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Post by Dan on Aug 25, 2006 16:38:22 GMT -5
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Post by bag on Aug 25, 2006 17:21:24 GMT -5
Dear Crabby by Dan:
Probably one of the more anticipated pieces we've seen recentley, and at last, that anticipation has paid off! Crabby, despite being an absolute jerk, is an incredibly amazing character, and I find him slightly loveable. Who could give colder advice than him? No one for sure! His responses are incredibly humorous and I actually burst out laughing on some. Kudos, Dan!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2006 19:07:26 GMT -5
Wahoo! I made the front page!
It's refreshing to see another fuller issue. Withdrawal is over, ay?
Anyway, micrody is fine, though my screen name here is Writingwolf.
I don't quite have time to do any reviews now, though I am really looking forward to everything there is, so you can be sure I'll review it all in time.
In the mean time, I would particularly appreciate reviews for "The Eyes of Imari." It was the first short story I wrote for the Times, though it wasn't very good and used a flashlight. After tons of editing, though, it finally got in.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2006 8:34:53 GMT -5
Comics - wahoo! It just so happens that I LOVE these three comic series! The Gallion Ranch by Pacmanite and hakuryu_86Another great Gallion Ranch! I've never seen a Scorchio so stuffed. ~_^ And the Meepits Outgrabe by Kittylin That's so great! It brings to mind a time when my dog (who was at the time still a puppy) happened to get a large beetle in her mouth. I had not known what it was until I pulled it out. Disgusting. It was still alive after she'd been chewing on it. Anecdotes aside, this was a really great comic! Dangerously Insane by LeahLMAO! This was a really funny comic. If I even attempted to draw a pet rock, I'd likely end up like you did. lol.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2006 13:16:59 GMT -5
Needed Adventure:
I've read the first Needed, and I'll have to find time to read the second one, too. Tdyans, the world that you've created on the thought of the junkyard is just amazing. I can sense the unity and friendliness of the place, and I don't even remember you bringing that up directly in your story. Also, I love the little things you add to the story, like "Acarastotle" and I am in love with Whooter's character. He is such a smart alec and I can't wait to see his foundness for the pups expanded upon.
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Post by Star on Aug 27, 2006 11:24:09 GMT -5
Haven't reviewed for a while due to being on holiday but here's some reviews. Short Story: The Dancer by precious_katuch14 This was such an easy, smooth read. I really enjoyed it. Everything just flowed and there were no hard bits. I thought it'd be cliched but you added your own touch to it and I loved it.  Comics: The Gallion Ranch by Pacmanite Haha! This one really, really made me laugh. The art is GREAT. Love the Scorchio's expression. And the Meepits Outgrabe by Kittylin Heh. This was funny. Very typical of a pet/petpet. Dangerously Insane by leah_51293 This was hilarious! The instructions were funny. The art is also really good. I liked the panel where she's "venting her anger." |
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Post by Star on Aug 27, 2006 11:30:05 GMT -5
Dear Crabby by dan4884 This was a great article! The answers were hilarious, especially the one about the Strawberry Poogle. The answer was so not what I expected him to say. But it was really funny.
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Post by Freefalldreams on Aug 27, 2006 12:14:23 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2006 18:50:14 GMT -5
Short story reviews!
The Dancer by Kat
I really liked this story. It was well-written and easy-to-read. It was also a great story, mechanics aside. I felt the dancing bit was a bit predictable, but I guess it was obvious from the start what would happen. Still, though, it was a good story.
Do you plan to write stories for the other heroes of Altador, or was this the only one you had planned on doing?
Priceless by Freefalldreams
This was a great story, especially for a first publication. I really liked how you include yourself in the story; I've never seen it done before and I wasn't even sure that it was allowed. I saw no mechanical errors, which is truly awesome. This was a great read; it only took me twenty minutes to read it fully (which is a good thing).
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2006 19:41:27 GMT -5
I find it very interesting that the only articles this week were written by people named Dan...
How to Survive the Beauty Contest by danman111111
This was a very easy-to-read article, especially considering how I never have and likely never will compete in the Beauty Contest. However, if ever I spark an artistic streak, I now know very well what to do to increase my chances of winning. I was very pleased with this article; lots of praise for this one.
