How do you feel about "Bullying"?

[Pacmanite]

In response to the "bullying can be a good thing" question: I think that if bullying were absent from schools, and if people actually complained that the kids, in the absence of bullying, were not facing "harsh life situations"...

We should reconsider whether bullying is actually the only challenge in school.

Shouldn't the studying be the child's major hurdle?

I think that being challenged by the subject material of your studies is much more uplifting than being mentally and physically abused by a peer, and schoolwork set by the school helps the kid develop maturity in a much safer and more controlled way. Say, the child is introduced to a difficult maths problem as part of class: firstly, the problem is outlined in a controlled environment which is the classroom, under adult supervision. The teacher provides clear instructions on how to go about this kind of problem, and it is understood that there is a solution, the child just needs to find it. The child may seek help from the teacher if it is really too challenging; but in any case the child will also need to do some work at home, indepedent of the teacher's guidance.

In this way, the child learns that it's OK to ask adults for help. It's OK to struggle with something and not get it right the first time. Usually when you actually bother to put in the hard work, a solution to the problem can be found. When you put in the effort of doing things in your own time, you start to learn how to organise yourself. And you learn that sometimes doing something that isn't fun is a necessary part of life's duties.

I think that education is the purpose of school. You don't come to school to be terrorised out of your pants. You come to school so that you can learn stuff, and learn how to study, and to develop some personal discipline when it comes to completing the work. I think being given the task of proving for yourself and for others that you can complete work that is appropriate (or perhaps challenging) for your ability level is what helps you develop real self-confidence. That, and forming functional friendships with other students. Instead of having my kids get bullied by kids with issues as a means of teaching them a "lesson", I'd rather entrust the teaching to the teachers. The ones whose actual job it is to care for the kids.

[Nut]

I very strongly believe that bullying is wrong and should not be brushed off as an inevitable part of life. Yes, there are going to be people in the world who behave badly at any age, but doesn’t “dealing with” such things involve making an effort to put a stop to them rather than simply accepting them? Adults who are harassed are encouraged to bring a complaint against the offender and to seek a safe way out of the situation. Why are children, so much less experienced and less well equipped to deal with such circumstances, expected to figure out how to cope on their own without guidance or support or any avenue of escape, merely as a normal part of growing up? That it happens so often is sad, but I don’t believe it has to happen. I certainly do not think it is the only way, much less the healthiest way, to learn to cope with negative social situations. Children learn a great deal by example, and I think it is far more productive to try to provide them with a safe environment where they can interact with mature, well-behaved adults than to throw them out on their own to learn how to behave from a bunch of their peers who have no idea themselves.

Yes, I’ve had my own experiences with bullying, and looking back, I probably didn’t deal with it very well. Have I learned from it? Absolutely. Did I become stronger because of it? I’m not sure; sometimes I think I’ve gotten over it, and sometimes I think I’ve just internalized it, and sometimes I think I’ve always just been good at beating myself up on my own. If there were a way for me to completely forget the experience, would I want to? No. I never want to forget it, because for as long as I remember it, I will want to fight it, on behalf of everyone else who still suffers and will suffer from similar experiences, many of them much worse than mine. Bullying—that is, purposeful continuous harassment, humiliation, and/or assault of a specific target—is cruel and should not be tolerated on any level, in any form, in any healthy social group. The more people come to agree with this, the more hope I have that there will be a day when no child has to go to school in fear.

What can actually be done about bullying? I think one of the most important things that can be done to help victims is simply to provide them with support; one of the worst things about bullying is the way it picks on specific people and makes them feel alone and excluded, with nowhere to turn for help. It can make a huge difference to a victim to be able to go to someone who will value and support them and will not try to harm them physically or emotionally. Anyone can provide such support, but support comes in the form of understanding and friendship, not in dismissing the victim’s concerns as a normal stage of childhood or telling them to “get over it” or to be less sensitive or to let it roll off their back. Not everyone can handle bullying well on a psychological level, and a person who complains about it needs to be listened to and taken seriously, not brushed off. To this end, I am in favor of providing children in school more opportunities to interact with trustworthy adults so that it would be easier to form relationships with mature individuals whom they can turn to; the more reminders they get that their peer group’s opinion is not the most important one in the world, the better.

It’s more difficult to determine how to treat the bullies themselves, and should probably be done on a case-by-case basis given the varying forms and degrees of bullying, but I think that the bullies should be made aware that their behavior is intolerable and will not earn them any respect from those in charge. True that outside intervention can sometimes make things worse, but if it’s possible to remove the victim from the bullies’ main area of influence (i.e. sitting up front in the bus, etc.), I would probably be in favor of those steps being taken.

Also, I agree wholeheartedly with what Pac is saying; school is meant for learning first and foremost, and I see no value in sending a child there only to make them so depressed and terrified that they have difficulty studying. As Komori said, good can and usually does come of every bad experience in life, but that doesn’t make the experiences good. There will always be unpleasant people in the world, and we may not always be able to correct their behavior or limit their influence, but I firmly believe we should still try.