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Post by Nut on Feb 12, 2006 0:46:26 GMT -5
Why do we need Valentines Gifts, anyway?Should this be Danus' friend? Or is that just an opinion ruled punctuation thing? xD This was such a cute story  The characters were very quickly brought to life for me, and I loved the fact that there was so much showing, rather than telling. The twist at the end with Nieve playing a joke on Danus rather than being crushed was so funny! Or at least, I thought it was =) It was certainly very original. As with the last piece I read by you, the pace of the story was excellent, and there was a nice balance. I quoted the only mistake that I found above, although that is questionable I believe Thank ye so much for the review! ^_^ *gives you a Slorg-shaped biscuit* I'm glad to hear that the characters seemed real to you; I try to show and not tell in my stories. ^^ I'm happy you liked it. And, as for that possible error... I've never been quite sure whether words that end with "s" should have an extra "s" after the apostrophe when they're made possessive. I thought the double "s" was correct, since it seemed to me that having just the apostrophe would make it look like a possessive plural (as in the slugs' trails, the pens' ink, the Danus' friend... what is a Danu?). There are certain names that don't use the extra "s", though, so I'm not sure. Thanks for pointing it out, though. I'll check up on it. ^^ |
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Post by Komori on Feb 12, 2006 2:37:18 GMT -5
Spooky
by ghostkomorichuYou stick with your style as usual - that's so nice! I'll just be repeating myself, but the lineart is so smooth, the colours are very nice and the story is hilarious. Komo's bed does look a bit like it's floating in the first panel, but it's only because you can't see the bed. The pillow might just be that big? Love how you made Echo's mane all fuzzy after the shock, and your expressions really adds to the dialogue. Somehow your comics always seem so nice, even without shadows. It works really well. ^_^ Thanks so much! I'm glad the no-shading thing still works. XD Shading is such a pain. You're right about the bed. I thought it looked really odd. I think it's because I didn't remember to draw a headboard. I fix it in the next comic. *nod* *nod* (Yep, Komo's still bedridden next week. XD) ___ And now, to continue mah reviews! Smelly NellyAw man, down at the very bottom! And I recall that hasn't been the first time, either. Sheee. *pats you on the back* Anyway, I'm liking this comic. It's a very simple and cute joke, but that art is beyond complicated. No wonder you take so long on these suckers. *shakes head* Three colors on the petals, you say? Goodness. That's why the fill bucket is your friend. Fill it and be done with it, I say.  Oh, and after scrutinizing the background flowers for a while, I see where the flowers repeat in other panels. Good, at least you didn't have to redraw all new flowers for EVERY panel... else I'd have had you commited to some sort of insane-drawer asylum or something. Also, I'm really liking that color palette. That purple sky works so well to accent those blue flowers. *nods* Yep, I love how you changed it up each panel. It's similar enough to establish the unity for the joke, yet not so similar to bore the reader. And ending with a full width panel at the end is also a nice touch. Now, in the last panel, it reveals a sign that says Silly Daisies. I'm not sure if I'm aware of the connection between those words and the sudden daisy-on-Nelly violence. Is the fact that they are silly daisies supposed to explain why Nelly got eaten? It doesn't seem that the violence is silly. More like half-frightening. I'm thinking it would've been less confusing without the sign. Yep, yep, yep, another great Smelly Nelly comic. And I better see another great Smelly Nelly next week, too. *waves Inspiration Stick threateningly* |
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Post by peri on Feb 12, 2006 5:12:45 GMT -5
Thank you for all the reviews on my Some Days You Just Need One comic  Yes, it was meant to be a cutesy comic and not funny And the coloring on the trees seems more pronounced in the NT than it did while I was working in Paint. Not sure why, but I'll probably try something different for that if I ever do trees again Thank you all! Some other reviews: Spooky: I thought the comic was very funny I like how his plushies went flying. hehe Smelly Nelly: I thought it was very cute, especially since I love sillie daisies And I just love the way the comic looks, so smooth. May I ask what program you use? Very nice |
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Post by Star on Feb 12, 2006 12:05:56 GMT -5
Wow I haven't reviewed for ages! But I will review some short stories later on!
