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Post by Dan on Jan 13, 2007 10:54:03 GMT -5
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Post by Dan on Jan 13, 2007 11:07:39 GMT -5
CCR Jealousy:
Ooh, so that's what the picture's of. Well, it helps to have a picture of it, too. XD Anyways, I liked this part. Introduction of a couple more characters (I'm assuming Jules will have a big part in the story, what with it being called Jealousy and the effect he had on Jeran when he greeted Mareian. XD). I really liked the banter they had as they entered the vault. You have a gift of writing banter. XD AND A MYSTERY! =D Good part, I cannot wait for next week. ^__^
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2007 13:05:59 GMT -5
Dr. Zaf's Advice Column by tashni and squire_genevieve
*chuckles* The blank expression on Dr. Zaf in first panel was so great! And then in the second, with arms up and smiling. Awesome artwork, with smooth lines and nice colors and details. The idea, too, was pretty funny, and the art and idea were matched wonderfully.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2007 13:31:56 GMT -5
Shad and Saura: The Story of Elversti - Part Ten by ssjelitegirl
You've got me stumped, Huntress. I just did my pronoun review-- and I can't think of how the answer might be hidden there! I don't write mysteries well, and I don't expose myself to many, but logical answer I can spot easily. Yet this... I can't figure out. Good job! It makes the ending even more powerful!
As it has been, the writing was quite nice and easy to read. A few of the words usage towards the beginning of the chapter was a bit confusing, like "we're seen." That is "we are seen," yet how it is used I felt it should have been "we've seen." Also, there was a bit of a falter with the subjunctive mood, using a "was" when instead there should have been "were," but I don't really know if the subjunctive mood is still followed or not... I tend to be drawn more towards traditional grammar, though, and away from more recent changes in acceptable syntax.
No matter, though, this was really good and I really await the next part!
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Post by Shadaras on Jan 13, 2007 15:44:48 GMT -5
Shad and Saura: The Story of Elversti - Part Ten by ssjelitegirl
I like your story, Huntress. The puzzle is annoyingly hard, but it's fun to try and solve. I currently have three theories:
Assume: The Spyder is the soul
Fire burns on wood, but Fire can also burn Spyders. Water keeps the Spyder alive, but can also drown it. Metal… I don’t know how Metal fits in. Wood gives the Spyder a place to live, maybe? Soil… I’m not sure about either. Stone is the room.
Note – I don’t like this theory.
Assume: The Janitor is the soul
The janitor feeds the fire, giving it wood, he cleans the metal, keeping it from rusting, he keeps the stream (water) from clogging, and by keeping the stream from clogging, he lets the plants (wood) grow.
Note - This is my favorite, so far.
Assume: There is no one soul
The clans represent the soul, each one stronger when the others are present. By working together, the Seven are present in all of them, and the Seven protect them. If you shatter the bonds holding the clans together, the Sevens power will fade.
Note - This is the newest one, which I came up with after re-reading part Nine.
Even if my theories are all wrong, it was fun to try and figure out the puzzle. I can't wait for the next part.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2007 16:04:00 GMT -5
This review has such purdy colors. *floats away on a cloud* ... Appreciate randomness!
In This Together: Part Seven by rainbow_daydreamer
Woah... that was unexpected. I liked it. It seemed almost, to me... like it was a part two connect one part to another, what some people might call a filler chapter. Not much happened, but what did, led up to the next part. In a sense, they all do that, of course, but this one seemed more like it prepared for the next part rather than simply moved the story along, leading to it.
Neverminding my cryptic, jumbled thoughts, this was really well-written and I hardly felt time pass as I read it. I saw no errors in either spelling or grammar (and trust me, as of late, I've caught hundreds, not many here at the NTWF, though).
Those purple lights... they intrigue me, and I really cannot wait to learn what they are, and what's wrong/has happened to Voltare. Quite another wonderful part, and I definitely look forward to part eight.
Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Jealousy - Part Two by nimras23
Wonderful. This part felt slower towards the beginning, but as it went on, it picked up pace nicely. I am also proud to say that I am no longer confused! I also have gotten quite fond of your characters; they are all well-defined and have a lot of depth, and it is amazing how much personality I can see that they have in only two parts. The bit at the end... was somewhat expectable, but it was a good twist nonetheless. This was great, Nimras, it really was.
Though I can't say quite why, this sentence reads strangely to me, as if it's missing a word or needed different punctuation or something like that. I think I get what is meant, but it just sounds strange... Later, towards the end, in the Royal Relics' room (that's a mouthful, lol), I think a couple semi-colons could have better been colons.
