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Post by Psycho on Jul 17, 2007 23:26:47 GMT -5
PSYCHO - Thank you so very much for that review! I thought about it, and you're right that my theme was a little choppy. I'm glad you liked it, though. Um, isn't blackcairn NTWF? She has "I Heart You Too" in the short story section. The Issue 300 Break by precious_katuch14 - This was a cute piece. You gave the reader a real tour of your family's characters. I think all of us NT writers identify with the sleepless days and nights of prep for 50th issues. ^_^ The piece was a little slow-moving, however. I couldn't really see much of a plot to it. The characters were all there, they just didn't have a whole lot to do. I Heart You Too by blackcairn - This isn't on the NTWFer list, but this is an AMAZING story! If you have the time, you all should read it. This is really an exceptional story. The emotions run so very deep! Even though I had no idea what was really going on, I found myself completely absorbed. Blackcairn is a he, a member of the NTWF, and probably didn't want reviews, because I tried getting his name on that list xD
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2007 6:41:24 GMT -5
Thanks for the review and helpful comments, Wolf! ^_^
And now for some short story reviews, because as far as I can tell those haven't had as many yet.
The Number Three Hundred by kittygirl5170
I thought this was a really cute, sweet story and an original idea. The characters were lovable too, especially Lorliss. The only thing was that I felt it was lacking detail.. There was hardly any description and sometimes I didn't even know the colour/species of the pet to which you were referring, although obviously there is a balance between saying that too many times and not enough. Overall it was a really nice story.
Revenge of the Golden JubJub by tashni
I'd forgotten about the old golden jubjub mascot, what a good idea for the 300th issue! I especially liked the way you added little bits of extra information about the Shoyru Space Station, things that weren't exactly necessary to the story but made it more entertaining because they were there. Good job!
The Big 300 and Other Issues by playmobil_is_my_life
That bit didn't make sense to me, I think you wrote Mark by mistake instead of another character name?
But other than that... Flawless. I loved it, especially the amount of detail you went into with the characters. By the end I had a really good sense of the different characters and their personalities. *giggles* It's always the receptionist! Hehe, congratulations on 100 publications, and in issue 300, too. Quite an achievement!
More coming soon! And ifI don't get to it soon, then more reviews by PM early next week ^^; *brilliant at procrastinating*
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2007 12:28:09 GMT -5
PSYCHO - Thank you so very much for that review! I thought about it, and you're right that my theme was a little choppy. I'm glad you liked it, though. Um, isn't blackcairn NTWF? She has "I Heart You Too" in the short story section. The Issue 300 Break by precious_katuch14 - This was a cute piece. You gave the reader a real tour of your family's characters. I think all of us NT writers identify with the sleepless days and nights of prep for 50th issues. ^_^ The piece was a little slow-moving, however. I couldn't really see much of a plot to it. The characters were all there, they just didn't have a whole lot to do. I Heart You Too by blackcairn - This isn't on the NTWFer list, but this is an AMAZING story! If you have the time, you all should read it. This is really an exceptional story. The emotions run so very deep! Even though I had no idea what was really going on, I found myself completely absorbed. Blackcairn is a he, a member of the NTWF, and probably didn't want reviews, because I tried getting his name on that list xD Blackcairn sent me a PM requesting his name to be taken off the list. Thanks for the review and helpful comments, Wolf! ^_^ And now for some short story reviews, because as far as I can tell those haven't had as many yet. The Number Three Hundred by kittygirl5170 I thought this was a really cute, sweet story and an original idea. The characters were lovable too, especially Lorliss. The only thing was that I felt it was lacking detail.. There was hardly any description and sometimes I didn't even know the colour/species of the pet to which you were referring, although obviously there is a balance between saying that too many times and not enough. Overall it was a really nice story. Revenge of the Golden JubJub by tashni I'd forgotten about the old golden jubjub mascot, what a good idea for the 300th issue! I especially liked the way you added little bits of extra information about the Shoyru Space Station, things that weren't exactly necessary to the story but made it more entertaining because they were there. Good job! The Big 300 and Other Issues by playmobil_is_my_life That bit didn't make sense to me, I think you wrote Mark by mistake instead of another character name? But other than that... Flawless. I loved it, especially the amount of detail you went into with the characters. By the end I had a really good sense of the different characters and their personalities. *giggles* It's always the receptionist! Hehe, congratulations on 100 publications, and in issue 300, too. Quite an achievement! Thanks for the review! ;D Yes, after that bit was caught I pretty much facepalmed. It is supposed to be Delaney but I typed Mark instead. xPP Gosh, I hate missing little things like that! Anyhow, thank you again. ^_^
