|
|
Post by Ian Wolf-Park on Apr 4, 2020 12:25:57 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by downrightdude on Apr 4, 2020 15:50:13 GMT -5
*throws purple glitter everywhere*
|
|
|
|
Post by Duke Pikachu on Apr 4, 2020 20:03:06 GMT -5
ARTICLES:A Royal Send Off: Fyora's Bucket List by Carolyn and Geo 🇺🇦 🌻 On Mystery Island, resting back on a deckchair, with a martini in one hand and sunglasses covering her eyes. Assistant: My Queen, the carriage will soon be ready. Fyora: What is pulling the carriage? Assistant: Our most noblest Uni... Fyora: Get something faster. I want outta here asap. Assistant: F-faster? How much faster? Fyora: Are we doing anything with the Cloud Racers? And there goes Altador's last Faerie guardian, unless they can get Psellia off her lazy cloud.  That's kind of throwing some shade on Marina saying her healing potions could be better, lol. You'd be surprised... Looking up all the comics making fun of Jhudora would probably be a good start. Sounds kind of generic. Maybe you should consider putting something fantastical in, like pirates cursed by stolen Geraptiku gold or magical Neggs that gave whoever consumed it super powers. No, no, ESPECIALLY the pranking. FINAL REVIEW: A nice, rather surprisingly short article and wasn't all that I was expecting. I thought it was going to be a literal list of zany things a being who lives thousands of years would do. But instead you played it straight, giving Fyora some depth of character and reasons for her bucket list. This actually sounds like its more of a pitch for a series about Fyora's experience in trying to accomplish all these goals. by Ian Wolf-Park It was an alright article. Though I feel it was missing a hook; something to draw me into the narrative. The questions asked were very standard and the answers given felt a bit predictable. Now I'm not asking for you to turn it into a comedy or have Fyora suddenly start revealing scandals she done, but as it currently is I don't feel any different about Fyora and her departure then when I started reading it.
The Fyora Question: Lesser Known Scandals by RielCZ (COMING SOON) SHORT STORIES:Queen Lyra: The Beginning by Kat (COMING SOON) Faerie Wings Short: Delilah's Royal Coronation by downrightdude (COMING SOON) COMICS:Dinner with the Scarlets: Abdication Aggravation by June Scarlet You totally know if Fyora was stepping down it would be a plot... not that I wouldn't be against the idea. My guess probably a logic puzzle as we're given a list of possible Queen candidates and given clues by other Faerie quests every day or so.
Anyway I liked the comic, the art is simple but cute.
Blossoms~Abdication Part 1 by Twillie So right off kudos on the newspaper. Many would have just had the title and the actual story be wiggly lines but you actually wrote a quick & believable newspaper report. I also like the little additions like the picture of Fyora removing her crown, the caption underneath said picture, and the date having a hidden emoticon after it.
But overall the art is nice and everyone's character is nicely displayed. But what could the letter be? Is it possible that Fyora's next ruler... could be a KING?!
... So is this an actual part 1 or is this a one-off joke comic? Sunny Side Up: Abdication by Zoey Last panel should have been Fyora wearing sunglasses, sipping a drink, while riding away on her Cloud Racer as below all of Neopia Central is on fire and we see dozens of Neopians running around panicking.
Very nice artwork, I especially like the body language and facial expressions that show additional layers to Fyora's thoughts & feelings (especially that ending one which has Fyora mentally screaming "let's see who REAL b**** is!".
Ending on a High Note by Liou Hey, glad to see someone also thought Fyora would end her reign by wearing sunglasses with a drink, lol! I guess this is Fyora's parting gift to herself, afterall the palace is pretty much painter after her.
