|
|
Post by Star on Sept 2, 2006 14:06:16 GMT -5
David and the Fava Beans by sweetie_me274 Wow, haven't seen anything from you in a while! Glad you're back.  Anyway, on to the review... A really easy, enjoyable read. At first, I was thinking whether it was going to be cliched, pet-learning-his-leson blah blah blah but it was not at all how I imagined the ending! It was great and I really liked Jan. She was so sneaky and at first I thought she was just heartless, wanting to be paid to help her own brother but after that I just thought she was so sneaky and sly, in a good way.  Glad you returned to the NT! Any reviews dor my story, Dear Neopia are greatly appreciated!
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2006 14:23:05 GMT -5
Comic reviews part two!
The Truth Behind the Giant Omelette by m3rcuri
I didn't find this as funny as I probably could have. I guess I'm just tired and all (had a very early morning today, then wished a dear friend farewell since she's moving over seas), but the art is pretty good. The shading is especially nice.
|
|
|
|
Post by Beanie Morton on Sept 2, 2006 15:27:28 GMT -5
David and the Fava Beans by sweetie_me274 Wow, haven't seen anything from you in a while! Glad you're back. Anyway, on to the review... A really easy, enjoyable read. At first, I was thinking whether it was going to be cliched, pet-learning-his-leson blah blah blah but it was not at all how I imagined the ending! It was great and I really liked Jan. She was so sneaky and at first I thought she was just heartless, wanting to be paid to help her own brother but after that I just thought she was so sneaky and sly, in a good way. Glad you returned to the NT! Thanks for the review. :] And I'm glad to be back. |
|
|
|
Post by Psycho on Sept 2, 2006 16:19:00 GMT -5
Short Stories cont'd (this is my favorite section of the NT. expect long(er) reviews) How My Best Friend And I Saved Neopia by lemmykoopa300 Wow ummm. That was quite an adventure! It was entertaining, to say the least. The voice was very consistent, and I make that comment because some of the punctuation stopped me in my tracks. I can understand why the punctuation is there, and I suppose if that period WEREN'T in the middle of a perfectly good sentence, I would have missed the deliberate pause. Kudos for an enjoyable, awake-the-child-in-me story! PS - The whole chia-banging-head-on-table amused me greatly. DOOOMED! x 5 with accompanying headdesk's. lol. The Fate of the Futon by syprodrgon2 Like the former, this was an entertaining read. You have the stereotypical ditz there, which I often find REALLY annoying, but that was the point, wasn't it? You used the word "obnoxious" a little excessively, I felt, and though there isn't a word that suited your character more perfectly, maybe you could have used it less. (Ok, I really don't know if you're a member here for if you're reading this but I'll still talk in second person because I don't feel like going back to fix it). Although your title clearly says FATE OF THE FUTON I expected the story to be about the salesman  I think it was because of the way you introduced him first, and built him up as a character with a history without elaborating much on the history of the futon, who was the main character of the story, as it turns out. So that was part my ignorance of the title, part your not having developed the futon as a character. Conclusively, congratulations. The Neverending Consequences of Abilities by animalw180 Cute. Totally predictable, but cute. It was a very simple storyline - owner warns pet, pet disobeys owner, one small thing leads to one big thing, owner punishes pet, the end. Enjoyed the boochie vs sloth fight When my short story is published (currently held over), you'll see why I didn't like your portrayal of sloth there's nothing wrong with it though. Gratz! The Rainbow Lake by 124456789xxzc Another simplistic plot. I enjoyed the journey through the Lost Desert and the descriptions were stupendous (though I think you named a few too many LD foods during one part of dialogue, I got a little tired reading the list). I especially liked the relationship between big sister and little sister - it was just a little adventure. The end was short and sweet. This kind of simplistic, happy-ending plot is good for a smile and another childhood memory. Reminds me of when I took my little sister by the hand and together we trekked to the pond so we could dip our feet in it... David and the Fava Beans by sweetie_me274 A lot of the time we smile on the inside to ourselves when we read