That all aside, though, this was still awesome and I look forward to the next part.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2007 17:06:30 GMT -5
Master and Pupil by yatomiyuka
*A funny thing to note: when I opened this, everything linked to on the NT's right side was written by an NTWFer. lol*
This was a lovely story. I liked the exchange of letters towards the beginning; it was a welcome change from normal dialogue, as those short letters seemed more like dialogue than letters to me. The interactions between Kiro and Musa was also wonderful; I've volunteered at a school as a teacher's aid, so I often fall into the position of mentor, and it was well-done, very realistic. The challenge made me think "NaNoWrMo for Neopets" initially, yet I liked your idea better, of course. :) The end, too, was quite nice, and those two paragraphs of the story perfectly showed how vastly important word-choice is! I also liked your explanation of where stories might come from.
I really enjoyed this, I did.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2007 17:06:59 GMT -5
Come Sundown by extreme_fj0rd
I... have no clue... what to say...
Your stories, Fj0rd, amaze me. They are so original, and are all told in such an original style, that I am amazed that they are in the NT and not somewhere greater, like a published novel or your very own collection of short stories. You are an awesome writer, and I love your stories.
This one was no different: I loved it.
Towards the end, I knew what might happen, and I had such a sense of anticipation. Those last few lines, I was literally on the edge of my seat. When I usually say that, I usually mean it as I felt on edge, but this time, I truly was. My heart beat faster, my breathing was shallow and terse; my eyes were transfixed on the screen and I heard nothing but my very own pulse pounding in my head. I didn't know what would happen, but I knew that something would. Then when at last it was over, I didn't breathe for a moment, didn't know what to think, or if to think at all.
Your usage of tense and narrative in this was awesome. I liked the third-person at the beginning and at the end with present-tense verb-usage, and then the sudden inverting of that for the bulk of the story. It was an interesting maneuver, and it worked fabulously for this story. It actually makes me think of something I had wanted to try out with one of my own stories... Anyways, I could talk about narrative and tense all day long. The point is: yours was perfect for this. The one thing I didn't like (and that's too strongly negative; I simply didn't think it was necessary) was how you made it a point to say the story was being told through the Techo: I had found that obvious, so for me it was redundant.
But I'm rambling. I ramble most when I'm amazed. And this story amazed me, so...
This was an awesome, great story, Fj0rd. *gives entire cookie sheet-- with cookies! --to Fj0rd*
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Post by Huntress on Jan 13, 2007 18:02:34 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews, Wolf and Shade ^^ I'll try and get some reviews done this week but I can't promise anything as I once again have a hectic week of studying, exams and studying for exams. But I do appreciate all the reviews and I do check this thread, don't worry =3 As it has been, the writing was quite nice and easy to read. A few of the words usage towards the beginning of the chapter was a bit confusing, like "we're seen." That is "we are seen," yet how it is used I felt it should have been "we've seen." *reread that part* True >< My bad. Typo. That's how Droplet does her editing these days, ladies and gentlemen. And Shade, one of your theories is almost correct x3 Not 100% but relatively close. Technically there's this handy-dandy previewing option for the series but once you read the 11th chapter now, you'll have to wait even longer for the 12th. So hang in there x3 |
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Post by Yuka on Jan 13, 2007 18:22:16 GMT -5
Master and Pupil by yatomiyuka*A funny thing to note: when I opened this, everything linked to on the NT's right side was written by an NTWFer. lol*This was a lovely story. I liked the exchange of letters towards the beginning; it was a welcome change from normal dialogue, as those short letters seemed more like dialogue than letters to me. The interactions between Kiro and Musa was also wonderful; I've volunteered at a school as a teacher's aid, so I often fall into the position of mentor, and it was well-done, very realistic. The challenge made me think "NaNoWrMo for Neopets" initially, yet I liked your idea better, of course. :) The end, too, was quite nice, and those two paragraphs of the story perfectly showed how vastly important word-choice is! I also liked your explanation of where stories might come from. I really enjoyed this, I did. Thanks for the great review. *hugs* :) |
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Post by Fj0rd on Jan 14, 2007 11:00:46 GMT -5
