Issue 221 Reviews

[Deleted]

Thanks for the reviews, folks.

[Kat]

RANDOM REVIEWS YAY. ;D

An Island Christmas by laurelinden

The story started off with vivid descriptions and narration...a little overdone, but not TOO overdone or metaphorical. However, there isn't much to the relatively short plot - there could have been a few twists here and there to make it more interesting, and the island pets might have needed some more characterization. However, I liked the theme, and it's nicely written. Not perfect, but definitely not bad.

A Different Christmas by blubblub317

The beginning wasn't too rushed, and the ending was okay despite being quite predictable. Overall, the plot was nice, but it could have been made clearer. I really can't find much to nitpick except a few missed grammatical errors, but I'm sure you can do much better. All in all, it was very entertaining, with a few touches of humor here and there.

More reviews soon. Any reviews for "Salvation" (short story collab with Gav) would be immensely appreciated.

[Lau]

Short Story Reviews

Once Upon a Christmas Morning

The storytelling skill in this tale is really excellently done: the bright, exciting moods of the beginning are as gripping as the sad, guilt-ridden moods of the end. I love your adaptation of how the Snowager came to be -- the story was completely absorbing; I never once looked up from beginning to end. It was very well written in its use of sentence variation, description, etc. -- just enough to give the tale some spice.

A few things in the plot itself seemed a little iffy, though. The idea of an abandoned Snowickle surprised me -- after all, those things are worth 3 million NP! You'd think the owner would be pretty careful about losing it! I guess it's possible, but somehow I think it's not very likely. It'd make more sense to sell your Snowickle than abandon it.

Also, I thought the Snowickle's reaction to Lorelei leaving it in the house and squishing its tail in the door was much too violent. Just that morning it'd been sweet and loving with the disposition of a Puppyblew. If you accidently stuck your dog's tail in the door, it'd probably cower or slink off and wait beneath the couch till you got home, readily accepting your apology. Plus, you'd think that somehow it'd be able to sense that Lorelei felt bad about it in her tone. I can see that something needed to happen for the plot of the story, but going off the deep end, ripping apart the house, and becoming a vicious, treasure-hoarding hermit as the result of that one tiny incident is a bit hard to swallow.

Besides those little nitpicks, though, great story. It was really engaging.


A Christmas Gift

I loved the light, easy style of this story. It was told in a straightforward, flowing way without over-floweriness or either an abundance or lack of description. The pacing was good as well, but the best thing about the story was the development in the relationship between the store owner and the brown Fir -- how you incorporated the feelings between them to a slight interest to, in the end, a bonding fondness.

The characterization of the gallery owner was good too, how you portrayed the Kacheek as brisk and sort of impersonal (very businesslike) mostly through words and actions, staying away from what many authors do, where they tell without showing. The story's end was sweet, too, bringing up that little bust of warm fuzzy Christmas spirit.

One thing I didn't understand, though, was why the store owner thought that if he didn't sell the Fir that day, he wouldn't sell it at all. Surely people are interested in Fir petpets all year round, not just on Christmas eve? Wouldn't it have made just as much sense to think, "Oh, well, I'll wait a day or two and try to sell it again when the restocks come in?" I think the reason of growing attachment was enough for him to want to adopt the Fir without making it a "now or never" sort of idea, since that didn't seem too feasible. Sure, more people probably want Firs around the holidays, but more holidays would come, and more buyers with the restocks. It might have been more effective to emphasize the bond between Archie and the Fir, and not the feeling of some sort of time limit.

Good story, though, all in all. I enjoyed reading it.


Starlight Invasion: Giving Day at Last

This story impressed me. It had an extremely well-developed sense of voice, and I loved the style: the song broken by paragraphs of thought. It strung together beautifully and seamlessly, and was quite an original way of putting together a story.

Usually I don't much like science fiction, but you did an artful job of balancing space-age technology with the plot, resisting the urge to launch into excessive and meaningless details about all of the machinery, for which I am grateful. The entire idea of the cadet on her outpost for Christmas was striking, especially with the wars going on in many countries these days, where many families can relate to the idea of having a loved one on duty during the holidays.

Really, I can find no complaints plot-wise. There was the occassional minor grammar mistake (I think you once referred to a family as plural or something) but nothing serious. The story really took me in as soon as I got used to the unique presentation, and the end, where her sister begins to sing the very song she'd been singing, did an excellent job of providing a sense of completion.

I noticed you said you'd be writing more of these Starlight Invasion stories, and I look forward to reading them.

[Arti]

ssjelitegirl said:

Hog 'n Co: yush, Neo's item infos are confusing :3 It would've been nice if you had showed all of the text that came with the bone, just for the lazy people like me who don't feel like searching for the info themselves but would still like to see it... The art is a bit crooked but still a lot better than what I could do in Paint.

