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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2003 22:11:55 GMT -5
Ok, people, all jokes directed at other people or about other races, (That includes skin color, hair color, eye color, weight, hight, and social statues.) religions, brutal violance, or sexual content are forbidden on the forum. If you think that your joke contains any of the following, then please DON'T post.
If this continues I will lock and remove this thread, thank you.
Fire Pixie ~ Typo Queen
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Post by gelsky on Jun 4, 2003 22:17:27 GMT -5
If this continues I will lock and remove this thread, thank you. ;; my thread might go byebye? ;; so it can't be a board, and now it's not going to be a thread anymore if it continues? ;; |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2003 22:21:35 GMT -5
;; my thread might go byebye? ;; so it can't be a board, and now it's not going to be a thread anymore if it continues? ;; If jokes containing the following continues to appear on this thread the thread will be locked. Fire Pixie ~ Typo Queen |
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Post by Lilly ~ Queen of the Grarrls on Jun 4, 2003 22:58:08 GMT -5
I have a joke!
A mama mole, a papa mole and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.
One day, the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air but can't because the bigger moles are in his way.
So he says, "Geez...all I can smell is molasses!"
ahahahahaha.
Ok, I'm done now...hehehe
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Post by mushroom on Jun 4, 2003 23:17:35 GMT -5
An elderly woman started walking down the row towards her car. When she got there, she was shocked to see four young men in the process of leaving with it. The woman dropped her bags and drew her handgun. "Get out of the car NOW!" she shouted. The men, obviously frightened, quickly got out of the car and ran off.
The woman gathered her bags, put them in the trunk, and got into the driver's seat. Her hands were shaking so badly she couldn't get the key into the ignition...several times. Suddenly it dawned on her: the air freshener wasn't hers!
She got out and looked down the row--and there was her car, identical to this one but with a different air freshener. She quickly transferred her bags to her car, successfully started it, and immediately drove to the nearest police station, where she gave the officer at the desk a report of the incident.
The policeman started laughing, and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four men were describing "a crazy old lady with a gun" who had stolen their car.
No charges were filed.
Edit: This joke is all right, isn't it? I'll delete it if it isn't, rather than ruining the thread for everyone....
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Post by Smiley on Jun 4, 2003 23:22:54 GMT -5
I have a joke! A mama mole, a papa mole and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day, the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!" The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell honey!" The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air but can't because the bigger moles are in his way. So he says, "Geez...all I can smell is molasses!" ahahahahaha. Ok, I'm done now...hehehe LMAO! ;D That's cute.... |
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Post by Onda on Jun 4, 2003 23:31:40 GMT -5
Some of you may have seen these already, but I still find them funny, some are funnier than others, but I ended up included them all which is why it is incredibly long...sorry! lol...
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
George Bush's Answer:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Martha Stewart's Answer:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
Ernest Hemingway's Answer:
To die. In the rain. Alone.
Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Barbara Walters' Answer:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
life-long dream of crossing the road.
Ralph Nader's Answer:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been pollutedby unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Pat Buchanan's Answer:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Rush Limbaugh's Answer:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
John Lennon's Answer:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
Aristotle's Answer:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx's Answer:
It was a historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Voltaire's Answer:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
Captain Kirk's Answer:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Bill Clinton's Answer:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
Sigmund Freud's Answer:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Richard Nixon's Answer:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
John Locke's Answer:
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Albert Camus' Answer:
It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
Oliver Stone's Answer:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Immanuel Kant's Answer:
chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
MC. Escher's Answer:
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.
George Orwell's Answer:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Plato's Answer:
For the greater good.
you.
B.F. Skinner's Answer:
Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
Emily Dickenson's Answer:
Because it could not stop for death.
Colonel Sanders' Answer:
I missed one?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2003 9:54:38 GMT -5
Another chicken joke!
How To Prepare Chicken...
A waiter asks a man, “May I take your order, sir?”
“Yes,” the man replies. “I’m just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?”
“Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”
Hahahaha... What, don't look at me like that you know it's funny!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2003 10:00:44 GMT -5
Deaf Rover
What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want, he cant hear you.
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Post by ecicca on Jun 5, 2003 10:27:55 GMT -5
Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!
