The Hidden Neopian Pound- Please review!

[Gelquie]

Could anyone please review this story and tell me my mistakes? Thanks!

The Hidden Neopian Pound
By gentle_lil_queen

<i>Inspired by a dream I had one night, and when I told few people about it, one of them inspired me to write a story about it, so I am!</i>
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I walked up to the door of my room and sat on the side of the bed. Something was disturbing me. Was it the fact that it’s not night? No, not that. It wasn’t the fact that I’m not a faerie. Come on! You have to do better than that! What was disturbing me, was that one day in the pound. No, I wasn’t adopted. In fact, no one was. I sighed at this thought that you are about to read.

Almost 1 year ago…

I was walking through the pound. Past all the terrible faces, past all the sad ones. Past even the ones that were crying, trying to break the cage open. I kept walking until I met my eyes on one blue pteri. The name tag on the cage was daydreamer_3. I walked up to her cage. She may look fine, but thats because she is bored. Daydreamer_3 looked up and smiled.

“How is the guild adoption going?” Daydreamer_3 asked.

“Not very well,” I replied.

Daydreamer_3’s smile disappeared.

“Has anyone even considered adopting me?” she asked.

“No, not even a considering,” I said.

“Try making another ad in the chat boards. It worked with that purple eyrie and electric kau.”

“Believe me. I tried that. And the only reason the purple eyrie was adopted was because he was purple, and the kau was adopted because she was electric.”

“So they only adopted them just because they were painted and I’m not being adopted because I’m not?”

I nodded. She sighed.

“The world these days.”

“I know. Always so greedy.”

Daydremer_3 sat down with a tear in her eyes, ready to fall to the other side of the face. Suddenly, a red beam surrounded the cage.

“Whats going on?” I asked.

“I don’t know! It must be the thing that’s responsible for the deleted pets from the database!” Daydreamer_3 exclaimed.

“What? Deleted pets?”

“Yes! I doubt I would exist any longer!”

“Don’t say that mom!”

“But its true!”

Then, the red beam grew brighter. Too bright for me to see. I turned my head away to protect my eyes from the light. Then, the light faded. I turned to the cage and my mom was gone. I let out a cry of pain before I ran out of the pound crying.

Today…

“Daydreamer! Time for dinner!” my owner called.

Dinner? How could it be time for dinner when I thought about my past after breakfast? Oh well. I ran down the stairs were Indalabray, Gimmer, and Flower was. They were all looking at me.

“Daydreamer, were you having that daydream again?” Flower asked.

“How did you know?” I replied.

“I saw you do it.” Flower said.

“How could you see my daydream?”

“You kept on talking about it. I just kept making mental pictures.”

“I was?”

“It was kinda obvious when you screamed a cry of pain.”

“I’m guessing it was about her mother,” Indalabray said. “I may not have been born at that time, but you have been talking about it a lot to yourself.”

“Maybe if your all over it so much, maybe you should investigate,” Gimmer said.

Of course! Investigation! After all these months, I had never thought of that!

“Gimmer! You’re a genius!” I exclaimed.

“Actually, You and Indalabray are geniuses. I was born dim witted, but I’m still a genius n- oh. It’s figure of speech. Isn’t it?”

I nodded.

“Well, at least eat dinner before you go gather clues,” Indalabray said.

“Very well,” I said, sitting down to my turkey. I ate a bite before Flower spoke up.

“Tell me more about this daydream,” she said.

[Gelquie]

I told Flower the entire daydream instead of just telling bits and pieces of it like most people usually do. I believe you know how the story goes. By the time I finished, dinner was done, and the food was cold on my plate.

“Long story short, you wonder where she is?” Flower asked. I nodded.

“Before you tell me more, you can eat your dinner.” And so I warmed it up and did.

“What is a turkey anyway?” I asked myself before I ate a bite. Gentle answered that.

“A turkey is a kind of bird from Earth that likes to gobble…” she told me what it was and I spit out the turkey I was currently eating.

“Oh don’t worry! Lots of people eat it!” Understandingly, I continued to eat.

Later that day, erm, I mean night…

I walked to the living room since Flower didn’t have a bedroom yet. Flower told me to meet me there after I ate. When I got there, Flower was playing with her hooves. When she noticed me, she stopped and moved a little so I could have some room to sit down. I sat down.

“I believe I have a way of getting behind this mystery,” Flower said.

“Really?” I asked excitedly. “How?”

Then, Flower looked at my owner, who was writing something for this story.