Dear Crabby by Dan
Well, Dan, this was a truly magnificent article. Crabby is such a character that you make everything seem funny. Words alone could not say how much I enjoyed this; if only you could have heard my laughter.
I particularly loved the following passage:
Do you plan on writing another Dear Crabby article? If so, I think we'd all enjoy it (or at the very least, I know I would).
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Post by Dan on Aug 27, 2006 23:07:25 GMT -5
I find it very interesting that the only articles this week were written by people named Dan... How to Survive the Beauty Contest by danman111111This was a very easy-to-read article, especially considering how I never have and likely never will compete in the Beauty Contest. However, if ever I spark an artistic streak, I now know very well what to do to increase my chances of winning. I was very pleased with this article; lots of praise for this one. Dear Crabby by DanWell, Dan, this was a truly magnificent article. Crabby is such a character that you make everything seem funny. Words alone could not say how much I enjoyed this; if only you could have heard my laughter. I particularly loved the following passage: Do you plan on writing another Dear Crabby article? If so, I think we'd all enjoy it (or at the very least, I know I would). Thank you very much for reviewing this article. ^^ I do in fact have another one in the works with a twist on the formula for Crabby. It makes me very happy that so many people enjoyed my article, thanks everyone very much! |
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Post by Pacmanite on Aug 29, 2006 20:39:53 GMT -5
Comics - wahoo! It just so happens that I LOVE these three comic series! The Gallion Ranch by Pacmanite and hakuryu_86Another great Gallion Ranch! I've never seen a Scorchio so stuffed. ~_^ Aw, thanks! I'm glad you love this comic series  Stuffed indeed. The Gallion Ranch by Pacmanite Haha! This one really, really made me laugh. The art is GREAT. Love the Scorchio's expression. Thank you! ^^ I'm glad it made you laugh! If I find time this week, I'll come back to this thread and review the other comics. |
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Post by Kat on Aug 31, 2006 21:24:36 GMT -5
The Dancer by precious_katuch14 This was such an easy, smooth read. I really enjoyed it. Everything just flowed and there were no hard bits. I thought it'd be cliched but you added your own touch to it and I loved it. [shadow=purple,left,300]Thanks so much for the review! I thought it would be too long, since it's one of the longest - erm, short stories I've written. XD[/shadow] The Dancer by KatI really liked this story. It was well-written and easy-to-read. It was also a great story, mechanics aside. I felt the dancing bit was a bit predictable, but I guess it was obvious from the start what would happen. Still, though, it was a good story. Do you plan to write stories for the other heroes of Altador, or was this the only one you had planned on doing? [shadow=purple,left,300]Thanks very much for the review! Well, it is quite predictable, as I followed Sasha's story in the book in the Altadorian Archives (remember the plot?) and just expanded it. Well, I think other authors have done stories for the other heroes of Altador, but if there are some who haven't got stories yet, I might work on it. I wanted to write about Sasha because nobody has written about her so far, until my story.[/shadow] |
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Post by Huntress on Sept 1, 2006 13:12:50 GMT -5
*prods the thread* How come the whole reviewing thing has been so dead lately? I mean, only one page?
*hasn't been reviewing for ages* >>; Lessee then, about these comics...
The Gallion Ranch: xD good joke indeed. The Scorchio's expression pwns. The "potato peels" note felt redundant though, it was pretty obvious that they were potato peels one way or another. Explanatory notes are a very very dangerous zone in comic-making... but still, a job well done ^^
And the Meepits Outgrabe: haven't seen Kittylin in this forum for months now but heck... anyway, great art as always. Poor Vernax though x.X *is a bug-lover* Gotta admit that I didn't really get the point. Maybe it's just me...