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2007 13:52:43 GMT -5
PSYCHO - Thank you so very much for that review! I thought about it, and you're right that my theme was a little choppy. I'm glad you liked it, though. Um, isn't blackcairn NTWF? She has "I Heart You Too" in the short story section. The Issue 300 Break by precious_katuch14 - This was a cute piece. You gave the reader a real tour of your family's characters. I think all of us NT writers identify with the sleepless days and nights of prep for 50th issues. ^_^ The piece was a little slow-moving, however. I couldn't really see much of a plot to it. The characters were all there, they just didn't have a whole lot to do. I Heart You Too by blackcairn - This isn't on the NTWFer list, but this is an AMAZING story! If you have the time, you all should read it. This is really an exceptional story. The emotions run so very deep! Even though I had no idea what was really going on, I found myself completely absorbed. Blackcairn is a he, a member of the NTWF, and probably didn't want reviews, because I tried getting his name on that list xD I would rather like to know why some people think I'm a she. By now it's not so surprising to me but my internet persona! Read? sure. Review? not so much. Maybe next time (if there is a next time I request to be removed) I should probably be left on the list and marked no reviews... ehl
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Post by Tashni on Jul 18, 2007 14:34:45 GMT -5
Well I'm glad I read blackcairn's story anyway. HIS story is great. By the way, I did have it in my head that you were a guy, but more often than not when I think a person is a guy they end up being a she. ^_^"
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Post by kittygirl on Jul 18, 2007 15:36:07 GMT -5
I know I haven't finished comics yet - Sort of just wandering around and trying to finish everything >< The Number Three Hundred - Kitty
I am a traditional NT writer in that I don't think petpets should ever talk. Ever. So thank you for that line :3 Overall a cute story. The baby ogrin is adorable ^_^ and I do like the narrating voice you have. It's motherly in a way. The idea of collecting all 300 issues is unique - though I started wondering why Issue 3 was the only one ever made into an item... A few things, though - It seems unrealistic that it would only take a week to track down all those issues. Granted, the more recent copies would take a fraction of the time - but for antiques like Issue 1? I just thought it would have taken longer. A month, at least. Maybe trading in an arm and a leg, something like that You were a little redundant at times - particularly in that one paragraph where you repeated "easy to find" while listing the ones that were "easy to find". Lorliss seemed a little less baby-ish at the end, also. Her voice lost the childishness to it - she said things I didn't think a child would say. I do like the resolution of the story, even though I knew it was coming xD Thanks for the review. I'm a little more liberal, but I know petpets will never talk to pets or humans. And like I said, this particular petpet would be the last petpet ever to talk. I guess you're right. But there's a lot of leeway around how the neopian world actually exists, so I think that's a really small detail. I reread that paragraph that you mentioned and cringed. Looking at it now, there are so many better ways to word that. The Number Three Hundred by kittygirl5170 I thought this was a really cute, sweet story and an original idea. The characters were lovable too, especially Lorliss. The only thing was that I felt it was lacking detail.. There was hardly any description and sometimes I didn't even know the colour/species of the pet to which you were referring, although obviously there is a balance between saying that too many times and not enough. Overall it was a really nice story. The lack of detail in my stories is a common statement in my reviews. I'll work on it in future stories. Thanks for reviewing.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2007 20:48:53 GMT -5
What is this? Is Wolf actually mixing a comic review with the short stories?! It's almost unkosher! Anyways, this is part one of my three-part short story reviews column. Lounging in the Litterbox by fruitcupandspoonsThis was a cute comic. I liked the art; it was nice and smooth. The detail you put into the NT was great. * * * The Number 300 by kittygirl5170The word that I feel describes this story best is gentle. And, I feel, this story was very gentle: The writing was flawless in grammar and spelling, though it didn't feel stuffy and was always easy to read and lighthearted enough to not feel weighed down in any way. The story was gentle, the conflict in perspective to the characters, with the conclusion simple and warm. The narration was nicely done, and the emotions remained gentle enough to easily flow with the story itself while still feeling wholly real. This was a very well-written and enjoyable story. I liked it very much. Alima's Tales: The Unlucky Day by renrenthehamster and lady_xaylaI really enjoyed reading this story. The long list of unlucky events almost seemed unbelievable, but this is Neopia, so it wasn't hard to fathom. A few things felt wordy and could probably have been reworded just a bit to be more natural (I noticed you used the past perfect tense quite a bit, which was unnecessary), though things were still clear and rather easy to follow. I liked Alima's tale, too, although I feel that, towards the end of it, it started to wander away from its relevance towards Manya and his bad luck as it started dealing with looks and