Issue 221 Reviews

[Lillie]

If anybody has time to review my story, The Miracle of Christmas, that would be great! Thanks!

[Deleted]

Any reveiws for the second part of my series Shattering Point will be loved. ^^

[Nut]

Comic Reviews

[glow=blue,2,300]Real Christmas[/glow]
A somewhat friendly Christmas comic with some very nice art.
Panel One: The scene here is quite a nice one, setting up the comic in a Christmasy atmosphere with Saura baking and the Christmas tree in the background. The colors on the Wuzzle are nice and smooth, though they don’t seem to quite follow the creature’s body shape. The Zafara’s constantly suspicious expression emphasizes her words in this panel. I like your little details such as the bottle of milk and the simple pattern on the bowl; it makes the scene feel more realistic.
Panel Two: Saura’s squinting expression looks perfectly suspicious here, while Shad retains the usual overeager look on his face. The fact that the text takes up most of this panel, though, makes it feel a bit squeezed. I found the fire-colored object in this panel to be a little distracting. It looks like a cushion or ottoman or some other piece of furniture in the background, but because it’s mostly black like Shad and the fact that a large part of it is blocked by the word balloon, on a quick glance it can be mistaken for Shad’s paw held up. The characters really come across quite clearly with their dialogue here, though; I thought it was a very nice interaction.
Panel Three: When I saw this panel, I thought it was the punchline and actually found it to be pretty funny. I think that type of joke has been done before, though, so I was glad the comic didn’t stop there. Still, this panel did a nice job of throwing an extra gag into the comic. The art in this scene is quite nice, though the sun appears to have a green aura as an effect of yellow airbrush on a blue background. I think you could have done without the vertical ellipses in the scratchy word balloon; I didn’t notice them until the second read through, and it doesn’t really make much sense to have them after Shad’s said his line. On a dialogue note, though, I thought Saura’s suggestion about faking a snowy Christmas was quite funny.
Panel Four: Your characters remain very consistent throughout the comic, and here is no exception. I found Shad’s line to be rather humorous—“No stinky island of everlasting summer”, indeed! The black around Shad’s wide-open red mouth is cropped a little close on the right side, but that’s all right. I must mention, though, that I think the word balloons are placed a tad too close to the lines separating panels throughout the comic. In this panel the lines have been partially erased by the airy white borders of the word balloons. Perhaps if you reduced the text a size or two, you could fit the word balloons more comfortably into the panels?
Panel Five: This is a lovely scene. I really like how you drew the snowflakes falling so peacefully, with the benevolent pines in the background and the Fire Uni sitting before the blazing flames. I think that the word balloon in which Saura sings “Oh christmastree, oh christmastree” looked very much correct in its position and size. I really like the art here. :3 But… umm… I hate to say this… I don’t quite understand the final joke. It looks like they moved everything outside to keep Shad from complaining until his eventual fate. It seems a bit of a length to go to just for the time it takes for their owner to bring home sleeping pills, but nevertheless this is a lovely scene to end the comic on.
Overall: This is a very nicely drawn comic, and I enjoyed seeing your characters, particularly Shad.