something that amuses us. A lot of the time we'll just laugh to ourselves and count that as actually laughing. Honey, I really smiled, and I really - for lack of a better word - chuckled, when I reached the end of your piece. It was written so innocently that I really didn't see that coming. And what's entertaining to me is that I'm an older sister, and that sounds like something I would do, haha. I really enjoyed your piece. WELL DONE! Dear Neopia by star_29791 To be honest with you, I really don't like reading letters and other first-person POV pieces. This gives you the unfair disadvantage of having my bias from the very beginning. I'm sorry, but I don't want to give you a review because it really wouldn't be a review. You're a fabulous writer; I'm just a very picky reader. I will say one thing, however - I think the story would have been better off without having been in letter-format. My first piece was written like that and it was very similar, plot-wise, to yours - with the whole imploring-you-to-not-make-the-same-mistake thing at the end. So my advice is what was given to me (and now I think I understand it) - your plot would have been better without the letter thing. The story itself is interesting, but the morose, regretful tone of writing a letter is sort of unappealing.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2006 16:39:08 GMT -5
I generally dislike asking for reviews, since I know many of you are pressed for time, though I'd really like a review for my first series, since I do plan on writing more series and I'd really like suggestions on how to improve my writing when writing in this style (i.e., series). It's called The Pianist's Quandary: Part One. Thanks in advance for any reviews I might get. |
|
|
|
Post by Warlock on Sept 2, 2006 16:43:33 GMT -5
"No Comment: Crossover by x_massacre_x & super_evee Well, it took me a while to get the joke but I did...in the end. And when I did, I thought it was hilarious. Took me a good 2 minutes and a half to get it though... The art is great as well." Thanks for the review XD Yeah, in all my comics and 'crossovers'(collabs) you have to look for the joke, its always something small/subtle  Thanks for taking the time to review |
|
|
|
Post by Psycho on Sept 2, 2006 16:57:17 GMT -5
I generally dislike asking for reviews, since I know many of you are pressed for time, though I'd really like a review for my first series, since I do plan on writing more series and I'd really like suggestions on how to improve my writing when writing in this style (i.e., series). It's called The Pianist's Quandary: Part One. Thanks in advance for any reviews I might get. Well, that's what the review board is for Request away - if people have time they'll come here to review, so you'll want your piece up! I saw that - I was intrigued by your title. I normally steer away from series, however, since I can never be committed to finishing them in the time that they're administered and published. My policy is normally, if your series is 5 parts or less, I read it in one sitting when the series is over and then give the review. HOwever, I was tempted to read yours, and I did skim over it. It is enticing - I can't wait to read it in its entirety. |
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Sept 2, 2006 17:08:36 GMT -5
Geez, why couldn't the reviews board be this active last week? |
|
|
|
Post by Psycho on Sept 2, 2006 17:09:28 GMT -5
That's because the Great Psycho is here, Dan I swear I'm not an arrogant donkey. |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2006 17:15:42 GMT -5
That's because the Great Psycho is here, Dan I swear I'm not an arrogant donkey. I'm sure you're not. Well, this series is three parts. (Am I allowed to say that, btw?) Further, now that I have finished my reviews for last week, I'll begin my reviews for this week. I really can't wait to read everything - it all sounds quite good! My appetite for literature has been whet. |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2006 19:26:08 GMT -5
My short story reviews!
Torn Wings by Dream
My, Dream, this was an amazing story. I loved it so incredibly much. It was well-written and tells a great story. It told me to never give up and to always have hope. A story that speaks so loudly as this one is an amazing story. Mechanically, it was flawless. The plot, too, needed no changes. The Haiku Kougra's way of speaking was quite unique, and a bit unnatural at first, but you made it work. I love the poetry you put into this. I love poetry, so it was nice to see that in there.
