in stepping from one moment in spacetime to the next, how the images and sounds rush by. I guess the only critique I have is that the title of the story and emphasis on the setting in the first paragraph kinda led me to expect the lavender room to have special significance. To be more clear: I expected the events of the story to take place primarily in the lavender room. But instead the story moved outside, to the Chocolate Show field and the Benvolio home. I think the story would be a bit tighter - pun intended - if the timelines shifted around but the setting stayed the same throughout.
|
|
|
|
Post by Stella on Feb 27, 2023 1:32:32 GMT -5
Thank you for the incredibly kind comments, Stephanie! You had me smiling throughout. :')
And you're absolutely right, the title doesn't really work as it is right now. In my original outline, the shop was a little more relevant to Neovian Valentines as a whole; and there was even a little confrontation with the chocolate factory Kiko there, in a sort of mustache-twirling industrial revolution villain avatar, haha. Well, his grandfather maybe, seeing as how he doesn't have a mustache. It was going to be the soulless Walmart of Neovia, but Martha decides not to sell. And so on and so forth. But unfortunately I could not fit all that into the 4k word limit without ruining the pacing; and I didn't think I had enough material to make it into a series!
(I've edited my original post with my comments, just writing here in case pings don't go out in edits. <3)
|
|
|
|
Post by Carolyn on Feb 27, 2023 21:55:06 GMT -5
Heyo~ I'm going to try to do a couple of reviews as I have some time. Geo 🇺🇦 🌻- A Flight to Altador:
Very cute story, I love the idea that Aethia would risk life and limb to see her lover, but even more than that, that she would go above and beyond to learn an entirely new skill set( even if she was uncomfortable doing so). And I like the conflict of Fyora's duty vs. her private persona/friendships. The idea of Aethia learning how to drive from FL's most dangerous driver made me laugh--that's some luck haha.
Couple of things: a little confused on the mention of the weather fae being brought into trade agreement talk. Do they offer this magical service for altruistic reasons or because it's part of a greater agreement for their magic (edit: I see that they were separate--Fyora was in a talk with them but that their weather duties/trade was different)? Another thing to keep in mind is natural flow of dialogue. Much of our conversations will be pretty casual, cutting words or abbreviating here and there. Unless these characters tend to talk very formally, some deviation from grammatical structure could be expected to make it more natural.
I think more of the discussion could have been elaborated on and shown here.
Overall, very wholesome--it's good to see more Celandra in the Times!
Ajax, An Elderly Customer-- The interactions between Oscar and Stana were organic and, as someone who volunteered extensively with nursing homes, it really tugged on my heart strings. I think it was here that I felt especially misty-eyed. Before, the reader could surmise that he was lonely, but adding the old name and the memories the place carried after his wife died, it really landed strongly. And the compassion of the waitress towards the elderly customer was especially refreshing to see. It's nice to read a story that's from such a bittersweet perspective. After all, to feel loss is to have loved. And if someone grieves, it means that life left an impact on their heart. Anyway, really enjoyed this story a lot. and Rabbit ♠
Right out of the gate, you both have me chuckling:
I always enjoy your wry sense of humor.
It made me happy to see "Acts of Service" as your first act of love. Volunteerism, even in small bits, can truly be a good way to show that you care.
I keep laughing at the "TNT will thank yous" in the article as well (at least the rather cheeky ones).
I quite agree!
Hah! That's a good way to slip a Covid reference in there--but good! This should be said.
Even better the combine the little comments from your pets into lore or inspiration for action. I think that was really creative!
HAH! Oh my goodness. Your sense of humor continues to shine through.
LOL OH MY GOSH. Wow, how did that fly past the radar?? XD
This is honestly a pretty solid list, and full of great ideas for showing love through more than the sort of "traditional" standpoint of romantic love. I really liked the "random NMs of kindness" as positive thoughts can go a long way. And you never know what kind of day someone else is having. A little kindness goes a long way. As you said it, we need to support the least and greatest of the community.
Cheers to the 8 kinds of love!
Twillie
This is such a cute, heartfelt comic and a lovely gesture between friends. Cherry could see how much that plushie meant to Johnathon and did an act of love and caring to make sure he wasn't feeling lonely. Definitely a lovely message and a nice way to show that love comes in all forms--including paying attention to the needs of others and responding in kind.
Lex
D'aww this is so nice. I love how expressive everyone is and how multiple species of pets are represented, not just the most popular ones (shout out to Flotsams! Totally underrated pets). The last panel had me laughing. I feel like this is based on real wolf behavior as well, right?
Euphemia
Oof, that poor Kyrii! The things we do for avatar collecting, eh?
That little proud smile in panel two is like d'awww so cute.
I totally had a Courage the Cowardly Dog flashback from that final panel, haha. Core memory unlocked, perhaps?
|
|
|
|
Post by Ajax on Feb 28, 2023 14:57:25 GMT -5
I'm not very familiar with how formatting works on the forum, hopefully the quotes within spoilers are functional and everyone gets their pings? Really enjoyed reading these! I haven't had the time to look at the articles or comics yet though.
An Elderly Customer by Ajax Oh man, this is such a good line. And the very classic image of literally falling for someone! Very fluffy, I love this section.
This killed me, haha. I love this grouchy guy.A really really REALLY sweet image, perfect closer.
Overall this was so cute and warm, even if a little bittersweet! I personally really struggle with writing this kind of story, where it's just two characters talking but it still makes you feel things; and you've done it so well. :') And I'm left a little curious by what happened to Mrs. Truffles and her spongecake recipe for it to be lost for what seems like a few decades! Not a critique, I definitely think this kind of vignette story works best when you leave these loose threads. [/div][/quote] Thank you for the very kind words and feedback. I like Leice as well - my wee Scottish Kacheek. I like to think that Mrs Truffles retired to Mystery Island to warm the bones after a long career at the tea room. |
|
I didn't get into the Valentines issue, and this is how I find out.
The choppy sentences accurately convey the hectic daily life of a grad student (and one who keeps getting lost, too xD). I liked the contrast between Norbert's frantic, eager personality and Dorado's relative calmness.
