Post by Trilly (18426 words) on Nov 25, 2010 21:00:55 GMT -5
IF. IF I win. >> I have terrible motivation today.
But thankee kindly, anyways.
And now, just because I'm 68 pages into an action story and only have one minor scuffle to count as a fight, here is said fight scene. A grand total of three blows are exchanged in the entire thing, the opponent is an unnamed and unimportant character... oh, and the writing is a whole new level of lame. It also contains some of the most colourful language I've put in a NaNo (which isn't admittedly very colourful, but I'll edit it out on here anyways).
So yeah. I was looking for a good scene to post as an excerpt.
I couldn't find one.
So you get this one instead.
But thankee kindly, anyways.
And now, just because I'm 68 pages into an action story and only have one minor scuffle to count as a fight, here is said fight scene. A grand total of three blows are exchanged in the entire thing, the opponent is an unnamed and unimportant character... oh, and the writing is a whole new level of lame. It also contains some of the most colourful language I've put in a NaNo (which isn't admittedly very colourful, but I'll edit it out on here anyways).
So yeah. I was looking for a good scene to post as an excerpt.
I couldn't find one.
So you get this one instead.
“Trick!” Aidne shouted, just as her companion attempted to roll over the body, only to discover it was just a bundle of blankets. A shadow broke off from the boulder nearest the decoy body. “Behind you!”
Trick spun and saw the newcomer coming at him, grasping the situation just in time to dodge the spearpoint that thrust dangerously close to his throat. The attacker made to take another swipe at Trick before he was able to stand, but Aidne was there before she--Aidne could now see that their enemy was a woman--was able to recover fully. The redhead ran full-force into the assailant, putting all of her body weight behind her to throw the larger woman off balance.
The woman staggered back a few steps before steadying herself and turning to face Aidne, eyes narrowed. She appeared to be a formidable opponent, tall and well-muscled with short, spiky brown hair and two piercings in her eyebrow, and she wielded a long spear. Aidne suspected that the spear tip was poisoned, if this woman was indeed the same person who had killed the man they had found earlier, making it vital that she avoid having her skin cut at all costs. One tiny jerk and it would be all over.
Of course, this would be a much more fair fight if Aidne was actually armed.
The woman lunged at her, spear outstretched, and Aidne swung the backpack down from her shoulder and deflected the blow, sending the spear spinning away. Undeterred by the loss of her weapon, the woman spun and kicked Aidne in the stomach. She stumbled backward, falling heavily and gasping for breath.
“Aidne!” Trick cried.
“Stay back!” Aidne demanded, her voice cracking as she tried to recover enough to sit up, only to be forced down again by her opponent’s boot on her chest. The woman grinned and pulled a knife out of her boot.
“Y’know, I’m actually kind of sorry and I hope you realize that I don’t really enjoy doing this,” she said, somehow managing to sound completely unapologetic. “But if this is what it takes to win this stupid trial, I’m sure as hell going to do it. No hard feelings, I hope--”
She caught sight of red hair escaping Aidne's hat, and the woman unexpectedly let out a bark of laughter. “Oh, so you’re the one? This is too funny.”
“The what?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know, Princess,” the woman snapped, twirling the knife around in agitation. “Jake the wonderful, butter-wouldn’t-melt, thrice-cursed Explorer’s little pet recruit. His favourite, who he’s been fawning over and helping at every turn. I was so hoping I’d be the one to find you out here....”
“What?” Aidne asked, quickly becoming more offended with the implication than she was terrified of the knife. “Jake has nothing to do with this! I’ve gotten this far on my own and I’ll get to the end of this trial on my own, and I certainly don’t need someone pulling the strings in order to win.”
“Well, if that’s the case, missy, then why are you about to die right here? Are you overwhelmed now that you don’t have your precious Jake along to hold your--”
There was the sound of a distant crack and the woman’s mocking speech broke off suddenly as something small and to fast for the eye to follow impacted her skull. She fell forward onto Aidne, her face caught in a death grimace.
The next thing Aidne knew, Trick’s hand was wrapped around her wrist and he was dragging her out from underneath the corpse, urging her to stand up and move out of the open and into the cover of the rocks. Aidne half stumbled after Trick, making it to the safety of the boulders just as a shadow fell over them. Looking up, it took several moments for what she was seeing to actually register with Aidne.
It was an airship.
But... that couldn’t be right. Airships weren’t even used commercially yet, and there was certainly no rational reason why one would be sent this far north.
Unless...
