240 Reviews

[peri]

I would appreciate reviews for Meepit War Tactics. A new comic series that my friend and I have come up with Thank you! I think I will wait until the list comes up before I start reviews. I always seem to miss people when I try to do them on my own

www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=216401&issue=240

[Tashni]

I put up the NTWF list on the opening post. If I missed any of you, let me know!

[zebraxas]

Comic Reviews:


Shoyru Squadron: Agents of Faerie by the_darkjedi
I love the style. There isn't anything I would recommend, except that the two orange backgrounds on the bottom panels right next to each other doesn't look right to me. But that's probably just me. ^^

DOOMed Adventures by ladyash782
The panel with DOOM's speed clouds is very well done. I would recommend to 1. either draw Inilthay's head in the picture, with the speech bubble coming from it, or to 2. make the speech bubble originate from the top of the picture. It looks a little funky with the speech bubble coming from Inilthay's neck. ^^;

The Gallion Ranch by hakuryu_86 & pacmanite
This was highly amusing. ^^ However, I would recommend putting hakuryu_86 further down in the panel. Obviously, it was wanted for everyone to be seen in the last panel, but since hakuryu_86 was behind PlushieThingy in the previous panels, it looks a little odd that they are suddenly neck and neck. ^^

Sanity Obsolete by nut862 & myfallenrevival4
The only thing I would recommend is that the shadows seem to be falling a little weird to me, as if each object had a different light source. Also, her upraised arm doesn't have a shadow. ^^;

Notions and Nonsense by scarrift & patjade
I would recommend putting a general speech bubble in the first panel, with cartoon arguement symbols. It just looks like everyone is a little mute. ^^;

Best Insurance by ssjelitegirl
I don't have any recommendations. Not sure if the speech bubbles would look better or not with an outline though. ^^

Meepit War Tactics by cytherea007 and peri0neo
Very well done. The only thing I would recommend is that the green Meepit's expression doesn't match the mood or what he's saying, to me. ^^;

[Deleted]

tashni said:

I put up the NTWF list on the opening post. If I missed any of you, let me know!

My short story, titled Miss Earthwing.

[sunny]

Coupla' short story reviews written between drafts of my Wordsworth essay.

Miss Earthwing: This story runs at an excellent pace throughout the first half of the narrative. The prose is brisk and succint whilst providing detail enough to create a nicely drawn enviornment and characters. It's quite funny with plenty of clever dialogue and one-liners, though a bit more development of individual personalities would have been beneficial. It is unclear, for example, exactly why Earthwing is annoyed by Freedom's participation in the game when she did not protest the earlier participation Spirit and Fire. The story also lacks a definite resolution--the ending doesn't seem to mesh with the rest of the narrative. Overall, however, it was a very entertaining story with one of the funniest explanations for the Pant Devil that I've ever read.

Isabella's Best FriendThe characterization in this story is excellent. The development and expression of personality stands as one of the finest examples of showing rather than telling that I have ever read in the NT. Isabella's character is wonderfully, subtley drawn--her actions shape her benign yet vulnerable personality: her indecision about what to eat, her willingness to sacrifice her own happiness for others... Her nature is never explicity stated, yet it is as clear to the reader as if it had been. As this is a largely character driven story, the narrative is quite touching and realistic. However, some of the sentences are awkwardly structured with occasional tense changes and a suffusion of commas when a more aggregated sequence of words would be appropriate. I would reccommend that the author read the story aloud while editing it to get a sense for how the words flow over the tongue, as some of the story's passages are difficult to comprehend. Overall this story has a very strong plot and stronger characters that indicate the author's maturity and sensitivity to what shapes a person. With a little work on technical structure, the flow of the words will reflect this sensibility and render the author's future messages all the more powerfully.

If anyone has time to review my short story, "Ezanna On Edge", I should be eternally grateful.

[Tyrannitar]

lol, forgot about reviews. XD Sanity Obsolete is in... reviews?

