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Post by wolvenwhisper on Sept 12, 2003 16:10:58 GMT -5
No one else should read this, because it'll ruin the first part in my series "From the Ashes" if it ever gets published.  Would something like: ...that be okay? Or: that? In the latter quote, he's just passing out, not dying. But would these be okay? |
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Post by immortalmina on Sept 12, 2003 16:16:35 GMT -5
I would like to add that in "Spike, the crash, the potion and the lolly" there is blood. Is this why it has been held twice? Should I take it out? Thanks.
-Mina
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Post by evil on Sept 12, 2003 16:33:57 GMT -5
I would like to add that in "Spike, the crash, the potion and the lolly" there is blood. Is this why it has been held twice? Should I take it out? Thanks. -Mina In the fourth chapter of my series blood was mentioned, but was edited out by Snowflake during its publication. The previous chapter had its ending pic edited out for obvious reasons. It was sort of fun and interesting to see these changes. I also hope this answers the "blood" question. This was the ending pic..not that serious but it did have blood in it. So I understand why it was edited out. storiesbyevil.tripod.com/storypics/dream3pic3.gif(copy and paste) |
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Post by wolvenwhisper on Sept 12, 2003 16:37:00 GMT -5
In the fourth chapter of my series blood was mentioned, but was edited out by Snowflake during its publication. The previous chapter had its ending pic edited out for obvious reasons. It was sort of fun and interesting to see these changes. I also hope this answers the "blood" question. This was the ending pic..not that serious but it did have blood in it. So I understand why it was edited out. storiesbyevil.tripod.com/storypics/dream3pic3.gif(copy and paste) Yes, my "spooky" story had the tiniest bit of blood edited out. I'm just thinking that this may not be allowed, even though I'm really happy with the way I wrote it... Hm.. |
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Post by Snowflake on Sept 12, 2003 17:13:13 GMT -5
Yes, my "spooky" story had the tiniest bit of blood edited out. I'm just thinking that this may not be allowed, even though I'm really happy with the way I wrote it... Hm.. Yeah, no blood. The only part I don't really prefer is this part : His head slammed into the pavement with a sickening crack, and darkness swam into his amber orbs... I know he's passing out, but still, I would prefer you leave something like that out, as well as the part about ice-torn wounds. Overall, it's not too bad  |
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Post by Stal on Sept 12, 2003 17:22:34 GMT -5
What about...inferred/implied death?
Like, let's say this scenario occured. Two pets are battling, in a duel to the end, really. The hero pins the villian to the wall, helpless. The villian says the cliche thing of "You won't kill me. You don't..yadda yadda yadda." To which the hero basically replies "Wouldn't I?"
Scene cut, to the hero leaving the area and telling his companion "So-and-so won't be a problem, any longer."
It never once says the person died, for all we know he could've left the villian pinned to the wall or something. One of those questions of did he or didn't he.
Would that be okay?
*had a scene like this circling through his head for a story*
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Post by wolvenwhisper on Sept 12, 2003 18:07:54 GMT -5
Yeah, no blood. The only part I don't really prefer is this part : His head slammed into the pavement with a sickening crack, and darkness swam into his amber orbs... I know he's passing out, but still, I would prefer you leave something like that out, as well as the part about ice-torn wounds. Overall, it's not too bad Thanks. I was worried about those parts in particular. I'll go and see what replacements I can come up with. |
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Post by immortalmina on Sept 12, 2003 22:26:49 GMT -5
Yeah, no blood. The only part I don't really prefer is this part : His head slammed into the pavement with a sickening crack, and darkness swam into his amber orbs... I know he's passing out, but still, I would prefer you leave something like that out, as well as the part about ice-torn wounds. Overall, it's not too bad Okay what about mine? Here is what was written. What could I change it to? <p> Spike looked up from the ground and blood dripped down from his left eyebrow. It flowed into his eye. It made his eyes water. Spike was stunned. He looked at Oz and said, “What will I do? Immortalmina will go nutters if she sees this.” OZ shrugged his shoulders.</p> And does this mean I can't have the scar? -Mina |
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Post by immortalmina on Sept 13, 2003 11:56:29 GMT -5
Here is what I changed it to. Does it still make sence? I hope so. <p> Spike looked up from the ground and could feel pain in his left eyebrow. He knew it must be cut. By the look on OZ’s face it was confirmed. Spike was stunned. He looked at Oz and said, “What will I do? Immortalmina will go nutters if she sees this.” OZ shrugged his shoulders.</p> Now maybe it will get in! -Mina |
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Post by wolvenwhisper on Sept 13, 2003 14:47:03 GMT -5
Here is what I changed it to. Does it still make sence? I hope so. <p> Spike looked up from the ground and could feel pain in his left eyebrow. He knew it must be cut. By the look on OZ’s face it was confirmed. Spike was stunned. He looked at Oz and said, “What will I do? Immortalmina will go nutters if she sees this.” OZ shrugged his shoulders.</p> Now maybe it will get in! -Mina That sounds great. ;D You rephrased it really well. |
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Post by immortalmina on Sept 13, 2003 16:34:25 GMT -5
That sounds great. ;D You rephrased it really well. Thanks! I'll go send it in right now! lol -Mina |
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Post by wolvenwhisper on Sept 13, 2003 16:35:31 GMT -5
Thanks! I'll go send it in right now! lol -Mina Great! Can't wait to see it in Issue 109.  ;D |
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;D