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Post by jateshi on Dec 22, 2002 22:53:35 GMT -5
I really just wanted to know if this was done before (it's only a little itty bitty starting of my story)
Title: Unknown NeoPet
Starting: “This dung is of an unknown Species.”
The little crowd in the room gasped in awe, while dilated eyes stared at the squat red scientist Aisha in front of them.
The red Aisha adjusted her glasses and paced to and fro,
“And for that I’ve called you all here to go on an expedition,”
She paused for an extended moment, then looked over at the assembly of Neopets in front of her,
“To search for the unknown Neopet.”
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Post by Lappi on Dec 24, 2002 10:38:42 GMT -5
Oh, cool. I don't think it was done before, at least not in my day ;D
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2002 13:40:38 GMT -5
Probably not...and if yes it was ages ago. IT would probably get in. its a bit like jurasic park.
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Post by jateshi on Dec 24, 2002 15:35:40 GMT -5
'kay, might as well post the next half then ^^; :::: The Search (See, I changed the title ) By, Me “This dung is of an unknown Species.” The little crowd in the room gasped in awe, while dilated eyes stared at the squat red scientist Aisha in front of them. The red Aisha adjusted her black oval-shaped glasses and paced to and fro, “And for that I’ve called you all here to go on an expedition,” She paused for an extended moment, then looked back at the assembly of Neopets in front of her, “To search for the unknown Neopet.” The room fell silent; some of the more timid scientists even scooted out of the room and into the cool winters night. Only four NeoPets sat in front of her now, calm expressions clinging to their thin faces. “Miss Claire?” A (should it be 'the' or 'a') little voice poked its way into the air ringing like a cathedral bell, the server unknown. “Yes?” Claire respond, adjusting the long white lab coat that was hung numbly over her dusty pink shoulders.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2002 15:48:23 GMT -5
whos clarie.
and also,what pet are you going to use as the unknown neopet, because you cant just make one up.
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Post by Lappi on Dec 24, 2002 16:19:03 GMT -5
He CAN, if something happens to it in the end and like umm... maybe all the research files disappear and stuff... and I think "the" is better.
Also, don't forget to make it longer. Add some more discription (like rishiy said, who's Clair?).
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Post by jateshi on Dec 24, 2002 21:01:24 GMT -5
^^ Claire is the red Aisha. I knew something was wrong with that, I was going to put "Hey you, the red aisha in the front, it's claire right?" but that didn't sound right.. (Continued, sorry, but I just want people to tell me their opinions ) The search: “This dung is of an unknown Species.” The little crowd in the room gasped in awe, while dilated eyes stared at the squat red scientist Aisha in front of them. The red Aisha adjusted her black oval-shaped glasses and paced to and fro, “And for that I’ve called you all here to go on an expedition,” She paused for an extended moment, then looked back at the assembly of Neopets in front of her, “To search for the unknown Neopet.” The room fell silent; some of the more timid scientists even scooted out of the room and into the cool winters night. Only four NeoPets sat in front of her now, calm expressions clinging to their features. “Scientist Claire? I‘ve got a question on this expedition.” The little voice poked its way into the air ringing like a cathedral, the server unknown. “Yes?” The Aisha respond, adjusting the long white lab coat that was hung numbly over her blood-red shoulders. A scruffy looking Gelert peaked above the head of a much larger Kau, his long green ears twitching curiously, “Where will we be holding this expedition?” Claire pondered for a moment, before responding, “At mystery island. So you’ve all better meet me at the dock tomorrow, crack of dawn. Whoever is late doesn’t go.” She patted the floor gently with her paw, like a judge would when he or she dismisses a case, “ You’re all allowed to leave now.” The four NeoPets left the room, quietly and slowly not another sound dawning upon the building. Claire slowly drew in long puffs of air, “I hope we find it, that’s all I can say.” *** Claire quietly sat on the docks, watching the mornings sun rise above the shoreline, bringing a new day upon the small town. It’s long rays pouring out like a song, though it wasn’t all that silent, some Chias where already outside trying to attract customers to their small shops.