“Gentle, this is private information,” Flower said.

“Oh,” she said disappointingly. She walked away and decided to eavesdrop. I decided not to tell Flower though.

“Anyway, what is this secret plan?” I asked.

“Its really quite sim-“

“No, it can’t be simple!” I interrupted, “Nothing is EVER simple! Not even getting the neopets staff to listen to our sugges-“

“I wasn’t finished,” Flower said.

“Then continue,” I said.

Flower and I planned it all out. One idea after another. When we were done, we went to bed.

The Next Day…

“Indalabray!” Gentle yelled. That woke me up. I got out and followed Indalabray down the stairs.

“What is it?” Indalabray asked.

“I have decided to take you to the lab ray, so you can get more stats.” Gentle replied.

“What? But what about…”

“Don’t worry. Her owner is inactive, and she hasn’t been replying.”

“Alright then.” And then they took off. I went to the kitchen to get myself some breakfast, but by the time I got there, Gentle and Indalabray returned, thanks to their teleporting device.

“How was it?” I asked Indalabray

“So far so good! 3 strength points!” Indalabray replied.

“That’s good!” I said to Indalabray. Gentle said she will find something in her safety deposit box while we went to the dining room. When we got there, the table was empty, but in no time, there were plates and other things needed for eating, aside from food.

[Gelquie]

“So, what are your plans?” Indalabray asked.

Once more, Gentle was eavesdropping, and once more, I decided not to mention it.

“There has to be something in the Pound that’s causing all this disappearances, so…”

I told Indalabray all my plans, and Gimmer was eavesdropping as well, even though everyone knew that, for she was probably coming. By the time I finished, Gentle came in the room with our food. Each one was almost different. Indalabray got lemon jelly and neocola, I got an omelette and neocola, Gimmer got vegan cheese and neocola, and Flower got a bag of peas, warmed up of course, and a neocola. Gimmer frowned.

"Why did you give me neocola?" Gimmer asked.

"Oh, I forgot you didn't like neocola!" Gentle said, taking the neocola away from Gimmer. Gentle replaced it with some orange juice. "Sorry!"

"Its ok. Just try not to forget again." Gimmer said with content.

After dinner, I decided that the plan would go underway tonight. I gave Gentle the book "As Told by child_dragon" as a distraction. It was a rather long book, but very interesting. Then, Indalabray, Gimmer, Flower, and I set off into the rainy night, wearing black cloaks. In the distance, we saw neopians that stalk the night, the Shadow Usul, the Pant Devil, and more.

"Don't they think that this is a bad time to be out on the streets at night?" Flower asked.

"Well, according to Gentle," Indalabray replied, "its morning to some and night to others on Earth. Don't ask me why."

Finally, we reached the Neopian Pound. It was as dark as a cave. A little sign on the door said "Closed". We walked up to the door and tried to open it, but no budge. Flower looked under the mat and found a key. She put it in the lock and opened the door. She took the key and put it in her pocket. Then we walked inside into the dark pound. Flower closed the door, took out her key, and relocked the door. We ducked and turned on our flashlights.

"Are you sure this is a pleasent time to be stalking the pound?" Indalabray asked me in a low voice.

"How else are we supposed to find out what happened to the pets that disappeared, including my mother?" I whispered.

Flower, who was the quietest in walking, walked through the row of sleeping pets. Gimmer, who knew about the dark, looked behind Dr. Death and Rose's desk. Indalabray looked in the back room. I looked in the main entrance.

Flower was looking at the sleeping pets, careful not to shine the light in their eyes. She looked up and saw a red ixi, sleeping peacefully, sort of like her. Flower walked up to the pet. Suddenly, she saw a little hole open at the top of her cage, and a bright red light surrounded her. Sort of like the one I described. Flower got used to the light and looked closer. She saw the red ixi turned to stone and start to float into the hole. Then the hole closed and the light vanished.

Meanwhile, Gimmer was opening the first drawer of the desk, on Dr. Death's side. All she found were some papers that he had to give out when people abandoned pets. She kept on opening drawers and only finding the usual stuff, when she found a note in the last one. She picked it up and read...

<i>"Gee, another pet disappearance. Why am I not surprised? Ever since we had a sponser run part of the pound, strange things have been happening! Nobody has found anything that has been weird though. We did find a blue pteri scream and run out of the pound crying because one of them disappeared. We beleive it was our new sponser that I just said. If he is behind all this, he is sure to be gone! Besides, one of our pets almost sued us for that! Please look further in this investigation.

