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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2007 15:06:53 GMT -5
*blush* You're all very welcome! I love reading. It's why I write. Maybe I read too much, but it's tied with writing as my number-one favorite thing to do. But reading and reviewing helps me as much as it helps anyone else, so it's doubly productive for me. ^_^
Anyways, the next few weeks will probably be quieter than this, so I should read as much as I can now! ^_^
A Skunk Story: Part One by czenko28 Although this had a clear hook (Lavalilly complaining that Nanin doesn't speak), I found it didn't draw me in as powerfully as it could have. However, I like the pacing of this story, the slower feel that suggests that this will be more about the characters themselves than anything else.
Silver's narration has a clear voice, and it fits my perception of his character nicely. On the technical side of the writing, though, I found that you sometimes broke tense and spoke in the present, especially around when Silver was speaking. I'm also uncertain about the phrasing "way how," which seems unclear to me and should probably be either one or the other (although Silver's consistent use of them both together, in a way, makes up for its being a mistake if this really is how Silver thinks). The way you broke up the word "communicate" added a nice emphasis to Lavalilly's dialogue, although the notation afterwards that she'd broken it up felt somewhat redundant and unnecessary.
The Crystal Adventure: Part One by anna_invincible Though your opening paragraph was well-written and served its purpose nicely, the word "absconded" made me stop reading it almost as soon as I'd begun. I can honestly say I've never heard it before, so until I'd looked it up in the dictionary, I wasn't sure what, exactly, Flayire was doing. Although such exotic/uncommon words are alright every now and then, words that are easily and quickly understood should be primarily used, especially in the beginning.
Unfortunately, though, that strong opening did not flow into the story itself for me. The transitioning felt weak, as her pursuers were never mentioned and why she had to flee was completely unknown. So when she started complaining over her life, it felt unnatural. Her appearance in a new world was written nicely, although it was overdone. Everything felt too perfect. This over-perfection was most noticeable in your description, which also felt a little overdone, specifically feeling burdened with too many adjectives, adverbs, and metaphors. Though these are all used to accentuate description, the base has to be in powerful and vivid verbs and nouns, and a proper balance of these aspects in your description here was sadly lacking. It made everything feel unreal. Even the dialogue felt unreal, too upstanding, too formal, simply too unnatural.
Then again, this "too much, too unreal" feeling might be exactly what you're trying to create, and if so, you've done a good job with it. I'm intrigued to see where this story goes, so I do think I shall continue reading it.
Dream Journal: Part One by springsteen0991 This was a very interesting opening to a story. The description was good, although it felt almost dull early on, though this did reflect Nelson's feelings adequately, I suppose. The end was quite interesting, with his brief dream, although what I found the most interesting were the voidberries themselves. Their description in this sticks out as something extra special for some reason, and I hope they're addressed more in the upcoming parts.
I can't seem to even guess at what this story's plot might be, though, which makes me wonder about it, since usually plot can at the very least be inferred from a first part. So, I'll await the next part and see what it brings.
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Post by Tashni on Jul 19, 2007 20:23:52 GMT -5
WOLF - Thank you SOOO much for your review. You really helped me with that, and I saved it in preparation for my next Nokura/Aekin story.
The Eye of a Newshound by tamia_silverwing - What an excellent story, Tamia! It was a great adventure with an NT twist, just perfect for 300. But it's more than just a 300 commemorative thing, it's really good. I got the sense that you know these characters very well, and they're just itching to get out there and have some adventure!
Your writing was very good, too. I never stumbled or had a hard time understanding what was going on. The only problem I noticed is fairly minor. You use words ending in "ly" a lot. Such words should be used only when no other adjective can possibly work. Examples:
These just don't sound right.
