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Post by jateshi on Jan 15, 2003 20:13:58 GMT -5
Does this sound alright so far? ~~~~ FIT- Faeries In Training Abigail was your rather bland Fire Faerie, she spent most of her day’s day dreaming, and was only allowed to give people quests. And she was, of course, only a minor faerie. You know, the ones pushed aside from the crowd for the greater faeries. Though that soon did change, on that one peaceful February morning. "Abby, you awake?" Abigail sighed, rolling over on her comfortable bed to face her maid and give her a groggy look, “What is it?” Abby grumbled, rubbing any signs of sleep away from her eyes. ~~~~ All criticism appreciated  . |
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Post by sollunaestrella on Jan 15, 2003 20:19:55 GMT -5
~~~~
FIT- Faeries In Training
Abigail was your rather bland Fire Faerie; she spent most of her day’s day dreaming and was only allowed to give people quests. And she was, of course, only a minor faerie--you know, the ones pushed aside from the crowd for the greater faeries--though that soon did change on that one peaceful February morning.
"Abby, you awake?"
Abigail sighed, rolling over on her comfortable bed to face her maid and give her a groggy look.
“What is it?” Abby grumbled, rubbing any signs of sleep away from her eyes.
~~~~
I made a couple changes that I think would be better in my opinion--all puncuation.
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Post by jateshi on Jan 15, 2003 20:33:57 GMT -5
Thank you ^_^ I just usually do all corrections after I finish the story. But that helped a lot! One thing though, do you think it so far (non-punctuation wise) is good?
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Post by sollunaestrella on Jan 15, 2003 20:34:59 GMT -5
Yes! I would like to read more.... ;D
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Post by jateshi on Jan 15, 2003 20:39:08 GMT -5
Yay! -Hugs- thank you. |
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Post by calvinseviltwin on Jan 15, 2003 20:48:27 GMT -5
Yes, i'd also like to see more.
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Post by mushroom on Jan 15, 2003 21:48:29 GMT -5
Yes, I like it thus far. There's one minor punctuation error that sol_luna_estrella didn't catch: you have 'day's' where 'days' is the word you're looking for. (With an apostrophe, it's either a contraction for 'day is'--although I don't think that should be used in anything other than dialogue--or the possessive of 'day'. Without an apostrophe, it's the plural of 'day'.)
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Post by jateshi on Jan 16, 2003 7:50:03 GMT -5
^^ more of my story:
FIT- Faeries In Training
Abigail was your rather bland Fire Faerie; she spent most of her day’s day dreaming and was only allowed to give people quests. And she was, of course, only a minor faerie--you know, the ones pushed aside from the crowd for the greater faeries--though that soon did change on that one peaceful February morning.
"Abby, you awake?"
Abigail sighed, rolling over on her comfortable bed to face her maid and give her a groggy look.
“What is it?” Abby grumbled, rubbing any signs of sleep away from her eyes.
The maid shifted nervously foot to foot, a grim expression entwining with her features,
“Well, you know Camp FIT? Well, It starts today.”
Abigail snickered, swinging her feet onto the cold marble floor she was ever so accustomed to,
“No it doesn’t, It starts in February,” Abigail sighed, yawning loudly, “This is all you woke me up for?”
The maid gestured her petite hand over to Abigail's closet before grabbing the thin red bed sheets and neatly folding them up, “Abigail, I’m not lying. Now go get dressed.”
Abigail edged over towards her calendar, peering at the ever-changing curse,
“you’re right, It does start today.” Abby squeaked, a hint of dread in her voice.
*********
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Post by calvinseviltwin on Jan 16, 2003 16:42:00 GMT -5
Still good!
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Post by sollunaestrella on Jan 17, 2003 15:19:43 GMT -5
Yes...here's also some more edits:
The maid shifted nervously foot to foot, a grim expression entwining with her features.
“Well, you know Camp FIT? Well, It starts today.”
Abigail snickered, swinging her feet onto the cold marble floor she was ever so accustomed to.
“No it doesn’t. It starts in February,” Abigail sighed, yawning loudly. “This is all you woke me up for?”
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