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Post by Huntress on Feb 12, 2006 14:57:13 GMT -5
While I'm still hopefully waiting for reviews to my series *smacked for being way too impatient* I'll insert my weekly set of feedback and reviews here. Whoot. Oh, and one other thing... :3 Recipes don't call for glasses of milk. ... XD My bad o.o More or less. Guess the fact that the rest of the world hasn't used that system kinda slipped my mind. Y'see, they used the measuring system of glasses, packs, spoons and so on over here in the older cookbooks. Back in the Soviet Union days and also long before that all glasses came in same sizes one way or another (centrally-planned economy and all that stuff) and it was a lot easier to give recipes that way. Makes a lot more sense than the current "take 6 decilitres" thing we have. Bleh. That's why I like experimenting with old recipes once in a while. And technically that means... SAURA! You stole my cookbook, you dragon-kangaroo thing! *chases Saura down the NTWF* Anyway, thanks for the indepth review ^^ And thanks to Doughnut too :3 I'll start with comics.... Some Days You Just Need One: aw, this was sweet ^^ And the art is pretty good for Paint. Usually Paint-drawn comics look a bit crooked but the Chomby turned out really well. The treetops could've used some shading, seeing that the pets are shaded, and the grass looks kinda like sponge to me (just plain green would maybe even been better) but that's not really important. I like that comic :3 Mootix Madness: the first thing I noticed was that Nelly seemed kinda... bald o.O You drew five hairs in the first and last panel and those had a plain blue background. Feels a bit empty, to say the least... Other than that, the expressions are great ^^ And I like the plotline aswell. Spooky: *skips her usual whoo-it's-Echo dance* Is it just me or is this week's comic a lot more detailed? :3 The plushies are a really nice touch. And all the expressions are just precious. I especially love Echo's messy mane in the third panel... it somehow adds to his freaked-out-ness.One thing I noticed though was that the tray and the bowl of soup just disappeared after Echo dropped them. You'd think that there's atleast a puddle of soup on the floor... but it's just me and my detail obsession ^^; Loved that comic. Smelly Nelly: hehe, the expressions of the daisies are downright hilarious :3 All that laughing and complaining and sticking out tongues really shows a lot of work. And for some odd reason I like that grinning one in the fourth panel the most. Dunno why o.o; And the plotline is really original =3 |
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Post by Komori on Feb 12, 2006 17:42:08 GMT -5
While I'm still hopefully waiting for reviews to my series *smacked for being way too impatient* I'll insert my weekly set of feedback and reviews here. Whoot. Oh, and one other thing... :3 Recipes don't call for glasses of milk. ... XD My bad o.o More or less. Guess the fact that the rest of the world hasn't used that system kinda slipped my mind. Y'see, they used the measuring system of glasses, packs, spoons and so on over here in the older cookbooks. Back in the Soviet Union days and also long before that all glasses came in same sizes one way or another (centrally-planned economy and all that stuff) and it was a lot easier to give recipes that way. Makes a lot more sense than the current "take 6 decilitres" thing we have. Bleh. That's why I like experimenting with old recipes once in a while. And technically that means... SAURA! You stole my cookbook, you dragon-kangaroo thing! *chases Saura down the NTWF* Anyway, thanks for the indepth review ^^ And thanks to Doughnut too :3 Oh really? Glasses, packs, and spoons? Oh. I did not know that. Just goes to show how ignorant I am. ;D In the States it's 'cups' of liquids, so I just thought you accidentally said 'glasses' instead of 'cups'. Like getting a glass of milk to drink. My bad. XDDD |
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Post by Kushbi on Feb 12, 2006 19:22:59 GMT -5
No gift too smallI thought this was a really sweet story, and nicely written too I have to say, I loved the fireworks at the end! It was an enjoyable read, and in particular you managed to portray Jeran's emotions well- it felt believable to an extent, rather than cutesy and cliche. The twist on the gem being a delivery rather than a gift was also a rather nice touch, as was the detail you went into regarding the gift- the way the sweets were made, and so forth. This helped them to seem more important and showed the amount of time that Jeran spent on the gift, rather than just telling the reader how much time. Thank you very much for the review! =) |
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Post by Dan on Feb 12, 2006 19:48:04 GMT -5
A review! No Gift Too Small-by Kushbi I enjoyed this story very much! The description and word choice were very well done, I liked how you varied it. The idea was well done as well. It's good to see a Valentine's story that shied away from love, though I did get the feeling of a bit of love. The one thing I had a problem with was including Kanrik. I don't really see how they'd be connected, as they were separate stories from separate parts of Neopia, even though it was explained that the crystal was from Taelia. I believe it would have been better if it was someone different as Jeran's competitor, just because I don't really think the mixing of the two stories worked well. Actually, I don't think mixing of the stories works well in any story. Hope that made sense. But besides that, great job. You're one of the best writers, so keep working! And on a side note, I really like the custom pic! ;D |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2006 20:42:56 GMT -5
reviews of part 2 of my series faerie forest will be appreciated.
