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Post by Kat on Jan 15, 2007 16:51:50 GMT -5
Another Hero's Journey: Part One by precious_katuch14Towards the beginning, during Reuben's daydreaming, I was astonished at how much death was the focal point of his memories. But then, I thought, why not? Death occurs in real life, and even half a glance at Harry Potter shows how much death can be in children's literature with it still being loved and appreciated by people of all ages. Now, I don't think the NT is specifically for children, but as it must be suitable for all ages, such mentioning of death is hardly, I feel, too much. Death is real. And as long as it isn't too graphic, death as a subject in the NT only seems fitting, if not taken to far. And how far you took it in this was just far enough; it was understandable and easy to connect to without pushing the topic too far. That sentence confused me, for two reasons. The first is that "has" should have been "had," I feel, and the second is that I had at first thought the "he" to mean Reuben, though as I read on, it made more logical sense if the "he" were Rohane. No matter all of that, I quite enjoyed this story. It had a nice and steady pace, one that was neither too fast to follow nor too slow to be of any interest. The spelling and grammar was flawless, aside from what I pointed out, even though I found the use of "guys" a bit too colloquial for the tone I had felt this was written in. Finally, although I did not read "A Hero's Journey," I found this completely understandable. I just have one question, and that is if this follow or preludes "Watching the Sunset." I logically take it that it follows it, but I cannot be certain. I await the next part. [shadow=purple,left,300]If there's one little grammatical error I keep making, it's the use of 'has' and 'had'. ^^;;; Whoopsie. In AHJ, writing the death scene was quite hard, since I can get a bit too descriptive. It took a lot of editing and poking around, but I'm glad the flashback of death was fine in AnHJ. I like using 'guys' more in NT stories, since 'boys' just sounds...strange. XD 'Watching the Sunset' preludes the series. Reuben's feelings start changing a bit in the series - in short, he becomes more angsty. XDDDDDDD[/shadow] |
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Post by Nimras on Jan 15, 2007 19:33:55 GMT -5
Whispers: Part Five by betazoid_telepath *snickers* Just how calm she is about this cracks me up. I can relate to that.  I still like Trick. *grin* We pyro's need to stick together. |
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Post by Nimras on Jan 15, 2007 20:18:48 GMT -5
The Petpet Detectives: Case of the Disappearing Deaver - Part Five by playmobil_is_my_life  Poor Jack. He can't even really go back to his own ship right now, could he. After this, I'm not sure he's fed up enough to go solo for awhile. I do find it a little confusing that he didn't think more of the Eyrie taxi departure in the middle of the night before he found out Jack had been fired. You'd think that a midnight run out would be a little suspicious... |
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Post by Nimras on Jan 16, 2007 10:51:04 GMT -5
Revisited: Part Fiveby puppy200010 I am rather disturbed how the Xweetok can separate from the group like that and no one appears to care or notice. The chapter ending is like something straight from storytelling, I have to suppress the urge to start typing out the next part. 
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Post by Nimras on Jan 16, 2007 13:21:02 GMT -5
Cylara's Journey: Part Threeby doughnut215 Also by denimsweetheart Cute pun. It took me a second to get it, but that’s probably because puns always more fitting to a spoken format as opposed to a written one. I really liked the build up you had going in the first two and a half chapters to this story, it’s unfortunate that it ends in a deus ex machina. I was really looking forward to Cylara bringing out some of that knowledge she’d acquired though all her reading (knowledge is, after all, the ultimate weapon) and getting her brother out that way. You were building up to it, and then Fyora came in. It almost feels like it… cheapened Cylara, in some way. She was robbed of her moment to shine, and to be a hero in her own way. Instead, it turns into a ‘pity’ adventure. She was so weak and spineless in Meridell that even the Queen of all Faeries saw it from her far away castle and decided to … ‘improve’ her. And then had to sweep down at the last second because Cylara couldn’t save herself from the situation Fyora had put her in. If you two decide to do another colab again, I hope you’ll consider re-using Cylara again as a character. You did a good job giving her dimensions and believability, and I’d like to see more of her.