EDITORIAL RESPONSES:(COMING SOON)
|
|
|
|
Post by Twillie on Apr 13, 2020 21:36:05 GMT -5
Dinner with the Scarlets: Abdication Aggravation by June ScarletOh no, this got me thinking if something like this happened irl, where a major political leader suddenly steps down and refuses to name their successor. The only chance at knowing is for the populace to follow some wild goose chase. The uncertainty fills the nation with anxiety, protests ramp up, total anarchy takes over. Fyora secretly wanted to ensure that her reign would be the last there'd ever be. The classic April Fools comic for a fake plot! Works since historically the NT has always had the same comics for actual plots, so the only real way to tell which ones are true is to know the context. I have that this comic especially threw some people off for a moment about whether or not there was actually a plot coming x3 Sunny Side Up: Abdication by Zoey Dear gosh, this got a bit too real didn't it xDD Frankly I'm with Fyora at the end, I'd want to 'splode everything too if something like that happened to my former kingdom. It also really amuses me that, in the world of Neopia as a society, things still run on flash like it's a lifeblood to the planet xD Shoot, who is that Lutari again? I swear they look familiar, although I'm not sure where I recall seeing them before xD Fyora herself looks very pretty, I like the way you draw her! Something about the more round face shape you give her, makes her look much softer and thus adds a bit to her anger in the punchline x3 Something always more fun about the more cinnamon roll types being the ones to get mad. Ending on a High Note by LiouYesssss, you ended up making it!!! Ahh I love the idea of this comic xD Last panel especially, arguably better than most other canon pics you'd find of Fyora on the site. Your other Faerie designs are really cute in this! That Dark Faerie with pigtails, aw x3 I also admire that Wataer Faerie that's able to balance on land for an extended period; anything for their queen! I'm glad your idea was able to make it into the Times, it was really a treat to see and read =D
|
|
|
|
Post by Zoey on Apr 14, 2020 13:14:11 GMT -5
Aww, thanks guys for putting up with my hand-drawn panels and speech bubbles! xD It was my first real test of Procreate and I was just struggling all over the place, haha! Duke Pikachu - So clearly the solution is just to cut out Liou's last panel and put it at the end of my comic.  BOOM. DONE. Twillie - I recently acquired a Desert Lutari! xD So it was a little pet insert, nothing special. Glad you liked it! I also thought that the idea of a Flashpocalypse button might have sounded too real, but hey, it made it through LOL!
Glad you liked her expressions as well! I had fun drawing them; much easier to show a wide range of expressions on Faeries than pets, imo. |
|
|
|
Post by Twillie on Apr 14, 2020 13:51:36 GMT -5
Zoey Ahhh, gotcha! Looking back on it, I think they reminded me a bit of the Zafara explorer from the Obelisk Wars mini-plot lol xD Congrats on the Desert Lutari! Haha, lol yeah I have indeed noticed that the editors don't seem to mind accepting jokes that poke fun at the site like that x3
Lol, that is true indeed! x3 No muzzles or snouts to get in the way, haha. Something I've also considered playing with is Faerie ears, like if they raised up and down like a cats to express emotion. Another webcomic I've been reading does that with its long eared humanoids, so now I'm curious to try it myself... x3 Duke PikachuOh shoot, I didn't even notice you updated reviews until now! xD Haha, yeah I figured the newspaper could help make things a bit more believable in case the comic actually tricked someone. Instead of Fyora abdicating suddenly, it was really all these Faerie events beforehand (TNT really doesn't want the Faeries to have an easy life, do they?) that led up to it!! Maybe that newspaper excerpt was even copy pasta'd from TNT announcement, who knows >w> Thanks! Lol it's funny, when I made the comic there wasn't anything specific I was trying to imply with the letter, just that something dramatic was gonna happen, but I love that that's the common interpretation of what it says! I adore the mental image of Jonathon as king of Faerieland, he would not last a day xD
(and yes, this is just a one-off joke, I don't have any series in store related to Fyora's abdication x3) Also, for future reference, I would avoid using any system of grading or ranking NT issues or submissions. While it's fine to give constructive feedback, we don't want the Reviews board to be an environment of comparisons or feeling like you need to meet any certain standards. Not that I think that was intentionally done, but grades can just easily turn into a slippery slope that leads to a situation like that. Thanks for understanding!
|
|
|
|
Post by Duke Pikachu on Apr 14, 2020 17:00:50 GMT -5
Twillie : Once I did all the reviews I was going to make a post tagging everyone.  And I can see what you mean about the grades, I mainly did them to reinforce my thoughts though I guess that made them arbitrary as, well, my review already did that. I'll delete them now... and they're gone. I must have crossed into a dimension mid-sentence where I didn't grade the articles. Let me check something, no, this dimension also misspells Berenstein Bears...  Zoey : Congrats on your Desert Lutari!
