Filling in the Gaps -- Bre's NaNo ^^ (MO)

[♥ Bre]

Preparation! ~ Tuesday 25 October, 2011[/i][/u]

Just getting ready for NaNo! ^^ Thought that I’d make a little thread for my own so that if anyone’s interested they can track my progress … and also as a place other than my diary where I can dump huge slabs of rambling about my writing. =D Yays!

If I write anything particularly fantastic (not that I imagine I will, with the large amounts of text I’ll be pumping out), I might post excerpts here. =)

So at the moment, I’m still outlining. Yes, I know, I’ve taken a while. ^^; I outline scene-by-scene, writing a description of the scene, fleshing out a few of the details, writing down a line or two of dialogue if that comes to me at the time, then filling in time, characters present and locations. Every. Single. Scene.

Time-consuming. XD But also fun … for outliners like me. If you’re a Pantser, you’ll probably find it incredibly boring. It kinda makes me feel stupid knowing that in the end I won’t stick it to it for much of the novel, but having it there makes me feel good and helps me to get a feel for the story. =)

I’m really keen! =3 I can’t wait to see how it turns out. I’ve written a scene or two that really came strongly to me and I couldn’t forget, but nothing really linear and nothing fantastic. Mostly snippets.

SPOILER: Click to show

Imagine falling in love with your deepest desire, your most fervent passion, your secret wish—but imagine hating it at the same time; the hottest, fiercest rage boils up inside you and there’s no escape.
What if they betrayed you? What if they killed for you? What if you weren’t even sure they were real?
This is the situation that Hannes Tummerlain finds himself in when he meets a woman named Nayeli who lives in a world that exists only in his mind. She is the very embodiment of sin, and she lures him into the darkest places of his soul. Despite his better judgement, he can’t pull away because he loves her.
As Hannes and Nayeli hurtle through a tumbling chaos of fear, love, hate, happiness and despair, they are dogged by the ever-persistent Government, who want Hannes to reveal the secrets that he isn’t aware he knows, the secrets of his mother’s past that he has never before been able to unveil.

The synopsis isn’t fantastic, but I hope that it sort of explains what I’m writing about. =]

Thanks in advance for any support. Love you all! <3

Bre ^__^

[♥ Bre]

I'm sorry if this doesn't really make sense out of context, but I hope that you like it. =) This is one of the few that I've written ...

SPOILER: Click to show

It amazed Hannes how every time he woke up, he was in a different place with different people. There was no pain here, no guards, only the steady, mind-numbing beep of his heart-monitor.
Heart-monitor—he was in the hospital. He sat up abruptly, staring around him. His mother sat, slumped in a seat, snoring quietly.
Had it happened? Had he tried to kill his own mother? Or was that just another hallucination, another figment of his imagination?
“Oh, Hannes, you’re awake,” the doctor’s mild voice said.
Hannes jumped. He hadn’t even realised that the doctor had been standing by his bed. He was reading over a clipboard, chewing on a pen.
“How are you feeling, Hannes? Any better?”
“I—I … don’t know. I can’t think. I need fresh air. Can I get out of here?”
“No, I’m afraid not, Hannes. You’re not well enough.”
He hated the way the doctor kept saying Hannes as if reminding him that he knew his name, like that was something that could get through to him, a handle; it wasn’t.
“Look here,” he said, sitting up very straight. His eyes narrowed. “I’m not sick, okay? Just because I see things every once and while doesn’t mean that I can’t go outside, I can live normally. Just give me some pills already and let me out of here.”
“Hannes, we think that there might be something wrong with your brain … It could be a brain aneurysm or it might even be a tumour. I’m so sorry.”
“You’re not sorry; that’s just something that you doctors are trained to say. You know what? I don’t care if I have a tumour or whatever. Maybe if my days are numbered my mum will finally let me do what I want.”
He fell silent. Did it happen? Did it happen?
The doctor was also silent, looking at his clipboard.
He was scared. How much did they know? How much did he know himself?
“Is it high chance that he has a tumour?” The little voice of his mother further startled Hannes.
The doctor looked up. “It’s more likely he has a brain aneurysm, but there’s a slight chance he might have a tumour.”
“And what happens if I do have an aneurysm? Do I die? Do I get treatment?” Hannes asked.
“Well …” The doctor hesitated.