And the ending was perfect:
Really nice job, Tamia!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2007 20:46:09 GMT -5
Dream Journal: Part One by springsteen0991This was a very interesting opening to a story. The description was good, although it felt almost dull early on, though this did reflect Nelson's feelings adequately, I suppose. The end was quite interesting, with his brief dream, although what I found the most interesting were the voidberries themselves. Their description in this sticks out as something extra special for some reason, and I hope they're addressed more in the upcoming parts. I can't seem to even guess at what this story's plot might be, though, which makes me wonder about it, since usually plot can at the very least be inferred from a first part. So, I'll await the next part and see what it brings. Pssst... There is no plot... (like in half of my other stories). ^_^; Yeah, Nelson's a pretty boring guy for quite some time. This isn't really a series though, it's just a short story that got too long. Even after nonstop editing it was still somewhere around 4,600 words, so I split it into two parts. Anyway, thanks a lot for the review! I appreciate it. Oh, and the voidberries will definitely be addressed, hehe.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2007 21:03:07 GMT -5
Dream Journal: Part One by springsteen0991This was a very interesting opening to a story. The description was good, although it felt almost dull early on, though this did reflect Nelson's feelings adequately, I suppose. The end was quite interesting, with his brief dream, although what I found the most interesting were the voidberries themselves. Their description in this sticks out as something extra special for some reason, and I hope they're addressed more in the upcoming parts. I can't seem to even guess at what this story's plot might be, though, which makes me wonder about it, since usually plot can at the very least be inferred from a first part. So, I'll await the next part and see what it brings. Pssst... There is no plot... (like in half of my other stories). ^_^; Yeah, Nelson's a pretty boring guy for quite some time. This isn't really a series though, it's just a short story that got too long. Even after nonstop editing it was still somewhere around 4,600 words, so I split it into two parts. Anyway, thanks a lot for the review! I appreciate it. Oh, and the voidberries will definitely be addressed, hehe. Hold up! You can have 2-part series now? I thought those weren't allowed... or is it because you went over the 4,000 word limit for short stories?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2007 23:04:33 GMT -5
Pssst... There is no plot... (like in half of my other stories). ^_^; Yeah, Nelson's a pretty boring guy for quite some time. This isn't really a series though, it's just a short story that got too long. Even after nonstop editing it was still somewhere around 4,600 words, so I split it into two parts. Anyway, thanks a lot for the review! I appreciate it. Oh, and the voidberries will definitely be addressed, hehe. Hold up! You can have 2-part series now? I thought those weren't allowed... or is it because you went over the 4,000 word limit for short stories? Well, it wouldn't let me send it in as a short story (I tried twice!) so then I just split it up. Seems to have worked.
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Post by Anna on Jul 20, 2007 10:28:03 GMT -5
The History of the Neopian Times by zuziafruziaThis was a very interesting, informative, and entertaining article. A lot of what was said I knew from perusing Wikipedia and from recalling when the Neopian Times Star avatar was released, as that had been my first inspiration for venturing to start writing for the 'Times (though I'd already been writing before that, and I didn't achieve publication until issue 247). Though I saw a few areas where the subjunctive case could have been used, the writing itself was good and easy to read; as already said, it was fun, too. This article jumped in how interesting I found it was when I neared the end and started reading about things I did not know before, such as the lost features specifically. Unfortunately, the paragraph after that, the article ended. It ended quite abruptly as well, and I felt as if there should have been more, or at least a more finite-sounding conclusion. I do wish there were more to this, though, as I did enjoy reading it very much, though I do understand how there is only so much that can be reaped from history to have been included for, sadly, much has already been forgotten to the wears of time. Thus said, this was good article and it shall certainly last with the 'Times, I feel. Thank you very much for the indepth critique, Wolf. ^_^ Much appreciated. There's a wikipedia article on the NT? I don't use wikipedia for researching. I like to get my information from direct sources. :) I can definitely see where you think I cut off abruptly. D; Alas, I wish there was more I could find from the archives so it probably seemed too short. My other articles / "guides" (not published, just written) don't really have that problem.
