295 Reviews

[Deleted]

Articles:

The Giant Meepit of Peace, A Revolution? by nadia8705

Heh, clever idea for an article. I always like to see something that hasn't been done to death. Your opening sentence was okay, but I didn't think it was great. I would have liked to have seen it moved to second or third sentence. Just remember that your first sentence is the most important, even more important than your ending sentence, which I also thought needed some work in this case. You want to get your readers to want to read the piece, and then you want to leave them with something to remember.

It seems that throughout the article you make a case for these converted Meepits. But I felt at the end you disregard your point of the previous paragraphs by telling the reader it's up to him or her if the Meepit is good or not. I would have liked to see you wrap up your point, which probably would have led to a great ending sentence.

I know there wasn't a lot of material to work with here, and I really respect the research you did (by the way, I thought the way you compared what you did to how much time it took was funny as well). Even with the lack of material available to you, however, this article repeated itself too often. It was a great idea and mostly enjoyable, I just wish it had been more compact and more animated at the beginning and end.

One more picky thing: "Whichever the case being, it will not make or break the giant Meepit’s journey to convert every Meepit of Neopia." I admit I'm more picky than some, but that "being" just ripped me out of the story. Be careful when proofreading because I know I'm not the only one who has a hard time getting past those things. I look forward to more from you.

All You Need to Know About PESTS! by Nikki

Your articles always make me giggle. Giggle spots in this one: s'mores, fits of rage that cause petpetpets to run away forever (very clever and yes I rhymed), and dealing with petpetpetpets.

I think you needed a little more explanation as to why certain petpetpets would cause discomfort if paired with the wrong petpet. The only petpetpet I felt you really explained this for was the Jermite, because it needs short in order to use its painful antlers.

I appreciate how well-researched your article was. I liked your beginning sentence well enough, but I think I would have changed fur to skin. Your ending was light-hearted and made your reader realize--if they hadn't guessed already--that you're not taking yourself too seriously. Your writing skills have really improved from your first article, and I can't wait to see what you come up with next.

[Deleted]

Feathers That Don't Merely Shine

Wow, you got ripped off in the picture department. Tsk tsk.

Asiden doesn't strike me as that timid. You say he is, but I don't get that feeling. Also, I think you could have had a much better opening sentence, but what makes this one particularly weak is your use of an adverb as the third word. Adverbs should be used very very rarely and never when you're trying for a strong sentence. They just don't make for strength.

I like the way Asiden speaks. “Calm yourself, Asiden,” he said coolly, “else Lord Sloth will exterminate you.” Great. But all the characters sound the same when they speak. Not only does this detract from Asiden's character, but it makes it hard for the reader to know who's speaking when.

I like the twist that he's the specimen. Maybe I'm being dense, but I don't get the whole thing about there not being Miamice and don't say anything to Sloth. Were they sent down there to check and killed him without making sure he was lying? That's the best I've got. Also, why would Ziya and Dai get the air bubbles out of the syringe if they were planning to kill him? The only reason to get air bubbles out is because they would kill someone.

Someone else mentioned your imagery, and I have to agree. "He flicked the vial, small pieces of ice dropping off its sides, and drew his face nearer the solution. It shadowed his face with a haunting, white light." Great. If I'd been the Neopets custom pic drawer, I would have worked those two sentences because they're just so vivid.

I hope you plan to write the second part and give the story a proper ending.

[Deleted]

Stuck: Part One by silent_snow

Great first sentence. You had me thinking, "The gist of what, the gist of what?"

Sojo is a very likeable character. I love her faith in her owner and her willingness for adventure. And those two things may be what help her in the end, just a guess. A Coconut Jubjub isn't a pet you see every day in the NT, so I'm looking forward to what you do with her.

I do admit that I knew right where this was going as soon as you said adventure and pound, but I was looking forward to seeing how you would manage the mix up. I was surprised (pleasantly) the way you did it. I was expecting someone to come elbowing up to Sojo's cage or something.

Was she really alone, though? Did Shelle and Terri go home? Because they don't know how long the pound will be under maintenance, whether it be a day or 15 minutes, but it sounds like they're expecting a shorter period of time.

That's all I can say for now, I guess. But you left this part off just where I was hoping you would.

[linni]

I loved getting feedback the last few times I was in the Times ... so I thought I'd finally start posting on here and give some back

The King of Meridell by sir_serene
I love the idea ... sounds just like something our beloved Skarl would fall for! That's what you get when you ask your wiser brother to do you a favor!

Razzle Dazzle - Episode XIII by khestrel
I have loved your art ever since your very first comic! I really enjoy the ongoing storyline that you have, and I look forward to your comics every week. You do a great job putting it all together!

Feathers That Don't Merely Shine by Wolf
Ok, that was AWESOME! I could picture every detail in my head (and am interested to see what a gloved wing would look like!!). I normally only read through the comics every week, but I will be looking forward to part 2 of this! Great job!

[Kelly]

The Giant Meepit of Peace, a Revolution?

That Meepit was awesome, though it was kind of disappointing how the big change had nothing to do with Meepits. As for your article, you did very well for having almost no information to work with. I liked how you developed the idea of ‘Peace-pits’ and having the Meepits come to an agreement with pets, as it really fleshed out the article and kept you from repeating yourself too much.

