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Post by Tam on Nov 4, 2010 0:29:47 GMT -5
"This seems to taste worse and worse the more often I have it."
Oh, Scarecrow. I feel your pain.
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Post by M is for Morphine on Nov 4, 2010 9:32:40 GMT -5
"So she listened to the music that he habitually listened to, until her heartbeat slowed to a manageable rhythm. But still sweet and exciting and layered, like a fugue." Hmm, I realize that I have a lot of sentence fragments. But they're a stylistic device, aren't they? (Darnit! I just wrote another fragment!!) It can be a stylistic device, but only if it's done intentionally to achieve a calculated effect. I think that both of the sentences are too long to provide the staccato note that fragments are good for. Or was that a rhetorical question? XD It's all good, though! It's easily fixed, and that's what December is for. |
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Post by Kathleen on Nov 4, 2010 12:05:52 GMT -5
I’ve heard that teenagers are actually quite stupid, and shouldn’t be allowed pointy objects, either, much less power over these sorts of things.
Oh, dear narrator, you are so eloquent at times.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2010 12:59:28 GMT -5
Though technically not for NaNo...
Almost makes sense in context.
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Post by Ian Wolf-Park on Nov 4, 2010 14:46:45 GMT -5
It was almost as if I was reliving the nightmare that I had earlier.
Double ouch.
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Post by PFA on Nov 4, 2010 14:53:46 GMT -5
"Oh, you children today are such dolls. I say, back when I was your age..."
i just suddenly realized how many sentences in the past couple pages of this thing start with "oh"
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Post by Terra on Nov 4, 2010 15:03:44 GMT -5
PFA - I noticed something similar about my writing. I have the tendency to start a lot of sentences with "well".
My latest sentence:
"I’d rather die, except now I don’t have the option, thanks to you."
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Post by Butterfly on Nov 4, 2010 15:17:20 GMT -5
I crossed the gateway at a run, as the the sun was almost over the horizon and I didn't want to be stranded her for a whole day.
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Post by Kathleen on Nov 4, 2010 15:43:13 GMT -5
"Good things happen at Christmas. Fun, happy things."
That's nice, Marin. ^_^
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Post by PFA on Nov 4, 2010 16:00:46 GMT -5
I really doubt trying to sing while I'm sword training will exactly help much, though.
Nice deduction thar, Piet. :B
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Post by Jayeee on Nov 4, 2010 16:26:45 GMT -5
"I don’t mean that as a bad thing, your inquisitiveness is one of the things I like best about you.”
<3 My first 'shipping scene. <3 Right before things get complicated! XD
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Post by be2aware on Nov 4, 2010 18:26:24 GMT -5
“I have an opportunity for you, Mr. Piper. I advise that you not turn down.”
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Post by PFA on Nov 4, 2010 18:28:35 GMT -5
Piet couldn't believe his ears. His eyes widened in horror as the words registered in his mind. "Wha... WHAT?!"
he finally learns the unfortunate news
dun dun dunnn
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Post by M is for Morphine on Nov 4, 2010 18:57:25 GMT -5
“I have an opportunity for you, Mr. Piper. I advise that you not turn down.”  Intriguing! |
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Post by be2aware on Nov 4, 2010 19:03:19 GMT -5
“I have an opportunity for you, Mr. Piper. I advise that you not turn down.” Intriguing! Thank you, but it isn't as intriguing as it sounds. Imagine a suspenseful movie trailer, but the movie's a complete misquotation since it's out of context. It just so happened that I was at that point in the writing. Plus, the book's extremely dull  |
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Intriguing! 