Hog ‘N Co

This was a nice comic with cute art. It took me a few moments to get the joke, but when I did, it was quite funny.
Panel One: A rather nicely drawn panel. I like how you draw the Sketch Kiko. The fact that you draw the eyes a ways apart, as opposed to the usual close-set Kiko eyes, makes the Kiko look inevitably cuter and allows for certain expressions to come more easily to the face. I also like how the Moehog’s mane is shaded in this panel. The fact that the Moehog’s dialogue is outside of the panel is a bit distracting, though, since the reader has to pull their eyes away from the image to read it and then connect it back to the picture. You could have easily extended the panel and included the words. The comic on a whole was rather small, allowing for less detail in the pictures. Though I don’t think the size took much away from the gag, if you want room for the art to shine, larger images would be better.
Panel Two: This panel is the next step towards the punchline. One of the Moehog’s tusks is a little thin and angled a bit too high, but other than that the Moehog is quite nicely drawn.
Panel Three: Here is an example of where a larger size would have been helpful—it’s a little hard to tell what the Moehog is handing to Karemeko due to the small scale. I like how the Kiko is tilted to one side as he (she?) eyes the bone, as it adds to his expression. His actual expression could have used more detail, though; a larger image would have given you more room to draw his features. Also, the Kiko’s short question “Bone?” seemed a bit choppy to me. “A bone?” would be a small change, but might have sounded more natural. “Yush!” is certainly quite funny.
Panel Four: This is a very cutely drawn panel, I must say. I like the Kiko’s expression here, with his big sighing eyes. ^^ The painting on the wall is a nice extra detail, and I like the little tree. However, it took me a little while to get the joke, which I believe is due to the placement of the text here. The panel seems like it should read from right to left, which confused me since I’m accustomed to reading from left to right and the other panels in this comic seemed to follow that tradition. The punchline has considerably less impact if you read the Kiko’s dialogue first. Once I figured it out, though, it was quite a funny joke. ^^ I liked the Kiko’s little thought balloon with the picture of a bone inside—it accentuates his expression perfectly.
The picture of the bone in the corner of the comic seems a bit awkward, though. I know you meant to be making fun of the bone’s classification as a gift, but I think the comic can stand alone even without that. Since the bone is positioned to the right of the afternote, it doesn’t really appear as part of the comic. I think it would have looked better on the left corner. Also, I don’t think the broken text was necessary; it isn’t meant to be read and doesn’t do anything to help identify the item (which I assume was the intended purpose). All you needed was the picture of the bone and the “Type: Gift”. I will compliment you on the way you tacked the bone onto the corner of the panel, though; it is a clever way to show the bone without giving it a panel all to itself, which would have drawn too much attention to it.
Overall: Though the layout could be improved, this is still a cute comic with a funny joke. Good work!

Thanks both for the review! Also thanks for the major in-depth one

[RJtired]

Erk... *holds head* Got back from my grandparent's at last after a 6 hour drive...

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed my little comic in the NT. It was nice to see it got in.

*pokes her Christmas rock thingamabob*

[Luna]

ssjelitegirl said:

So On and So Forth: who would poke a meepit, seriously? o0 Even if it's clockwork. Handdrawn comics are getting rare these days so it was a nice change. The art itself is good too, only the Eyrie could've perhaps used some more emotion. His face remains practically the same in the second and third panels.

Thanks for the review. And it's a fake meepit toy so my poor Torkkin never suspected a thing. In the panels where his expression doesn't change a whole lot, he doesn't really have a reason to; he's just talking. ^_^ Or it's just my excuse because that panel just wouldn't come out right.

[Nut]

Erk, I haven’t reviewed at all in days! I’m glad there was no issue last week; it gives me more time to get reviews done. I should’ve done more this week. *sigh* Ah well, here is one more comic review. After that, I should be getting into the written works this issue!