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Post by starrydraik on Jul 20, 2007 13:38:11 GMT -5
Weewoo Magic - by: splenetic and musiclives2001Very cute and a good joke. I especially liked the panel with the Weewoo lying on the Kacheek's head - it reminded me of my cat for some reason! Weewoo Magic by splenetic and musiclives2001I loved the artwork of this comic. It was very clear and had a lot of details, but it was still very understandable and not overwhelmed; I particularly liked how the art's softness was not comprised by its abundance of colors, which really made it something great. I also found the joke to be quite adorable. It wasn't one that split my sides with laughter, but it was quite funny. Your disclaimer, although somewhat dampening of the comic as a whole, was also a nice addition to the comic, as I know if I were none-the-wiser, I'd hate to fall for something like that. Weewoo Magic - by: splenetic and musiclives2001lolol Simple and sweet, very nice. I didn't catch what you were doing with the weewoo at first - I thought, "well what a waste of a perfectly good plushie paint brush!" xD I don't like afternotes much, but that's a good disclaimer to have xD Good thinking! Weewoo Magic - by: splenetic and musiclives2001Such a scam! Haven't seen a Weewoo get painted white for a while; real return to the olden days, eh? ^ Thanks for the reviews all! ^_^
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Post by Marpip on Jul 20, 2007 22:05:47 GMT -5
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Post by linni on Jul 20, 2007 22:37:33 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum Marpip! I think your comic was great. You have a very adorable art style ... the line art is great and the colouring is wonderful. I have seen a similar joke before (in Spooky), but it was still very cute! Great job and congrats on getting in the 300th!
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Post by Psycho on Jul 20, 2007 23:08:55 GMT -5
Wow, I -really- like your art! That is just too cute!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2007 18:40:44 GMT -5
Welcome to the NTWF! As the others have said, your artwork is simply adorable! When I saw it, I couldn't help but smile, ear to ear. ^_^ The joke was quite cute as well, and funny, too. Great job! My congrats on being in 300!
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Post by costaricangirl on Jul 23, 2007 11:16:34 GMT -5
cricket -- Thanks for the review! ^^ Wolf -- Added it. rose_396 -- Sorry it's late, but here is your review: [glow=green,2,300]A Birthday at Sea[/glow] - by: costa_rican_girl I love how it begins with Mistique in a very excited mood. You describe the anxiousness of her very well; it reminds of me an older kid trying to get his or her way! :] I love the fluidity of how Issa speaks vs the way Mistiques talks more excitedly and in smaller sentences -- it is a nice contrast between the two. "And... Why are you so exuberant?” Issa asked angrily. “We are on a pirate ship." I laughed at that one. xD I caught one tiny thing when Cole is talking to Mystique and Issa. He says, "...it’s okay, b’cause now you two can become cabin girls..." Good regionalism with 'b'cause', but shouldn't 'become' be spelled like 'b'come'?" Idk, maybe not! Just a little something I caught. With traveling on a flying ship to Shenkuu, being captured and then evading pirates, and managing to make it back home, this was a great story! I am glad you were able to get it finished in time for 300, too. Good job, Rose! Thank you so much, Sam!! My first review for this story. And you're totally right, I never even realized that... If he says "b'cause," he most likely would say "b'come" as well. Sharp eyes! Thanks again! ^^ (And, again, I haven't been on the computer at all during the last week, which is why this reply is so delayed. xD) A Birthday at Sea by costa_rican_girlI really enjoyed reading this story. It had a nice pacing back and forth between the scenes, each of them just the right size to tell the story they had to tell. The description was quite nice, and the only thing that confused me was that I hadn't realised Rose was Mystique's owner for a few paragraphs as it wasn't said as soon as, I feel, it could have been said. That, however, didn't change how much I liked story one bit. The characters were nicely written and all had their personalities, although I feel Issa was a bit undefined beyond the perception of what Mystique had of