Magical Contract Requests

[Ikkin]

In the Mages Guild, we're having a contest based on helping members of the other guilds with their magical needs.

So, if you or another member of your guild is in need of magical help, just post your problem here, and the mages will be on it soon enough. =3

Since this is a contest, it might take some time for your request to be processed and put before the mages. But once your request is up, you should give about one week for the contest to finish. Your solution will be posted on this thread for all to see.

This post will be kept updated with all current requests. Depending on how many requests we receive, new requests may be started every two to three days (so the Mages will often be working on several requests at once) in order to get to requests in as timely a manner as is possible without overloading the mages.

Unprocessed Requests:

• Kit:
  

  For the sake of making a request, and because I really do need a solution to this.
  
  A certain local chronomancer is coming up my way a few weeks time. I need to take pictures of his booty for a certain dragon person. Problem is, I will most probably get stabbed before being able to do anything. How can I take pictures of his booty without him knowing?
  
  Practicality is valued for this problem. Try to limit apparatus to a digital camera/cameraphone.

  
  
• Zaha:
  

  Rawr.
  
  A-hem!
  
  I am Zari's cat. Her other cat. Not the fat one, he's Harry. I tend to go unnoticed due to the fact I am a domestic animal. What should I do to make you freaky humans realize my name is not 'Awww, it's so cute, what it's name? Can I hold it?'
  I AM NOT AN IT *BROKEN CAPS LOCK*
  
  ZAHAERE EMAYA o *no longer broken

  
  
• Vyt's pink font character? (SILE?)
  

  I need service from the magical people! For some unknown reasons, my body had started to wither into colorful streams of butterflies! As of the time of this letter, my legs had been changed completely!
  
  Assist me in any way, and be rewarded with kindness you have never visualized in eternity!

  
  
• Shino:
  

  Okay, so I was playing my guitar, just minding my own business when suddenly I had the irresistable urge to go kiss the nearest girl. I was in the 'Bloids so the nearest girl happened to be Crystal. After those very unfortunate events I was left very maimed. Can somebody conjure up a solution so that I'll be protected (if you know what I mean) everytime I respawn and/or heal? ^__^ Gracías en avance.

In the Works:

• Zylaa:
  

  Help! I stole a witch's cat and as punishment she turned me into a RPG monster! Now I have lots of noobs running after me and occasionally trying to sell me cow hides!

Completed Requests:

• Goosh:
  

  I need help! My garden is overrun with gnomes, and Gilderoy Lockhart released a tribe of Cornish pixies in the living room! (And his book doesn't help, either. >_>) Also, I may or may not be chased by an Inferus/Dragon/Voldemort.

  
  
• Zari:
  

  Help! My cat is ten kilos, and counting! He may have drunk some sort of growing concoction! And there are fangirls in my living room, convinced Riku is hiding there!

• Cat Assassin:
  

  Help! Suddenly my fur is infested with rainbow-colored beetles! I couldn't move!

  
  
• Shino:
  

  I need help! Okay...not that kind of help, but you know...
  
  I need to escape all the girls/women/females that keep asking for my picture, autograph, boxers, etc.! Please help me survive this beautiful entourage which usually includes NSQ, Rider, Xiv, Lady Christine, & Kat. But, please let me keep my rugged good looks. ^__^
  
  ThankyouandIgottogobecausetheirrightbehindmeseeya!!!

  
  
• Strife:
  

  Help meh! My beaming device has been malfunctioning ever since that day when the NTWFers starting turning into food items. I tried fixing it and using it again recently, but my molecular structure destabilized again and I morphed into a cup of velveeta with cheese. T_T So far i've experienced being a star-shaped cookie, a moon cake, a chocolate moose, ramen, two ounces of flour, a strikingly handsome spaceman, a wad of dough, and velveeta.
  