How My Best Friend And I Saved Neopia by lemmykoopa300
I read this story so quickly, I would have missed it had I blinked. THAT is a good thing. Most of the time, I read rather on the slower side of things, yet when something is THIS GREAT, I read it so quickly. Sal and Miles are great characters and the story, as generic as it is, is awesome. You really did a great job with this, for getting over writer's block and all. The best cure is, after all, writing, and look where it got you now. To be honest, I wouldn't mind their return. After all, this story was really great. Mechanically, as well, it was flawless.
Dear Neopia by Star
When I began reading this, I had thought that this mopey acara would be a bore. To be honest, the first few paragraphs were. But, towards the end, things did pick up and get better. I can't say I like Jane, but there is a quality to her that is admirable. That is nice. Mechanically, this story was successful, though I would have probably written a few things differently to be more concise. However, everything fit with Jane's character, and in a first-person story, that is essential. Though not my favorite story, this was still a good one. Nice writing.
David and the Fava Beans by Cutie Cucumber (sweetie_me274)
The title of this one was...interesting to me, yet the story itself was great. Mechanically, it was well-written and executed nicely. The plot, as simple as it was, was really entertaining. I like Jan a lot, and Simon is cool, too. For the amount of time you portrayed these characters (David as well), they were quite well-defined. Good job; this was a great story.
|
|
|
|
Post by Tdyans on Sept 2, 2006 20:31:05 GMT -5
However, I can't help feeling that either I've misread the story, or there's something I've not figured out about the Gelert and his family-- such as why Dantam would be sending his own pups away to live with someone else at such a young age, or (for that matter) why the kids haven't been assigned to an owner at birth like most Neopets. Maybe I'm just being slow. Hmm, I guess maybe you do need to read the first two series in order to understand this one-- or maybe it's just confusing, period. Let me see if I can try to explain.... In the Needed universe, pets can be created by an owner at the Create-A-Pet center, or they can be born (which I had to be vague about) as happens here in the real world and therefore not have owners to begin with. And there are pets who have owners and pets who don't-- those who don't can go to the Pound, or they can just end up on the streets or in the wild. The pets in the junkyard are those who don't have owners for one reason or another, but Dantam tries to find owners for all of them while they stay there. It only seemed natural to me that he would try to find owners for his children as well-- except for himself and Tessa, he doesn't want anyone to be ownerless forever. I didn't think about the fact that it might seem odd for them to have the pups get adopted so young. I was thinking of them more as dogs, where it's perfectly natural for them to leave their parents for a new home when they're still quite young, but now that you bring it up, I can see how, since they're so anthropomorphized, it might seem strange. I hope that helps. I appreciate your comments. This universe has been in my head for several years now, so it's easy for me to take for granted certain aspects of it that won't seem obvious to anyone else. I have a feeling this is going to be a problem in future parts of this story as well, unfortunately. |
|
|
|
Post by Buddy on Sept 2, 2006 22:14:57 GMT -5
...WAIT WAIT WAIT A MINUTE!!!
The third Needed series is done?! I had given up all hope!! ^____^!!
*goes off to read*
|
|
|
|
Post by phoenixblessed on Sept 2, 2006 22:16:37 GMT -5
...WAIT WAIT WAIT A MINUTE!!! The third Needed series is done?! I had given up all hope!! ^____^!! *goes off to read* Say WHAT?!?!!? *runs out of retirement building* *zooms past ya all* MUST GET TO IT. MUST GET TO IT. |
|
|
|
Post by Tdyans on Sept 3, 2006 0:11:37 GMT -5
...WAIT WAIT WAIT A MINUTE!!! The third Needed series is done?! I had given up all hope!! ^____^!! *goes off to read* I was waiting for you to react. |
|
Anyway, on to the review...
Glad you returned to the NT!
I think it was because of the way you introduced him first, and built him up as a character with a history without elaborating much on the history of the futon, who was the main character of the story, as it turns out. So that was part my ignorance of the title, part your not having developed the futon as a character. 
Thanks for taking the time to review 
neo username - dan4884 