[glow=blue,2,300]Sanity Obsolete Christmas Crossover[/glow]
This is a crossover comic, and it was very interesting to see how you did a comic that I myself have drawn a couple of times. You managed this superbly! It’s a hilarious comic and wonderfully drawn as always. ^^ The characters (namely, faeries) seem like they’re a bit of a random choice for use in Sanity Obsolete, but it’s still great.
Panel One: I love how Illusen and the Fire Faerie are drawn here. The Fire Faerie’s expression is especially nice. Your masterful style overcomes the need for shading. The colors are lovely, and the little mistletoe leaf atop Fyora’s crown is a very cute detail. I thought Fyora’s expression was a bit too passive-looking to warrant the bouncy exclamation points in her speech; her eyelids were lowered to the point of making her appear half-lidded. But that matters little, since the art is still great. The idea of the faeries having a Secret Santa amongst themselves is quite nice.
Panel Two: I love this panel! ^^ It’s wonderfully drawn; I love all the faeries’ expressions! You included a mini-joke in this panel, which I find admirable, not to mention highly amusing. I absolutely love the drawing of Jhudora holding a Cheery Blossom. The idea of the Soup Faerie getting a spoon and the Space Faerie receiving what appears to be a slightly small shirt is also funny. I did notice that the green color overlaps a bit of the black outline on Jhudora’s hair, but that doesn’t really take away from the picture. I love this panel.
Panel Three: The angle here is quite nice; it gives the reader a sense of depth. The fact that the ground is flat and outlined in black is a bit disruptive since it has a puffy pink edge in the other panels. While the Mutant Slorg looks perfectly disgusting as it should, I can’t help thinking that it looks a bit plain in its flat green. Usually your art looks great without the shading, but since the Mutant Slorg is missing usual traits such as the bloodshot red lines in its eyes and the salt crystals on its back, it looks a bit lacking in detail. Nevertheless, this panel has quite a nice setup and your style still shows clearly in it.
Panel Four: XD Hilarious! It’s really a great punchline. I absolutely love the art here. I love how you drew Jhuidah; she looks beautiful. The Soup Faerie’s concerned expression is great, especially with her natural-looking worried clasping of hands. Even the so-called Happiness Faerie looks terrific! The cardboard wings are drawn perfectly. One thing I have to mention, though, is that the Soup Faerie’s rather large yellow wings are nowhere in sight (I didn’t even notice this until long after my first read through, though, so it’s not terribly obvious). Still, a fantastic ending panel!
Overall: A very funny comic with traditionally great art. Excellent work! ^^

[glow=blue,2,300]Starry Stuff[/glow]
Oh, this was a cute comic. It’s a traditional play on a Neopian concept, but it was original enough to surprise me at the punchline. The colored pencil art is very nice as well.
Panel One: You set up the comic here. I like how the Acara is positioned. I must say, though, that Kenshin’s eyes are misaligned rather drastically. One is looking at the reader, and the other is looking straight down. I think it would have looked better if both eyes were directed towards the Acara.
Panel Two: Kenshin’s expression is very nice here. The little Petpet on top of his head is quite cute. Just so you know, though, it’s more correct to ask “What does it look like?”.
Panel Three: I really like the Acara’s expression here. It’s very cute and excited-looking.
Panel Four: Kenshin’s happy expression is nice, though the regular pencil line that makes up his features blends in a bit with the somewhat dark blue of his face. It seemed a little unlikely to me that Kenshin would so easily accept that the Acara just bent down and grabbed her Babaa all of a sudden, but that doesn’t matter for the comic’s purposes.
Panel Five: Aww, the Acara has such an adorable expression on her face! You surprised me quite a bit with the punchline. The little drawing of the Babaa is cute, too. This was a really cute comic throughout. I do want to point out, though, that Kenshin’s features can be hard to distinguish from the rest of his face. Such is the case here—I had to look at the panel carefully to figure out where his eyes and mouth were. The fact that the dark blue fur and gray pencil lines are surrounded by bright contrasting colors makes his expression sink further into his face. Just something to keep in mind.
Overall: This is a really cute comic! Great work!

[Deleted]

Any reviews for Because It's Christmas, After All, my short story, would be much appreciated.

[Czenko]

Okay, so I guess I would request for my series, the Pirate Writer part four. It had already been shown last week for the whole weekend, but it's us again. Horray reviews would make me hug you to death.

I guess I will look at all your requests and maybe do a few because I'm in a good mood. As soon as I get my stupid comic uploaded on the internet *smashs computer with a hammer*

[Tdyans at home]

I guess I'll request reviews for the Spooky crossover. And my apologies in advance to Komori. I was so intimidated when I found out which comic I got.

And, since it's mine, a quick review of the All Ears crossover. I thought it was really funny, and the art is so cute. The background was really nice, and the snowbunny in the first panel was a nice touch (though I should warn you that I had people up in arms over showing the entire body of a pawkeet in my last comic, so just be ready). My only criticism would be that it all seemed rather out-of-character, though that's probably my fault since I didn't give any information on my characters' personalities. I can't really picture Rooruon acting so silly or Max getting so exasperated about it. On the other hand, if it had been Moeioe and Achilles in their places, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash-- those two really would have fit the parts better. However, I really did find it hilarious and adorable in spite of that one small misgiving.

[Czenko]

Czenko's Christmas Review Special!