  Please, someone use their voodoo magicals to figure out what's causing the problem! ^^;

[Goosh]

I need help! My garden is overrun with gnomes, and Gilderoy Lockhart released a tribe of Cornish pixies in the living room! (And his book doesn't help, either. >_>) Also, I may or may not be chased by an Inferus/Dragon/Voldemort.

[zarikrahia]

Help! My cat is ten kilos, and counting! He may have drunk some sort of growing concoction! And there are fangirls in my living room, convinced Riku is hiding there!

[Vyt: Down, but Not Out]

Help! Suddenly my fur is infested with rainbow-colored beetles! I couldn't move!

[zhunter]

I need help! Okay...not that kind of help, but you know...

I need to escape all the girls/women/females that keep asking for my picture, autograph, boxers, etc.! Please help me survive this beautiful entourage which usually includes NSQ, Shade, Ikkin, Rider, Xiv, Lady Christine, & Kat. But, please let me keep my rugged good looks. ^__^

ThankyouandIgottogobecausetheirrightbehindmeseeya!!!

[Ikkin]

zhunter said:

I need help! Okay...not that kind of help, but you know...

I need to escape all the girls/women/females that keep asking for my picture, autograph, boxers, etc.! Please help me survive this beautiful entourage which usually includes NSQ, Shade, Ikkin, Rider, Xiv, Lady Christine, & Kat. But, please let me keep my rugged good looks. ^__^

ThankyouandIgottogobecausetheirrightbehindmeseeya!!!

Now, now, Shino, don't insult the person who's responsible for finding your help. >.>

Besides, you don't have rugged good looks, so I have no clue how we can be expected to let you keep them.

[Deleted]

zhunter said:

I need help! Okay...not that kind of help, but you know...

I need to escape all the girls/women/females that keep asking for my picture, autograph, boxers, etc.! Please help me survive this beautiful entourage which usually includes NSQ, Shade, Ikkin, Rider, Xiv, Lady Christine, & Kat. But, please let me keep my rugged good looks. ^__^

ThankyouandIgottogobecausetheirrightbehindmeseeya!!!

I'd personally like to see what the mages do about this. :)

[zarikrahia]

*laughs at Shino*

*runs, dragging her 10-kilo harrycat behind her*

[Goosh]

I suppose if they were feeling merciful they could give you rugged good looks...

Nah.

[Deleted]

goosher said:

I suppose if they were feeling merciful they could give you rugged good looks...

Nah.

Hmm...such as in that story I read, "The Beholder"?

Yep, a witch cast a spell upon an ugly maid so that the prince could marry her without the kingdom being upset about it. Because they both shared true love and their intentions were selfless, the spell worked properly. But, being jealous, the witch could never see the true beauty of the maiden.

Quite a wonderful story...it's a shame I can't recall the author's name right now, though I read it in Realms of Fantasy and I could easily go look it up if anyone wants to know.

[Strife]

Help meh! My beaming device has been malfunctioning ever since that day when the NTWFers starting turning into food items. I tried fixing it and using it again recently, but my molecular structure destabilized again and I morphed into a cup of velveeta with cheese. T_T So far i've experienced being a star-shaped cookie, a moon cake, a chocolate moose, ramen, two ounces of flour, a strikingly handsome spaceman, a wad of dough, and velveeta.

Please, someone use their voodoo magicals to figure out what's causing the problem! ^^;

[Zylaa]

Help! I stole a witch's cat and as punishment she turned me into a RPG monster! Now I have lots of noobs running after me and occasionally trying to sell me cow hides!

[evie]

The potion makes could possibly give Shino a transmorphigation potion so that he could make himself into an ugly guy when the groupies come round and turn himself back when he wanted to. Or he could just buy an invisibility cloak.

[Salah~]

evie said:

The potion makes could possibly give Shino a transmorphigation potion so that he could make himself into an ugly guy when the groupies come round and turn himself back when he wanted to. Or he could just buy an invisibility cloak.

Nice, but the solutions for these should go on the proper thread in the Mages' board. (There actually isn't a thread up for this one yet, but yeah.)

