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Post by Deleted on May 21, 2011 22:39:31 GMT -5
Awright, so this is a very, very rough script. I'll probably tweak a lot of the jokes, and completely change the villain (I need better puns!), but otherwise this is pretty much it! That said... PANEL 1:
(Lt. Awesome is being lowered into a vat of bubbling lava)
Narrator: Last time on Team Squad Force…Lieutenant Awesome was captured by The Grocer!
Grocer: So…Paper, plastic, or death!?!?!
Mad: HELP!!
Narrator: Will our heroes be able to save their compatriot and stop the fiend? Or will they find themselves stranded in Aisle 1!?!?
PANEL 2:
(cut to behind a machine in the very room. You can see Lt. Awesome being lowered in the background. Emsohl, Tombstones, and Joey are huddled together)
Tombstones: Alright, what’s the plan?
Emsohl: I’ll distract the Grocer with guerrilla-style potato attack, and you guys turn off the lever.
Joey: Awesome!
PANEL 3:
(action lines!!!)
E, T, J: TEAM SQUAD FORCE GO!!!!
E: whooooo
PANEL 4:
Narrator: Soon…
(Mad and Emsohl are both being lowered into the bubbling vat of lava.)
M, E: HELP!!
PANEL 5:
(cut to same machine. You can see M and E being lowered in the background. Joey and Tombstones are huddled together, but both look incredibly nervous)
J: So we run in and just attack like crazy! Got it?
T:…Okay.
PANEL 6:
J and T: TEAM SQUAD FORCE GO…?
PANEL 7:
Narrator: Soon…
(Mad, Emsohl, and Joey are being lowered into the bubbling vat lava.)
M, E, J: HELP!!
PANEL 8:
(cut to same shot as P2 and 5. T is sitting alone, utterly defeated, just staring into the distance.)
T: …
PANEL 9:
(same shot as P8)
T: …Ah, forget it.
PANEL 10:
(close up to all four members of TSF, tied together, being lowered into the vat)
Narrator: Next time, on Team Squad Force…
J: I spy, with my little eye, something hot!
M: Is it lava?
Narrator:…nevermind.
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Post by Pacmanite on May 22, 2011 4:28:38 GMT -5
AHAHAHAR Fish that's an awesome script. I love the way the average intelligence of the group plummets as more and more team members get eliminated (not that it was high to begin with). The villain isn't overly important to the gist of the joke but if you intend to replace him with a more interesting and pun-ful baddie, there shouldn't be too much of a problem there. Anyway, I like your rough-script ;D
And I love this theme. <3 Props to Komori for suggesting the rescue idea. And Fish for suggesting the target-damsel. And all of us for voting. TEAM SQUAD FORCE GO.
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2011 9:20:57 GMT -5
I can't read to read these! I'm sure they'll be awesome!
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Post by Komori on May 24, 2011 13:19:14 GMT -5
Oh man, you guys. Both of those scripts are awesome! XDDDDDDDD I don't have my script in mind yet, though since we've got less than a month before the issue, I probably need to start real soon.  |
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Post by Komori on May 25, 2011 4:20:19 GMT -5
Okay, I have a script. It could use some trimming, and possibly a nicer ending, but it was hard to fit so much story into a strip, lol.
1. Team (minus Tombs) huddle around a letter.
Cap: Last time, on Team Squad Force!
Cap: The Banana Bruiser is kidnapped! A glittery letter arrives with this message:
Ems: (reading aloud) "Come to Studio Lot 3, and prepare for a SHOWDOWN."
2. TSF kicks down double doors
Cap: Go heroes! Save your friend!
Mad: Alright fiend! Show yourself!
3. Close up expressions of shock.
Joey: It's...
4. Villain stance! He stands on a pageant stage. Tombs in background, tied up.
Joey: ... the host of Style Showdown! (I love that show!)
Tonu: Wrong! I am FASHIONISTOR!
Tonu: You superheroes are an affont to fashion! Look at yourselves!
5. TSF look at their own costumes.
6. Tonu points gun.
Tonu: But I'll take you all down with my portable Transfabulator!