her until they were both taken aboard the Shadow Nova, so the sudden change in her personality then wasn't as strong a shock to me as it could have been. Cole's character was one I have mixed feeling about. At first, he seemed too talkative, although we can later attribute that talkativeness to desperation. His giving up his freedom for theirs was also not adequately explained, I guess, though I suppose that is a question that doesn't necessarily need answering, although I certainly would love to learn more about him and his past (and future). The ending, swift as it came, was bittersweet. I'd hoped to have Cole there, yet he had stayed on the ship. The reunion was hardly shown at all, which was somewhat disappointing although I can certainly understand why it was probably best left out. I really don't know what to make of the shadow Nova drawing, though, as the only thing it seems to be connected to, aside from its being implied that it's from Cole, is the ship. And, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to figure out what it means. Is he okay? Is it some sort of "black dot"? Is it something else entirely? There are a lot of spaces left to be filled still, questions waiting to be answered, though the story still has a finite feeling to it, which is good. Sure, I may crave more, but the story, for what's at its core, is complete. Good job. Thanks, Wolf! A fabulous and extremely helpful review! I sort of meant for the ending to be rather mysterious, since I usually wrap up stories completely at the end. I wanted to try something new. *shrug* That, and I am seriously considering writing a sequel to this story--a more serious one, most likely. We'll see. :] Thanks again for the review! A Birthday at SeaI loved the pirate accents, though it confused me a bit as to why Cole wouldn’t have one when he’d been on a pirate ship for two years. Anyway, it was nice, watching the three of them bond and slowly grow to trust each other; it kept the story developing. Cole definitely matured throughout the story, and that’s always great to see. Yes, now that I look back, I feel that I could've done more with Cole--the way he talks, acts, etc. He has lots of possibilities, I s'pose. Thanks, Cricket!!
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Post by Tashni on Jul 23, 2007 11:33:09 GMT -5
I'M NOT FINISHED YET!!! *runs about frantically* The Three Hundredth Weewoo by goosher - Ooh, stealing a Weewoo? Bad Jen. This story had a few funny spots and a unique interpretation of the NT office building. I only wish I could have seen MORE of the humor, which I only saw in the beginning. You should try humorous narrative, I think you could get good at it. I also noticed that there were a few places where it looked like you forgot to proofread, because they were obvious misspellings or misplaced words. I would have also like to see a bit more conflict. You set up the conflict, that being Jen's conscience bothering her, but you could have taken it so much farther! A tortured conscience is always funny stuff. ;P Three Red Roses, Times a Hundred by silent_snow - This is an excellent example of a comedic story. You write all of these characters to well, too! I hope you use them again. Some stuff I found funny: The bit about the fence and Roxton's over-zealous fence jumping skills was GREAT. I don't know why, but I thought this was HILARIOUS. Maybe because it reminds me of all these cheesy old adventure heroes that Roxton is supposed to be a spoof of. I sorta saw Han Solo's face when he said that. You know, like in the Return of the Jedi when Luke tells Han to be careful and Han flashes this smile and says, "Hey, it's me!" . . . yeah. xD This was really funny, too! I love seeing plot characters look at themselves as plot characters. HAHAHAHAA! That was REALLY good! Because I was wondering how you were going to tie in the whole 300 thing. You've got a really good parody story going on here. Good grief, I'm quoting this story to death. This was hilarious, too. AND POOR WERTHER! You meanie, you made Scrap steal his glasses. Poor lil fella. AND POOR ROXTON IN THE END! This is a sad story, but absolutely hilarious. As, um, who is it now? Wolf? That always says my Little Orby comics are depressing but funny? Anyway, you did an excellent job at making the sad and depressing absolutely hilarious. Good job!
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retired
Talkative Reader
I'm thankful I got the chance to meet all of you.