not exactly unfortunate events. But, regardless of that, this was still a good story. Good job. Revenge of the Golden JubJub by tashniThis was a beautiful story, Tashni, and I loved reading it. My congratulations as well on making the quote of the week. It certainly was fitting for this issue. To be honest, though, the beginning felt more than a bit rough. It didn't seem to have any definite hook at first, and very early on, the point of view seemed to jump back and forth from Nokura and Aekin until it finally settled on the latter and things began to flow more smoothly. Once more, very much as with your last piece featuring these two, I felt Aekin's character was much more full-bodied than Nokura's. Certainly, Nokura felt very solid and defined herself, but Aekin's curiosity and ways foreign to Neopia make his character's depth so much more...interesting to read about. Watching him discover Neopia simply has a very fresh and entertaining feel to it. When Nokura mentioned Tashni's having a Little Orby comic with her, and then when Tashni mentioned the suggestions she had received, it made me think of the reviews board here at the NTWF. Then, I realised that the default look for the NTWF is rather stony, and that made me think that, hey, this entire forum could be part of the Deep Catacombs. ^_^ The idea of a dummy ceremony was quite inventive, and I liked how you used it to introduce the Golden Jubjub, although I never would have thought he'd have a name like Salvador. The conflict and then subsequent resolution of his appearance was nicely handled and was quite fun to read, although I feel it did go past rather quickly seeing as how much of this story was not involved with it. Still, though, this story felt complete and, despite the few bumps at the beginning, had a good pace that it followed throughout its entirety. A few things did stand out to me, though. Aekin's dialogue to Salvador beginning with "I'm sorry" up until "However" felt out of character, as it was very casual and Aekin typically seems to speak more formally. Further, in the line " Salvador stood in shock before them, his scepter fell to the floor," the word "as" seem to be missing where the comma is, that or "fell" should have been "falling." Overall, though, this story was still quite wonderful and was quite well-written. The Big 300 and Other Issues by playmobil_is_my_lifeThis story had a quick and fast-paced opener that instantly proposed a conflict (the unfinished article) accompanied with a strong character that together pulled me headfirst into the story. The assault on Mark was unexpected, but it flowed right along with the story and revealed the true conflict (his kidnapping). Then, seeing that Mark had quit shook the entire thing up a bit and made me eager to continue going forwards. The following revelation of the culprit was quite well-placed as well, very intense and deep with vividness, perhaps my favorite part of this story. The opening paragraphs of Mr. Dennison's speech were an interesting lull in the action, a nice chance to take a breath, and they served quite a wonderful segue into the next bout of action, once more exquisitely written. The next couple of parts were great bits of story, and when I saw that Mallory had "succeeded" in getting "her" piece published, my eyes were wide with horrific shock. Mark's arrival in the auditorium was also very nicely done, and I loved his "second of all" line (it actually reminded me a bit of Jack Sparrow from the Pirates movies), and I found it quite hilarious (even if I didn't laugh at Dennison's joke). The ending, so calm after all of that, was quite nicely done yet again, and the humor you put into it was very funny. It was a happy ending, yes, but it was a very fitting ending for this incredible story. A few things worth mentioning, though: Instead of using "his or her" when an unidentified figure comes out of its hideout, saying "its" would be better and help to keep the flow going forward. The "an hour before" bit, as well, seemed unnecessary when I reached the end and saw that time flowed logically throughout this with or without its inclusion. Lastly, the only other things I caught were "starting" missing its R and, when Mallory was called to the podium, Delaney being called Mark. Aside from those, though, you grammar was perhaps the most impeccable I've seen. Great work. This truly was an incredibly story, Playmobil, and I loved it all the way through. Major congrats on getting 100 pieces in the 'Times! I certainly think you're quite fitting of the title "Neopian Times Legend."
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2007 20:50:15 GMT -5
Part two comin' up! Phew, I'm exhausted from all this reading! But I loved every bit of it. :)
The Issue 300 Break by precious_katuch14 Though, for the most part, your description was very spot on, not too little, not too much, and genuinely helped to highlight your characters’ personalities, when it came to Kat’s room, it felt like it went on and on and on. I know you made a perfect image—but that’s what you made: an image. I felt more like I was staring at an illustration of the definition of “writer’s block” cross-referenced with “clutter,” which I’m sure is exactly what you wanted (^_^ lol), but it was certainly not what I found to be incredibly readable. On the other hand, had you simply toned down a lot of that and focused on only one or two things of what you already had there, it would’ve made it a lot more affective, not to mention, easier to read through. As I once recall reading somewhere: show first what the character sees first, and add the rest in as you go along, if needed.