*This bit needs to be filled in after I’ve done some research ... Sorry! =/*

The news shocked him. He lay back into his pillows trying not show any emotion.
“I know that this is a lot to take in so I’ll leave you alone now. Try and get some rest, Hannes.”
The door clicked shut behind him. Hannes shut his eyes. He took a deep breath in through his nose. His lungs expanded inside his chest. Everything fit together perfectly. Who would have known something was wrong? Although he had had his hallucinations for a while, he had never thought before that it might be something like this. He had never thought that he might have a condition.
Tears sparked in his eyes. They burnt his nose, wet his eyelashes.
She wasn’t real. Nayeli was just in his mind. She had never been real. Everything that he had felt—all a lie. How did he know what was real anymore? For all he knew he was still in a dream. His mind told him he had attempted to murder his own mother. Was that true?
He felt the bed sink. It was probably his mother. He didn’t open his eyes. It would be easier to pretend he was sleeping than to talk to her. Those accusations that lurked in her eyes, the guarded expression she had worn for so long now.
Fingertips grazed his forehead, the lightest feathery touch brushing back his hair. His mother never touched his face, could barely muster a hug for him before she left for work.
He let his eyelids slowly slide open. It was Nayeli. He recoiled into the pillow, trying to get away from what he knew was not, could not be real.
“No,” he whispered, but the words would not leave his mouth. He wasn’t strong enough to resist her.
She smiled down at him, her eyes tender—an expression she would never wear. This was not her.
“Hello, Hannes.” She rested her hand over his cheek. “You need me. Do you know that?”
He shook his head. His lips were dry and cracked. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t form the words he knew he should say, he had to say. Now was the time to say all of the angry things he had thought of in the dark of night. He had to tell her that he didn’t miss her. What she’d say hadn’t hurt him. He needed to tell her lies. Needed to reassure himself that things would be just the way they had before.
This wouldn’t change his life. He wouldn’t let her.
“You’re a fool, Hannes.” An eternity had passed between them in that instant. “How easily you have let them domesticate you.”
She stood up and walked across the room. “For a while, I thought …” She bit her lip and looked at him. Her eyes were full of disappointment. She turned away from him. “I thought that maybe we were more alike than I first believed.”
A knife in the chest. Each word an individual twist. Left. Right. Left. Right. Blood pouring over him.
“Now I see that we aren’t alike at all. You believe them. You trust them. When I met you, I thought that you didn’t trust anybody. I see I was wrong.”
He looked down at his chest. It was stained red, just like he’d imagined. He screamed, his voice reverberating off the walls.
Nayeli flew towards him, so fast he didn’t see her move. She grabbed his shoulders, her nails digging into his flesh.
“You think that you can get out of here?” she screamed into his face. He tried to shy away, but he couldn’t look away. He was fixated on her face, her wild expression. “How do you think you’ve going to go anywhere like this? You don’t know who you are! You don’t know what you want! You’re just a pathetic excuse for an artist! You’ll never accomplish anything.”
She looked disgusted. Something stuck on the bottom of her shoe. He felt weak, faint. Blood was everywhere. It was even on Nayeli.
She opened the door to his room and gave him one last look.
He tried to open his mouth to yell out for her to wait, to stop, but only blood came out and a strangled gurgle.
She shut the door behind her. He could see her walking away through a window. Despite the fact she was covered in blood, no one so much as looked her way.
Before he knew it, she was gone. Tears gushed from his eyes, rivers down his face.
He couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating. Drowning. His lung might be punctured.
He desperately gasped, clawing for life. His monitors were going off, a million beeps filling the air, louder than any siren he had ever heard.
Despite the chaos, no one looked in his room. No one came to help him.
You’re dying alone.
No one cares about a half-finished painting. No one cares about a half-finished man. No one cares about you.
Cold, black emptiness descended on him. He saw no light. He had committed too many sins. There was no Heaven for him.