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Post by Nut on Feb 12, 2006 21:15:41 GMT -5
Finally, my comic reviews are back. I’ve decided to stop doing panel-by-panel reviews. They worked for comics that had only three or four panels, but I’ve found that the formula hindered me when reviewing longer comics, and as there are so many dedicated comic writers and artists who do comics with many panels, I’ve done away with the method altogether.
Comic Reviews
[glow=blue,2,300]Mootix Madness – We Have a Winner Pt. 3 [/glow]
Ahh, very cute joke! The really funny part of this comic, though, was seeing the Mootix and Nelly separately. You begin with a panel from the Mootix’s perspective and end the comic the same way, with Nelly nicely sandwiched between them. It keeps the comic consistent. The art is great; I love the little Vernax walking in such a casual pose in the first panel. And Nelly’s expressions! Watching him struggle with the bottle was half the fun of reading the comic, if not more so. When his tongue is sticking out as he begins trying to yank the cap off… great expression! My favorite, though, is the next panel where his teeth are gritted and he grunts “HHNNNNGGGG!” The action there was excellent. His expression is perfect, and the position of his arms, with them shaking and all, really gives a sense of the effort he’s putting into the task. He actually looks like he has muscles in those little Kacheek arms. XD I liked the comic sound effects as well; the way you drew the letters really makes them. I love how you how the soaked-in-shampoo Nelly just before all his fur poofs out. Great expressions all through. ^^
And the final panel? The first thing I noticed was that the yellow hairs were curling. XD That little change was funny in itself, and I liked how you positioned the one Mootix reading while balanced on a curl, and the other swinging from another. Great art!
Now, for criticism. I think the first panel looks a bit empty. Not just because there’s only three bugs, but I think you could’ve done with a few more of those yellow hairs, maybe sticking up on the horizon. Since the one Mootix is saying that it’s a crowded place, I think it would’ve helped to fill up the panel more. We only see three other bugs and five hairs, and a great expanse of skin. The art seems to contradict the sign and the dialogue. If you’d made the first panel more crowded, the reader would see a greater change by the time they got to the last panel and notice how empty it is in comparison. As it is, there’s not much difference between the two.
And, just a brief note, but Nelly’s arm seems to change lengths in the first three panels we see him in. In the first one, it is long and elastic-looking, with no real elbow to be seen. In the second, it is very short, again with no elbow. In the third, it appears to be a proper humanoid arm.
And then there’s the author’s note. I’m not exactly against author’s notes, but this one was kind of overdone. The text is big to begin with, and having “LOVE” in capitals and even larger letters, plus with “Mootix” surrounded by that big heart… it really shouted and drew attention to itself instead of the comic, especially since there’s no dialogue in the last panel. :/
Still, this was an excellent comic; Nelly’s expressions are really priceless. ^^ Great work!
[glow=blue,2,300]Smelly Nelly[/glow]
Another Smelly Nelly! I’m glad to see you back in the Times. ^^ The joke is simple, but funny. And the art! Ahh! It really shows how much time and effort you put into it. Your colors are, as always, wonderful. All that shading really shows the care you take to make your comics. I love the way you draw your clouds.