If I had any complaint, it would be that the paragraphs all seemed to be long and not very formatted. It’ll throw some readers off if the article starts looking too lengthy. Otherwise, good job!

All You Need to Know About PESTS!

I pretty sure that the words ‘Petpet’ and ‘Petpetpet’ are supposed to be capitalized as proper nouns. Can someone back me up on this?

Otherwise, this article managed to be both helpful and humorous at the same time. The different ways that Petpets and Petpetpets could have fun together were entertaining (s’mores!) and the descriptions of pros and cons for each Petpetpet were helpful for distinguishing them all. I can definitely see you following this up with a second article talking about the Petpetpets that you didn’t cover.

Feathers that Don’t Merely Shine

The more I read that title, the more awkward ‘don’t merely’ sounds to me. But that’s just a little thing, and otherwise the title certainly grabbed my attention.

The descriptions were, indeed, fantastic. There were also spots of humor in all the right places (throat lozenges, IRS, part 2), though the story still managed to keep its seriousness throughout. I’m also really surprised that the attempted murder scene got through. Maybe the rules are becoming less strict?

Anyway, all in all, it was a very good story that made me wish there was a part 2. You made Asiden seem real, and that’s the mark of a good character.

The King of Meridell

Haha, cute joke. I could see what would happen early on, but the phrasing of the way it was said still made it funny. And the expression on Skarl’s face in the last panel was awesome!

Razzle Dazzle

Oooh, I love your art. I guess the joke would be funnier if I had been following your comic series regularly (instead of reading them here and there), but the ‘Here Raz, catch!’ line was still good.

[Deleted]

Stuck: Part One by silent_snow (Cricket)
Your beginning was strong, though its real strength only started appearing in the second paragraph. Though I once did like unattributed dialogue starting a piece, some short months ago I was told grounding a disembodied voice makes it more vivid and stronger as an opener, and having seen this done many times now, it is rather sound advice. It's easy to ground the dialogue, though, either by adding an action or a person, anything. One alternative I see for your starting dialogue is this (so you understand what I'm saying): “Okay, you understand the general gist of this, right?” my owner said as we walked towards the pound. Those few extra words show who's talking and plants the idea of abandonment in the reader, which then leads into the second paragraph's statement how this isn't a normal abandonment. Still, disregarding the floating dialogue, this had a really good opening.

The way Sojo was narrating the story, it was quite obvious to me that something bad was going to happen. In fact, in a lot of the stories that begin in a similar fashion, something bad always happens. It's simply a part of the story. The thing, though, is that even though peril was foreshadowed, it wasn't obvious exactly how the transfer would go wrong. I had been expecting a sniper, of course, but the pound's closing was something I hadn't ever foreseen. That subtle misleading towards a twist this early on was incredibly done and the panic the characters experienced at the end was certainly evident.

I look forward to seeing where this story goes. After all, if this pound closing is the recent one (which, I believe, hasn't been resolved yet), it would certainly add an interesting mysteriousness to the series.

[Deleted]

Thank you all for the reviews. ^_^


Tashni:

I know, I need to work on my hooks. I could make them so much better, and it's quite possible they're my biggest weakness (and probably the worst weakness to have).

I really didn't find the threat to be that bad. After all, Asiden did end up alive at the end (even if in peril).


Luau:

I know, the opening again... I don't think I had intended "timidly" to get through the final edit, though -_-. And the characters sounded the same...? Hmm, I heard them sound differently, though I guess I make it as clear as I thought I had. I'll keep that in mind for the future.

I hadn't thought about the bit about air bubbles, actually. I figured it would add to the image, and as scientists, I suppose getting the air bubbles out of a syringe might be second nature to them if they do a lot of experiments with them.


Cricket:

I suppose the title might sound awkward to some, though the story is somewhat meant to "complete" it; the feathers don't merely shine, they glow! *grins* I had actually wanted "Radio Active Pteri Part 1" in the title, too, to help explain it, but that made it too long.

Thanks for reading. ^_^

-

I actually do plan on writing a sequel at some point, but I probably won't consider even submitting it until there really is an item called Radio Active Pteri Part 2. I'm also really glad you all found my description so great; I think that's probably my biggest strength. :)

Thank you all again!

[Deleted]

A MISSED COMIC:

Odd Jobs by autbum and x_seabee_x
That was a cute little comic and it made me laugh. :) The text at the beginning was a bit hard to see and could have probably been brighter (as well, "Samerin" was a typo), but the drawing was very nicely done, very clean-lined and colorful.


A MISSED ARTICLE:

Meepit Magazine by dreamergirl8
First off, congrats on getting your first piece into the 'Times. ^_^

The editor's introduction was a nice addition to the story, though as you signed the italic text with the editor's name, I found that introducing it as "EDITOR'S NOTE:" was a bit unnecessary and, to some extent, a bit redundant as well.

The body of the article was very pleasant, enjoyable to read but almost too short to really enjoy with lasting memories. A little more organization, such as dividers (* * *) between the different areas of the magazine, would have, for me, made it feel more congruent, though how you formatted it was alright, too.

Good job with this, and I hope there's an Issue 2 to Meepit Magazine!