"Oh, that looks like a stag head!" said Cadmia, staring it in its dull, lifeless eyes. "It's not that scary. I don't know what the big deal is, dad. Hunters do this stuff all the time, and it's not really family-unfriendly."
"Yes, but... well, it's not a stag, it's a demon."
"Isn't that a little better than doing this to an innocent animal?"
Her father let out a deep, anguished sigh. This was his fault.
Khamet nodded enthusiastically, bits of red dappled near his mouth. He took another forkful.
"Good, good. I'm glad," said Nedgemi, patting the ten-year-old on his head. "Do you have any suggestions?"
"More sugar!" said Khamet. "Or... maybe you can make this with mango! Or watermelon! I bet watermelon would work."
It really wouldn't.
REVIEWS of MONI ★☆☆☆☆ "The worst person I've ever met." -- Sister, 2k18 "Literally garbage." - Scrappy, 2k17 "0/10 lol what is this." - Country Queen, 2k16 "0/10 this writer sucks." - Droplet, 2k14 neopets | NT
"Hey!" said his dad, who was currently in the process of lifting him up and down. "Who's a good little baby? You are! You're a good little baby!"
Baby Khamet puckered his lips, and drool began to fizz out of his mouth. "Oh no," muttered Dad under his breath. "No you don't, no you don't... I am not cleaning up after you again!"
Bird was so happy to have an impact in the orphan-nest!
Ever since he started to give them birdseed, and fruit, and also some vegetables, the orphanage became bigger! Some humans, worker-humans, drone-humans, like bees, swarmed the orphan-nest for a few weeks, caused a lot of destruction (Bird may or may not have tried to dive-bomb one of them), and then left it slightly bigger than it was before!
He was so happy, he decided to celebrate! So he cracked open one of his favorite nuts for pre-supper post-lunch time and pecked at it.
REVIEWS of MONI ★☆☆☆☆ "The worst person I've ever met." -- Sister, 2k18 "Literally garbage." - Scrappy, 2k17 "0/10 lol what is this." - Country Queen, 2k16 "0/10 this writer sucks." - Droplet, 2k14 neopets | NT
"Well then!" says Nos. F. Eratu, subconsciously making sure the collar of his undershirt is folded properly. "Good news: we are now very popular with the humans; they seem to appreciate our, ah, 'funky vibes.'"
"Sir, 'funky' is slang from the seventies; it's considered outdated now," corrects his human assistant. "'Spooky vibes' is the term that is more in vogue now, according to this analysis of..."
"Thank you Becky, that's enough for now."
"Understood."
"And vengeful spirits? Mummies? We are more liked than we've ever been! A toast!"
Tutenkhamen's mummy, who is clever enough to fake his own likeness in the British museum, fooling experts the world over so he could finally enjoy life on his own, nods in agreement. "They even dress as us during the month of October. In fact, I have acquired a video of a young boy dressed as me."
He played the video on his old 2006-era laptop, which still runs Windows XP. In it, a child of about eight years old walks up to the person taking the video, says he likes his "bulky phone," and also his costume. The child's older brother tells the videographer that his look is "totally retro."
"Good, good," says Mr. Eratu. "Bloody Mary?"
The spirit of Mary, Queen of Scots, scoffs. "I suppose it could be worse. They have a whole state named after me in America, and an urban legend, and even an alcoholic beverage. It's acceptable... even if it is... sometimes partaken in by Protestants. I--"
"Wait," says King Tut, intentionally cutting off a rant. "Is Protestant a sub-category of Muslim? I can never tell, with these new-fangled religions."
REVIEWS of MONI ★☆☆☆☆ "The worst person I've ever met." -- Sister, 2k18 "Literally garbage." - Scrappy, 2k17 "0/10 lol what is this." - Country Queen, 2k16 "0/10 this writer sucks." - Droplet, 2k14 neopets | NT
"Thief!" yells Khamet. "I have arrived, a paladin of Anhur, the god of war! I will put you to justice, and I will carve you... a piece of the pie that the rich have stolen from this land, as it is clear you are indigent!"
The thief continued to quiver in terror until his brain processed what Khamet said. "Wait... what?"
anniversary, alas, has spoilers. rip.
REVIEWS of MONI ★☆☆☆☆ "The worst person I've ever met." -- Sister, 2k18 "Literally garbage." - Scrappy, 2k17 "0/10 lol what is this." - Country Queen, 2k16 "0/10 this writer sucks." - Droplet, 2k14 neopets | NT
"But he's not resting though. He's probably waiting in line to have his heart weighed or something."
"Perhaps," said Raia. "It would be hard to say exactly what happens after you die."
"And he didn't want to rest, anyways. He hated rest." Khamet blew his nose with a handkerchief, which had until then been used to hide his ugly crying. "He was always so busy. I'm not busy. Why wasn't it me?"
Raia gave him another handkerchief. "Well, for one, nobody had an ill-founded reason to kill you."
He loved to climb his cage; he loved to climb the little spiral thing which spun forever and ever; he loved to hang upside down and watch the humans wave their legs on the up-ground. Every so often, his human friend would give him something new to climb it. Sure, Bird could have simply flown, but it was simply more fun to take the trek up these very small mountains.
It was the best!
REVIEWS of MONI ★☆☆☆☆ "The worst person I've ever met." -- Sister, 2k18 "Literally garbage." - Scrappy, 2k17 "0/10 lol what is this." - Country Queen, 2k16 "0/10 this writer sucks." - Droplet, 2k14 neopets | NT
After coming back from Lustross, Khamet passed out in his bed at the party house. Hatar--also tired from the journey that he did not take because the boat wouldn't let him board--had muscled his way into the common room, and was now also "sleeping." His glowing red eyes were the only thing visible in the darkness.
So this is what the house was like!
REVIEWS of MONI ★☆☆☆☆ "The worst person I've ever met." -- Sister, 2k18 "Literally garbage." - Scrappy, 2k17 "0/10 lol what is this." - Country Queen, 2k16 "0/10 this writer sucks." - Droplet, 2k14 neopets | NT
