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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2007 23:42:50 GMT -5
Thanks, Wolf!  |
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Post by troublems03 on Apr 23, 2007 4:58:20 GMT -5
Princess of the Peaks by squire_genevieveThis was a really entertaining and well-written article. The interior monologue at the beginning I found quite funny, and it certainly served as a good interlude to the article itself. That bit is beautiful and I find it rather inspiring. Really good job with it. The ending, following such a serious-yet-casual interview, was unexpected, though it certainly did wrap things up with a small taste of the humor that this was begun with. Thank-you so much for the review Wolf. It really means a lot to me to receive feedback about my writing. And I feel really flattered that you found the part about being a warrior "beautiful and I find it rather inspiring." You made my day. Thanks again. -- Reviews for Princess of the Peaks would be eternally treasured. ;D |
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Post by saffy on Apr 23, 2007 6:48:04 GMT -5
Oh wow, did you write that? I loved that article! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2007 18:58:04 GMT -5
Running Faster than Destiny by tj_wagnerI didn't find the opening paragraph much of a hook, really. You were telling me about some beautiful field, but as beautiful as it was, I didn't understand its significance nor did I find it something easy to connect to. The second paragraph was smoother, I feel, and it got me into the story much better than the first. It gave me a character, a setting, and something material to hold onto and envision beyond simply a field. Kari's outburst seemed out of place, I feel. Had you built up her frustration a bit longer and had her grandfather prod at her a bit more for answer, or had you simply gone into her opening up to Gar, I would have found it more believable than I did. This story definitely has my attention and I enjoyed reading it. I think Twitch is going to get into more trouble than he thinks, but I'll have to wait and see, won't I? Dark Friend: Part One by petfriendamyI tend to avoid such advice as what you've given; I simply don't have the time to read another series, yet I'd still like to read this one. In my opinion, though, if prior knowledge is truly necessary to have, a brief synopsis would be more helpful than a list of required reading. That said, I didn't find it a problem understanding anything in this part. You know...I guess I never have wondered how winged pets where clothing.  I noticed you often included in your descriptions whether or not a character was male or female (a male white Poogle, a female Island Kougra), though I found that a bit unnecessary and annoying. After all, almost immediately after naming their color and species, you went on to describe them further using pronouns such as "he" and "she" that established their gender just fine for me. You introduced quite a few characters in this part (though I'm sure I'd know at least a couple of them if I had read the prequel), and I found it rather easy keeping track of them all. They each had a touch of depth poking through their surface and had a solid personality. Even Aillira had a strong personality although she seemed to come and go with no indication of returning (though I have a pretty good feeling that she's not out of this one yet *grins*). This was a really good start to your series, PFA, and I look forward to more.
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Post by PFA on Apr 23, 2007 19:38:42 GMT -5
Dark Friend: Part One by petfriendamyI tend to avoid such advice as what you've given; I simply don't have the time to read another series, yet I'd still like to read this one. In my opinion, though, if prior knowledge is truly necessary to have, a brief synopsis would be more helpful than a list of required reading. That said, I didn't find it a problem understanding anything in this part. You know...I guess I never have wondered how winged pets where clothing. I noticed you often included in your descriptions whether or not a character was male or female (a male white Poogle, a female Island Kougra), though I found that a bit unnecessary and annoying. After all, almost immediately after naming their color and species, you went on to describe them further using pronouns such as "he" and "she" that established their gender just fine for me. You introduced quite a few characters in this part (though I'm sure I'd know at least a couple of them if I had read the prequel), and I found it rather easy keeping track of them all. They each had a touch of depth poking through their surface and had a solid personality. Even Aillira had a strong personality although she seemed to come and go with no indication of returning (though I have a pretty good feeling that she's not out of this one yet *grins*). This was a really good start to your series, PFA, and I look forward to more. Thanks for the review!  A synopsis, eh? That's actually a good idea. I'll keep that in mind next time. Of course what happened in the prequel is kind of explained throughout the story, so... XD Yep... I tend to notice little things like that. x3 Ooh, I'll see what I can do about that gender thing. Yeah, quite a few characters are introduced in this part.  The ones really from the prequel are Dina, Wanda and Laura... Kiro and Yollinda were mentioned, but they never actually showed up. It's good to know it wasn't too confusing though. And thanks again for the review! It's muchly appreciated.  |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2007 14:58:02 GMT -5
Princess of the Peaks
I have to give you mucho points for not beginning with "Hi! My name is Gen and today I am interviewing blahblahblah." Your interview is interesting from the very first sentence, which is more important than I can say.
I, too, like how the article is written more as a story than an interview transcript, but when I feel like I'm reading a story, there are a couple things that I notice. Watch out for adverbs. I don't know if you know of Steven King's On Writing, but he has a hilarious passage about adverbs and how they are not your friend. Most often, if you add enough description and images your reader will know what's going on without an adverb.
Ending interviews can be hard. The temptation is often to offer some insight or cheesy call to action (not that all calls to action are cheesy). Your ending is refreshing after reading about the Princess's beliefs. The fact that you sandwich her blurbs of morality with light-hearted humor is what I think really gives this article its interest. In other words: great ending.