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Post by Kat on Jan 18, 2007 8:43:24 GMT -5
[shadow=purple,left,300]Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Jealousy by nimras23
I feel Mareian's pain in the first part. XD And it's so remarkable how you can make all your characters so well-rounded and well-developed as they are introduced in the story. I like how the story starts off a little slow and steady, dotted with descriptions that just make it so rich and alive, and then it picks up and ends in a cliffhanger that makes the reader want more. Plus, Jules reminds me so much of Reuben (at least, antagonistic!Reuben from AHJ), who's also in a series of his own right now.
Master and Pupil by yatomiyuka
I love the ending. I really do - it was unexpected, at least for me. The relationship between Kiro and Musa was shaped so that it left room for development further into the story, but at the same time started out full, giving the readers a little background on the two. And it's a story that both beginning writers and veterans can relate to.
Come Sundown by extreme_fj0rd
Besides a few breaks that could have been fixed or repositioned to make the flow more...well, fluid, this story was really exciting, especially the Techo's story. It didn't go too fast, the pace building up to the climax and then settling towards the denouement. And I couldn't have thought of a better title. ^_^ [/shadow]
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Post by Yuka on Jan 18, 2007 14:53:39 GMT -5
Thanks for the review, Kat.  |
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Post by Trilly (18426 words) on Jan 19, 2007 18:25:08 GMT -5
Sorry, I think this board is somewhat obscure by now... thanks so much to Nimras for the review! *runs off to do something nice* (itsa secret ^^)
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Post by Nimras on Jan 20, 2007 0:51:03 GMT -5
Another Hero's Journey: Part One
by precious_katuch14
…. *can’t help it* JEDI BLUMAROO!!!!!!!
…sorry…
I found the opening of this one to be a little harder to follow. I was able to follow alright; but even having read all your previous stuff, it was a lot of information crammed into a very short amount of space. Normally I don’t hold with the suggestion of reading the previous story(ies) at the top of a story, but in this case I think you really had to.
Poor Ruben, he finally thinks he has it worked out and something else has to come up…
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Post by Nimras on Jan 20, 2007 0:56:23 GMT -5
Dr. Zaf's Advice Columnby squire_genevieve and Tasni Did we really only have one comic in this issue? The Slugy’s eyes crack me up for some reason. It just looks so… unbalanced. Cracked. Three fries short of a Happy Meal. Wacko. …One of those things would be hard to wash, wouldn’t it. *images of muddy water flowing down the drain* Cute, and unusual, concept! ^^
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Post by Kat on Jan 20, 2007 1:04:37 GMT -5
Another Hero's Journey: Part Oneby precious_katuch14 …. *can’t help it* JEDI BLUMAROO!!!!!!! …sorry… I found the opening of this one to be a little harder to follow. I was able to follow alright; but even having read all your previous stuff, it was a lot of information crammed into a very short amount of space. Normally I don’t hold with the suggestion of reading the previous story(ies) at the top of a story, but in this case I think you really had to. Poor Ruben, he finally thinks he has it worked out and something else has to come up… [shadow=purple,left,300]Reuben: I...AM...YOUR BIG BROTHER. Rohane: NOOOOOOOOOO! No wait, that's right... Thanks for the review, Nim. ^_^[/shadow] |
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Post by Nimras on Jan 20, 2007 1:28:09 GMT -5
Master and Pupil
by yatomiyuka
Good job on getting the picture for the news page. ^^ (Not that you actually had anything to do with that… but still…)
I think I had that professor once…
I take it back; my professor and I wouldn’t write the same story. *laughs*
I like the reference about how he stopped believing in Faeries long ago. It makes an interesting twist on a character with such an overactive imagination, but one who still has a very firm grasp on reality.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2007 5:18:40 GMT -5
Cylara's Journey: Part Threeby doughnut215 Also by denimsweetheart Cute pun. It took me a second to get it, but that’s probably because puns always more fitting to a spoken format as opposed to a written one. I really liked the build up you had going in the first two and a half chapters to this story, it’s unfortunate that it ends in a deus ex machina. I was really looking forward to Cylara bringing out some of that knowledge she’d acquired though all her reading (knowledge is, after all, the ultimate weapon) and getting her brother out that way. You were building up to it, and then Fyora came in. It almost feels like it… cheapened Cylara, in some way. She was robbed of her moment to shine, and to be a hero in her own way. Instead, it turns into a ‘pity’ adventure. She was so weak and spineless in Meridell that even the Queen of all Faeries saw it from her far away castle and decided to … ‘improve’ her. And then had to sweep down at the last second because Cylara couldn’t save herself from the situation Fyora had put her in. If you two decide to do another colab again, I hope you’ll consider re-using Cylara again as a character. You did a good job giving her dimensions and believability, and I’d like to see more of her. Thank you for reviewing our whole series, Nimras ;D This series was actually written quite a while ago, and since then I have wished that we'd used a different ending for the same reasons that you mentioned. Hopefully if we do use Cylara again, we'll be able to come up with something a little better ^^; |
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Post by Nimras on Jan 21, 2007 22:27:53 GMT -5
Okay, now that I’ve got a working monitor, let’s try this again. *headdesk*
Come Sundown
by extreme_fj0rd
Love the picture. ^^
Ohhh, very nice. This ran kind of long compared to a lot of the Short Stories you see in the NT, even though you still had about 1000 word margin at the end.