Love,
Bre <3

[♥ Bre]

Frustrated ~ Wednesday 26 October, 2011[/i][/u]

Ah, I’m getting so sick of outlining! I don’t know if I’m going to continue doing it, it’s just sapping my energy for this story now. I think that I’ve got enough of it planned out. I’ve got heaps of scenes and chapters, and really I don’t think that outlining any more will really aid me anyway.
The story’s going to change and I’ve got a defined beginning and end, so really all that’s left are those little subplots that are so tricky … I hope that I’ll be able to think of enough things to put in them.
I’m still not sure if I’m going to go with that plot twist or not. I was reminded of it the other day and then I started thinking about it and I was wondering if I was going to use it or not.
It would really affect the story so much. I think that I have decided—

SPOILER: Click to show

I’ve decided that Hannes and Nayeli are not going to end up together in the end. Not in any future sequel, not in this life or the next. Hannes and Nayeli are going to remain as completely separate entities and they’ll just have to deal with it.
If I use the plot-twist, it will render them as half-siblings. To begin with, I wasn’t sure I wanted to use the idea because then there would be no hope for their relationship, but after making this decision, it seems fairly clear that they won’t be together anyway.
Also, I was worried whether that subject-matter would turn readers off my story. But I’ve decided: Stuff ’em! If they don’t like my story, then don’t read it. It would be so much stronger if this was included, so I’m going to use it.
It was really Blood Diamond that inspired me. It deals with very gory subject-matter, but it teaches people something. Yes, it might be banned from a lot of places, and many viewers will stop watching it because of it—but did the producers care? No, because it had a message to share and it was a fantastic movie.
#Endrant.

Okay, well, off to do Zumba. =)

Love,
Bre <3

PS. If you haven’t yet picked up, this thread will be almost entirely rambles. XD If you like to get slightly more sense out of me, head over to my diary. ^^

[♥ Bre]

Thursday 27 October, 2011---Four Days to Go![/i][/u]

Gah, I so want to start writing now! D= I'm sick of waiting around for NaNo to come--but I bet that once it starts, I'll run out of steam/won't have enough time/won't have enough time to procrastinate and write.

Oh well, here's hoping for the best. =)

Love,
Bre <3

[♥ Bre]

Saturday 29 October, 2011[/i][/u]

I was inspired by Tigey (even if she doesn't listen to this music) to listen to classical music (Yiruma, to be exact ^^) while writing my NaNo and see if it helps my workflow at all. I usually listen to music with lyrics, but maybe listening to more relaxing/neutral songs will help me to better concentrate. I need some noise otherwise I get a weird sort of claustrophobia.

_{It's ... so quiet. TOO quiet! AHHHH! *screams and runs out of the room*}[/i]

Anyway, wishing everyone good luck for NaNo! =D

Love,
Bre <3

[♥ Bre]

Monday 31 October, 2011[/i][/u]

Okay, so I was pumped before ... but now that NaNo's tomorrow, I'm kinda nervous. I really don't think that I'm gonna be able to make it. I've got so many tests and projects and I've lost steam with this idea. I guess I can just try my best and see where it leads me.

Yours,
Bre <3

(See, limiting my usage of the word, "love." XD)

[♥ Bre]

1st Day ...[/i][/u]

I haven't done so well today. It's hard for me to let go of my "inner editor." I'm so used to embracing it and using it to edit as I go, but to make this word count, I can't have that luxury.

I've only written 691 words so far, but they were surprisingly easy to get out, so I'm hopiong that I can pump out another 1000 before bed ...