7. Zaps Ems, and the others jump out of the way.
SFX: FAB!
8. Ems is covered in animated clothing. Mad charges past.
Ems: So... laggy... can't... move...
9. Zap hits Mad. Transforms his uniform into leopard print.
SFX: WOW!
10. Mad admires himself in a mirror. Joey rushes past.
Mad: Ooh. This is pretty fierce...
11. Tonu points raygun at Joey. Ray does nothing.
SFX: Clik! Clik!
Joey: Looks like you've run out of NC.
12. Tonu flees.
Tonu: Gah! I left my giftcard in my other suit!
13. TSF gather around the gun. (Including Tombs)
14. Celebration pose! Clothes everywhere! Glittery uniforms!
SFX: Fashion show!
Cap: Stay fabulous, Team Squad Force!
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Post by Abra on May 25, 2011 22:13:30 GMT -5
Haha I love your guys' scripts! I think I've finally come up with something for Emsohl...
1. LAST TIME, ON TEAM SQUAD FORCE...
Close up with Action Lines! Emsohl: HEEEELP!!!
2. Super cool shadowy silhouettes of the rest of the team zipping through a forest/jungle.
Run, heroes! Petite Pulverizer needs your aid!
3. Zoom out: Emsohl is trapped in a very deep ditch. She is trying to climb out but the walls are too muddy.
Emsohl: Somebody! Help me, please!!
4.a (1/4 panel) Woodland Villain with shovel peers over the edge looking mockingly concerned.
Villain: What's the matter, you fell in and can't get out?
4.b (3/4 panel) TSF emerges into the copse. MORE ACTION LINES!
Mad: HYAAA!
5. (Three panels of each TSF member bopping, smacking and cat-fighting at the Woodland Villain.)
Mad: YOU'LL NEVER
Tomb: GET AWAY
Joey: EVILDOER!
Villain: Ow. @_@
6. Tomb: Double-P! Where are you?!
7. Birdseye view of Emsohl in the hole
Emsohl: I've fallen down that man's horrible trap!
8. Earth cut-out view of the four heroes, revealing that the hole is as deep as Emsohl is tall. She reaches her arms out pathetically. Joey, Tomb and Mad stare at her. Next to the hole is a tree ready to be planted, and the Woodland pet with his shovel out cold.
Emsohl: I can't get out. 8c
9. Joey, Tomb and Mad turn around and walk away, leaving her there.
Mad: Who was that guy we just beat up?
Tomb: Iunno, some treehugging hippie...
Joey: Do you think we should have planted that guy's tree for him...?
Emsohl: YOU GUYS!!
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Post by Pacmanite on May 30, 2011 6:31:32 GMT -5
Yay more scripts!
I really like your Customisation-villain concept, Komori, and other than the ending I thought it was a really funny script. And I love those sound effect words, "FAB" and "WOW", very appropriate.
Abra, your Emsohl is so cute. But I got a bit confused about your script... I wasn't sure if Team Squad Force didn't see Emsohl at the end or just ignored her? But maybe I'm not seeing it because the art hasn't made it clear for me yet..
Aargh. For the next two weeks I'll be in panic-essay-writing mode, so I won't be able to tackle much of the art bit yet. Hopefully I won't be too late in submitting my comic by the deadline though. Edit: I have a question... If I change the Cinephile's generic-ly named "Theatre of Doom" to "Doomworks Theatre", do you reckon that will be too much of a real world reference? I don't know if it makes a difference, but Dreamworks is a film studio not a cinema, I only punned their name because it was punnable and movie-ish sounding. (But then again, it's a company name thing) If this might be a problem then I could choose a different name. |
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Post by Komori on May 30, 2011 15:16:38 GMT -5
If I change the Cinephile's generic-ly named "Theatre of Doom" to "Doomworks Theatre", do you reckon that will be too much of a real world reference? I don't know if it makes a difference, but Dreamworks is a film studio not a cinema, I only punned their name because it was punnable and movie-ish sounding. (But then again, it's a company name thing) If this might be a problem then I could choose a different name.
