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Post by Crystal on Oct 25, 2004 5:10:30 GMT -5
The Youth in my church are doing a debate on this. We were divided into two groups, and I'm on the 'for' side. I didn't really have any concrete opinion on it, so yeah, that's why I'm here.
So... post your opinions on this, I guess. Should it be allowed? By 'in school' I mean about age 12 to 17.
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Post by Kat on Oct 25, 2004 5:19:21 GMT -5
It all depends on maturity. If the person is mature enough to handle a night out with the opposite sex, then why not? However, the problem with this lies in the fact that many teenagers (no offense) tend to abuse the trust in them and...er...go "overboard" on their dates. So if the proper time to date is based on age, I'd say that 12-17 is too young. At this time, many of the youth are still in the process of "maturing" and not yet "fully mature". I'd follow my parents' wishes and have my first date when I'm done with college and am already working. Besides, they've still got much time to learn about "interacting" with the opposite sex before they start hooking themselves up on dates, mind you.  |
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Post by Buddy on Oct 25, 2004 14:49:44 GMT -5
The question on whether or not someone should begin dating at a certain age is much like whether or not one should have pre-marital sex - there is no stead-fast answer. It's all about personal choice and responsibility. Some people are much more mature than others and can handle dating at a young age. Others cannot. Those that can't won't, or at least, won't do so effectively (as they're sure to just end up getting hurt). It's all about personal maturity - if you think you can handle it, go ahead. If you can't, don't. It's up to you. Only you know the answer. One thing about dating, though. People are always under the assumption of "What's the point in having a boyfriend/girlfriend at *insert age here*? It's not like you're ever going to get married to them!" And of course they're right - much in the same way that, I never intend on being an accoutant, though I still have to learn math all the same. See, interacting/having feelings about the opposite sex is like anything else in this world - it can only be aquired by learning. True, you may never marry that person you're dating in high school. But that doesn't mean you're time with them is nessecarily wasted, either. But that doesn't change the fact that there are going to be people you meet in life who you'll have feelings for. And while dating people in school might seem pointless and stupid, in the long run, it's really not. As I said, you have to learn to deal with those feelings and all the circumstance and consequences that come along with them. So, while dating in school may be "dumb" by itself, the lessons that it teachs and the skills it builds will ultimately help you throughout your life. Heh, I feel like I'm explaining the birds and the bees!  |
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Post by irishdragonlord on Oct 25, 2004 16:55:35 GMT -5
Personally, I say I'm mature enough to know I'm immature enough Of course, for most kids I know, the same cannot be said... Definitely you need some experience of some kind, even if it's not dating (i.e. like... I dunno, learn from your friend's mistakes. Which there will be plenty of) but I know sooo many people who want a girlfriend, and the ones who want them most are the most immature and/or perverted. So, it's really personal responsibility. It shouldn't be BANNED - you can't actually be forced into a relationship, not in any way I know of - but then again, who would be the best judge of someone else's maturity? Basically, try to figure out how mature YOU are, and more importantly, how mature the guy/girl you're thinking about is. (Or the one thinking about you) BTW, I am NO expert. Call it a... well-educated guess |
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Post by Rider on Oct 25, 2004 18:04:31 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Depends; what's the definition of "date"? Casual dinner and a movie? I think low-key things like this are A-OK, provided the young twosome is mature enough. Nothing too fancy. We shouldn't have to impress our dates at this age. When I was in 5th grade, I had a "boyfriend". He bought be kiddie toys. A stuffed hippo, a Beanie Baby, a few flowers. We hung out at recess together, and he was very chivalrous. I learned more about guys from him than I have from my own brother. Dating is an educational experience as well as a social one. And everyone should at least go on a couple low-key dates before graduating high school. (Also, no drinking, no overly revealing clothes, and definitely no S-E-X! Those are NOT signs of maturity! Quite the opposite.)[/glow] |
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Post by Lilly ~ Queen of the Grarrls on Oct 25, 2004 20:31:59 GMT -5
My thought on this is a societal push. 'Dating' is a pressure put on younger kids/teens because that is what 'we' expect of them. Human nature indicates that kids want to be a 'grown up' and dating is considered part of that. However, a 12 year old can not handle themselves with the pressure of sex, love, requirements of a relationship. Most of them are still playing with their toys, although, they wouldn't admit it.
Even with older teens, they are not ready to handle the kind of pressure put on them to be able to make informed decisions. Again, teens will date because it's what's expected of them. It's what 'grown ups' do.
Dating is nothing more than finding a potential mate to spend your life with.
If you want to 'hang out' with someone, you can just as easily hang out as friends.
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Post by Eggz on Oct 25, 2004 20:49:35 GMT -5
Heh, why not. As long as it doesn't get too serious. Then I'm all for "No".
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Post by theunorthodox on Oct 26, 2004 10:29:22 GMT -5
Yea, that's what I was thinking. Personally, I don't see how 12 and 13 year olds even have the urge to date. I never did....Hell, I still don't. o0
I think the need to start hooking up at such young ages came from, (Yes, I'm going to sound like a total mother right now), television. It's a proven fact that kids who watch television that shows dating and sex at early ages tend to start dating at early ages. What's the most popular theme on television nowadays besides on Cartoon Network? Relationships. I mean, watching five seconds of MTV or any sitcom or those weepy teenage soap operas will totally hammer that into your head.
I never watched that stuff when I was a kid. I watched Dark Wing Duck and Thundercats and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. My other friend pretty much survived off of Friends and MTV, and she had her first boyfriend in sixth grade. o0
Dating at young ages does bother me, yes. I won't lie, but it doesn't bother me nearly as much as sex at young ages, which is what the dating leads too. If I could be assured that my younger sisters were *just* dating, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it.