Your characterization, both in your description surrounding the characters, as aforementioned, and in the way the characters acted was flawless. What stood out the most, though, was your dialogue: it was practically perfect! Each character had their own voice, very clear and even more so defined, that I could just hear scream at me simply by reading the words alone. The word choice, inflection, you name it—it felt as if I were actually listening to the characters talking to me. And that, m’dear Kat, is exactly what good dialogue is all about. (And did I mention that it all sounded real and believable? I think I meant to, even if I did get carried away a bit and forget to say it sooner, heheh….)
The delegation of the pets towards the end was nicely done and served a good turning point in the story. However, the conclusion really didn't seem to end anything for me. Sure, she'd slept and gotten an idea, but no story was finished by the time this one was, so it felt like nothing was really achieved (except for sleep and an idea, which could still go awry). I enjoyed reading this story, very much so, but when I reached the end, it didn't quite feel over.
The Eye of a Newshound by tamia_silverwing Before I forget to mention it, great custom. The art's great, and the coloring is awesome.
I've never read any of your Ghostchasers stories before (in fact, I think this is actually the first time I'm reading any of your prose in the NT), so when Tanya pulled out that old story of hers, I thought it was an actual story. And when she started reading over it, when the asterisks split up the writing, I thought it was her story that I was reading. So, I was pleasantly shocked with a smile when I realised I'd thought wrong. *grins* Anyways, what I'd then taken as merely an introduction I realised was an actual beginning, and as an actual beginning, I think Tanya's part was lacking. It seemed to follow the weather more than her for a bit, and that felt like reading a weather forecast and didn't really pull my into the story. Kiyoshi's first part was slightly a bit like that as well, though it quickly picked up with the Snowbeast's arrival (although, I feel you could have established he was in an enclosed garden sooner than when you had, as that point had confused me at first until after it should have already made sense, I feel).
Your dialogue was nice and often served in good conversations, but sometimes I wasn't really certain who was talking. You often had three or more characters present during conversations, and the word choice of the three I take to be Ghostchasers was rather similar, so without knowing who was talking, I couldn't be certain how the words should sound. Yeah, the dialogue should be able to speak on its own, but with similar characters who could use the same words, or (as might have been the case with this) with characters too new to a reader to be instantly recognised, cues need to be given as to who's speaking so the reader can easily see the speaker and thus know how to hear the words. What I saw often, though, is that when you said who was talking, you said it towards the end of the dialogue, so on quite a few occasions I had wholly mistaken who'd been speaking. These instances, I feel, could have been avoided had the speaker been said sooner.
Also, I found that the names "Tanya" and "Tyra," being quite similar, were very easy to confuse.
But despite all that, I still enjoyed this story. It was fun and entertaining to read. I particularly enjoyed the scene after Kiyoshi's Yooyuball practice. You wonderfully introduced Jess Ember with a feeling that she didn't quite belong, but it wasn't pronounced enough to bring the story to a standstill. Instead, it just floated by easily until you stood her next to the monster-infested fountain (xD) and she started shouting inconsistencies in her own story. That bit of action was nicely written, too, easy to follow, and it led to a wonderful conclusion. The nonchalant and casual way the characters brought the story to a close was wonderful and definitely left me wanting to read more of their trials. The way you worked the title into Tanya's dialogue was great, and it really added a nice depth of meaning to not only the title, but to her character as well. Good job.
The Three Hundredth Weewoo by goosher This story was very fun to read and it was quite entertaining. I liked the sporadic humor tucked in with the tension; it added a nice feeling to the story as I wasn't always certain if I should be at the edge of my seat in anticipation or if I should be falling back into my seat laughing. It was written with a good balance, and that was great. The narrator and his rather strong opinions and his way of speaking in every now and then was also quite nicely written. Although something like that could get in the way of a story at times, here it seemed to fit, and that feeling only furthered the story, I feel. Chuck's returning was done nicely, and I liked the concluding paragraph with the ceremony, and the one Weewoo smiling at Jen was a very nice touch and was the perfect way to end this story.
Three Red Roses, Times a Hundred by silent_snow I loved this story, Cricket. I quite enjoyed the Lost Isle plot, and I loved the characters, so when I saw them here I was quite excited. That excitement carried through, too, as you flawlessly captured all of the characters and they each sounded incredibly real. I've never written with plot characters before, but seeing how difficult it can be to make even the most basic of original characters sound right, I can't imagine how difficult it could be to get established characters like these to sound right while still sounding new, as they did here.
Your narration was wonderful, and the comical aspects here and there were exquisitely done and certainly made this even more enjoyable than it'd have been had they not been there. I loved how you captured Lilian's simplicity and appreciation throughout the piece with every character telling of what he'd gotten her and how much she'd loved it. That not only added humor, but it established both her character and Roxton's in more ways than I could name.