[hmlanden]

Ezanna On The Edge- Wow. This story was published at a brilliant time. I was feeling just like Ezanna...just on content and timing, 10. Writing quality, 10. Other Stuff In The Story That Landen's Too Lazy to List...about an 8, so...Overall=9

[Suzuka]

Well, I got my first comic in the NT this week ^_^ I really wish I would've cleaned it up, but I was busy and they accepted it.

*huggle attacks peri* I'll go and find and review later!

~Loves, Suzuka

[Deleted]

sunny said:

Coupla' short story reviews written between drafts of my Wordsworth essay.

Miss Earthwing: This story runs at an excellent pace throughout the first half of the narrative. The prose is brisk and succint whilst providing detail enough to create a nicely drawn enviornment and characters. It's quite funny with plenty of clever dialogue and one-liners, though a bit more development of individual personalities would have been beneficial. It is unclear, for example, exactly why Earthwing is annoyed by Freedom's participation in the game when she did not protest the earlier participation Spirit and Fire. The story also lacks a definite resolution--the ending doesn't seem to mesh with the rest of the narrative. Overall, however, it was a very entertaining story with one of the funniest explanations for the Pant Devil that I've ever read.

Thanks for the review! Earthwing being annoyed at Freedom was part of any entire part of the story that I edited out... except I forgot that part.

[Tashni]

COMICS
Shoyru Squadron: Agents of Faerie by the_darkjedi - Ooh, look at all the pretty NQ characters . . .

DOOMed Adventures by ladyash782 - I believe I neomailed you when your pic of that Meepit won the pic spotlight. Again I'd like to say how AWESOME your design for the Meepit is! Not only is the art all great, but the joke is classic, too.

The Gallion Ranch by pacmanite and hakuryu_86 - Hah, funny. Nice art, too. It's very clear and easy to understand.

Sanity Obsolete by nut862 & myfallenrevival4 - I love the joke, but it took me quite a while to understand. It needs to look more like whack-a-staff as opposed to some cubicle. And the Shoryru's face is rather passive, almost sad. That really doesn't work for this comic. But I love the idea! Nice job of drawing Snowflake.

Notions and Nonsense by scarrift & patjade - Haha, cute. That is SUCH a sibling argument. The art is nice. The uni isn't too skinny, which a lot of them are.

Best Insurance by ssjelitegirl - I always love a good Meepit joke. It showed Shad's character at his best, too! As always, I love your anthros. I've been working on an anthro for my spotted Zafara, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I've been studying Shad! ;P

[sunny]

oldnavyfan said:

Thanks for the review! Earthwing being annoyed at Freedom was part of any entire part of the story that I edited out... except I forgot that part.

Ah, well, it happens. It didn't detract from the story or anything, though.

[Luaucant log in]

Tuesday is my last day of high school, (Wheee!) so I'll have time to review then. Any reviews for the first part of my series, A Weak Heart, would be much appreciated.

[bryallen]

Hi! I'm Bryallen, and I've decided to become a little more active than I have been! With that motive, here are some reviews for items people have requested!

Miss Earthwing by oldnavyfan10 (Short Story)

Congrats on getting a really spiffy drawing designed!

This is a nice little story, with some quite funny remarks : ("Maybe it's not a pop quiz. Yeah, that's right. It's just a regular quiz.") and I liked how Earthwing was teaching her plushies about Neopia!

I really like how you used the fact that Ixi's are from Meridell to make the point about loyalty to that world. It's little details like that which make a story seem real! I quite enjoyed the character development throughout this short story actually, and I think it was the strongest part of this piece of writing.



A Weak Heart by literalluua (New Series)

Ha, I love the relationship between Abbi and Dwennon when they meet! The little looks and things are wonderful! This is a great introduction to a story. It lays out the problem and the background of the characters well. This story feels more real because of the little details that you add into it. For example, the relationship between the cheeseroller owner and the Protagonist.

I look forward to reading the next one, which is hopefully what you want to hear!