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Post by Stal on Oct 26, 2004 11:54:39 GMT -5
Exactly what Dox said. Although I think at 16/17 it'd be fine.
*cough* Okay, so I have a slight ulterior motive there. Oh well. XP
(And Dox, Darkwing Duck pwns)
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Post by Crystal on Oct 26, 2004 12:19:00 GMT -5
My friend started dating at twelve. I was her roommate for a short while, and the lady in charge of her boyfriend (he's an exchange student from Indonesia) pulled me aside and gave me some really stern instructions not to leave them alone. Do you know how it's like to come into your room and see your roommate sitting on the bed giggling with her boyfriend and then you have to sit there and wait for him to go? At any rate, thanks for the opinions! Though I doubt they'll help me... heh. ^^ I AM on the 'for' side, after all. We picked 'em out of a hat. |
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Post by silversno on Oct 26, 2004 16:39:28 GMT -5
I'm all for it as long as it doesn't get to deep. I've never had a date and i'm 14. *sighs* I'm an outcast...  Maybe i should stop obsessing over Elmo and get on with my life... |
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Post by sarienne on Oct 26, 2004 17:17:32 GMT -5
Umm... I'm going to be 20 in two months and I've been on one date. You aren't missing much, from my experience. Seriously, I'm not terribly fond of the whole institution of dating, but more from a personal perspective. Dating, as I am using it, here refers only to a 'formal' date i.e. the two of you hit the movies/ pizza parlor/ zoo/ Chez Expensive, not in company of a group with whom you can converse if something begins to go sour/ get awkward. Dating is hyper-glamorized in American culture. The Roses, The Candlelight, The Restaurant, The Kiss.... Or maybe just going to the movies and holding hands in the popcorn bucket. BUT: If Dating is about meeting THE ONE, I would say there are other, better ways of finding him/her. Meeting someone you want to spend the rest of your life with does not have to occur within the framework of dating, and in fact I would think it would be preferable to discover that person outside of a romantic perspective. Better to know the person without all those stupid butterflies interfering with your own good judgement. If dating is about social skills, then I would say it is possible to learn how to listen to others and argue respectfully without lighting candles and putting on perfume. If dating is about learning about your own likes and dislikes in people, can't you do that without all the hurt feelings that formal dating entails? Unfortunately for my position, in school, I doubt that it would be possible to stop kids from dating. The essence of High school, Jr. High and even Elementary is to push kids to a higher maturity level. Unfortunately, this means that most kids will want to try things they have not yet achieved the maturity to experience, leading to a lot of hurt feelings, miscommunications and long-range negative consequences. Furthermore, dating as a whole during this time period seems to be just one more insidious finger of the popularity infrastructure. The popular girls get dates, the unpopular girls don't. Popular status is elevated or demoted by whomever you are dating. It isn't abouut finding someone that you like being around, it's about finding someone you look good next to, or who will do your homework out of gratitude. Sorry Kiddo. I know this didn't help your side much. |
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Post by Gail on Oct 26, 2004 19:34:04 GMT -5
I'm all for it as long as it doesn't get to deep. I've never had a date and i'm 14. *sighs* I'm an outcast... Maybe i should stop obsessing over Elmo and get on with my life... I'm 14 also and have never had a date. *sighs also* I think dating in school completly depends on the person, type of date, maturity level, and a variety of other things. |
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Post by irishdragonlord on Oct 26, 2004 19:55:11 GMT -5
Yes, 14 and no dates... And I did have one moron (who, if i had gotten home earlier, would have had a huge rant on this board dedicated to him) saying: "You fat kids are just all ****ed up but I don't give a ****ing **** about 'personality' or any of that ****." ...the kid had his ribs sticking out of his skin, and - at 14 - wanted to have sex. o0 Retards like that idiot are the ones who want dates most. I would rather be obese and never date for my whole life than be him for a week. (Also, he called me fat because a) I guess I let slip i didn't have a girlfriend, and because b) a sparrow outweighed him BTW, he's one of the reasons I believe in divine intervention - at least in the form of punishment.  |
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Post by mushroom on Oct 27, 2004 0:24:26 GMT -5
Why not? Some people I know are perfectly capable of dating. One of my best friends has had boyfriends since eighth or ninth grade. (I'm not sure exactly how many she's had, but the number isn't unusually large.) From what I've seen of the current relationship (the only one I've had much opportunity to observe), she's not hurting herself or anyone else. She's a very confident person, and generally mature; she has the sense to get out of a bad relationship, I think, and she's not in it for any obvious gain like popularity or so on. I think she has the sense, the self-confidence, and the maturity to make her own choices, and I'm not at all worried about her in this respect.
On the other hand, another friend of mine is currently a junior. She doesn't seem to be handling herself well. Her most recent ex, from what I know of the relationship, was not good either for her or to her. He was verbally abusive and dumped her rather cruelly after a drawn-out relationship--including an *engagement.* (No, I *don't* understand how she could accept a proposal in her junior year of high school, having been dating the boy in question for less than five months.) I don't understand why she saw him so long, and I'm glad for her sake that the relationship is over before the problems have a chance to escalate. Also, other friends have told me that this girl has identified as lesbian, bisexual, and straight again within the space of two years or so; while a person is certainly entitled to be uncertain about his or her identity, it seems to me that a major part of maturity is knowledge of one's self. With this evidence of a lack of maturity, and her lousy judgment regarding this boyfriend, I don't think she is ready to be dating. (By the way, this girl is, as I've stated, a friend, although not a close one. This account emphasizes some of her worst characteristics; please do not judge her based on it.)
So, as others have stated, some people are ready to date early, although twelve is probably too young for most. Some people aren't ready to date at sixteen or seventeen. It all depends on the individual.
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