To be honest, though, I wasn't certain about the reference to the NT. Sure, it solidified that this was for Issue 300, but it seemed very random and almost unwarranted, so I'm not really certain if it fit well or not, though I think this may have been better without it. I'm also uncertain about the ending. With everything going wrong, it gave me very much of the "shock factor" that I have recently seen a lot of in comics. This isn't a bad thin, per se, but in a story, an ending like this can feel very incomplete, almost as if the writer simply forgot to finish writing it. Sadly, this has that feeling, although Roxton's final note of regretting not going with the chocolates seemed to help somewhat alleviate this feeling. However, even though I know that this is over, I think you could have worked it a little bit more to make it have a more complete, "this really is over" feeling.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2007 20:51:39 GMT -5
Part three is here!
...Y'know, the length of my reviews in word count alone could be a short story (or two!) all its own. O_O
Behind The Scenes by dan4884 and ssjelitegirl Very nice artwork, Hunty. However, Crabby's eye seems to be the same color as the background, so it almost looks like his eye isn't there. (Then again, the expression this gives him seems to fit him well. xD)
The story was great. I've personally never given much thought to the NT Headquarters before this, but after reading this, my mind is teeming with ideas. The description was spot on, always just the right amount and in the best way needed, and the vivid world you created here was simply incredible. Even if you only spent a short bit of time on each part of the building, your description was fantastic to the point that I could easily see it all while still feeling that there was so much just beyond my sight, and that was an awesome feeling.
The pairing of Shad with Crabby was great beyond words. I love both of these characters from their respective series, so seeing them together was fantastic. Their characterization was so flawless that even if I didn't know them from prior appearances, I would have enjoyed reading about them and known exactly what kinds of personalities they had. And that was simply awesome. (And I'm running out of adjectives.)
I loved this story, you two. It was incredible, amazing, unlike anything I've ever read before. Great job!
The 300th Trial by ngc_5128 Your description in this story was very good, although at times it felt a bit scattered. This happened most when you were speaking about the past trials, though, so for the most part, it was really nice.
I liked how stopping the "thief" became the three-hundredth trial. It was quite fitting, I feel, for the training itself to be the trials to prove his worthiness of being trained. Although I had suspected such from the onset, it was still enjoyable to watch James go through these trials and then use his skills against the thief. The ending, then, was quite nice as well and wrapped up the story wonderfully. Good job.
The 300th Chapter by kemppotatoe Well, that report deserves an A+!
This incredibly short story was, well, incredible. The writing was grammatically good and the spelling was splendid. The story was simple and soft, but its subtleties were quite well-pronounced and its messages clear. Though I think I may have enjoyed a bit more interaction between the characters, this was quite a wonderful story. Good job.
Hannah and the Pirated Comic by myfallenrevival4 This story was far from what I had expecting from the title. First off, I've never seen Hannah as the kind of heroic figure as she is that would work at a tavern, the Golden Dubloon or not, unless she was investigating some news about treasure, which at the beginning seemed like a possibility but was never alluded to during the story. Second, she seemed much more soft-hearted and easy-going than I recall her being (though, granted, I wasn't able to avidly follow her plot, but still...).
However, despite that initial character shock, I found this story quite consuming: once I started reading it, I found I couldn't stop and it went by very quickly. Your description was quite good for the most part, but sometimes (like when Hannah saw the Fontaine's room) it felt overdone, and at other times (like towards the end, after the sisters had fled) it felt almost unclear, as if things were drawing to a conclusion too quickly to keep with the established pace.
I was also let down by the ending. So much had happened prior to that that I wanted a conclusion to, but none of those conclusions ever came. Further, the conclusion that did come didn't seem to match very well with the story as a whole. Certainly, Hannah had been "framed" and would want to escape, but it was never really said that she felt confined to the tavern, so her finally feeling free didn't make much sense to me. Certainly, this was a well-written and entertaining story, but it feels neither finished nor complete, and that, I feel, is not the best way to end a short story.
A Birthday at Sea by costa_rican_girl I really enjoyed reading this story. It had a nice pacing back and forth between the scenes, each of them just the right size to tell the story they had to tell. The description was quite nice, and the only thing that confused me was that I hadn't realised Rose was Mystique's owner for a few paragraphs as it wasn't said as soon as, I feel, it could have been said. That, however, didn't change how much I liked story one bit.
