Issue 228 Reviews

[Deleted]

Hubrids Attemped Hero Heist

Well, it took me almost a full hour to read the series in it's entirety plus the preluding short story... But I have to say, it was definitely worth it. The twists and turns within the overall plot were mostly unexpected, and the flow was very good. It struck me as particularly well timed, in that just as I began to wonder why Jeran had 'freed' Kass in the dream and yet was so surprsised by his arrival, this was explained. Perhaps just coincidence, but as soon as it began to bother me and make me think, that answer was given. Deliberate or accidental, I don't know, but that struck me as being particularly good xD

I enjoyed the way that it was not overly descriptive, and yet I clearly had an image of what was going on at all times. I took a long break from neo and therefore never read about the meridell plot at all, nor knew anything of the history of it, but the series was written in such a way that the characters were clear and brought to life even without prior knowledge which was quite surprising and an accomplishment in itself, in that you did not repeat their history in the neo plot all at once in it's entirety, which would have been rather boring.

The humour too was a nice touch, and it lightened up the story. It gave a nice balance between a serious adventure and Jeran's sadness and worry for his sister, with a little light heartedness to make the read all the more enjoyable.

The progression of trust between Jeran and Kass also deserves a mention I feel, because as I was reading it seemed to progress very naturally- it was only at the end upon reflection that I realised quite how far they had come. Sometimes in stories there is a sudden jump from one level of trust to the next, but here it was all very smooth... so well done =)

I think in the entire 13 pieces, there was only 1 grammar phrasing which struck me as the tiniest bit awkward.. But I must confess, I forgot to note down which/where it was and now I can't remember. It was only very minor though, and I *think* that it might have been an 'opinionated' error, in that it was perhaps just my personal view.

Overall, that was a wonderful series. I wish that I had started reading the times earlier and followed it from the beginning rather than reading it all in one go, but definitely congratulations are in order, because it really is very well done =)

[Ikkin]

doughnut215 said:

Hubrids Attemped Hero Heist

Well, it took me almost a full hour to read the series in it's entirety plus the preluding short story... But I have to say, it was definitely worth it. The twists and turns within the overall plot were mostly unexpected, and the flow was very good. It struck me as particularly well timed, in that just as I began to wonder why Jeran had 'freed' Kass in the dream and yet was so surprsised by his arrival, this was explained. Perhaps just coincidence, but as soon as it began to bother me and make me think, that answer was given. Deliberate or accidental, I don't know, but that struck me as being particularly good xD

I enjoyed the way that it was not overly descriptive, and yet I clearly had an image of what was going on at all times. I took a long break from neo and therefore never read about the meridell plot at all, nor knew anything of the history of it, but the series was written in such a way that the characters were clear and brought to life even without prior knowledge which was quite surprising and an accomplishment in itself, in that you did not repeat their history in the neo plot all at once in it's entirety, which would have been rather boring.

The humour too was a nice touch, and it lightened up the story. It gave a nice balance between a serious adventure and Jeran's sadness and worry for his sister, with a little light heartedness to make the read all the more enjoyable.

The progression of trust between Jeran and Kass also deserves a mention I feel, because as I was reading it seemed to progress very naturally- it was only at the end upon reflection that I realised quite how far they had come. Sometimes in stories there is a sudden jump from one level of trust to the next, but here it was all very smooth... so well done =)

I think in the entire 13 pieces, there was only 1 grammar phrasing which struck me as the tiniest bit awkward.. But I must confess, I forgot to note down which/where it was and now I can't remember. It was only very minor though, and I *think* that it might have been an 'opinionated' error, in that it was perhaps just my personal view.

Overall, that was a wonderful series. I wish that I had started reading the times earlier and followed it from the beginning rather than reading it all in one go, but definitely congratulations are in order, because it really is very well done =)

Wow, thank you for taking all this time and writing up such a nice review!

I'm glad that you found the timing to be well-done, since I remember that pacing was one of the things that we were worried about when we were editing it. It's good to see that it worked! The fact that you were able to understand it without prior knowledge of the Meridell plot is good, as well, since it's kind of hard to be sure whether or not it makes any sense without a lot of prior knowledge.

I'm happy to see that the humor was well-received- it certainly made writing the story more fun. ^_^

Thank you again for reviewing, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! j;D

[Ikkin]

Ikkin's reviewing?!