Dangerously Insane: this one was so good on so many levels =3 The art and the joke and the expressions and all that. *ponder* Heck, I can't even find anything to nitpick on, and in my case it's a rarer occasion than an ice age x3 Great work ^^
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Post by Tdyans at work on Sept 1, 2006 14:40:03 GMT -5
*prods the thread* How come the whole reviewing thing has been so dead lately? I mean, only one page? Back to school? Anyway, thanks for the review, Apollo. I hope you enjoy the rest of it. I love Whooter, too. And here are some reviews. I'd like to preface them by saying, please don't anyone let me discourage you. As my bottom thingy that I can't remember the name of says when I'm logged in, "I nitpick because I care." The Eyes of ImariI'm a bit ambivalent about author's notes. Sometimes they're necessary, and that's fine. But when they're unnecessary, they just grate on my nerves. And is it really necessary for us to know how to pronounce these names? The story itself is not affected one way or another if you pronounce the eyrie's name wrong (as I constantly did despite the author's note). So I would recommend leaving author's notes like this out in the future-- but at least it wasn't "If you're reading this, I got into the NT!" And now you know what I meant about nitpicking.  So, on to the story itself. The opening sentence doesn't really grab the reader. Certainly the opening paragraphs do get your interest and pull you in, but if you can do that from the very first sentence, it's even better. And speaking of those first few paragraphs, I wished that other portions of the story that took place in Imari's lair had been separated off (with the ***) from the rest of the action throughout the story as you did in the beginning. At times it became confusing as the story switched back and forth, and since Imari was in a different place than the three pets, the breaks to make that switching from place to place (not to mention point of view) clearer would have been appropriate. You did a good job of giving the three pets distinct personalities and showing those personalities through their actions and dialogue rather than through just telling us what they were like. Some of their dialogue was a bit stilted at times, though. This, for example: "We have to reach the summit before nightfall, otherwise we'll end up late for the auroras when they illuminate the sky every day from sunset to the morning before dawn" was just a little too much obvious exposition for my taste. Also beware of repetitiveness; you often use the same words and phrases several times within the same paragraph. You also sometimes inadvertently repeat the same information too many times. For instance: "'Hey, you two down there,' a green Eyrie called down to them from where he flew in the sky". Within a single sentence, you've told us several times that the eyrie is flying above them-- far fewer words are needed to get this point across. As you edit, watch out for things like this-- ask yourself if your readers need to be told something, or if they have already been told it and/or can figure it out without being told. Another problem I ran into was that often the actions taking place in the story seemed to become conflated and cause/effect wasn't clear in the way that the sentences were written. Let me try to give some examples: The way that you've written this, with the two actions within the same sentence and "falling" being in the present tense, while "shook" is in the past, it sounds as if the two actions are simply happening at the same time but are unrelated to each other, rather than that her shaking is calling the stalactites to fall. Something like, "She shook the crystal ball and stalactites fell around the travelers" would get your idea across more clearly. By putting this all in one sentence, it seems as if Imari is one of "they", rather than that she's watching them. Simply making this two separate sentences and using "smiled" instead of "smiling" would get rid of any confusion. While the resolution, with Taelie stepping in, is a bit of a deus ex machina, I still enjoyed it. I liked the way that this menacing dark faerie suddenly seemed to get knocked down to the level of a malicious little child who was being scolded, a sense that was enhanced by her sulky reply that she wouldn't "play" with pets any more. And the ending was sweet with the pets escaping and enjoying the lights that much more because of what they'd been through. Overall, this was a nice first story with good characters and action, and writing that could just a bit more polishing to be more smooth. |
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neo username - dan4884 
That's so great! It brings to mind a time when my dog (who was at the time still a puppy) happened to get a large beetle in her mouth. I had not known what it was until I pulled it out. Disgusting. It was still alive after she'd been chewing on it. Anecdotes aside, this was a really great comic!
Stuffed indeed.
So, on to the story itself. The opening sentence doesn't really grab the reader. Certainly the opening paragraphs do get your interest and pull you in, but if you can do that from the very first sentence, it's even better. And speaking of those first few paragraphs, I wished that other portions of the story that took place in Imari's lair had been separated off (with the ***) from the rest of the action throughout the story as you did in the beginning. At times it became confusing as the story switched back and forth, and since Imari was in a different place than the three pets, the breaks to make that switching from place to place (not to mention point of view) clearer would have been appropriate.