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Wolf-Park on Apr 14, 2020 22:34:29 GMT -5
Duke Pikachu- Yeah, I'm aware of my article being mediocre. In case you haven't noticed, I don't do articles that often
|
|
|
|
Post by Kat on Apr 15, 2020 1:33:32 GMT -5
Hoo hoo, it's a Kat about to review some stuff after so many long years! R-A-I-R The Answer-The Abdication by Ian Wolf-ParkBe careful when you copy-paste your pieces; it seems we missed the "S" in "Skyla" at the beginning.
This might just be me, but I recommend that when you jump into the interview beginning and proper from your introduction, start a new paragraph to lessen the walls of text. This isn't that bad a wall of text, but it would greatly help with the flow of your article.
It would have also helped if you had Skyla introduce herself as well in the beginning (instead of mentioning herself only at the end signing off), instead of jumping straight into the interview, as there will inevitably be some people who are unfamiliar with her and her style. Anyway, you do have the structure down and the interview ran smoothly because you knew the right questions to ask in an interview with Fyora. It's well-written, but when you write an article next time, consider what your angle will be, or what you can add (like a dash of humor or something happening in the middle of the interview) to make it stand out or to entice more people to read it.
Don't be discouraged because articles, honestly, are not easy to write because unlike in stories, you can't depend on your plot or characters (especially existing characters) or twists to make them interesting. You have to try and find a angle or a goal in mind that will capture people's attention and will make your article stand out; it doesn't necessarily have to be humorous. Practice is key (and considering that my very first article was way back in issue 98, I speak from experience), so don't give up the next time you get an idea for an article. A Royal Send Off: Fyora's Bucket List by Carolyn and Geo 🇺🇦 🌻I'm spotting a few typos. For example, you might have missed a "we" in here:
Also, the last sentence in this part seems a bit misplaced but that might only be me.
Anyway, I got to the headings indicating Fyora's bucket list, and I think the transition to it from the interview proper was a bit...odd. It might have been better to insert another paragraph where you lead up to the bucket list and its headings. The headings could have been made bold or italic as well to emphasize the bucket list part but that's more of a style thing. Nevertheless, I am really enjoying the ideas you have for her bucket list - starting a business that'll become a stock company as well, joining the Faerieland Philharmonic, even becoming a Neopian Times artist - they're really creative and you sell them as things Fyora would really do. (The idea that Fyora would submit to the NT under a pseudonym in particular is great.)
Hmm, you could have just began this sentence with, "In conclusion..." and/or used a page break.
This is entertaining; I enjoyed it. Good job! Who Knows The Next Faerie Queen? by Duke Pikachu
I found this redundant (maybe it was supposed to be that way?) but otherwise your intro was good. I loved the reference to the last collab, and the rhyme.
Ohoho, nice job leading up to your first interview!
Anyway, I'm noticing that you place the narrator's parts (the questions) and such in parentheses. Personally I felt that it made the flow of the interview a bit clunky and it would have been better if they were narrated and inserted normally. Especially in Jhudora's part, wherein her paragraph had become a wall of text and the part about going to the Hidden Tower was so glossed over when a reader would naturally be curious and want a few more details on that. The parts with Baelia, Casandia and Aethia could have also used a few breaks or pauses where they would stop in the middle of their conversation and maybe do something, or the narrator would do something that would catch their attention.
You probably meant "peeked" and this sentence could have been reworded. But otherwise, I liked the conclusion of the article! Rest in pieces, narrator.