Posts: 364
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Post by retired on Jul 24, 2007 1:03:31 GMT -5
Sorry I took so long to do this, but I had to go to my moms (no computer. Hers asploded ;_; ). Sorry if my reveiws are short, but it's late. Well, technically, it's early... ' anywho: Grasping at Shadows: 1337 Ninjas - by mindsend~Beautiful art, and solid joke. The expressions were really good. I really like how the blue Kougra's (Cari, right?) expression in panel three says "Okay! Now!" ^_^ Lounging in the Litterbox - by fruitcupandspoons~Good shading on the kad, and awesome detail in the NT the kad's reading (I recognize that thumbnail with the quiggle and kacheek). NeoChaos! - Issue 300 Special by kai_pawz and crk524~Good joke. Made me laugh outloud. :3 My favourite line: "Well, maybe you should lay off the neocrackers from now on!" Roc's Box - X300 - by: green_roc*headdesk!* I like how the outlines are different colors instead of black. The Gallion Ranch by: pacmanite~XD Great joke and nice art (yay for people who know how to shade!... not like me ;_') Poor spyders. I feel a sudden urge to go read the actual 3rd neopian times... Randomocity! 300th issue Crossover by: coshi_dragonite~Fantastic art, great job on shading and VIVA LA MEEPITS! XD Weewoo Auditions by: _icypanther_ and __lyra152__~I wish to hug the weewoo with the dispair lines on it's head. ^_^ Yay! The AC Comentators! I remember seeing this on a thread a while back. Congradulations! Razzle Dazzle - Episode XV by: khestrel~The mere phrase "state of your face" made me laugh. Great joke, and fantastic art as usual. I pity Sin... ' Read All About It! - by: gilderames and ethan_redshaw~Personally, I take mine to read. XD Nice joke and colorful. Great job! No Game Here - Crossover by: edddibgaz~Funny joke and cute art. *hugs baby pteri* SHH! Crossover - by: kamikatze24 and hello5346~Great art and funny style. Kudos on the author's note as well. Random Espionage 300: Savor the Moment by: kazenkori and Silvermare200~*nodnod* Really deep... till the poogle showed up. XP Bad poogle! Bad! Bucky the Babaa Crossover - by petfriendamy~1,000,000 neopoints?! Le gulp! ' Cute art and nice joke. Neopups Issue 300 Crossover - by: simsman24000Nice art, and the joke made me laugh so hard my voice squeeked. ' Grubbie - 300th Edition - by: Linnipooh~I like the bubbly style of the art, and how the grub is sitting on the weewoo's head for no reason in the last pannel. ^_^ I love little things like that. xD What Psycho Thinks - by: psychoticdancer~I enjoy the simplistic art style, and the joke was very clever. I really like the peophin's pose and expression in the final panel. Meow? (Crossover) by: cardquestmanager~Mind blowingly good art and spot on expressions. Fantastic joke, beautiful colors, and even a snuck-in bent lamp post from the Tale of Woe plot! My only criticism is that not everyone knows what otaku means (YEAH MANGA!!! XD) Simply faboo. ^_^ Normal is Overrated by: tamarainian_girl and cat_luva_l__l ~Adorable art and cute joke. I've always liked how Star had the same obsession for jelly beans stated in the xweetok pet pages; clever. Dangerously Insane - Issue 300 Edition - by: leah_51293~Observation: the bunny on the mug matches the one on her shirt! Fun-ness! I have no idea who that yellow chia is, but he looks like the stamp collector, except taller. The expressions alone, however, still got a laugh outta me. Pastimes - Neoquest II - by: maivry and hoeiva~I didn't really get the joke as much because I never played Neoquest II... or I. >.<' Still, I give it a thumbs up. Smelly Nelly Crossover - by: ghostkomorichu~BLUE! THE BLUE WIRE! Very cute and funny. The irony that all the usul had to do was realize she had to cut a wire that was a color with only four letters (as stated earlier, the blue) was also a fun touch. Glitter Goad - by: jadentearz~glitter may not hurt (unless it gets in your eye or you get sand blasted with it), but glass definitely does! A+! Amikarashui 300th NT Special by: bluecloud300~Run Ami! Run from the weewoos! Anyways, I like your art style and the light, pastel colors. Pointless Nonsense - Crossover - by: pokemon_lunatic and u_uzzzzz~Poor Pheobe. *pats head* But i'll bet that's one yummy cake! Very funny and cute. Weewoo Magic - by: splenetic and musiclives2001~Cute art and very clever joke. That's one savvy kacheek! And the Meepits Outgrabe - Issue 300 Special - by: kittylin~I just adore those sketchy outlines. I empathize with the lupe; I too sleep late more often than I'd like to. >_<' Slightly Ebil - 300th Edition - by: soaringeagle25~Funny and clever. The framed issues and pile of NTs in the background were a nice touch. Why Robot Petpets Have An "Off" Switch - by: ickessler~Solid joke and nice presentation. Excellent job on the robot dogglefox. Priceless! - by: patjade and peri0neo~Cute parody of the credit card commercial. Since all the pets are Island, I'm guessing she went to MI, and the weewoo in the back ground was cute as well. AND Life is a Playground! The Faerie-Food Restaurant~Cute art and good joke. I just love the shoyru's hat! My only qualm is with the beige walls, but that's only a personal preference for brighter colors. Excellent job! PHEW! All in one sitting! ^.^
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retired
Talkative Reader
I'm thankful I got the chance to meet all of you.
