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Post by Jetsam PICase No 1 on Dec 24, 2002 18:41:32 GMT -5
Jet41 (Private Eye) was walking with his friends in the Food Shop across the street when, they heard a blood curdling yell in the Magic Shop. They ran over to the Magic Shop and saw a Red Shoyru lying on the ground in apile of blood
To be continued........ I have to go to dinner Later......much
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Post by Leb on Dec 24, 2002 19:02:02 GMT -5
I don't think that would be appropriate for the Times....
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Peachifruit not logged in lala
Guest
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Post by Peachifruit not logged in lala on Dec 24, 2002 19:13:41 GMT -5
Maybe you should try having the Shoyru kidnapped instead, and the only thing left behind would be a hat or something of the like.
Although, even if it isn't appropriate, don't you mean a puddle of blood?
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Post by sollunaestrella on Dec 24, 2002 19:21:35 GMT -5
I don't think that would be appropriate for the Times.... Umm...yeah. |
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Post by sollunaestrella on Dec 24, 2002 19:23:20 GMT -5
Plus, it would be "puddle" or "pool" instead of "pile." *shudders*
Also, there should not be a comma after "when" in the first sentence. The sentence should be:
"Jet41 (Private Eye) was walking with his friends in the Food Shop across the street when they heard a blood curdling yell in the Magic Shop."
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Post by same as before on Dec 24, 2002 20:04:46 GMT -5
yes butI 'm not done and yes i will cahnge it too having the shoyru kiddnapped and I'm not odne i just had to go to dinner
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Post by Lappi on Dec 25, 2002 8:51:30 GMT -5
Ok... it might not be appropriate but =/ Yeah...
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Post by darkmage92 on Dec 28, 2002 18:43:34 GMT -5
I'm abbandoning this story i have a different one!
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Post by Lappi on Dec 28, 2002 19:45:42 GMT -5
Ok.
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