The characters were nicely written and all had their personalities, although I feel Issa was a bit undefined beyond the perception of what Mystique had of her until they were both taken aboard the Shadow Nova, so the sudden change in her personality then wasn't as strong a shock to me as it could have been. Cole's character was one I have mixed feeling about. At first, he seemed too talkative, although we can later attribute that talkativeness to desperation. His giving up his freedom for theirs was also not adequately explained, I guess, though I suppose that is a question that doesn't necessarily need answering, although I certainly would love to learn more about him and his past (and future).
The ending, swift as it came, was bittersweet. I'd hoped to have Cole there, yet he had stayed on the ship. The reunion was hardly shown at all, which was somewhat disappointing although I can certainly understand why it was probably best left out. I really don't know what to make of the shadow Nova drawing, though, as the only thing it seems to be connected to, aside from its being implied that it's from Cole, is the ship. And, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to figure out what it means. Is he okay? Is it some sort of "black dot"? Is it something else entirely? There are a lot of spaces left to be filled still, questions waiting to be answered, though the story still has a finite feeling to it, which is good. Sure, I may crave more, but the story, for what's at its core, is complete. Good job.
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Post by Kelly on Jul 18, 2007 21:18:02 GMT -5
Wolf, you deserve some kind of award for all your reviewing. I find it hard enough to just jot down my general impression and any notes for improvement for each story; I've no idea how you manage to so thoroughly go through each one. You rock! Anyway, Three Red Roses, Times a Hundred by silent_snowI loved this story, Cricket. I quite enjoyed the Lost Isle plot, and I loved the characters, so when I saw them here I was quite excited. That excitement carried through, too, as you flawlessly captured all of the characters and they each sounded incredibly real. I've never written with plot characters before, but seeing how difficult it can be to make even the most basic of original characters sound right, I can't imagine how difficult it could be to get established characters like these to sound right while still sounding new, as they did here. Your narration was wonderful, and the comical aspects here and there were exquisitely done and certainly made this even more enjoyable than it'd have been had they not been there. I loved how you captured Lilian's simplicity and appreciation throughout the piece with every character telling of what he'd gotten her and how much she'd loved it. That not only added humor, but it established both her character and Roxton's in more ways than I could name. To be honest, though, I wasn't certain about the reference to the NT. Sure, it solidified that this was for Issue 300, but it seemed very random and almost unwarranted, so I'm not really certain if it fit well or not, though I think this may have been better without it. I'm also uncertain about the ending. With everything going wrong, it gave me very much of the "shock factor" that I have recently seen a lot of in comics. This isn't a bad thin, per se, but in a story, an ending like this can feel very incomplete, almost as if the writer simply forgot to finish writing it. Sadly, this has that feeling, although Roxton's final note of regretting not going with the chocolates seemed to help somewhat alleviate this feeling. However, even though I know that this is over, I think you could have worked it a little bit more to make it have a more complete, "this really is over" feeling. Thanks so much for the review! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now. :D I was trying to go more for a story centering on the number 300 than the NT itself, as I was sure that the issue would be swamped with NT-related stories (... which it was). And yeah, I have a bad habit with ending stories abruptly. I need to fix that. But then, look at the ending of the plot the story was based off of! ... dangit, I want Journey to the Lost Isle back. Alright, I'm done rambling. Here's the rest of the short story reviews! The Three Hundredth Weewoo…DAWR. That was so sweet. The beginning confused me a little, but once Jen became the source of attention, it made more sense. I loved the random bits of humor that were everywhere (nonblanket, custom art inks) as they kept the story interesting. If I had any issue with the story, it would be that it seemed a bit choppy; otherwise, I liked it a lot! Behind The ScenesPresses… impressive. Ho ho ho. Anyway, I liked it a lot. You kept me eager to see what part of the paper was going to be show next. I liked how each different section had a different mood about it, too. You really summed up the feeling of the Neopian Times! The 300th TrialI liked it! It was quite a unique view on how the training school was run, in a good way. James is a very likeable character; it was easy to sympathize with him. I guessed early on that the three hundred trials would take place of training, but the story was still very enjoyable. The 300th ChapterI liked the idea of each issue of the NT being a chapter in one huge novel. It makes it seem more tied-in, I suppose. Anyway, it was a nice story, and a good way of showing how the Neopian Times can appeal to everyone. Hannah and the Pirated Comic… wow. That had me grinning. The whole idea of a comic getting stolen and Hannah being framed for it was hilarious enough, but the little comments you threw in everywhere really made the humor. The ending seemed a bit abrupt, but it was otherwise great! A Birthday at SeaI loved the pirate accents, though it confused me a bit as to why Cole wouldn’t have one when he’d been on a pirate ship for two years. Anyway, it was nice, watching the three of them bond and slowly grow to trust each other; it kept the story developing. Cole definitely matured throughout the story, and that’s always great to see.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 18, 2007 21:35:20 GMT -5