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Post by Smiley on Jun 5, 2003 11:25:03 GMT -5
Hehe, I LOVE Colonel Sanders answer, Onda... ;D I am going to tell you the story about a little boy named Zendel...Zendel and his parents had just moved to a new town. So, obviously, he had to start going to a different school. On his first day, he sat at the back of the room so he could talk to all of the cool kids. "What are you talking about back there?" asked the teacher. "Oh, nothing," said Zendel. "Just telling my new friends about the purple passion." The teachers eyes went wide. "Go--Principal's--Office--Go--Now," she stammered out, pointing to the door. "We don't talk about the purple passion is this classroom!" When he got to the principal's office, the principle asked "Zendel, what ae you doing here?" "I got kicked out of class," he sobbed. "All I did was tell my new friends about the purple passion." The Principal dropped his jaw. "Go home, now! We don't talk about the purple passion in this school!" So Zendel took his bag and walked home. "What are you doing home so early?" asked his mom. "Well, teacher sent me out of the classroom, and principal sent me out of the school," he was crying again. "And all I did was talk about the purple passion!" "YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT THE PURPLE PASSION IN FRONT OF ME...GO TO YOUR ROOM UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!" So Zendel went into his room... A little later, there was a knock on his door. "Zendel, Zendel...what is wrong?" "Well, teacher kicked me out of classroom, Principal kicked me out of school, and Mom sent me to my room," he sobbed. "All I did was talk about the purple passion..." There was silence, then a roar "WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE PURPLE PASSION IN THIS HOUSEHOLD! GET OUT!" So, Zendel packed up a duffel bag and walked out of the door. When he was walking passed the town hall, the mayor came out. "Zendel, what happened?" "Teacher kicked me out of the classroom, principle kicked me out of the school, mom sent me to my room, and dad kicked me out of the house!" "That's AWFUL! What did you do?" "Nothing! I was just talking about the purple passion to my friends and--" "Get out of my town! Get out! NOW!" So Zendel ran down the road and away from his new town as fast as possible. Once he started walking around, he passed by the governor's mansion. "Zendel, what happened?" The governor asked. "Well, teacher kicked me out of class, principal kicked me out of school, mom sent me to my room, dad kicked me out of the house, and mayor kicked me out of the city!" Zendel was in tears again. "And all I did was talk about the purple passion..." "Leave the state and don't ever come back," he said in a stern voice. Zendel swallowed and left the state altogether. So he hoofed his way up to Washington DC and knocked on the White House door. Maybe someone would care about poor little Zendel... Sure enough, George W. Bush opened the door. "Why, Zendel, what are you doing here?" "Well, teacher kicked me out of the classroom, principal kicked me out of school, Mom sent me to my room, dad kicked me out of the house, mayor kicked me out of the city, and governor kicked me out of the state..." He shook his head. "I just talked about the purple passion..." Bush's eyes went red. "Leave the country, now...we don't talk about the purple passion here!" So, Zendel started making his way to Canada. He came to a highway he had to cross. Being sad and forlorn and not really paying attention, he just walked straight across and...BAM! A huge semi-truck rank over him. And the moral of this story is... Look both ways before crossing the street!Did you like my little story of Zendel? I don't think it had the same affect as if I told it in real life, because you guys can just scroll down...ah well  |
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Post by gamecubeking on Jun 5, 2003 11:38:56 GMT -5
These are the best ones Some of you may have seen these already, but I still find them funny, some are funnier than others, but I ended up included them all which is why it is incredibly long...sorry! lol... Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? Martin Luther King Jr's Answer: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Grandpa's Answer: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Saddam Hussein's Answer: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Captain Kirk's Answer: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Albert Einstein's Answer: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? Colonel Sanders' Answer: I missed one? |
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Post by mushroom on Jun 5, 2003 16:25:40 GMT -5
Two men, a Czechoslovakian and an American, went out camping one weekend. It wasn't long before they ran into trouble--a pair of mountain lions! Well, the Czechoslovakian happened to be the slower runner, so...well, one of the mountain lions stopped there to eat.
The other man managed to get into a cave that the mountain lions were too small for, but the remaining mountain lion waited at the entrance for him. Luckily, he had his cell phone with him, so he called for help. It wasn't too long before a rescue crew showed up and captured the mountain lion at the entrance, freeing the man. Several policemen also showed up when they learned there was a death involved.
They listened to the man tell his story. As he was finishing up, one of the rescuers came over and told them that the lion they captured was the female; she was half-starved, and the two men had probably just looked like easy prey.
"So you're saying," a policeman said, turning back to the man and looking at him skeptically, "the Czech is in the male?"
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Post by TK on Jun 5, 2003 16:37:34 GMT -5
Three construction workers are on top of a building. They're eating lunch and taking a break. One construction worker is named Clark, another is named Bob and another is named Lois.
Clark looks down and says, "Y'know, the updraft up here is pretty strong. I bet it's so strong that if I jump off, it'll take me up again."
Bob shakes his head. "No way man."
Clark stands up and jumps off the building. Just like he said, he comes back up. "See, the updraft did take me back!" he exclaims.
Bob stares in disbelief. "Let me try!" He leaps off the building and plummets to his death.
Lois looks at Clark and shakes her head. She sighs and says, "Superman, you have a sick sense of humour."
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Post by ecicca on Jun 11, 2003 13:14:04 GMT -5
O.O...
What do you call a Bear with no 'ear'?
B!
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