I will hopefully edit this over time, but for now here is my special Christmas reviews because I hand out reviews ever so rarely. I'm not that great at reviews however because I don't have an eye for small details.

The Art of Giving

What a cute article. It was actually somewhat helpful, and it wasn't a goofy one like most of the articles I read. It was helpful, but also Neopian as well, so what to expect? I'm guessing you know how to wrap presents. My mom, she's awesome at wrapping presents when she feels like it. Too bad I'm not. Seriously, it would be nice if my friends put cute little curly ribbons and tags. You forgot to add to buy little tiny gifts and tie them onto the gift. My mom often would put little cheap gifts onto presents which made the gift even more special. There is nothing I can pick about here because it was a truely helpful article, and I sure home neofriend #333 would be happy with what she got.

Coming Down Your Chimney

Ha! As I was reading the beginning of this article, I had no idea what the article was supposed to be about. The beginning kind of told me about it with a random naughty pet constantly interupting me when I was trying to read a good article. So, the beginning was quite entertaining. The warning you put was very helpful, because my pet Lavalilly was thinking about actually taking your advise.

This article was more like a story than an article, but I loved it anyway because it wasn't like most heartwarming christmas stories. The ending was awesome, but I'm not one for spoilers. Awesome article. It made me laugh. I won't pick on you for anything because i'm no nice and blind.

I have to run now. More coming up...
I still have presents to wrap. But I already wrapped about a billion.

[Deleted]

Snorkle's Reveiws

New Series

The Inn: Part One

Carrie and Dan are both talented authors and I am glad that they have collabed together, Dan could learn much from Carrie and Carrie could also pick up a few things from Dan. Carrie has written many dark, emotional series, and Dan seems to be leaning to the genre too it will be interesting to see how they work together.

Now as any good Christmas story we begin on Christmas Eve, with the main character's trying to visit their relatives, however as made perfectly clear this isn't your average Christmas story.

I found the introduction a bit startling. The author/s ran on for about a paragraph telling us that this was not like an another story and I found myself feeling a bit gimmicked. It's a nice idea but the phrasing is stilted and awkward:



Christmas wishes can be many things, but they almost never come true. Yes, you hear about them all the time; all about pets who had a wish that came true. They touch your heart, and you probably end up crying. But this story is different.

I love the first sentence it really gives us a sense that this character is cynical and a bit cold. However after that the paragraph just seems to spiral downwards. I think the authors could drop the but and the yes, they are superflorus and only hinder the stories bleak blatant tone. The same problems are true for the next paragraph.

I also found that I wasn't really sure of many things about the main character, who were they? You tell us a lot about their surroundings. Unfortunately this caliber of description really can't carry a story, but that's okay I think you don't really need to be a descriptive flowy writer; in fact I think your voice (whoever wrote this part, I'm guessing Dan) is much better suited to a character based voice.

I think this beacause you use phrases like: I noticed. Also your choice of first person also means that you should not use a more omnicent tone as you seemed prone to slip into. You do this by telling the reader things, like what Charlie is like. I could slightly understand this if it was a short story, word limit after all, but this is a series, take your time. Let Charlie's and Luke's character flesh out by showing how they react to things. The reader is a lot smarter than the author seems to give them credit.

This isn't to say this is a bad story, I really do like the concept behind it. I just think that it, like most of any authors stories for the Neopian Times is a learning experience. Overall I think that more characterzation and a stronger voice would flesh out the characters and the narrative at the same time.

Next time perhaps, sit down with your characters in your mind on a cold winter's day have a cup of hot coco together. Perhaps write a short dialouge, no description. Then once you feel that you really know Luke, write a day in the life of him, try to develope a very distinct way of talking with that character.

I promising begining for two promising writers.



Continued Series

Christmas With You: Part Two

This is Hmladen's first series, and hopefully not her last, all of her previous work being short stories.

Christmas With You is certainly a sombre story. (Is this a patten I see?) It almost felt like it would have been better as a short story, there was lots of uneeded dialouge and scenes that if I were the author I would have cut. This isn't to say that they were boring they just didn't fit in.

I really liked the character Jake, and I think it would have been a much more original, solid, story if Jake had been the narrator. Third Person still, but from his POV, or even first person.

