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Post by Nimras on Jul 10, 2006 8:06:51 GMT -5
Chronicles of the Court Rogue Part Nine by Nimras: Ooh, great part. Cool plot twist and writing's good as always. There were a few errors in there, for instance you said "Reaching the padded room exercise room," but nothing too major. This series is really genius and the next three weeks should prove to be great. ^^ Ohhh, drat, I thought I'd fixed that one. *headdesk* I'm sorry about not finishing reviews last week (I have 2 left), or having started on them this week yet... My house is being packed up into little boxes for my move and I'm jumping around like a Wibreth with it's head chopped off. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2006 9:11:40 GMT -5
I'll get some reviews done right now.  I've been busy answering hate-mail from people that thought my article was sexist. They didn't get it... -_-; |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2006 9:24:10 GMT -5
How to Play Yooyuball... Without a Yooyu!by rookinaVery very creative uses with the balls. I never knew about water affecting foam balls like that. You made a very good job at making Youyuball realistic for the real world. I didn't find it complicated at all!  Regarding the Exchange of Round, Wet Projectilesby phsycoticdancerLike rookina's, this article is very creative and brings up a new idea. I loved your explanation of the little snowballs, and once you gave a hint about how to play early in the article, I knew how the game worked. Not like the explanation below was unneeded, but I think you just really did well with choosing your words. Now... I usually don't do comics, but since there aren't too many, I'll check them out. Shoyru Squadron: Agents of Faerieby the_darkjediWow. Amazing art. I'm going to have to catch up on the story, and keep up with it. Dangerously Insaneby leah_51293I liked the art, and I love the Shoyru's expression. The joke was cute, I got it. Adventure!!!by moonage_daydream201I love the Kiko's face is priceless at end of the comic. I got the joke, too.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2006 10:47:25 GMT -5
Are you serious? *headdesk*
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2006 13:20:45 GMT -5
The Perfect Lock
Awesome custom. ^^
Some very touching moments where you commented on how Thor wasn't beautiful, so he wanted to create something that was.
I think with that ending where something missing was fulfilled by choosing the life of a wanderer, I would like to see a little bit more of the emptiness earlier in the story.
And why did Marek want the lock? Just because it was beautiful? I would have liked more explanation about Marek--why he showed up and then seemed like he was plotting and then took off with the lock.
"A piece of him lost long ago was coming back to him, like a proper key that clicked nicely into a lock."
Very nice. n:)
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2006 13:37:47 GMT -5
I've been hearing a lot of good reviews about these two articles, so I've decided to read them as well. *opens NT* *waits patiently while I read them* *closes NT and comes back to forum*
How to Play Yooyuball... Without a Yooyu! by rookina
This is an amazing article! The rules and explanation and ideas are simply ingenious! Truly spectacular! Now, to get enough people to play, and then space to play it... I can't wait!
Regarding the Exchange of Round, Wet Projectiles by Psycho
This is a very interesting piece of work. I hardly knew there were so many kinds of snowballs...
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2006 13:45:22 GMT -5
A Balthazar-Faerie TaleThis faerie seems pretty smart. Why was she dumb enough in the beginning to shrink herself down to bottle-able size? If she got caught, the Lupe would get away anyhow. I like the little exchange between Fuhnah and Balthazar and the idea that he has a quota for Kauvara. It's also a good spin that the faeries despise the pets that bless them, even though they are the ones letting them out of the bottle. "Balthazar never explained his logic to any faerie before. But, then again, no faerie ever bothered talking to him." Balthazar's been catching faeries for a long time. It seems a little odd to me that one wouldn't protest or try to reason with him. It would be plausible that this one said just the right thing or something to make him explain his logic, but I think there would have been some conversations in the past. I'm not sure if I like the ending or not. I keep going back and forth. Well, he is just messed up, it's good that she forgave him. But then again, no one should be sold and forced to give blessings. And it could be a loooong time before people stopped just selling the faerie and she actually was let out. But then again... See, I keep arguing with myself over the moral implications. But maybe that's what you wanted? I'm glad you brought up that he donates to the money tree in his arguments.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2006 14:03:40 GMT -5
One Night at Midnight
Okay, it's the weirdest thing. I can't remember what my initial thought was, but I was thinking about a Neoboard land right before I read your story. Creeeepy. Maybe I subconsciously read the description text under the title...?
Why exactly did he take the night off? I don't have a clear understanding of his motivation. He's sick of Deadly Dice? He starts out wanting neo tacos, but doesn't pursue that craving. I don't understand how he chose Neoboardland on that specific night. The map doesn't explain much, just because he had a map to somewhere (mysteriously) he had to go there?
Great description of him going to Neoboardland. I feel like I'm there with him. The bookshop fear is random, but funny. The rules to enter the neoboards made me laugh and the description of an exploded board is very interesting.
I appreciated how you noted that there are crazy people and chatspeakers and off-topic threads on the Neoboards, but you didn't turn it into a rant. You noticed them and gave them attention as they came and then you let them go. You also recognized the not-so-grammatically challenged.
