Post by Bianca <3 on Jul 9, 2014 17:45:51 GMT -5
Hi calico! Welcome to the NTWF! If you want to say hi to everyone, make a post in the Forum Gates area; it's a good place to meet people!
As for your story, I skimmed it to catch grammar/punctuation errors. I'll quote your story for examples, and then point out how the fix it. I'll also point out some more general notes. And if anything doesn't make sense, please let me know!
~ First thing to note is that you need to be consistent with your tenses. Sometimes you use "he said" and other times you use "he says." Pick one, and stick with it through the whole story. Personally, I prefer "said" over "says," but that is entirely up to you! Just make sure it's consistent throughout! [And this doesn't just mean with "says" and "said." All verbs should be in the same tense, UNLESS it's in dialogue.]
~ You're missing several periods at the end of sentences, so just make sure to go back through and add them in. Also, sometimes you left "i" lowercased. Make sure it's also capitalized.
On Neopets, any species of Neopet should be capitalized. So 'Acara' should be capitalized, along with 'Grarrl' later in the piece.
I noticed you have some issues with dialogue punctuation, so I'll try to explain it as clearly as I can (I know it can be confusing). So in the sentence above, you need a comma after the word "second" (or an exclamation mark) and then "He" should be lowercased. You do this throughout, so try to catch where it happens. It should look like this: "I'll be down in a second," he said, packing away his beloved toys.
This is an example where having the capitalized "He" is correct! That is because "He laughs..." is a new sentence, because you can't "laugh" words. If you had said "he joked" or "he said" or something like that, then the "he" would be lowercased, like in the example above.
Also, the sentence above is a bit of a run-on. You should either start a new sentence after the word "last" or turn that comma into a semi-colon.
"it's" should be "its." Just remember that "it's" is short for "it is," while "its" is possessive.
"to" should be "too." Also, like I mentioned before, "He" should be lowercased, there should be a comma after "too" and a period after "her."
- - -
I know this was mostly a grammar/punctuation review, but I hope it helped. You can get rejected from the Times if there are too many punctuation errors, so it's important to get it right. Try to skim through it and use the examples to fix your dialogue, and also watch out for run-on sentences that can make the story hard to read. Good luck! Let me know if you have any additional questions!
As for your story, I skimmed it to catch grammar/punctuation errors. I'll quote your story for examples, and then point out how the fix it. I'll also point out some more general notes. And if anything doesn't make sense, please let me know!
~ First thing to note is that you need to be consistent with your tenses. Sometimes you use "he said" and other times you use "he says." Pick one, and stick with it through the whole story. Personally, I prefer "said" over "says," but that is entirely up to you! Just make sure it's consistent throughout! [And this doesn't just mean with "says" and "said." All verbs should be in the same tense, UNLESS it's in dialogue.]
~ You're missing several periods at the end of sentences, so just make sure to go back through and add them in. Also, sometimes you left "i" lowercased. Make sure it's also capitalized.
"Timmus?" Ceelu the striped acara's sing-song voice calls to her son, from the bottom of the wooden staircase
On Neopets, any species of Neopet should be capitalized. So 'Acara' should be capitalized, along with 'Grarrl' later in the piece.
"I'll be down in a second" He said, packing away his beloved toys.
I noticed you have some issues with dialogue punctuation, so I'll try to explain it as clearly as I can (I know it can be confusing). So in the sentence above, you need a comma after the word "second" (or an exclamation mark) and then "He" should be lowercased. You do this throughout, so try to catch where it happens. It should look like this: "I'll be down in a second," he said, packing away his beloved toys.
"It's been some time since I saw you last, my how you have grown!" He laughs, taking in the sight of his nephew
This is an example where having the capitalized "He" is correct! That is because "He laughs..." is a new sentence, because you can't "laugh" words. If you had said "he joked" or "he said" or something like that, then the "he" would be lowercased, like in the example above.
Also, the sentence above is a bit of a run-on. You should either start a new sentence after the word "last" or turn that comma into a semi-colon.
The winter moonlight is streaming through the open windows leaving it's soft yellow glow in every dark corner.
"it's" should be "its." Just remember that "it's" is short for "it is," while "its" is possessive.
"I love you to " He replies, embracing her
"to" should be "too." Also, like I mentioned before, "He" should be lowercased, there should be a comma after "too" and a period after "her."
- - -
I know this was mostly a grammar/punctuation review, but I hope it helped. You can get rejected from the Times if there are too many punctuation errors, so it's important to get it right. Try to skim through it and use the examples to fix your dialogue, and also watch out for run-on sentences that can make the story hard to read. Good luck! Let me know if you have any additional questions!
but I'm really grateful for your advice and will correct my mistakes. Thank you