I was glad that the ending wasn't really terribly rushed, which seems to be the biggest problem when authors write their first series.

You have an easy nice style though not amazingly creative or wild is pleasent and their isn't anything garishly wrong with it.

However there was one major problem, the dreams. In the dreams, and at the end of the first part the reader get's this sort of gloomy sense of forboding. However in the end the dreams offer a positive solution.

You might want to remember to be concious of the mood when you are writing.

Overall a solid Christmass Tale and a great beginings for a first series.

[hmlanden]

I'd like some reviews for the final part of "Christmas With You", if anyone has time.

Now, on to my not-so-in-depth reviews.

Starlight Invasion: Giving Day At Last--I started crying. That was so sweet! I loved it. Veyr well done. *sobs helplessly*

Iced In--*claps* Well done. I was a bit confused at the beginning as to what was going on. but that was quickly remedied (within about four or five sentences). This is one story I enjoyed very much.

A Different Christmas-- Now THAT'S what I call a different Christmas story. Very cute, original, well-written, and droolable in every way, Blub.

Once Upon A Christmas Morning--DUDE. I never thought that Snowflake might turn into the snowager! Brilliant plot and very well-written.

An Island Christmas--Awesome custom pic. *slapped* On to the story. It was very short, which surprised me, but cute. Seemed the teensiest bit undeveloped, though I loved it the way it was just the same.

Christmas on the Citadel--SQUEEEEEE! *tacklehug* *prints out the story* This is one for my collection. I LOVED IT!

Ezanna and the Christmas Craft Fair--As usual, funny, well-written, and worthy of SQUEE. Great job!

Salvation--WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHH. *sobs again* MY family is staring at me. They think I'm crazy. But WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Snow Day--Very sweet, predictable ending, but snoooooooooooow tis spiff!

[Belle]

thepuppyreturns said:

ladyariel32 said:

Article Reviews
Coming Down Your Chimney by puppy200010. Aww...man! XD I loved this so I just had to review it. :3 It's the kind of article I like. It has just the right amount of humor (none of it sounding forced), an interesting topic given a new twist, a short story-ish feel to the article (and, even sort of like a Choose-your-own Adventure thing). And, the ending...was sweet. *wiggles eyebrows*

Thank you so much for the review! I was really excited when I saw it had made front page . More reviews for Coming Down Your Chimney would be great! I'll do some reviews some time this weekend.

You're welcome, Puppy! ^^

I'll be doing more reviews later...

[Belle]

nothingness said:

ladyariel32 said:

The Art of Giving by shadowcristal. This has the feeling of a well-written article in one of those women's magazines (if not, craft magazines). ^^ I can almost see the author doing a demo on some arts and crafts show (or something to that effect). Anyway, I especially liked the part about what packaging to use and how to do the wrapping. It just seemed so real. And, the "Art of Giving Away" section just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (while ROFFLING all the way). Nice job, Sia. ^^

Thanks for the review, Belle! ^^
I'm glad you found it helpful, it was supposed to be more of a practical article than just talky-talk. I don't do the arts, but once I worked in a gift shop and that's where I learned my nifty little tricks =)

You're welcome, Sia. ^^

[Deleted]

I’m bored, so I thought: Hey! I might as well review some short stories this week.

An Island Christmas
By Laurelinden

As always, Lau, your imagery is superb. The descriptions of Terror Mountain winters gave me the shivers and made me have a sudden craving for hot chocolate, if that gives you any idea. You have an amazing aptitude for descriptions; they’re always stunningly well-done, never too long or short, and they don’t detract from the story. This story was no different.

But away from description: the plot. The plot of this story was a good and not especially overused. Brandon’s plight is easy to recognize and easy to sympathize with; after all, who would want to spend Christmas trapped on a rainy humid island? The plot flows well and is never awkward, although the second half of the story moves very quickly. The result was that the ending, although well written, is abrupt. It doesn’t detract terribly from the story.

Overall, it was the only thing I could find that could use some work. That, and the fact that the story seemed a bit short, but hey, I’m used to writing novellas for short stories.

The preset image was pretty awesome, too.

All in all, a very good story, Lau.