The Big 300 and Other Issues by playmobil_is_my_lifeThis story had a quick and fast-paced opener that instantly proposed a conflict (the unfinished article) accompanied with a strong character that together pulled me headfirst into the story. The assault on Mark was unexpected, but it flowed right along with the story and revealed the true conflict (his kidnapping). Then, seeing that Mark had quit shook the entire thing up a bit and made me eager to continue going forwards. The following revelation of the culprit was quite well-placed as well, very intense and deep with vividness, perhaps my favorite part of this story. The opening paragraphs of Mr. Dennison's speech were an interesting lull in the action, a nice chance to take a breath, and they served quite a wonderful segue into the next bout of action, once more exquisitely written. The next couple of parts were great bits of story, and when I saw that Mallory had "succeeded" in getting "her" piece published, my eyes were wide with horrific shock. Mark's arrival in the auditorium was also very nicely done, and I loved his "second of all" line (it actually reminded me a bit of Jack Sparrow from the Pirates movies), and I found it quite hilarious (even if I didn't laugh at Dennison's joke). The ending, so calm after all of that, was quite nicely done yet again, and the humor you put into it was very funny. It was a happy ending, yes, but it was a very fitting ending for this incredible story. A few things worth mentioning, though: Instead of using "his or her" when an unidentified figure comes out of its hideout, saying "its" would be better and help to keep the flow going forward. The "an hour before" bit, as well, seemed unnecessary when I reached the end and saw that time flowed logically throughout this with or without its inclusion. Lastly, the only other things I caught were "starting" missing its R and, when Mallory was called to the podium, Delaney being called Mark. Aside from those, though, you grammar was perhaps the most impeccable I've seen. Great work. This truly was an incredibly story, Playmobil, and I loved it all the way through. Major congrats on getting 100 pieces in the 'Times! I certainly think you're quite fitting of the title "Neopian Times Legend." Wow! I appreciate the detailed review, Wolf, thank you so much. ;D I really admire not only the review you've given me, but how much of your time is spent giving everyone very in-depth reviews. You have a great eye for editing, as you never seem to miss a thing! ;) Thank you again.
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Post by Tam on Jul 18, 2007 21:52:01 GMT -5
The Eye of a Newshound - by: tamia_silverwingI love Kiyoshi Paco! ;) I really enjoyed this - I've been really looking forward to more Ghostchaser stories and this one was great. I love the way you manage to paint a picture of what's happening and where without using too many words, and I liked the premise of the story, managing to weave in the 300th theme without the Ghostchasers being just incidental characters along the way. ... I can’t believe anyone still remembers those Ghostchaser stories by now. xD Thank you! And I’m sure Kiyoshi appreciates that; he doesn’t get a lot of fans, with all of his stiffness and introvertedness and such. The Eye of a NewshoundI like the pic. It reflects the character quite nicely. Anyway, though I’ve never read the Ghostchasers series, I still got a good sense of the characters in this. They all seemed well-developed and realistic. The story itself was interesting, and I enjoyed constantly guessing at what Tanya would do next. Very nice, all in all. Thanks for the review! I’m glad it wasn’t too hideously boring, because it was certainly long enough (3999 words, incidentally) that it had me guessing as to what people’s reactions would be. xD I don’t think there was really any way that reading Ghostchasers would have helped you with this story, except possibly providing a little more background on each character. Thanks again! The Eye of a Newshound by tamia_silverwingBefore I forget to mention it, great custom. The art's great, and the coloring is awesome. I've never read any of your Ghostchasers stories before (in fact, I think this is actually the first time I'm reading any of your prose in the NT), so when Tanya pulled out that old story of hers, I thought it was an actual story. And when she started reading over it, when the asterisks split up the writing, I thought it was her story that I was reading. So, I was pleasantly shocked with a smile when I realised I'd thought wrong. *grins* Anyways, what I'd then taken as merely an introduction I realised was an actual beginning, and as an actual beginning, I think Tanya's part was lacking. It seemed to follow the weather more than her for a bit, and that felt like reading a weather forecast and didn't really pull my into the story. Kiyoshi's first part was slightly a bit like that as well, though it quickly picked up with the Snowbeast's arrival (although, I feel you could have established he was in an enclosed garden sooner than when you had, as that point had confused me at first until after it should have already made sense, I feel). Your dialogue was nice and often served in good conversations, but sometimes I wasn't really certain who was talking. You often had three or more characters present during conversations, and the word choice of the three I take to be Ghostchasers was rather similar, so without knowing