Yup, I've decided that I should be giving something back to this board after making such a big request... so, I'll do a couple of reviews now, and I may get to do more later.


Sheep of Doom
Wow, Oddhatter's back in the Times! Now that I got that out of my system, let's get down to the reviewing!

I really like the coloring style you used here- it's different than what you usually would see, and makes me think watercolors (though, I imagine it's digital, right?) The Gnorbu's poses in each panel help make the comic even better- I love the "Love me" sign, and the Gnorbu's cute expression in the third panel. And the punchline... XD Good job, you certainly haven't lost your touch. j:)


Of Rainy Days and Board Games
This story was really cute, and while it may not have been laugh-out-loud funny, it certainly had me chuckling. The descriptions of the siblings were the biggest part of this- Tony's point of view helped with this, I think. (By the way, I don't think I caught Tony's species...) Also, the opening paragraph was a good hook, and it contrasted nicely with its last line, and the rest of the piece.

There's only one thing I'm kind of confused about- why didn't Carlie know how to play her own board game? I didn't get the impression that she cheated on purpose, but... was she just supposed to like Rohane, and be clueless about the actual workings of the game?

Besides that, however, I thought the story was very good. I'd love to see more stories like that from you. j:)

[oddhatter]

Thank you everyone, for your kind reviews! I really appreciate it!

Here are a few:

Of Rainy Days and Board Games-

This was a really cute story! I really enjoyed the flow of action and the very "slice of life" feel. I feel that I learned a lot about this group of characters in a very short time, which is always wonderful while reading a short story.

The Fallen Faerie -

I feel that a story with this much plot in it could definitely be more than a short story, especially since it introduces us to so many characters that we aren't familiar with yet. There is so much space for character development here! The only thing that bothered me were all the names in this story - it felt that at times, the story was dedicated to seeing how many unique, interesting names could be throught up for the various characters. That all said, I think that you have a wonderful imagination and I would definitely encourage you to work on a longer story where you have more space for plot and character development.

Shadows of the Sea -

This was a lovely story, and it definitely left me wondering if there could be a lot more to it. You did a wonderful job developing the story and your two characters and ended it without falling into too much sap, which it could have. Awesome job!

[Scar]

Funny, I assumed Petpets couldn't talk. Sibil the Crokabek in 'Solkaris: the Narrative' not only talks to her owner but does so intelligeably. A slight mistake on Droplet's part perhaps or is there another explanation further on?

The half-shaved, half-sock Babaa in Oddhatter's entry on the other hand goes hillariously 'Meep' XD

It's also nice to see one of Khestrel's works too. Not Creatures of Guardian Keep but I wouldn't mind seeing what she has going in the new series.

'Offline - Hiding from the Meepits' also deserves mention. An imaginative concept of a thriller with more than enough comedy to top it up. The author also knows how to place a cliffhanger if I say so myself

And the Editorial's revelation about the Staff's method of income calculation ('Pay commensurate with insanity') should prove a wonderful reason for forumers to work at Neo HQ :3

[Cara has gone insane again]

Thanks for the reviews. Some of the characters will be introduced in the up-coming stories (if they get in) and I hope they can help.

[Retired Blub]

Thanks for the reviews! It really means a lot to be able to read positive comments about my story.

Since I'm in the mood and don't have much to do, I'm accepting review requests.

[Dan not logged in]

blubblub317 said:

Thanks for the reviews! It really means a lot to be able to read positive comments about my story.

Since I'm in the mood and don't have much to do, I'm accepting review requests.

Of Rainy Days and Board Games, please?

[Nut]

A Comic and a Short Story Review

[glow=blue,2,300]Sheep of Doom[/glow]
This is a very cute and funny comic! It seemed to be leaning more towards cute as I read it, and I wasn’t quite sure what you were getting at, which made the punchline all the more unexpected and entertaining. ^^ The art is cute and fun to look at; I like how you draw the girl, particularly her expression in the first panel. The uncontained coloring adds to the visual appeal; you utilize the digital watercolor brush very nicely to create an unusual yet pleasing style. And I must say that the Gnorbu is simply adorable. The “Love me!” sign in the first panel is really cute, and the way it peeks out behind the girl in the third panel charmingly emphasizes how much it wants to live with her.

