Problem With My Writing

[wonderfulaishas]

I use too much detail! The cureent story Im writing is 20+ pages long on paper. I write fairly large, but I mean C'mon! 20+ pages?! Thats just insane. And school stories? Dont get me started. Too late If I'm inspired when I have to write a story it ends up being 10 pages on paper and 5 in size 12 font on the computer. How can I fix this? I have a tendency to add detail to everything. I know thats my problem. I tend to give details about everything too. Heres a few examples from my story:

“Ahhh… girls.” A voice said from behind a big purple leather chair. Illusen looked up.

Inside the Toy Shop there were bikes of all colors, even gold and white. Illusen tried to grab the gold one, but an angry teenage girl with blonde hairh snatched it out of her hands.
‘Probably a collector.’ Illusen thought.

On your mark, get set, GO!” the announcer shouted. He shot his popgun in the air. Illusen pedaled like a mad-woman. Keewii pedaled, if possible, even faster then Illusen.

Example 1 is too decriptive. Example 2 is unnessicary in the story. Example 3 is over descriptive. So, what do you think? Is this a problem I should try to correct or is it a blessing I should be grateful for? I should also mention that if I dont describe things well enough when Im writing, I start to feel like I've left something out of the story and it haunts me

[sollunaestrella]

I actually think that examples 1 and 3 were fine in terms of detail, but if example 2 is unnecessary to the plot, then you just might want to leave it out. It depends if it actually adds something to the story at all--maybe not to the plot, but something else; does it set or develop the tone?

If you think something is unnecessary, you may want to try to ask yourself those types of questions. It might not be needed in the plot, but it could help the reader get a better picture.

Just my two Neopoints; feel f ree to ignore the girl with the Mad Lib in her signature.

[Tdyans]

I don't think any of these are really too bad and you generally shouldn't worry about being too descriptive, but sometimes there are details that you don't necessarily need (and sometimes being too descriptive about unnecessary things can even distract from the story.) Here are some small changes that I might make:

“Ahhh… girls.” A voice said from behind a big purple leather chair. Illusen looked up.

If you want to describe the chair in detail, you might even do it earlier (I don't know how the rest of your story goes) and then in this part just say "the chair." But at this point I don't think you need to say it's leather, unless someone's touching it.

Inside the Toy Shop there were bikes of all colors, even gold and white. Illusen tried to grab the gold one, but an angry teenage girl with blonde hairh snatched it out of her hands.
‘Probably a collector.’ Illusen thought.

You already said "of all colors" and you tell us there's a gold one in the next sentence, so "even gold and white" is unnecessary. Also, unless this girl is going to pop up again, I don't need to know her hair color-- let people imagine her hair however they like. If she is a recurring character, find some other way to introduce her hair color than just stating it, like "an angry teenage girl snatched it out of her hands and ran out of the store, her blonde hair swishing behind her." BTW, I like this-- don't cut it out entirely if you don't have to.

On your mark, get set, GO!” the announcer shouted, shooting his popgun in the air. Illusen pedaled like a mad-woman. Keewii pedaled, if possible, even faster then Illusen.

The only change I made was combining the first and second sentences. I really don't think there's anything wrong with this passage at all.

If nothing else, you can always write as descriptively as you want to and then, if you feel your story is too long, go through and try to cut those details that aren't really vital to the story. But don't stifle your descriptiveness too much...