Posts: 364
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Post by retired on Jul 24, 2007 1:46:03 GMT -5
The Bunker by hubadawahaI kinda wonder how arcade games can exist in Neopia, considering the "no technology" rule and all... I mean, if all machines belong to/were built by Sloth, and all money-making games are machines (which should actually, then, take your money instead of give it back to you), shouldn't Sloth already be rich enough to just BUY the world instead of creating half-baked schemes to try and overtake it by force? Though, please, excuse my rant and let me just get back to the comic itself. The art was very nice, perhaps some of your best artwork yet. I didn't find much of this comic really funny, though, although I am certainly intrigued to see what happens in the next one. The bonus, well, it just felt a bit tacked-on to me. Oh, they only look like machines. Actually, they're magical devices that make neopoints appear out of nowhere when you send your score! Machines can only pump out what's already there, but games make neopoints appear from no source in particular. Therefore they must be magic! *nodnod* Thank you on the compliment. I've been experimenting with new ways to make my comics less blurry. XP It's okay if it wasn't too funny. it's the prelude to a rediculous mission #1, so hopefully what happens later will be funnier. As for the bonus, I thought it was funny, so I put it in. Besides, I had to fit in Phil somewhere or a certain fan of his would yell at me... -_-' The Bunker by: hubadawahaInteresting.... Where's this one going to go next? If all goes as planned, you'll be surprised and (hopefully) at least mildly entertained. One part of this story arch in particular I can't wait to send in. The Bunker by: hubadawahaNani? :S I'm sure that the next part will explain it all. Anyways, cute art and spastic owner! It will (kind of). It'll explain the hand from nowhere, anyway. Oracle: "I'm not spastic!" Sorore: "Actually, Mom, you kind of are..." Oracle: "....." "You win this round, observant reveiwer!" T_T No more coffee for you, alter-ego. '_' The Bunker by: hubadawaha^___^;;; So I'm a little confused. Who is the Oracle? Why are they in the Games Room? What are they doing there and what does the Bonus mean? I think I'm just a little dense - I didn't understand this one at all ^^; OH BUT PROPS FOR THE PEOPHIN <333 Ah, the tragic flaw of the story-arch comics: people who haven't read the previous ones have no idea what's going on. Kind of like when you miss an episode of your favourite anime. The Oracle (short for Oracle of the Stars) is Sorore (the kyrii's) adopted mom and guild leader of an order that helps people. They're at the Games Room because someone there asked the Order of Oracles (ze guild) for help. The "Bonus" just marks the bonus section, where i put silly doodles, side-notes, and guest appearance credits. *Hugs mah peophin* But yes, she is awesome. ^_^ *cuddle* The Bunker by: hubadawahaErm... sorry. I don't know who's tugging on the Kyrii's tail. Or is it the owner playing the claw machine? In that case shouldn't the arm be made of metal and shaped like a claw-machine-hand? You aren't supposed to. ^_^ It's a lead in/cliff hanger/whatever you call it. And nope, no claw machine.
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