I found the joke to be very funny. The dialogue pushes it along smoothly. I like the fact that the word bubbles are often tilted (and in the cases of the first two panels, the text with them), as it helps break up the strict alignment typefaces tend to have in comics, which makes the dialogue appear stilted to me. I think your choice of font also helped with that. The little Faerie Babaa with the sock dangling from its shorn backside in the last panel was highly amusing to me; the Gnorbu’s final line wouldn’t have hit home quite as hard if the Babaa’s fur hadn’t been clipped as well.

I thought the little “nice shade of green soft cuddly *think* *think*” line was amusing for whatever reason, though I didn’t notice it until my second read through the comic. In my hurry to bring my eyes from one prominent white word balloon to the next, I overlooked the little black letters hidden in the blue background. Given that it serves the important purpose of slowing things down before the punchline, it might have been better to make them stand out a bit more, perhaps by lightening the blue around the letters. But this is just a minor suggestion.
My one major complaint about this is the caption at the end of the comic. The comic itself is cute, funny, well-drawn and well-executed, and as such the reader can understand the joke perfectly well without that line explaining the whole sequence. I thought it took away from the punchline a bit, as we can see that she’s knitting a scarf with the Gnorbu without being told.

Overall, though, this was a great comic! I’m looking forward to see what else she can do with a Gnorbu. ^^

[glow=blue,2,300]Fallen Faerie[/glow]
This story has a grand plot that was clearly planned carefully, and had the potential to be very intricate and engaging. I agree with the reviewer who said that it could be more than a short story; such a plot would have worked better as a series, where you would have had plenty of room for character development and time to draw the reader into the happenings. Cramming everything you have to say into the confines of a short story causes so many things to happen at once that the reader gets confused about what the current situation is; I found myself having a hard time keeping track of the characters. The idea of the story was very original, however, and the events were certainly interesting. Good job with coming up with the plot.
There seemed to be a lot of telling rather than showing in this story, though. The reader would get a better sense of your characters and settings if you put a bit more detail into descriptions.

Since that visit, I locked myself in my room and thought about that golden orb. I really wished to own the orb. I fled secretly in the strongest daylight of the day, sneaking away to Darigan.

Why does she want to own the orb? Does she feel that it beckons her? Does she think it will grant her power? Does she simply covet it for its beauty? Is she feeling jealous, desirous, greedy? Try to explain how the character is feeling right at that moment, what her motives are, and other things that give the reader a better sense of why she is doing these things.

We followed them to Meridell Castle, which was poor and not as beautiful as Darigan.

Tell us why it was not as beautiful. Were the walls of the castle dusty and cracked, the grounds ill-maintained, the flags soiled and worn? What did the Darigan Citadel look like in comparison? Descriptions help the reader imagine exactly what you’re writing about.

I also noticed places where the same word was used many times in a short space, which can sound repetitive. You might try looking for synonyms, or make an effort to vary your descriptions of things.

Lord Arolden Darigan observed the orb carefully after bringing it back. He still couldn't understand why the orb didn't bring the peaceful land back to Darigan. We waited quietly till he touched the orb.

You could replace the word “orb” with a pronoun or an alternate description in the second and possibly third instance it’s used.

Overall, this was a very creative story, one for which I applaud your inventiveness, that would have worked better if more time had been taken to develop the characters and perhaps describe the surroundings as well. Still, it was a fine first publication. ^^ Nice work!

[Psycho]

Blub! This one's for you:

Shadows of the Sea

Fantabulous! I love stories that are unpredictable - I kept thinking, as I was reading this story, "Ok, happy ending coming riiight up... now? no......now? no, not yet...hmmm.... now?!?! nope." And in the end, when there was no happy ending, I realized how great it was. I mean, I started out thinking it was one of those clichéd outcast-gets-to-come-back-in, or for-once-Caylis-didn't-do-it things, but then it wasn't and it made me happy.

Oh, and the best part of it all is, when I finished reading and started wondering who on earth wrote it...
D'OH! It's Blub! I shoulda known.

I especially liked this part

King Kelpbeard, who floated before her with a menacing glare, whispered, "And I suppose you'll cause this as well, huh, Caylis?"