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Post by Lappi on Dec 25, 2002 8:54:51 GMT -5
Lol, the beginning of the last bit was kinda funny... it started off peaceful, and then you talk about chias attracting neopets to their stores *giggle* It happens to me a lot, but anyways... Sorry... I messed up. "A" is a lot better. Trust me on this one I can't wait to find out what happens next!!!
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Post by jateshi on Dec 26, 2002 17:51:29 GMT -5
Here: the next half.. *** Claire quietly sat on the docks, watching the mornings sun rise above the shoreline, bringing a new day upon the small town. It’s long rays pouring out like a song; a state of serenity consumed her, “Is that you Miss. Claire?” Claire stood up, breaking the sheild of happiness. She slowly turned around meeting up with the face she’d sawn yesterday- the scruffy green Gelert. “Yes, it’s me.” she exclaimed, patting her paws together while a smile crawled upon her face. “I heard only a few others where coming with us.” The strange Gelert hastily sat down next to her, dipping his paws in the water and kicking them gleefully. “Well, it’s only 11:45, Give them a bit of time.” she quickly sat back down , looking out into the sea, a new boat rowing up near them.
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Post by calvinseviltwin on Dec 26, 2002 18:39:36 GMT -5
So far, great
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Post by Lappi on Dec 26, 2002 21:05:33 GMT -5
I strongly disagree - I disagree - I neither agree or disagree - I agree - I strongly agree - I don't know
Lol, I just made the multuple choise thing for fun ^^ So... Yeah. I like it!!!
Also, Miss doesn't need a period, but I guess it's ok without one. Ms. should have one, but then again, in some stories, Mrs., Ms., and Mr., don't have periods either.
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Post by Lappi on Dec 26, 2002 21:05:58 GMT -5
It's ok with one
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Post by jateshi on Dec 27, 2002 20:46:36 GMT -5
Next part.. Sorry (again!) about all the different parts- but I'd rather see how people like a certian part before I continue. ::::::::::::::::::::::: “Aloha Baby-dolls!” Claire immediately looked over at the large oak boat, pushing her luck into a downward spiral- knowing that the voice was directed towards her. “Hello.” A red Kau happily bounced down the boats stairs, once it had rested promptly at the dock “You’re Claire, right?” She inquired, popping a piece of gum into her mouth and chomping it like a horse (or Uni- what do you think I should put?) “Yes,” Claries voice squeaked as she shook her head quietly, not being able to decipher which one of her assistances sent such a nuisance. “My names Dr. Scoof.” She beamed, her short red tail swooshing back and forth from the oceans breeze. The Gelert shifted slightly on the large dock, “My names..” he paused, like he’d totally forgotten what his name was, “Dr. Parfurner.”
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Post by jateshi on Dec 30, 2002 15:50:56 GMT -5
I've decided the end of the plot -claps for herself- I'm thinking about connecting this with Jelly World, having the woods lead into Jelly World. Or something like that....Anyways, next part (I changed the names around- those ones that I said sounded so stupid..) !!!!!!!!!!! “My names Dr. Kizzie, but you can just call me Kizz.” She beamed, her short red tail swooshing back and forth from the ocean breeze. The Gelert shifted slightly on the large dock, “My names..” He paused, like he’d totally forgotten what his name was, “Dr. Tiki.” Claire smiled sweetly at the two, trying to hold in the laughter, which built up inside of her, “What..er..Colorful names.” She slowly drew in another breath, as she faced the large rolling land of pure forest, “So that’s where we are going to search?” Said Kizz, pointing her polished hoof at the forest, a disgusted look on her face. “Yes.” Claire replied simply while batting away microscopic particles of dirt she’d collected from the ground off of her clean cotton lab-coat. “I should have brought Buzz Repellent.” Kizz scoffed, giving the two other members of the expedition an annoyed look. Tiki gave a sigh, looking at his wristwatch, “It’s 12:00, can we go now?” Claire gave a little chuckle at Tikis enthusiasm as she rubbed the back of her neck, “I guess so.” Tiki eagerly shot out of his seat like a rocket, pushing ahead of the two, “Let me lead the way, I am a master at mazes.” He gloated, grinning happily. Claire grabbed her thick blue Note book and slowly edged towards him, “Just please- don’t go to fast.”
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Post by Gelquie on Dec 30, 2002 15:57:28 GMT -5
I like it so far! ;D
But you double-posted.
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