Odds: Not likely. XD

Anyway, off to get some more done. =) (Oh, and reply to PMs--sorry I've taken so long!! D= Gah, and then there's that Geography project too. So much stuff going on!)

Yours,
Bre <3

[♥ Bre]

2nd Day![/i][/u]

Okay so this might be a stupid move on my part but ... I'm changing NaNos. I simply cannot write Hannes and Nayeli for NaNo. One, I have quickly realised that the subject-matter is way over my head (I need further experience and research, perhaps even talking to some people that have overcome drug problems, etc.) and two that it needs a lot of time for carefully crafted sentences and perfection. It's not something that I can just pump words out.

So I'm switching. I hope that I can write two days' worth today. I'm not sure, I guess I can only hope for the best.

WISH ME LUCK!! I'm gonna need it ...

Yours,
Bre <3

[Rikku]

Luck! :3 You can do it. WRITE WRITE WRITE. WRITE THEM WORDS.

[♥ Bre]

Nov 3, 2011 5:28:21 GMT -5 Rikku said:

Luck! :3 You can do it. WRITE WRITE WRITE. WRITE THEM WORDS.

Hehe, thank you for the encouragement, Rikku! =3 I hope that I can get this done ... So far I'm behind on just today's quota. D=

I don't think I'm going to make NaNo, but whatever I get done ... it's more than when I started, right?

NaNo's not a competition of who can write the most words; it's just a group-effort to do the thing we're all striving for.

If you write a novel and it takes you longer than a month, it doesn't matter because you still wrote it.

That's going to be my philosophy--but I'll still try my hardest. ^^

*huggles* <3

[Tiger]

You go, Bre! If it makes you feel any better, a good number of people do switch to a different project once NaNo gets a few days in. At this point, nothing's decided - you can still race to victory, and I bet it's more likely if you're writing a story you feel excited about and comfortable with.

Also, I agree with all your philosophy ^^

Good luck!

[♥ Bre]

WHOOOOOOOO GUESSSS WHHHATTTT?? =D =D =D I actually made the quota today! =))

I'm so proud of myself! <3 Now, to write more!

Huggles,
Bre <3

[♥ Bre]

Okay so I guess it's pretty normal but the more NaNo goes on and the more I read other writers' excerpts (Robyn! =P) the more inadequate I'm feeling, the less it seems that my writing's worthwhile.

Of course, I always feel this way about first drafts. I don't really start feeling proud of them until at least first edits. But ... whatever.

I suppose I've just to keep writing and remain strong, knowing that what I write will be great someday, even if it's not right now.

Actually, the writing's been going really well. I'm on my second draft and I'm finding so many more ways to make the story work this time around than I did before. ^__^

I've got so many exciting ideas for where it'll go and I'm super excited. =D

I think I'll have enough material to make it through NaNo, even if the original was only like 20K, I've already added so many ideas and made it so much better that I think 50K will be okay. =)

I love NaNo! =3

Happiness,
Bre <3

[♥ Bre]

Nov 3, 2011 19:18:58 GMT -5 Tiger said:

You go, Bre! If it makes you feel any better, a good number of people do switch to a different project once NaNo gets a few days in. At this point, nothing's decided - you can still race to victory, and I bet it's more likely if you're writing a story you feel excited about and comfortable with.

Also, I agree with all your philosophy ^^

Good luck!

Thanks so much for your kind words, Tigey. ^^ You really encouraged me to keep going. I'm definitely going to finish NaNo (or at least try my hardest. XD I've got to try and get rid of my word-debt today ...)

If I win NaNo, not only will have an extra 50K I didn't have before, but I'll also get 50% off Scrivener! =D

Extra motivation! =3

Write, write, write! ^__^

_{(And projects, hmm... We'll just ignore them, shall we? =D)}

[♥ Bre]

6th Day[/i][/u]

Gah, I just want to write, write, write---but I've got stupid projects and other febaufioeau! D=

I hate school. >_<