I dunno, it's hard to say. I think if it was just called Doomworks Theatre, then you could probably get away with it, because it's not something that could only refer to Dreamworks. Of course, if it's got a logo of a moon or a character fishing, then that's probably taking it too far. XD
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Post by Pacmanite on May 31, 2011 7:48:47 GMT -5
If I change the Cinephile's generic-ly named "Theatre of Doom" to "Doomworks Theatre", do you reckon that will be too much of a real world reference? I don't know if it makes a difference, but Dreamworks is a film studio not a cinema, I only punned their name because it was punnable and movie-ish sounding. (But then again, it's a company name thing) If this might be a problem then I could choose a different name.
I dunno, it's hard to say. I think if it was just called Doomworks Theatre, then you could probably get away with it, because it's not something that could only refer to Dreamworks. Of course, if it's got a logo of a moon or a character fishing, then that's probably taking it too far. XD
Yeah, I'd just have the name "Doomworks Theatre" by itself and leave it at that. It kinda sounds a bit steampunk-y too. Tbh, I was mostly just trying to thin down my word count and make the sentences punchier because I realise my script was pretty wordy... xD |
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Post by Abra on May 31, 2011 12:31:50 GMT -5
Regarding the ending of my comic, and sorry I didn't make it clear, but they're walking away because they're ignoring her because she's really only in a tiny little planting hole rather than a giant pit as she sees it/made it out to be. Edit: Also, I just realized almost all of my comics are about deception. ; |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2011 0:25:42 GMT -5
I got that, Abra. =)
And if it makes you feel any better, all my jokes are repetition-based. Le sigh.
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Post by Pacmanite on Jun 1, 2011 10:26:43 GMT -5
Aw, you guys, if you hadn't pointed it out I wouldn't have noticed. ^^ And most of my recent jokes have been about Joey doing something dumb. Hrrmm. And Abra: Now I see it  I guess I only thought Emsohl couldn't get outta there because she once had trouble climbing out of a mug, if memory serves me correctly... Ooh yeah, and I roughed out the thumbnails for my comic. Seeing them all laid out there makes me worry the comic will be too large-sized to compress nicely (14 panels... eeek). So er, I could either restrict the colour palette and draw with solid black shadows like an oldschool comic artist, or I guess I could just power on full blast with the colours and tones and shades and just hope the compression doesn't kill it. And then I guess the dotty printed effect will probably make things worse... *ponders* |
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Post by Komori on Jun 1, 2011 15:40:32 GMT -5
Yes, the half-tone effect really made things bad, the last couple of TSFs I did. XD File size was enormous. I'm in the same boat as you, Pacman, because my strip's pretty darn long too. .__. I might find a different way to make it look comic-y without the halftone. Like you said, maybe black shadows.
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Post by Abra on Jun 2, 2011 13:23:27 GMT -5
I think if we restrict our color palettes and used black shadows we could get that old-school comic-y effect... Much like your first TSF comic, Komori. I love how that one turned out aesthetically! Only without the half-tone effect of course, as you were saying. XD Edit: Also my friend Brian just got heldover for issue 500, I think we should start submitting soon if we can. omo; I've barely started lining mine... |
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Post by Pacmanite on Jun 3, 2011 4:02:12 GMT -5
Yeah, I really liked the look of Komori's first TSF with the black shadows and all. ^_^ Now I think I could take on a compromise... instead of having the halftone effect all over the comic, I could apply it only to certain patches of it. Like the way some black-and-white print comics make grey using a whole lotta dots. I didn't have the right pattern on my computer so I just substituted a similar pattern (will fix it in the final), but you get my drift. I like having those nice bold black shadows, and then the dotty bits can add a bit of texture here or there without overwhelming the comic. And hopefully the file size won't explode on me. And... *checks dates and winces* I have three essays to write in the next 10 days. I'll be chipping away at drawing the comic in between the assessment, but I think I might end up being the last one to finish and submit. ^^;; |
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I guess I only thought Emsohl couldn't get outta there because she once 