Very nice execution of the storyteller telling a story style. Usually that kind of story bothers me when the storyteller ends and the story jumps back to ‘now’. If that makes any sense? Yours however, didn’t suffer from that problem.
Hee! This cracks me up. *grin*
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Post by Nimras on Jan 21, 2007 22:36:34 GMT -5
CCR Jealousy: Ooh, so that's what the picture's of. Well, it helps to have a picture of it, too. XD Anyways, I liked this part. Introduction of a couple more characters (I'm assuming Jules will have a big part in the story, what with it being called Jealousy and the effect he had on Jeran when he greeted Mareian. XD). I really liked the banter they had as they entered the vault. You have a gift of writing banter. XD AND A MYSTERY! =D Good part, I cannot wait for next week. ^__^ Thanks! *shifty eyes* I confess, at the end Jules and Mareian run off together, then Jeran hunts him down and... okay, maybe not. Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Jealousy - Part Two by nimras23Wonderful. This part felt slower towards the beginning, but as it went on, it picked up pace nicely. I am also proud to say that I am no longer confused! I also have gotten quite fond of your characters; they are all well-defined and have a lot of depth, and it is amazing how much personality I can see that they have in only two parts. The bit at the end... was somewhat expectable, but it was a good twist nonetheless. This was great, Nimras, it really was. Though I can't say quite why, this sentence reads strangely to me, as if it's missing a word or needed different punctuation or something like that. I think I get what is meant, but it just sounds strange... Later, towards the end, in the Royal Relics' room (that's a mouthful, lol), I think a couple semi-colons could have better been colons. That all aside, though, this was still awesome and I look forward to the next part. I'm a slow person. *realizes how that could be taken* I mean, when I'm writing. I like to give the readers a good grasp of where we/they are before I shake it all up and make them dizzy. It is a rather long, complex sentence isn't it... I'm very glad that the characters are clear to you! Keeping them accessible, while still building for the people who have read all of the stories is kind of a juggling act sometimes. CCR: Jealousy - OOH! Magical Royal Relics. I like it. This seems to be going very differently from the other CCRs. Good for you! Oh, and when I read the whole "This crown is too light to be gold, it must be lead" bit, I thought, HEEEY, isn't lead heavier than gold? After some googling, I discovered that you were quite right, Nim. Lead is lighter than gold. Who would've guessed? Not me. ^_^ Oy, the gold vs lead weight thing... That's weeks of research there, actually. Schefflera deserves some credit for helping me out with that as well, the chemistry genius she is and all that. I'm glad someone noticed it! [shadow=purple,left,300] Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Jealousy by nimras23I feel Mareian's pain in the first part. XD And it's so remarkable how you can make all your characters so well-rounded and well-developed as they are introduced in the story. I like how the story starts off a little slow and steady, dotted with descriptions that just make it so rich and alive, and then it picks up and ends in a cliffhanger that makes the reader want more. Plus, Jules reminds me so much of Reuben (at least, antagonistic!Reuben from AHJ), who's also in a series of his own right now. I think most people have felt Mareian's pain with mornings at some point in their lives. *grin* She is not a morning person. Thank you for the review! |
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Poor Jack. He can't even really go back to his own ship right now, could he. After this, I'm not sure he's fed up enough to go solo for awhile.