Caylis shook her head, invisible tears forming in her eyes. "Please, sir, believe me!"

The King forced his stubby index finger into her chest, causing a painful blow. "Now you listen to me. I don't want you causing any more trouble for Maraqua. What do you did before was absolutely unacceptable, and I plan to punish you terribly if such an events occurs once more."

Wonderful portrayal of emotion, throughout the entire piece. blahblahblah, you've heard this all before, Blub, you're one of my favorite writers

[Kat]

Shadows of the Sea by blubblub317

Heh, I like the title. Really suits the story in a metaphorical way. The flow is okay, not too hurried and not too rushed, and the plot is rather simple yet isn't underdeveloped. You portrayed the characters well, and it is indeed a very nice read.

[Schefflera]

Somewhat selfishly, I don't want this thread to die early just because the new issue came out....

doughnut215 said:

Hubrids Attemped Hero Heist

Well, it took me almost a full hour to read the series in it's entirety plus the preluding short story... But I have to say, it was definitely worth it. The twists and turns within the overall plot were mostly unexpected, and the flow was very good. It struck me as particularly well timed, in that just as I began to wonder why Jeran had 'freed' Kass in the dream and yet was so surprsised by his arrival, this was explained. Perhaps just coincidence, but as soon as it began to bother me and make me think, that answer was given. Deliberate or accidental, I don't know, but that struck me as being particularly good xD

I enjoyed the way that it was not overly descriptive, and yet I clearly had an image of what was going on at all times. I took a long break from neo and therefore never read about the meridell plot at all, nor knew anything of the history of it, but the series was written in such a way that the characters were clear and brought to life even without prior knowledge which was quite surprising and an accomplishment in itself, in that you did not repeat their history in the neo plot all at once in it's entirety, which would have been rather boring.

The humour too was a nice touch, and it lightened up the story. It gave a nice balance between a serious adventure and Jeran's sadness and worry for his sister, with a little light heartedness to make the read all the more enjoyable.

The progression of trust between Jeran and Kass also deserves a mention I feel, because as I was reading it seemed to progress very naturally- it was only at the end upon reflection that I realised quite how far they had come. Sometimes in stories there is a sudden jump from one level of trust to the next, but here it was all very smooth... so well done =)

I think in the entire 13 pieces, there was only 1 grammar phrasing which struck me as the tiniest bit awkward.. But I must confess, I forgot to note down which/where it was and now I can't remember. It was only very minor though, and I *think* that it might have been an 'opinionated' error, in that it was perhaps just my personal view.

Overall, that was a wonderful series. I wish that I had started reading the times earlier and followed it from the beginning rather than reading it all in one go, but definitely congratulations are in order, because it really is very well done =)

Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much for this review; it was wonderful to read.

I'm glad you were willing to take the time to tackle a long series this way, and very glad it seems to have kept your interest so that it wasn't a burden. Ikkin and I had a lot of fun writing it, putting together all the fun images, real problems, silliness, character interaction, questions and answers, and figuring out how it would all work. It's really great to hear that the experience of discovering it all in order is fun for the reader too. Especially that it even works without the background of the Meridell plot! A lot of what I write is based on previous stories that people may or may not know, so feedback on whether there's enough

I also really appreciate the mention of the progression of trust. I think that during the writing process I was paying more attention to the individual stages without really thinking about whether the overall effect was smooth or a series of steps; it's really cool to hear that it all seemed natural, with the extent of the change coming almost as a surprise upon thinking back. I imagine that's kind of how it seemed for the characters!

A Hero's Journey part 7, by precious_katuch14

I haven't been following this very diligently, I'm afraid, but I really did like seeing Reuben and Rohane reconcile. I keep having this uneasy feeling that things are going to go bad again in the next chapter, though, and I'm not sure why....

The Search for the Tooth Faerie by silentbutterfly

Oh, this was pretty neat... I actually have to admit that I was only planning at first to read one section and see what I thought, but I ended up going back to see the rest.

It was interesting, as a minor point, that Dewdrop seems to be the more forceful and combative (if only verbally), whereas Strife currently seems like the more gentle -- even though she does end up arguing in response.

It's not exactly the kind of story I usually choose to read, but I think it was well done. You did an especially good job with the character interactions and making them all -- including yourself -- flawed and even bratty, but still good... and showing how a sibling argument can dissolve back into having fun together.

