please read I am dying for some suggestions

[darkmage92]

Question: Should i continue my hooded figure Storyz?
this is just an opening that just popped into me
The moon shown down on the Evergleen Forest with such a great light it looked as if it was two moons instead of one. You could see something darting in and out of the trees. A figure of darkness swept through the forest with the haste of a shooting star. Anthing within it’s wake was swept aside. The crackling of branches could be heard from miles away. The giant figure suddenly jumped up and out streched his hands, and started to fly. As it winged off toward the moon you could hear it cackle, “Neopia will be mine!”

Doom92 was in his beutiful Neohome lying on his bed under his sheets and thinking “I wish, something would happen around here, I mean everyday it is the same thing wake up, eat breakfeast, put on clothes, go to school, comeback, go to sleep. Oy! It is so boring!” Little did he know he was about to be thrown into one of Neopia’s biggest, darkest secret.

[Lappi]

Pretty good so far. I also understand that you have lots of other stories to write, so just take it one at a time . . .

Felabba once told me, "It's easy to start and get in a story, but it's much harder to complete it." or something like that ;D

[sollunaestrella]

adoriblelapin said:

Felabba once told me, "It's easy to start and get in a story, but it's much harder to complete it." or something like that ;D

So true. I have about fifteen--at the least--non-Neopets stories I've started and about six Neopets one.

[darkmage92]

I gots some questions

#1 Should I continue my other story I mean i don't know if it's turning out great?

#2 So you're saying you like it? 1 , 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

[sollunaestrella]

darkmage92 said:

I gots some questions

#1 Should I continue my other story I mean i don't know if it's turning out great?

#2 So you're saying you like it? 1 , 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

#1. Yes, you should.

#2. Yes. Here's my editing:

The moon shown down on the Evergleen Forest with such a great light it looked as if it was two moons instead of one. Something was darting in and out of the trees. With the haste of a shooting star, a figure of darkness swept through the forest. Anything within it’s wake was swept aside. The crackling of branches could be heard from miles away. The giant figure suddenly jumped up and out stretched his hands (<--questionable phrase; outstretched is not a verb; might want to come up with some other words to express this thought) and started to fly. As it winged off toward the moon, you could hear it cackle, “Neopia will be mine!”

Doom92 was in his beautiful Neohome. He was lying on his bed under his sheets and thinking, “I wish, something would happen around here--I mean, everyday, it is the same thing: wake up, eat breakfeast, put on clothes, go to school, come back, go to sleep. Oy! It is so boring!” Little did he know he was about to be thrown into one of Neopia’s biggest, darkest secrets.

A lot of it was just puncuation and that type of stuff, but there was also some stuff I changed for the sake of vareity. You don't have to take those suggestions if you don't want to.