Come Sundown by extreme_fj0rdI... have no clue... what to say... Your stories, Fj0rd, amaze me. They are so original, and are all told in such an original style, that I am amazed that they are in the NT and not somewhere greater, like a published novel or your very own collection of short stories. You are an awesome writer, and I love your stories. This one was no different: I loved it. Towards the end, I knew what might happen, and I had such a sense of anticipation. Those last few lines, I was literally on the edge of my seat. When I usually say that, I usually mean it as I felt on edge, but this time, I truly was. My heart beat faster, my breathing was shallow and terse; my eyes were transfixed on the screen and I heard nothing but my very own pulse pounding in my head. I didn't know what would happen, but I knew that something would. Then when at last it was over, I didn't breathe for a moment, didn't know what to think, or if to think at all. Your usage of tense and narrative in this was awesome. I liked the third-person at the beginning and at the end with present-tense verb-usage, and then the sudden inverting of that for the bulk of the story. It was an interesting maneuver, and it worked fabulously for this story. It actually makes me think of something I had wanted to try out with one of my own stories... Anyways, I could talk about narrative and tense all day long. The point is: yours was perfect for this. The one thing I didn't like (and that's too strongly negative; I simply didn't think it was necessary) was how you made it a point to say the story was being told through the Techo: I had found that obvious, so for me it was redundant. But I'm rambling. I ramble most when I'm amazed. And this story amazed me, so... This was an awesome, great story, Fj0rd. *gives entire cookie sheet-- with cookies! --to Fj0rd* Mm, cookies. Um, that is, thanks! Now I'm all warm and fuzzy inside. As for the transition thing, yeah, I'm always afraid that readers will miss the change if I don't note it for them. Also, at the time when I wrote the transition, I was expecting the Techo's story to be much shorter, I had absolutely no clue what I was getting into. XD But yes. Thank you. ^^ *hands out cookies to everyone 'cause she can't possibly eat them all herself* I haven't been reading continued series much lately, but I might do a couple of other reviews in a bit here. |
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Post by Tashni on Jan 14, 2007 14:35:16 GMT -5
CCR: Jealousy - OOH! Magical Royal Relics. I like it. This seems to be going very differently from the other CCRs. Good for you! Oh, and when I read the whole "This crown is too light to be gold, it must be lead" bit, I thought, HEEEY, isn't lead heavier than gold? After some googling, I discovered that you were quite right, Nim. Lead is lighter than gold. Who would've guessed? Not me. ^_^
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Post by Nimras on Jan 15, 2007 12:55:18 GMT -5
Shad and Saura: The Story of Elversti - Part Tenby ssjelitegirl The puzzles, they hurt my head. Owwww…. I’m confused. Is it Saura saying “Hey, you two…” or the person touching his shoulder? It sounds odd to be coming from Saura, but if it’s the Faerie, the dialogue needs to be in a new paragraph. The Janitor seems to not quite fit in with the rest of the Neopets in this story. Either it’s because he’s from an older generation, or because he’s got some kind of different connection to the forest/faeries/magic/whatever I’m not quite sure. I do have an odd mental image of Shad and Saura bug-bombing the whole castle to bring down the spell… 
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Post by Nimras on Jan 15, 2007 13:07:51 GMT -5
In This Together: Part Sevenby rainbow_daydreamer  …she only thought she missed. Ohh, mysterious scary lights. 
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2007 15:27:13 GMT -5
Another Hero's Journey: Part One by precious_katuch14
Towards the beginning, during Reuben's daydreaming, I was astonished at how much death was the focal point of his memories. But then, I thought, why not? Death occurs in real life, and even half a glance at Harry Potter shows how much death can be in children's literature with it still being loved and appreciated by people of all ages. Now, I don't think the NT is specifically for children, but as it must be suitable for all ages, such mentioning of death is hardly, I feel, too much. Death is real. And as long as it isn't too graphic, death as a subject in the NT only seems fitting, if not taken to far. And how far you took it in this was just far enough; it was understandable and easy to connect to without pushing the topic too far.
That sentence confused me, for two reasons. The first is that "has" should have been "had," I feel, and the second is that I had at first thought the "he" to mean Reuben, though as I read on, it made more logical sense if the "he" were Rohane.
No matter all of that, I quite enjoyed this story. It had a nice and steady pace, one that was neither too fast to follow nor too slow to be of any interest. The spelling and grammar was flawless, aside from what I pointed out, even though I found the use of "guys" a bit too colloquial for the tone I had felt this was written in. Finally, although I did not read "A Hero's Journey," I found this completely understandable. I just have one question, and that is if this follow or preludes "Watching the Sunset." I logically take it that it follows it, but I cannot be certain.
I await the next part.
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neo username - dan4884 