[Kat]

Thanks for the review, Scheff. j;) Yeah, now that issue 229 is out, you can see if your suspicions are right.

[Nut]

Not being one to want to see a thread die because of an early issue either (despite it being well into the next week by now), and since I owe a review to Schefflera and Ikkin after following their lovely story for twelve weeks, I have decided to attempt to review a very long series in its entirety. Usually I review series one part at a time, but since I wasn’t doing that for the past twelve weeks, I shall try to make up for it now with one long review.

[glow=blue,2,300]Hubrid’s Attempted Hero Heist[/glow]

There is a reason that Schefflera’s Times writing is widely appreciated, and as always her style, filled with realistic interactions between characters and appropriately placed dry wit, engages the reader and draws her into the story. Schefflera’s enjoyable writing is complimented here by Ikkin; I haven’t read much of Ikkin’s non-comic Times work, but I must say that this series gives me a good early impression. The two authors’ combined style is very pleasing to read.

Now, I must admit that I did not read Ikkin’s short story that this series is apparently based on. I kept on meaning to, but never did—you’d think that someone with the patience to follow a twelve-part series would be willing to see one little short story—and I apologize for not doing so (I will probably read it tonight, now that I’ve written this whole review). Since Doughnut mentioned it, I will also point out that I never read the Meridell plot, though I’ve gotten what I feel is a fairly accurate impression of the basic storyline from reading Times stories about it. Still, I thought that the series stood well on its own.

I am afraid that I’m going to be repeating some of the things Doughnut already complimented you two on, but consider my second opinion verification that you did indeed execute these aspects of the story well. Let’s begin with the development of trust between Jeran and Kass. This was so well done and felt so natural that I didn’t think of it once during the story; only when I saw Doughnut’s review and looked over the series again in preparation for reviewing it that I realized, “Oh, yes, they did do that nicely, didn’t they?” But while I was reading the story, it just seemed to happen, smoothly and discreetly. That was how things were supposed to come about, so I didn’t even take notice of it. Now that I am thinking about it, I can say little more than congratulations on a job very well done.

The little bits of humor that you inserted into the story were pleasing and made the story more fun to read. I can’t recall very many specific instances right now—I only have the twelfth part of the story available for my reference while I’m writing this, due to a computer that’s fickle when it comes to working offline and a family rule that disallows me from using the Internet before seven at night—but I did like the vampire episode with Boris near the end, and I very much enjoyed the Whack-a-Kass scene early in the story. You can tell that incident was memorable since I’ve retained it in my mind over all these weeks! At any rate, the humor was a lovely touch, though perhaps I should call it more than a “touch” since the story would hardly be the same without it.

You have called this a “quest” type story and a “wild goose chase”. It was a quest type story; I think none the less of quest stories (since I like to write them myself), but this was one of the better ones by far, exhibiting greater character development and intrigue than most quest stories even hope to achieve. I don’t think it’s much of a wild goose chase, however. Rennah was needed in order to heal Lisha, and the group would not have found Rennah if they had not gone on the whole “wild goose chase” in the first place. There were plenty of interesting events along the way to keep the reader engrossed, as well. I must say that the idea of Hubrid launching an attack on Meridell surprised me greatly when the news that the whole hunt for Hubrid was a distraction came, and I found myself very intrigued.

There is very little I can think of that wasn’t excellently done in this story. I do recall being confused in the very beginning, as the first part dove into the action so quickly that I could hardly figure out what was happening, but things were explained in the next couple parts of the series, and perhaps I would have understood it better if I’d read Ikkin’s short story first. I did think that the Sunblade immediately turning away all of Hubrid’s troops was a bit of a deux et machina, and would have liked Hubrid’s invasion to present a bit more of a problem. Aside from that, though, the series was interesting, with good characterization and plenty of adventure. The ending was sweet, and you manage to explain any last questions the reader might have had as you wrap up all the loose ends of the story. Having Jeran and the faeries explain to Lisha what the Drain Life ability will do for her both makes her decision to accept Rennah’s services seem less quick and thus more realistc as well as giving the reader answers to questions they might have about the plausibility of the solution.

All in all, this is a marvelous story that I enjoyed greatly through all twelve weeks of its publication. Terrific work!