Meepit War Tactics by cytherea007 (Comic)

Yaay, I always preferred Meepits to Feepits anyway! At least they're open about their plans for world domination! You've got some nice artwork, but aw, poor little Meepit! XD Quite funny joke, although perhaps it could've been "punchier". I like the paper with the plan drawn on



Katie the Enchantress by kindheartedfairy (Short Story)

This story has a lot going on, but that's what makes it different. I think the History of Katie was introduced a bit too quickly, as it's all in one large paragraph near the start. The story idea is original and interesting, and I like the characters, which is good. It's a little confusing in places, because it has such a fast pace, but I guess that's usually the case with short stories! Overall, I like it.



Don't Cry, My Little Love by rainbow_daydreamer (Short Story)

Aww! A very sad and emotive story, with beautiful writing and imagery. I love the way you have written about the characters, and the plot of the story. It's easy to make these stories full of clichés, but you've avoided that problem well! The way you leave some things unsaid, and leave to the reader's imagination, is a strong positive aspect too. I really like this story


Sorry, but that's all I've got time for right now! (Revision is rearing its ugly head again) Hope this has been of some help to the people I've reviewed so far. Great job everyone

[Deleted]

bryallen said:

Miss Earthwing by oldnavyfan10 (Short Story)

Congrats on getting a really spiffy drawing designed!

This is a nice little story, with some quite funny remarks : ("Maybe it's not a pop quiz. Yeah, that's right. It's just a regular quiz.") and I liked how Earthwing was teaching her plushies about Neopia!

I really like how you used the fact that Ixi's are from Meridell to make the point about loyalty to that world. It's little details like that which make a story seem real! I quite enjoyed the character development throughout this short story actually, and I think it was the strongest part of this piece of writing.

Thanks, Bryallen!

I did some short story reviews and I'll probably do some series reviews later this week when I have some more time.

Ezanna on the Edge
by battlesunn

I could really relate to this story. Feeling overwhelmed, overworked,and stressed are emotions that everybody experiences, so it was very easy to understand Ezanna's mindset. I really liked the Eyrie on Mystery Island because she seemed so practical and likeable. Ezanna's return to his family was sweet and kind of amusing. He acted like he had been gone for weeks when it was really just a few hours. I loved the way he and his siblings interacted. It reminded me of my own family. The last line was very funny. All in all, I really enjoyed it.

Katie the Echantress
by kindheartedfairy

This was a cute story. Katie was a very likeable character, and I loved how you tied the sunlight spell into the ending. However, I thought some parts were confusing, like Katie's family situation (why she needs to get her siblings, why she was living with her father instead of her mother). Also, since the story began with Katie and Terry beginning their journey to Katie's siblings, I assumed that that would be the focus of the story. When the focus switched to Katie falling in the black void, I got a little confused. Katie and Terry's friendship was very cute. Overall, it was a sweet story.

Don't Cry, My Little Love
by rainbowdaydreamer

This story nearly made me cry. The depth of Isabeth's love for Lynne is incredible. I loved how you slowly gave us more information and clues about Isabeth and Lynne's relationship, their situation, and why Lynne had to leave, instead of just telling the reader. Putting "out there" and "he" in italics added to the story by expressing the reverance for the outside world and the hatred of Sloth. Beautiful prose with a touching plot. I loved it.

The Would-Be Detective: Where is Dr. Sloth?
by silentbutterfly

I liked this story. The plot was fun, especially with Sloth. However, I thought the story in general seemed a bit rushed. There wasn't much room for developing characters. Also, when Zigmarni popped out of nowhere, it created a disjointed feeling and didn't flow. Overall, it was a cute story and the ending was priceless.

[Tashni]

CCR: Treachery P2 by nimras23 - The interactions between Jeran and Mareian are great, even when they aren't in the same room! There wasn't a whole lot of plot progression, but you're taking the time to develop your characters. The meeting with Hagan was funny, too! I am now good and ready to see where the plot goes next.

A Weak Heart: Part One by literalluau - I like that you took your time coming to the conclusion that Darin really is missing. It adds to the suspense at emotional trauma of it all. Nice job!