Post by Tdyans at work on Sept 1, 2006 15:02:28 GMT -5
*cough* My other reviews won't be that long. I just had a lot to say about that one. And again, I hope you won't take that as discouragement, Micrody. I meant it as the opposite-- your story was certainly deserving of being in the Times, and I'd like to see more, so I hope my comments can help you to make your future submissions even better.
Priceless
This story was well-written; the writing style was smooth and easy to read and understand, with no typos or errors that stood out to me. So, on the technical side, I don't have much to say but well done. But on the storytelling side... there just didn't seem to be much of a conflict anywhere in the story. Of course, not all stories have to have a conflict, but this seemed like one that ought to have had one. At first it seemed that the conflict was going to be the issue of the owner wanting to force a pet to drink the transmog potion (nice opening by the way-- you did a good job of drawing the reader right into the action and making them want to know what's going on). But this conflict is quickly resolved by the fact that the pet wants to drink the potion. It seems there was potential for another conflict in the wocky's desire to have a brother, but this too is easily resolved before we even know it's a conflict! Everything just happened too easily, which doesn't make for as interesting or compelling a story as it could have been. The last line was very sweet, but it would have been even sweeter if we'd been aware of her desire to have a brother earlier on in the story and if there'd been something to overcome in order for her to get what she wanted-- the owner resisting, the other pet being uncertain-- and if more time had been taken on it. As it is, it's a sweet, short story, but in the future, just don't make things so easy on your characters-- everybody's more interesting when they have problems and struggles to deal with instead of having everything just fall into place for them.
The Dancer
Another technically well-written story. Sometimes your word choice is a bit awkward for me, such as calling the villagers "assiduous" or saying that the stage was "deluged", but overall the writing flowed well. I also am not big on too much clothing description, unless it has bearing on the story. Some description of clothing is fine, and sometimes necessary, but you seem to go just a bit overboard at times-- I don't think we really need to know what color each bit of clothing of each character is, etc. If its woven into the story, it's usually fine, but at times you take time out *just* to describe the clothing, and then it becomes a distraction to me.
This was another sweet story with a nice ending. I kind of felt like having Sasha solve a problem twice by dancing was a bit repetitive, though. She made the children stop crying and everyone feel happier underground. Then she went above ground and... did the same thing. The fact that it had already been done made it almost anticlimactic. I would have left out the part in the basement and just skipped ahead to the destruction and her helping them see past it. That seems to be the main thrust of the story, the big resolution, but the impact of it was diluted by the fact that we'd already read essentially the same thing a few paragraphs earlier.
Priceless
This story was well-written; the writing style was smooth and easy to read and understand, with no typos or errors that stood out to me. So, on the technical side, I don't have much to say but well done. But on the storytelling side... there just didn't seem to be much of a conflict anywhere in the story. Of course, not all stories have to have a conflict, but this seemed like one that ought to have had one. At first it seemed that the conflict was going to be the issue of the owner wanting to force a pet to drink the transmog potion (nice opening by the way-- you did a good job of drawing the reader right into the action and making them want to know what's going on). But this conflict is quickly resolved by the fact that the pet wants to drink the potion. It seems there was potential for another conflict in the wocky's desire to have a brother, but this too is easily resolved before we even know it's a conflict! Everything just happened too easily, which doesn't make for as interesting or compelling a story as it could have been. The last line was very sweet, but it would have been even sweeter if we'd been aware of her desire to have a brother earlier on in the story and if there'd been something to overcome in order for her to get what she wanted-- the owner resisting, the other pet being uncertain-- and if more time had been taken on it. As it is, it's a sweet, short story, but in the future, just don't make things so easy on your characters-- everybody's more interesting when they have problems and struggles to deal with instead of having everything just fall into place for them.
The Dancer
Another technically well-written story. Sometimes your word choice is a bit awkward for me, such as calling the villagers "assiduous" or saying that the stage was "deluged", but overall the writing flowed well. I also am not big on too much clothing description, unless it has bearing on the story. Some description of clothing is fine, and sometimes necessary, but you seem to go just a bit overboard at times-- I don't think we really need to know what color each bit of clothing of each character is, etc. If its woven into the story, it's usually fine, but at times you take time out *just* to describe the clothing, and then it becomes a distraction to me.
This was another sweet story with a nice ending. I kind of felt like having Sasha solve a problem twice by dancing was a bit repetitive, though. She made the children stop crying and everyone feel happier underground. Then she went above ground and... did the same thing. The fact that it had already been done made it almost anticlimactic. I would have left out the part in the basement and just skipped ahead to the destruction and her helping them see past it. That seems to be the main thrust of the story, the big resolution, but the impact of it was diluted by the fact that we'd already read essentially the same thing a few paragraphs earlier.