[Ikkin]

And, for the promised solutions. ^_^ You each get two potential solutions, the most creative solution, and the most effective solution (as judged by me >.> ).

Goosh, you have been given three different suggestions (because the judge couldn't make up her mind) for your magical mischief-maker problem.

Salah wrote,

Wow, you have quite an infestation there. The easiest way to get rid of them would be to hire an exterminator, but if you can't afford one, or just want to deal with them yourself for some reason, here are some suggestions.

For the pixies, just spray them with Doxycide. If you're having trouble catching them, hit them with Gilderoy Lockhart's book first. It's easily heavy enough. (Note: Doxycide is made for doxies, which are a good deal tougher than pixies, so if you have qualms about killing pixies, don't use it.) You can also chase them around and hit them with heavy objects, or try to catch them in very heavy nets, but that's a huge pain.

For the gnomes, start by getting them out of their holes. It's a good idea to have a friend or two handy to fill in the holes once you've done this. Horklumps will work wonders as bait, if you can get them. When you have them all out, chase them with something loud or flashy (magic can generate great effects for this) for a long distance, and then stop and walk quickly and quietly back to your house. If you have an invisibility cloak, now is the time to use it. The gnomes will be too stupid to find their way back if you've chased them a sufficient distance and make sure they can't follow you.

As for the Inferus, dragon, and Lord Voldemort... I really hope you're joking. If it's an Inferus, a simple, decent-strength fire spell should keep it away from you. The dragon is tougher. Hopefully it isn't trying to attack you, in which case all you can do is run as fast as you can. Throwing distracting spells around may help as well. If it isn't too interested in you, or doesn't know where you are, hide, and see how quickly you can get away WITHOUT letting it know you're there.

If Voldemort's chasing you, on the other hand, all you can do is search frantically for a main character to hide behind. Those people are invincible, although you better make sure that they're directly between you and the Dark Lord, because he absolutely loves killing people in front of main characters. Hopefully he'll become distracted and more interested in the main character(s). That's your chance to get away.

Hope this helps, and hope you get out of this situation alive.

Omni wrote:

Have you tried 'Magic Pest-Be-Gone'? It's Ministry approved, and it really helped with my giant bed bug problem. The best part is: It seems to work with ALL kinds of pests, so it should help with your other problem. And there are no known side-effects, but then again, nobody checks the sprayed pests for side-effects.

And Surf wrote:

Just freeze all the pests, and put them in a chest and throw them to the bottom of the ocean. Duh.

So, which one will you choose?


***

Zari, you have been given two suggestions for your giant cat problem.

Ginz wrote:

There are good news and bad news.
The good news is your cat is not growing! ^_^
The bad news is you, your house AND the fangirls are actually shrinking. =O
Quick! Go to the nearest Diagon Alley, buy a growing potion, and after you've drank from it and give some to the fangirls (but not too much!), spill the rest all over your house!

And Kat wrote:

Zari, Zari, Zari. Getting rid of fangirls is easy. Simply make an illusion of Riku (or, if you're willing to devote extra time and materials, a bewitched dummy), and spell it so that it wanders as far away from your house as possible before the magic wears off, something like a time bomb. Set it loose, but make sure the fangirls don't see you or else they'll hound you for DEBAUCHERY! XD

Now for your cat. Different growth potions take effect at different rates and each may or may not show any side effects. Also, each of them may have specific solutions. Start researching as much as you can, starting with a generic antidote to at least keep your cat's growing at bay while you zero in on the specific cause and its corresponding solution. If you can't find anything, or if your cat continues to grow even after administering the antidote, seek out a magical veterinarian, or a magician with an affinity for animals, or should they be unavailable, an expert in potions.

Keep the cat away from anything that may endanger it or make things worse - and this is also a preventive measure in the future.

So, which will you choose?


***

Note to the mages involved: the one who is chosen will get an extra 50 cookie points. Because I can. X3