The pink Kacheek that Nelly’s crushing on looks adorable—perhaps more so because we see her only in the perfectly sweet image Nelly imagines. The way you switched the angle of the gradients in Nelly’s eyes to reflect his feelings from panel to panel really adds to his expression. And speaking of expressions—the flowers! I love how the daisies in the background each seem to have a different expression. I know you copy and pasted some, but if I hadn’t been looking carefully at it after reading Komori’s review, I doubt I would have noticed. Even so, you still had to draw an awful lot of individual faces on those plants, and I found myself admiring their expressions (I particularly like the daisy with the silly grin in the fourth panel!). It was funny just to watch the expression on the daisy Nelly is holding change as he pulls off the petals. I like how it’s happy in the first panel, and then sad when it loses one petal—and then becomes downright angry as it curls its leaf into a fist! The scenes build up the reader, preparing them for the revenge they know the plant will take on Nelly.
The final joke is easy to understand and funny, although I too was wondering what the green liquid was. I had my suspicions, and I’m actually somewhat relieved that it’s just flower drool. XD I’ll be echoing Komori here on the subject of the “Sillie Daisies” sign—it’s a bit confusing and could have been done without. Overall, though, this is a funny comic with lovely art. I’ll be looking forward to more Smelly Nellys. ^^
[glow=blue,2,300]Spooky[/glow]
Yeee, I love your art. ^^ This is another terrific Spooky comic. I’ve seen the joke before, but your art really makes the comic come alive. The expressions in this comic! They’re just perfect! I particularly love Echo’s expressions; her shock in panel two and her lingering surprise in panel three are terrific. I love the little plushies you arranged on Komo’s bed. :3 That’s such a cute little detail. The whole scene really gets the feeling of someone laid up in bed, you know? Komori has a great sickly look on his face. I could go on for a long time about those expressions. Ah, you see that I’m a fangirl in a reviewer’s costume.
The art in the second panel is simply perfect, with the plushies flying and Komo and Echo looking so delightfully frightened as the bowl of soup goes sliding off the tray. That little floppy Aisha falling, and the soup splashing out… terrific! And in the last couple of panels, I love how Komori’s tongue is sticking up. It’s just so cute. :3
I didn’t notice the missing headboard on the bed. I did observe, though, that the bed seems to shrink in the last two panels, particularly the final one. You’ve zoomed out on it, but Echo and Claw appear much larger than Komo despite seeming to be standing fairly close to his bed. Still, it’s a wonderful comic. Terrific art, as always. ^^
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Post by Kushbi on Feb 13, 2006 6:31:26 GMT -5
A review! No Gift Too Small-by Kushbi I enjoyed this story very much! The description and word choice were very well done, I liked how you varied it. The idea was well done as well. It's good to see a Valentine's story that shied away from love, though I did get the feeling of a bit of love. The one thing I had a problem with was including Kanrik. I don't really see how they'd be connected, as they were separate stories from separate parts of Neopia, even though it was explained that the crystal was from Taelia. I believe it would have been better if it was someone different as Jeran's competitor, just because I don't really think the mixing of the two stories worked well. Actually, I don't think mixing of the stories works well in any story. Hope that made sense. But besides that, great job. You're one of the best writers, so keep working! And on a side note, I really like the custom pic! ;D Thanks Dan for the review! =) Yep, I did think that suddenly putting Kanrik into the story was weird but I couldn't think of any other Neopian hunk from BFM that could pose as a competitor to Jeran. n:P I'm glad that you did get a hint of love, because I wrote Jeran as implicitly liking Illusen a lot...just that he, conducting himself as a knight, doesn't dare to scream and shout about his feelings. Or write soppy letters. ^.^ I will post reviews after my big test on Wednesday. =) |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2006 10:29:47 GMT -5
Thanks for the review Nut - it was very thorough! You pointed out a few things just like Komori, and I will remember them in the next comic (or at least try to xD). If you read my answer to Komori, you'll get an answer to some of the critisism you're raising |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2006 7:09:01 GMT -5
I will try to get a few more reviews up shortly, but in the mean time, if anyone wanted to review my short story 'Jhudora's Valentine' I would really appreciate it. I haven't had any mail/feedback on it..