The Miracle of Christmas
By Pandabearb

Wow. This story… It was pretty good. Awesome, in fact. Panda, I really enjoyed your writing style. You don’t have tons of descriptions, but when you do, they stand out. The fact that your story isn’t riddled with extensive imagery doesn’t detract from it at all. Your story was smooth and well-written, with no abruptness or awkwardness in wording. I really enjoyed this story, to be honest.

Now, onto the plot. You manage to avoid the biggest clichés in stories like this. Though Warren is a tad cynical, you can see he’s experienced much strife throughout his lifetime. You avoided making him a grumpy Scrooge who finally opens up when he’s exposed to Christmas warmth. For Warren, the transition is smooth. Lezlie’s optimistic and uplifting attitude was the perfect addition to his lifestyle. The reference to the jar of pickled olives being useless caught my eye, and I really enjoyed Lezlie’s various quirks, like her name for Warren.

This story was warm and uplifting. Like a cup of hot chocolate.

Iced In
By Tamia_silverwing

What truly shines about this story, Tamia, is your characters. For the most part, they are all rich and diverse – there’s adventurous, willing Jeri; free-spirited, independent Aidne; and strict, traditional Maloutyn. The dialogue you write is never boring, and I have to applaud you for having it be most of your story – I’ve been reading a lot of stories that contain just a few dialogue sequences and this is a welcome change.

The plot was a bit confusing, as I haven’t had the opportunity to read Ghostchasers, if that would even help me understand it a bit more. I guess the series would add more to Jeri’s character, maybe Aidne’s, and his escapades above land? In any case, it works well either way. I really like how you explain the layout of the Bori’s caverns.

Let’s see… What could have made this story better? I suppose you could have developed Warp a little bit better. He didn’t really have any defining characteristics, even though I did enjoy his character. Apart from that… There’s not much else I can say.

I liked this story. It wasn’t completely serious or humorous, and I can tell you have great promise in writing. Keep it up.

The Different Christmas
By Blubblub317

Now that’s a story you don’t read everyday. It’s certainly got a plot you don’t read about everyday. Wow. Just… wow. An exceptional piece, to be sure, Blub. Your writing style is smooth and unique. You don’t bore us with details, but at the same time, you keep the reader from becoming uninterested. For the most part your characters are very well developed, Luna and Fantasia especially. You could have developed Midnight, Dane, and Flowrey a bit more, but the fact that you didn’t really didn’t detract from the story all that much.

The plot is about as far from a Christmas story cliché as you can get. Most Christmas stories are about cold-hearted Christmas cynics turned generous Christmas spirits; others are about someone finding no love in the materialism of Christmas, but being enlightened by learning what Christmas truly is. Your plot is completely different from either of those commonly pursued Christmas clichés, and for that, I applaud you, Blub. Great job.

If I could critique anything, apart from character development, I think it would

Your story’s heartwarming and uplifting, and overall, I had a great time reading it.

Well... I'm afraid these will be the only reviews this week. I'm going to be waaaaaay too busy. But Merry Christmas to everyone here at the NTWF! ;D

[Kushbi]

hmlanden said:

Christmas on the Citadel--SQUEEEEEE! *tacklehug* *prints out the story* This is one for my collection. I LOVED IT!

Thanks, I'm glad that you liked it. ^_^ That was the best positive comment I've ever received for my stories! =) Kushbi is very happy this Christmas.

[ncwidt5895]

Thank you so much for the in-depth review Snorkles. Yeah, we didn't go too far with the characters... it really only was a series, well (embarassed to admit) because I already had a short story to put in the issue and I couldn't have two. The above short story was rejected, but we were still left with something that we wound into a series.

Again though, thanks for the review. ^^

And heh, you're a good guesser. Yeah, Dan wrote that part xD *gives you a c00ky for being a good guesser*

[Belle]

Ehm...only have time for one review...

Iced In by tamia_silverwing.

Wow. I was completely enthralled by this one.

First of all, good characterization. ^^ Each character has his or her own distinct personality traits. They are easy to fall in love with. And, it is certainly important for the characters to be likeable in order for a reader to truly enjoy a story.

Second, the plot is engaging. The scenario presented in the story is certainly very different. While I was reading the story, I had the feeling that I was reading the premise of a fantasy/sci-fi novel. Don't ask me why.

All I can say is, I'm definitely reading "Ghostchasers" now.