Overall, I think Count Von Roo will be staying away from the neoboards for quite some time. n:)
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2006 14:30:08 GMT -5
Tales of a Petpet Campfire
Cute idea. ^^ All your characters are well-defined and recognizable, hard to do in such a short frame of time. I like how the story begins, with the bush rustling and "speaking." So I take it this campfire is for petpets who feel that their owners have mistreated them? I would have been interested in Blurfle's thoughts on all this.
I like how you used one of your characters (love Haunt, by the way) to scare away the Meepits and you explained the reasoning for not wanting them around pretty well. I kinda wish something would have happened to make more of a story and have a little more action, but it was a nice ending. Sounds like Blurfle has found some friends.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2006 20:51:55 GMT -5
Are you serious? *headdesk* 100%. I've gotten over ten of them, three of which want to continue arguing.  |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2006 8:54:11 GMT -5
The Perfect LockAwesome custom. ^^ Some very touching moments where you commented on how Thor wasn't beautiful, so he wanted to create something that was. I think with that ending where something missing was fulfilled by choosing the life of a wanderer, I would like to see a little bit more of the emptiness earlier in the story. And why did Marek want the lock? Just because it was beautiful? I would have liked more explanation about Marek--why he showed up and then seemed like he was plotting and then took off with the lock. "A piece of him lost long ago was coming back to him, like a proper key that clicked nicely into a lock." Very nice.  Thank you for the review ^^ The idea was an old one that I came up with a long time ago. You're right, the ending was vague. I kind of wanted to make the impression that his work, his honest life had been ruined, and that's why he chose to be a wanderer and try something else. (Though that could've also been given more room in the story.) As for Marek, he's just a simple (or not-so-simple) thief. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2006 12:08:07 GMT -5
*nods* Looking back, that makes more sense than it did yesterday. Maybe because my brain isn't as fried today. n:)
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2006 12:18:15 GMT -5
Tales of a Petpet CampfireCute idea. ^^ All your characters are well-defined and recognizable, hard to do in such a short frame of time. I like how the story begins, with the bush rustling and "speaking." So I take it this campfire is for petpets who feel that their owners have mistreated them? I would have been interested in Blurfle's thoughts on all this. I like how you used one of your characters (love Haunt, by the way) to scare away the Meepits and you explained the reasoning for not wanting them around pretty well. I kinda wish something would have happened to make more of a story and have a little more action, but it was a nice ending. Sounds like Blurfle has found some friends. Thanks for the great review. ;D The "Petpet Retreat" isn't necessarily for mistreated Petpets, but for Petpets in general who want to hang around with other Petpets. Mistreatment does come up, though, because many people do ignore their Petpets' needs. I do agree with you -- there could have been much more action -- though a softer, more comical story was my aim with this one. The characters are very-well defined (I find character creation is a fine-tuned skill of mine by now), so I may eventually decide to continue writing stories with them, giving them a bit more of an adventure next time. We'll have to see if ever I get that far. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2006 14:52:33 GMT -5
The Perfect Lock by Sia
I'm not quite sure what to say about this story. On the one hand, it is quite interesting with many meanings hidden deeper than the words' surface, but on the other hand, I find it difficult to understand why the single lock, however perfect it was, became such a staple of his emotional identity. Another thing I noticed was that the detail of Thor creating the lock, as incredibly awesome as it all was, was sometimes a bit too much for me to comprehend.
I have mixed feelings about the ending, though on some level I can see how having created the most perfect lock, he would wish to find a new way a life, one that still holds for him the potential to reach a new perfection.
I love the line "A piece of him lost long ago was coming back to him, like a proper key that clicked nicely into a lock." To me, this so elegantly phrases the feeling of finally finding yourself.
A Balthazar-Faerie Tale by Demon (right? o_0)
I really, really enjoyed this story. I particularly loved the beginning. The introduction instantly pulled me in and it reminded me somewhat of the introductions on the show "The Twitlight Zone."
The entire story is very easily read and that is something I enjoyed. Fuhnah is a character that has much depth, which is good. You also do a wonderful job of humanizing...er...Neopet-izing Balthazar without utterly destroying his reputation. It's lovely how you show that even the worst of us could still have a bit of goodness left in us.
I am particularly fond of how you incorporate some larger issues into the story ever so subltly, such as when Fuhnah says to Balthazar, "Why punish us all if only a few hurt you, though?"
One Night at Midnight by Puppy
I really loved this story. It was comical, yet at times serious (I love how von Roo respects those with good spelling but is disgusted by chatspeak and horrible spelling/grammar).
I truly loved how you portrayed the world of the neoboards as an actual, three-dimensional place. At times, it reminded me of both the Department of Mysteries from the Harry Potter series and the internet from the movie Pixel Perfect. It made me look at things in a new way; it made me think in 3D, you could say.
It was all so great, I find it hard to narrow it down to what I liked best. It's really good and I hope to read more of your work soon.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2006 21:03:27 GMT -5
I'm puzzled as to why this is shown as the newest post on the board, while there are new posts in the Times Lobby board. *confused*
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I've been busy answering hate-mail from people that thought my article was sexist. They didn't get it... -_-;