Aidne dashed out of the cover of the rocks, pulling her spyglass from her coat pocket and snapping it open as she ran, ignoring Trick’s protests. Once she was in a position from which she could see the deck of the ship, she raised the instrument to her eye and looked through it.
Sir Robert Edison was standing at the airship’s front, looking crisp and polished as he reloaded a still-smoking rifle. Through the scope, Aidne could make out the exact second Edison realized she was there, because he looked startled and raised the rifle hastily, firing it in Aidne’s general direction. She dodged the bullet, which was way off target and harmlessly clipped a rock behind her as she ducked back into hiding with Trick. Several other shots followed, but none of them were anywhere near their position.
They remained crouched down in the boulders until they were sure the airship was far enough away to not be able to see them, only relaxing when it rose above the cloud layer and out of sight.
“What the blazes was that for?” Trick snapped eventually. “Bad enough you don’t seem to want me to help you fight, but then you go rushing out into the open when there’s some nutjob flying around above us popping off shots?”
“It’s Edison,” Aidne growled.
Trick looked vaguely surprised at that. “Really? But how--”
“Yes, Edison is here. And yes, he happens to have an airship,” Aidne hissed, her ire mostly directed at Edison rather than Trick. “So now not only does he have what might be the perfect way to get to the treasure, he can get rid of all of his competition without even having to meet them face to face. He’ll just shoot them from above, where they won’t see him coming.”
“Where would he have gotten the money for an airship?” Trick wondered. “That’d be a feat even for someone who’s wealthy. Airships aren’t supposed to be available to anyone yet.”
“I’m sure he has his ways, the skeezball,” Aidne grumbled as she stood, stretching her sore muscles. “Lord, but I’m starting to hate that man.” She walked over to where the woman’s spear had fallen and picked it up, tip resting on the ground. She brought her foot down heavily on the spear, snapping off the point. This she kicked away as she tested the weight of the length of staff that remained, and nodded in satisfaction.
“What’s that for?” Trick asked.
Aidne glanced at him. “A walking stick. Might come in handy sometime. But I definitely don’t want to take any other weapons from her,” she gestured at the corpse of the woman. “I don’t like the thought of using anything that might be coated in poison.”
Trick sighed. “You’re probably right. And I dunno, even if she did try to kill us, it wouldn’t feel right to just steal all of her stuff.” He glanced around nervously and shivered in a manner that probably had little to do with the cold.
Aidne grunted in acknowledgment as she stooped to retrieve her fallen backpack, hoping that nothing important had broken as she swung it back onto her shoulder. “Well, so much for stopping for a bit. It would’ve been nice, but now we should probably get as far away from here as we can before it gets too dark to find our way. The body might attract wild animals and I’m sure Edison saw me when I saw him. We don’t want to be here if he decides to come back to look for us.”
Trick nodded, already anticipating the many hours of walking they had left. But it was better to wake up the next morning exhausted and sore than to not wake at all.
Trick spun and saw the newcomer coming at him, grasping the situation just in time to dodge the spearpoint that thrust dangerously close to his throat. The attacker made to take another swipe at Trick before he was able to stand, but Aidne was there before she--Aidne could now see that their enemy was a woman--was able to recover fully. The redhead ran full-force into the assailant, putting all of her body weight behind her to throw the larger woman off balance.
The woman staggered back a few steps before steadying herself and turning to face Aidne, eyes narrowed. She appeared to be a formidable opponent, tall and well-muscled with short, spiky brown hair and two piercings in her eyebrow, and she wielded a long spear. Aidne suspected that the spear tip was poisoned, if this woman was indeed the same person who had killed the man they had found earlier, making it vital that she avoid having her skin cut at all costs. One tiny jerk and it would be all over.
Of course, this would be a much more fair fight if Aidne was actually armed.
The woman lunged at her, spear outstretched, and Aidne swung the backpack down from her shoulder and deflected the blow, sending the spear spinning away. Undeterred by the loss of her weapon, the woman spun and kicked Aidne in the stomach. She stumbled backward, falling heavily and gasping for breath.
“Aidne!” Trick cried.
“Stay back!” Aidne demanded, her voice cracking as she tried to recover enough to sit up, only to be forced down again by her opponent’s boot on her chest. The woman grinned and pulled a knife out of her boot.
“Y’know, I’m actually kind of sorry and I hope you realize that I don’t really enjoy doing this,” she said, somehow managing to sound completely unapologetic. “But if this is what it takes to win this stupid trial, I’m sure as hell going to do it. No hard feelings, I hope--”
She caught sight of red hair escaping Aidne's hat, and the woman unexpectedly let out a bark of laughter. “Oh, so you’re the one? This is too funny.”