The Fyora Question: Lesser-Known Scandals by RielCZOkay, right off this is a good angle for an article; instead of focusing on the good Fyora has done during her rule, let's focus on the not-so-good! And instead of going for the obvious things like the fall of Faerieland and the constant lackluster performance in the Altador Cup (holy crud, they're still in the cellar after all these years?), you went for the, ahem, lesser-known scandals. This article is well-written, with snatches of humor here and there to keep readers' attention, but overall I felt that it might have been a bit...too long (or perhaps my attention span is simply that short). Perhaps some of the interviewees' answers could have been shortened a bit, or some paragraphs given some breaks, but otherwise this is a good article. Using these lesser-known scandals for future articles or stories would not be a bad idea at all.
Your headings could have benefited as well from being in bold or italic. But this is more of a style issue than anything. More reviews to come! |
|
|
|
Post by Kat on Apr 17, 2020 6:11:45 GMT -5
More Kat reviews! Faerie Wings Short: Delilah's Royal Coronation by downrightdudeI find it amazing that we both wrote about dark faeries becoming queen. I initially went with the same angle as you did before scrapping it entirely and leaving it as a brief mention. Anyway.
This ran on straight to Delilah's time with Fyora, when it could have been preceded by a paragraph break for a smoother transition. I rather liked this story, it's a cute snapshot of Delilah moments before she ascends the throne and her doubts especially about being a dark faerie. You wrote it simply enough; probably the only criticism I might have is that her time with Fyora was rather short, but I suppose that's how the story goes. The nervous Blumaroo is a nice touch, I might add, and might be my favorite character in the story. Good job. Dinner with the Scarlets: Abdication Aggravation by June ScarletIt's a plot. It's always a plot. I love this punchline a lot. (Oh, I just rhymed.)
June, your art style is simple and cute, and therein lies its appeal. The only thing I would want to change is the last panel - make your characters more surprised about the "PLOT!!!" punchline because you're suddenly shoving that out of nowhere as part of the humor. Otherwise the buildup to the joke is great. Blossoms~Abdication Part 1 by TwillieFirst of all, I commend you for that first panel. Were I the artist of this comic, I would've left it at a bunch of lines after the headline without inserting actual text. (I see what you did there on the date of the newspaper btw.) I like your art style; it's simple but finds room for just enough detail.
The mention of the bathroom beauty regimes is priceless and is my favorite part. I can't wait to see the next instalment of this comic! How dare you leave us hanging like that, haha. Sunny Side Up: Abdication by ZoeyTHE FLASHPOCALYPSE BUTTON!!! Fyora's expressions throughout this comic are top-notch, I love them, and her thoughts about Neopians being infuriating but good. I mean, she's not wrong. Also, I like the idea of Faerieland succumbing to COMMERCIALIZATION!!! instead of an actual apocalypse. Good job. Ending on a High Note by Liou"pestering your queen" LBR is way too accurate. Love that little subtext and I love the variety in the faeries' faces and features. It starts off as "oh yay we're ready to lift Faerieland into the skies again" and then suddenly, that last panel. The joke is hilarious, and that is now officially one of my favorite depictions of Fyora anywhere. We need her in sunglasses more often. |
|
|
|
Post by downrightdude on Apr 21, 2020 0:42:49 GMT -5
Thanks Kat! Your review was kira yaba! |
|
|
|
Post by Stephanie (swordlilly) on Apr 24, 2020 18:55:52 GMT -5
RielCZ I don't have much to offer by way of critique, but I just wanted to say that I loved your satirical piece. xd It gave me some much-needed laughs. I loved the official-sounding journalistic tone combined with humorous Neopian terminology and the distinct voices of the fictional interviewees. I'll just quote some of my favorite bits: Btw for anyone who likes Neopian satire, there's another piece I read recently that I enjoyed enough to send the author a fanmail. ^^ She isn't on the NTWF, but she responded to my fanmail saying she was very glad someone liked her work! This piece is called "Coping with Happiness" and it uses the Neopian holiday, Grey Day, to poke fun at mainstream ways of talking about depression. It's really funny
|
|
BOOM. DONE.
