Need a sort of critique for a series

[Moni]

Yello!

I'm the resident crap writer here. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone would mind risking their eyes to read a fairly long-winded NT series and give me opinions on it generally? I'm not concerned about minor grammar and stylistic issues, but for some reason it just feels really off to me.

I don't know if I should just post the first part here to see if anyone would like go through with it or what ... :/

[Twillie]

How long is it exactly? Is it divided into parts yet, or is it just word count at this point?

[Moni]

Sept 10, 2015 23:00:05 GMT -5 Twillie said:

How long is it exactly? Is it divided into parts yet, or is it just word count at this point?

I have it into five parts with varying lengths . . . the lengths not exactly well-thought-out, lol.

Word count is into the 27k range, not horrible but i feel it runs longer than it needs to atm. i probably want to pare down a lot on it.