Dr. Death"</i>

Indalabray walked into the back room to find rows and rows of boxes, each labeled differently.

"Food" "Tools" "Cages" "Tags" "Chet Flash Donations"

One caught Indalabray's eye, and of course, it was hidden.

"Stone Levitation Ray Guns"

Indalabray walked up to that one particular box and pulled out, what do you expect, a Stone Levitation Ray Gun. It was like a ray gun of Dr. Sloth, only instead of a black filling, it showed a grey and rock-like filling. Indalabray took one and walked out.

I was shining my flashlight around. I looked everywhere from the ground to the walls, but no evidence. I was afraid I was never going to find my mother. Then, Flower, Gimmer, and Indalabray walked toward me.

"I can't find anything," I said to them. "I can't find a single clue,"

"Your not looking hard enough," Indalabray said.

"Huh?" I wondered aloud. The three pets told me what they found. Indalabray showed me the ray gun, Gimmer showed me the note, and Flower showed me a red, stone, piece of fur.

"Hey! That alone gives me a clue!" I said aloud, I looked on the ceiling, and found a crack, but I thought I saw something inside. It was big enough for all of us to fit through, just barely.

"Up there!" I said to the three. They all looked up and saw what I saw. Gimmer took Flower and I took Indalabray. Gimmer flew up first. When she was up, I took Indalabray up, and gasped.

I saw rows of cages, all the pets were stone, but then I remembered the clues. I took a look around and saw a familiar form. A blue statue of a pteri.

"So this is what happened to all of them!" Flower said. "But wh-"

But before Flower could finish her sentance, a paw shielded her mouth. Flower let out a muffled scream. All three of us looked up to see...

"Salontia!"

There showed a Shadow Aisha, with a Stone Ray in her hand.

"You are not accessed here!" Salontia said with an echoing voice.

"Indalabray, how did you know her name?" Gimmer asked.

"Silence!" Salontia grabbed Gimmer's beak.

"Salontia," I started, "le-"

Salontia grabbed for my beak, but I dodged.

"Let me ask you a question. Do you work for Dr. Death?" I finished.

"Of course I do!" Salontia replied. "He just doesn't know what I'm doing! He thinks I'm helping the pets!"

"What if I tell Dr. Death?" I asked.

"You can't if you all have curses on yourselves!" Salontia beamed. Salontia murmered some words. I knew what curse she was doing. When she finished, I continued.

"Why did you do that?"

"I didn't want Dr. Death to know!"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I felt like it!"

"Why did you feel like it?"

"Nobody knows the answer to that question, now speed off!"

"What if we don't want to speed off?"

"Too bad!"

Salontia fired her ray gun at me and Indalabray. We both dodged. She fired again, and again, we dodged. We ran near Daydreamer_3's cage, and Salontia fired there. We both ducked, and the ray hit the stone statue of Daydreamer_3. The stone disappeared from her feathers.

"Daydreamer!" Daydreamer_3 yelled. "What are you doi-"

Salontia quickly fired her ray at Daydreamer_3, and she became a blue statue again.

"Come on!" Indalabray yelled.

I started to protest. "But what about..."

"Now's not the time!" Indalabray ran through the crack, and waited. Flower and Gimmer got out of the grip and followed Indalabray. I was alone.

"Now its just you and me!" Salontria said with a laugh.

"No!" I yelled. "I won't let you get away with this!"

"What are you going to do then?" Salontria asked. She took out a different ray gun and turned Daydreamer_3 into a plushie, instead of stone. I frantically looked around, and found a key. I grabbed it, unlocked Daydreamer_3's cage, and took the now plushie Daydreamer_3. Then I ran to the crack and jumped.

"No! Come back with my collectable!" Solontria yelled, but it was too late. Flower already unlocked the door, we already ran out, relocked the door, put the key under the mat, and ran out into the neopian street.

***

I pulled my bedroom window open, and we all went inside. It was obvious Gentle logged out, because the lights were off. Flower, Indalabray, and Gimmer went to their own rooms, not me. I put the plushie Daydreamer_3 on my desk and started writing this story. I may not be able to say anything about what happened, but I can still write about it. I hope this story warns you what happens to pets that are deleted from the database, so if you see the pet of your dreams, adopt it, while you still can!

The End

[Gelquie]

Fine, I guess I'll just send it in without proof-reading!

[Deleted]

Looks good, Ill read it later.