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retired
Talkative Reader
I'm thankful I got the chance to meet all of you.
Posts: 364
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Post by retired on Apr 25, 2007 19:42:28 GMT -5
The Bunker is by Huba:Long comic, but good. ^^ I like the turmaculus's line at the end XD Thank you. ^_^ Turmy took a while to draw correctly, but I really wanted to give him a good line before I sent him back to Meridell. |
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Post by troublems03 on Apr 26, 2007 3:59:40 GMT -5
Princess of the PeaksI have to give you mucho points for not beginning with "Hi! My name is Gen and today I am interviewing blahblahblah." Your interview is interesting from the very first sentence, which is more important than I can say. I, too, like how the article is written more as a story than an interview transcript, but when I feel like I'm reading a story, there are a couple things that I notice. Watch out for adverbs. I don't know if you know of Steven King's On Writing, but he has a hilarious passage about adverbs and how they are not your friend. Most often, if you add enough description and images your reader will know what's going on without an adverb. Ending interviews can be hard. The temptation is often to offer some insight or cheesy call to action (not that all calls to action are cheesy). Your ending is refreshing after reading about the Princess's beliefs. The fact that you sandwich her blurbs of morality with light-hearted humor is what I think really gives this article its interest. In other words: great ending. Thanks so much for the detailed review Luau. In truth, I read what you mentioned about adverbs and my mind just went blank. Adverbs? Say what? So, after a quick Wiki search I now understand what you mean. Thanks for the insight, and no, I've never read the On Writing by Steven King, but I might just look it up. As for the intro - they are my favourite thing to write, without a doubt. When I start writing a piece I tend to rattle on for a while at the beginning as lots of things pop into my head to say, so I'm glad it was to your liking. I'm glad also that you like the ending. I've never been a huge fan of script-style interviews and tend to avoid them at all costs as I find them to be stilted or just a little too silly. *shrug* But whatever floats your boat. Thanks again, the advice is much appreciated and I will try to take it on board. x) *gives cookie* |
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Post by xanme on Apr 26, 2007 11:49:22 GMT -5
Aww, thanks for the reviews everyone! ^-^ Heh, it seems the hissi sure has got quite a bit of attention this week, he's not exactly the type I'd like to run into either. I'm glad people liked him, maybe I'll have to have him as a background character some time in the future. XD Ah, I do have more comics in the works, just have to finish drawing them. I hope you like them too. |
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Post by Tashni on Apr 26, 2007 15:45:13 GMT -5
Revenge and Resistance: part 2 by Dan - Note that is for part 2, seeing as I was too lazy to get to it last week. I liked it! Things are really picking up. The way the space faerie shot out the orb, I was all like, "huh?" and didn't know what that meant. Then in just a couple paragraphs you explained it. That was really good because you brought my attention to the orb before explaining it. That kept me reading. ^_^ I am excited to read part 3! (Soon.)
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Post by Dan on Apr 26, 2007 16:12:55 GMT -5
Thanks for everyone who reviewed my series. ^^ I really appreciate the kind comments you've all said. I only wish I had time this week to review. >< Busy week.
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Post by ohmandoh on Apr 26, 2007 18:08:07 GMT -5
Just got back from my cruise. :D:D:D Thanks for the reviews! Dr. Wockovsky and the Cure for Chickaroo by manda314This is a funny comic, though I think I would have found it funnier if it was said that the food was chicken (my first thought was that it looked like scrambled eggs). The art was nice as well, though all of the text bubbles got a bit hard to follow. It is scrambled eggs. Herbal Scrambled Eggs is the cure for Chickaroo on Neopets. And I thought that chias looked a bit like eggs, but that wasn't really important for the joke. Dr. Wockovsky and the Cure for Chickaroo by manda314Hehe. It took me a little while to get the joke here but once I did it was pretty funny. The art was nice but I felt that (perhaps, maybe,just a little) the lines were a little too thick. Overall though it was I nice comic and I really like the cannibalism comment. (Though, are there chickens in Neopia?) As food there is. :) It's a real item cure for a real disease... in Neopia. hehe. ;D Dr. Wockovsky and the Cure for Chickaroo by manda314Very funny! That Dr. Wockovsky is as sly as ever. He also doesn't seem to be very good at his job. Is he secretly an agent for the neopian times, asking for a lifetime subscription as payment? XD Hehe. He's a quack. Nah, he's just trying to weasel out a free subscription from the newsboy. :D |
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Post by kamikatze24 on Apr 26, 2007 18:30:34 GMT -5
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Post by Omni on Apr 26, 2007 19:00:26 GMT -5
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retired
Talkative Reader
I'm thankful I got the chance to meet all of you.
Posts: 364
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Post by retired on Apr 26, 2007 20:00:25 GMT -5
Loved it! ^.^ The exspressions where really good. Though, it threw me off a little how the "Ding Dong" came after she said "That must be them!", space wise, but that's about it. |
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The ones really from the prequel are Dina, Wanda and Laura... Kiro and Yollinda were mentioned, but they never actually showed up. It's good to know it wasn't too confusing though. 
neo username - dan4884 