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Post by Kushbi on Feb 15, 2006 8:18:22 GMT -5
Reviews for Cont'd Series
As the Clouds Clear: Part Four
I found this to be a very exciting part of the series. Concentrating on Nili allowed the action to take place without getting too confusing. Your narration is to the point, which is a big plus. I sensed that what you wrote actually contributed to the story and was not there just to make the word count. Good job!
My only grouse is that the idea of demented/strange/a society of grey pets seems a bit overused.
Treasure of the Caves: Part Three
Wow, Captain Threelegs and Kastraliss all in one part of a series. It's something different, which is good, because your plot stands out. The part about the Weewoos was very cute. =) However, you may wish to reduce the number of characters in your story. It gets a bit overwhelming with so many different characters in action. In addition, try to cut/shorten some sentences to "speed up" the story. For example:
may be written as "Kastraliss dashed off as Garin ordered the crew to hoist the sails. A few hours later, the Black Pawkeet stopped by the pier."
But all in all, a very good effort. ^_^
Review for Short Story
Jhudora's Valentine
Very refreshing story. I feel that you did a good job writing a Jhudora-only Valentine's story even though it probably wasn't easy. =) The darkness faerie was brought to life by your detailed descriptions. The evil/insane side of Jhudora was especially well portrayed by her changing reactions to the card.
I noticed something though:
Keep the "coloured" out because lime green is understood to be a colour and the additional word trips the sentence a bit.
Jhudora's Valentine is a very interesting story, well done.
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Post by Komori on Feb 15, 2006 12:06:58 GMT -5
[glow=blue,2,300] Spooky[/glow] Yeee, I love your art. ^^ This is another terrific Spooky comic. I’ve seen the joke before, but your art really makes the comic come alive. The expressions in this comic! They’re just perfect! I particularly love Echo’s expressions; her shock in panel two and her lingering surprise in panel three are terrific. I love the little plushies you arranged on Komo’s bed. :3 That’s such a cute little detail. The whole scene really gets the feeling of someone laid up in bed, you know? Komori has a great sickly look on his face. I could go on for a long time about those expressions. Ah, you see that I’m a fangirl in a reviewer’s costume. The art in the second panel is simply perfect, with the plushies flying and Komo and Echo looking so delightfully frightened as the bowl of soup goes sliding off the tray. That little floppy Aisha falling, and the soup splashing out… terrific! And in the last couple of panels, I love how Komori’s tongue is sticking up. It’s just so cute. :3 I didn’t notice the missing headboard on the bed. I did observe, though, that the bed seems to shrink in the last two panels, particularly the final one. You’ve zoomed out on it, but Echo and Claw appear much larger than Komo despite seeming to be standing fairly close to his bed. Still, it’s a wonderful comic. Terrific art, as always. ^^ ^____^ Glee! Thank you so much for your review! Heehee, you flatter me far too much! ;D ;D ;D I totally see what you're saying about the shrinking bed. I guess I probably should've thought out the layout just a little bit more carefully. I was trying not to crowd up the spaces, but yeah, that bed's too small. Props make a comic harder. XDD |
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The characters were very quickly brought to life for me, and I loved the fact that there was so much showing, rather than telling. The twist at the end with Nieve playing a joke on Danus rather than being crushed was so funny! Or at least, I thought it was =) It was certainly very original. As with the last piece I read by you, the pace of the story was excellent, and there was a nice balance. I quoted the only mistake that I found above, although that is questionable I believe 
Oh, and after scrutinizing the background flowers for a while, I see where the flowers repeat in other panels. Good, at least you didn't have to redraw all new flowers for EVERY panel... else I'd have had you commited to some sort of insane-drawer asylum or something. 
Yes, it was meant to be a cutesy comic and not funny 
neo username - dan4884 