“The what?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know, Princess,” the woman snapped, twirling the knife around in agitation. “Jake the wonderful, butter-wouldn’t-melt, thrice-cursed Explorer’s little pet recruit. His favourite, who he’s been fawning over and helping at every turn. I was so hoping I’d be the one to find you out here....”
“What?” Aidne asked, quickly becoming more offended with the implication than she was terrified of the knife. “Jake has nothing to do with this! I’ve gotten this far on my own and I’ll get to the end of this trial on my own, and I certainly don’t need someone pulling the strings in order to win.”
“Well, if that’s the case, missy, then why are you about to die right here? Are you overwhelmed now that you don’t have your precious Jake along to hold your--”
There was the sound of a distant crack and the woman’s mocking speech broke off suddenly as something small and to fast for the eye to follow impacted her skull. She fell forward onto Aidne, her face caught in a death grimace.
The next thing Aidne knew, Trick’s hand was wrapped around her wrist and he was dragging her out from underneath the corpse, urging her to stand up and move out of the open and into the cover of the rocks. Aidne half stumbled after Trick, making it to the safety of the boulders just as a shadow fell over them. Looking up, it took several moments for what she was seeing to actually register with Aidne.
It was an airship.
But... that couldn’t be right. Airships weren’t even used commercially yet, and there was certainly no rational reason why one would be sent this far north.
Unless...
Aidne dashed out of the cover of the rocks, pulling her spyglass from her coat pocket and snapping it open as she ran, ignoring Trick’s protests. Once she was in a position from which she could see the deck of the ship, she raised the instrument to her eye and looked through it.
Sir Robert Edison was standing at the airship’s front, looking crisp and polished as he reloaded a still-smoking rifle. Through the scope, Aidne could make out the exact second Edison realized she was there, because he looked startled and raised the rifle hastily, firing it in Aidne’s general direction. She dodged the bullet, which was way off target and harmlessly clipped a rock behind her as she ducked back into hiding with Trick. Several other shots followed, but none of them were anywhere near their position.
They remained crouched down in the boulders until they were sure the airship was far enough away to not be able to see them, only relaxing when it rose above the cloud layer and out of sight.
“What the blazes was that for?” Trick snapped eventually. “Bad enough you don’t seem to want me to help you fight, but then you go rushing out into the open when there’s some nutjob flying around above us popping off shots?”
“It’s Edison,” Aidne growled.
Trick looked vaguely surprised at that. “Really? But how--”
“Yes, Edison is here. And yes, he happens to have an airship,” Aidne hissed, her ire mostly directed at Edison rather than Trick. “So now not only does he have what might be the perfect way to get to the treasure, he can get rid of all of his competition without even having to meet them face to face. He’ll just shoot them from above, where they won’t see him coming.”
“Where would he have gotten the money for an airship?” Trick wondered. “That’d be a feat even for someone who’s wealthy. Airships aren’t supposed to be available to anyone yet.”
“I’m sure he has his ways, the skeezball,” Aidne grumbled as she stood, stretching her sore muscles. “Lord, but I’m starting to hate that man.” She walked over to where the woman’s spear had fallen and picked it up, tip resting on the ground. She brought her foot down heavily on the spear, snapping off the point. This she kicked away as she tested the weight of the length of staff that remained, and nodded in satisfaction.
“What’s that for?” Trick asked.
Aidne glanced at him. “A walking stick. Might come in handy sometime. But I definitely don’t want to take any other weapons from her,” she gestured at the corpse of the woman. “I don’t like the thought of using anything that might be coated in poison.”
Trick sighed. “You’re probably right. And I dunno, even if she did try to kill us, it wouldn’t feel right to just steal all of her stuff.” He glanced around nervously and shivered in a manner that probably had little to do with the cold.
Aidne grunted in acknowledgment as she stooped to retrieve her fallen backpack, hoping that nothing important had broken as she swung it back onto her shoulder. “Well, so much for stopping for a bit. It would’ve been nice, but now we should probably get as far away from here as we can before it gets too dark to find our way. The body might attract wild animals and I’m sure Edison saw me when I saw him. We don’t want to be here if he decides to come back to look for us.”
Trick nodded, already anticipating the many hours of walking they had left. But it was better to wake up the next morning exhausted and sore than to not wake at all.
) and Atlantis, The Lost Empire. Kudos and a pat on the back to anyone who actually reads my story and picks them out. (I know Tamia can, but that's because these references are kind of in-jokes with us, and if she can't find them I did something wrong.)
You are awesome folks.