who was talking, I couldn't be certain how the words should sound. Yeah, the dialogue should be able to speak on its own, but with similar characters who could use the same words, or (as might have been the case with this) with characters too new to a reader to be instantly recognised, cues need to be given as to who's speaking so the reader can easily see the speaker and thus know how to hear the words. What I saw often, though, is that when you said who was talking, you said it towards the end of the dialogue, so on quite a few occasions I had wholly mistaken who'd been speaking. These instances, I feel, could have been avoided had the speaker been said sooner. Also, I found that the names "Tanya" and "Tyra," being quite similar, were very easy to confuse. But despite all that, I still enjoyed this story. It was fun and entertaining to read. I particularly enjoyed the scene after Kiyoshi's Yooyuball practice. You wonderfully introduced Jess Ember with a feeling that she didn't quite belong, but it wasn't pronounced enough to bring the story to a standstill. Instead, it just floated by easily until you stood her next to the monster-infested fountain (xD) and she started shouting inconsistencies in her own story. That bit of action was nicely written, too, easy to follow, and it led to a wonderful conclusion. The nonchalant and casual way the characters brought the story to a close was wonderful and definitely left me wanting to read more of their trials. The way you worked the title into Tanya's dialogue was great, and it really added a nice depth of meaning to not only the title, but to her character as well. Good job. ^^; I’ve been a horribly sporadic writer, even though that was how I first got into the Times -- I think my last prose piece was a short story in the Christmas 2005 issue. Hmm... I can see how the writing following that first asterisk could have been mistaken for Tanya’s story. Thanks for pointing that out. Tanya and Tyra, eh? You’re right, now that you mention it, but I can’t think of any way to fix that problem, other than just not bringing back Tanya for a while. Just you wait until I bring in Tarandya in my next series ;) (how long ago was it that I came up with these names, again?). As well, you bring up some very good points in your review, and they’re definitely things I can work on (especially simple things like speaker clarity). This is definitely one of those helpful, constructive reviews that points out things I probably wasn’t aware of at the time of writing, and I really appreciate it. ^_^ Thanks, Wolf. Yes, a monster-infested fountain. I get the best ideas for my stories at one o’clock in the morning -- can you tell? :3 And by the way, Wolf, you’re crazy with these reviews. o_0 I’m sure you could have written a few award-winning short stories of your own in the time it took to type all of these. *glomps* ^__^
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Post by linni on Jul 19, 2007 0:19:29 GMT -5
Thank you so much for all of the reviews!! Thank you I didn't want everyone to think he was going to eat his petpetpet XD I never thought about the first two panels being unnecessary ... you did get to see the full view of my neohome though The rainbow thingy is Grubbie's rainblug. I am sorry about the small text ... I was having trouble fitting everything in! I promise it will be a lot easier to read next time! Thanks! I am horrible at speech bubbles ... they look pretty bad in almost all of my comics! I guess I should pay more attention as to how everyone else places them.
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Post by linni on Jul 19, 2007 0:48:10 GMT -5
more comic reviews: Random Espionage 300: Savor the Moment by: kazenkori and Silvermare200 The art was awesome! The sunset is beautiful. The text is a little fuzzy, but I am guessing that the .jpg was to blame for that. That was a lot of text for a comic (especially to me since I don't have a very long attention span), but it was funny and I wouldn't have really changed anything! Bucky the Babaa Crossover - by petfriendamyThat was cute! I have always been a fan of Bucky ... your crossover did Bucky proud. Neopups Issue 300 Crossover - by: simsman24000I didn't really get it, but your art and colouring is wonderful and everything looks so clean and sharp. xD What Psycho Thinks - by: psychoticdancerI like the simplicity of the line art and the soft colours. The idea is funny too. I had to read it twice before it clicked, but that was probably just me Meow? (Crossover) by: cardquestmanagerOk, that was just way too awesome. There is so much detail in there ... the whole entire thing looks great! Do you do that kind of stuff for a living?!?! The meepits hand gestures were done so well ... I love it when you can say something without words. The only criticism I have is that the brown text bubbles was a little fuzzy and hard to read. But overall, that was a perfect comic! I really wanted to finish these tonight, but I really need to go to bed. More coming later ...
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Post by kittygirl on Jul 19, 2007 13:43:23 GMT -5
The Number 300 by kittygirl5170The word that I feel describes this story best is gentle. And, I feel, this story was very gentle: The writing was flawless in grammar and spelling, though it didn't feel stuffy and was always easy to read and lighthearted enough to not feel weighed down in any way. The story was gentle, the conflict in perspective to the characters, with the conclusion simple and warm. The narration was nicely done, and the emotions remained gentle enough to easily flow with the story itself while still feeling wholly real. This was a very well-written and enjoyable story. I liked it very much. Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it.
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