[glow=blue,2,300]Ehm…[/glow]
I know you didn’t request a review, but ha! I’m reviewing you anyway. ^^
Panel One: I really like how you’ve drawn the homey room in this panel. It feels very cozy, and portrays perfectly the atmosphere intended by the words in the upper corner. I love how you’ve taken the time to place little details to make it seem more realistic, such as the vase and frame sitting atop the fireplace and the window at the edge of the panel—I must say, that window adds a lot to the scene. ^^ I think the smudged shading of the watercolor (that is watercolor, correct?) works very well to portray the atmosphere. The cartoonish fire has its own charm, though it looks a bit two-dimensional. Drawing a few lines behind it to give the area depth would have made it look as if the fire were sitting back in the fireplace instead of being stuck onto the front. Still, it’s a lovely panel, and very nicely staged. ^^
Panel Two: XD I commend you for the mini-joke-slash-irony here; I found it quite amusing. The narrator’s peaceful tone brings to mind a happy snow day full of pets and owners going sledding and such, but the image below shows a clearly distressed owner who is turning into a snowball thanks to her pet. I think it was a rather well-executed contrast. The expression on the Kacheek’s face is nicely exaggerated to show the pet’s glee—it looks like it’s straight out of an emoticon, in fact. XD I like how you shaded the snow rather heavily blue without losing the look of snow. The girl’s limbs look a bit awkward, though; the arms seem to be sticks that the Kacheek has stuck into the snow (in which case I suppose that her real arms are encased in the snowball), but they can be mistaken for real arms, and her legs look somewhat flat. Also, I think that it would have looked more natural to show the Kacheek in the action of throwing rather than standing by while the snowball splatters on the girl. By the way, is “frolick” an alternate spelling of the word? I’m used to seeing it spelled “frolic”. Just curious.
Panel Three: This is a cute panel. :3 I like how you’ve drawn the Feepit. The color of its coat seems nice and soft. The wallpaper in the background is a nice touch. The Meepit is rather expressionless, however. I might have preferred it if its reaction to the gift were a bit less static.
Panel Four: XD Wahaha! Very funny! I think part of the beauty of this comic lies in the fact that the entire joke is told in the narrative boxes. It’s just so… passive… and subtle all the way through. (Well, I suppose a Meepit being blown high with a Seasonal Attack Pea isn’t exactly subtle, but…) The joke never leaps up and forces itself on you like with most comics. Of course it’s not a bad thing for a joke to jump out, but I like how you’ve executed this one so that the reader takes a smooth ride through peaceful narration and infers the gags from the pictures. The art is really key to this comic, and you’ve managed it excellently. ^^
Now for the art in this panel. I like how the blast extends over the panel borders, emphasizing the size of the explosion yet without intruding on the other panels. I mentioned before that I liked the scorecard in the corner, and I still do! It actually increases the humor value in the panel, because it shows that the Feepit’s prank was more than a cheap shot. I’m a little wary of putting stark explanations into comics like the caption under the Seasonal Attack Pea, but since many people probably don’t know what that item is, I suppose it was necessary. I didn’t feel the caption was as intrusive as I probably would have if I’d seen it in another comic. The Meepit’s expression still looks a little too blank to have just been blown into the air by a Seasonal Attack Pea, but I’m rather glad you didn’t put a lot of emphasis on the explosion. As I was saying, the comic is delightfully subtle. There’s no “BOOM!” in huge brightly colored letters to help the reader laugh at the explosion. The joke almost isn’t the explosion, but the scorecard. That sets this comic apart from most other visual gags involving pain and explosions. n;)
Overall: This is a unique comic that is executed well. I like the thick black border around it; it makes the comic feel more connected. Great work!

[MarillTachiquin]

Happy new year to everyone, and yay!! my comic was accepted and I didn't remember that I published one =P


Reviews for Starry Stuff, please? ;D

*edit* I just finished reading all the topic (extremely slow connection and computer) and I saw Nut's review. thanks a lot for it and for last issue's one!! I like your reviews a lot! ;D

[Kelly]

laurelinden said:

A Christmas Gift

I loved the light, easy style of this story. It was told in a straightforward, flowing way without over-floweriness or either an abundance or lack of description. The pacing was good as well, but the best thing about the story was the development in the relationship between the store owner and the brown Fir -- how you incorporated the feelings between them to a slight interest to, in the end, a bonding fondness.

The characterization of the gallery owner was good too, how you portrayed the Kacheek as brisk and sort of impersonal (very businesslike) mostly through words and actions, staying away from what many authors do, where they tell without showing. The story's end was sweet, too, bringing up that little bust of warm fuzzy Christmas spirit.

One thing I didn't understand, though, was why the store owner thought that if he didn't sell the Fir that day, he wouldn't sell it at all. Surely people are interested in Fir petpets all year round, not just on Christmas eve? Wouldn't it have made just as much sense to think, "Oh, well, I'll wait a day or two and try to sell it again when the restocks come in?" I think the reason of growing attachment was enough for him to want to adopt the Fir without making it a "now or never" sort of idea, since that didn't seem too feasible. Sure, more people probably want Firs around the holidays, but more holidays would come, and more buyers with the restocks. It might have been more effective to emphasize the bond between Archie and the Fir, and not the feeling of some sort of time limit.

Good story, though, all in all. I enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for the review! I think I was subconsiously thinking (while writing the story) that Archie needed a reason for adopting the Fir. A time limit was a good excuse for keeping the Petpet, even if it wasn't exactly realistic. Ah well... but thank you!