faerie poem needs a review!

[broadwayangel]

Faerie Dreams

The Faeries in Neopia are all fast asleep into their dreams
Sleeping peacefully...sweet dreams by any means

The Earth Faerie dreaming of her lush green earth
She is ruler.........ruler of her turf

The Fire Faerie dreaming of singing bursts of flames
To her they are like sisters....but to others they are the same

The Air Faerie dreams... floating and flying on a serene breeze
Airy wind floating so pure not a one will sneeze

The Water Faerie dozing and rolling on satin waves
She is dreaming the past Marqua has been saved

The Light Faerie dreams of there being no dark
No night, no stars, no moon,.....not even a mark

The Island Faerie dreams of a cookie so soft
Even Mambo Pango, in his delight, will be joyfully aloft

The Space Faerie dreams of her victory against Dr. Sloth
She will rest from rescuing at the moment, under her starry cloth

The Darkness Faerie was dreaming of, well evil, of course!
She pictured all the others faeries cowering to evil, her source

The Battle Faerie was dreaming of opening her own battling schools
She would teach how to use a sword, a wand, a circlet, all the tools

The Negg Faerie was dreaming of moving to a warmer place
To Mystery Island! To Tyrannia! Out of her cold little space!

The Snow Faerie was drifting off and dreaming of the perfect aide
No more begging for ingredients, the aide would get, yes, she would have it made!

The Soup Faerie dreamed of helping and healing the poor and sick
To make the biggest, healing, filling, pot of soup, so every neopet could have a lick

The Faerie Queen was dreaming peacefully of a perfect empire
She would relax, take it easy, and maybe meet a sire!

But there was one faerie who was not in her peace
The Tooth Faerie, getting not even an hour of sleep, at least
But she loved her job making Neopians happy
Even if once in awile she couldnt take a little nappy

So the moral of this story is dreams to not need to be a joy to you
That you can make people happy, putting a smile on their face, down to each little shoyru.

[sollunaestrella]

I like it, especially little bits and pieces, like "singing bursts of flames" and "satin waves." However, I can't decipher your rhythm. There may be little things to adjust in that category.

Also, um, "not a one will sneeze" isn't all that poetic, but that's probably just me. If you want to change it, which you don't have to, you could say:

"floating and flying on a serene wind,
Airy breeze..."

Then figure out some rhyme for wind.

It's a really pretty poem, though!

[broadwayangel]

thank you sol_luna_estrella.......now........do you have any suggestions???
sry, this is one of my first attempts!

[sollunaestrella]

You're welcome!

[calvinseviltwin]

It flows very nicely...

[chansey104]

It's very good, but like sol_luna_estrella said, the rythm is akward.

For instance, in the beggining you have a pattern:

blah blah blah blah blah
blah ... blah blah

Later you have this pattern:

yada yada yada
yada yada yada

You need to have one pattern or rythem. Otherwise - wonderful!