my first story that is actually any good.

[pichuthegreat]

sorry people I haven't been able to get on for a little while

[roselladestiny]

Um, here are a few things I saw. You might want to double check them:

"Well thank you,sir. Reckon I need to get going," Cloud said. He jumped off the stage, landed on his face, got up, and started skipping down the trail.


"Anyone have a backup plan?" Emerald muttered as soon as Cloud was out of hearing range,"'We have complete faith in you,' what a gullible guy."

[roselladestiny]

I like this, by the way. Keep up the good work, and keep on editing!

[Deleted]

pichuthegreat said:

It was a beautiful morning, too beautiful( music starts coming from the background)not sure you can do that and the beautiful morning was being swept aside by the fiery argument inside the mazelike streets of the forest of lupeland. So heated was the argument, that even form the streets of neopia central you could hear the lupes yelling at each other(and bonking each other silly with a jelly chicken)
TEXT*in lupe forest*

"Oh Emerald what shall we do ?That band of chias have been stealing our food and now we have nothing to eat."Lotta asked emerald the leader of the lupe pack.asked dosent look like the rite word.

"For once I do not know Lotta. We have sent our bravest lupes already ,to try to infitrateinFILtrate they'renot sure but isnt it their camp, and none have returned." Emerald said, with a bit of fear in his voice, for he could see the crowd was on the verge

more will be added but i have to go ;D

Mainly punctuation. oh look there's more

[pichuthegreat]

so sorry I haven't been on it is because i haven't had time i'll work on all my stories on friday

[pichuthegreat]

sorry again I went skiing in Canada and thats why I haven't worked on this.

[Lappi]

pichuthegreat said:

thanks adorableapin but by any chance have you beaten jahbal

o.O Not even close. I jut beat what's his name . . . Xatan ot whatever o.O Okie, welp . . . thankies!

EDIT: I meant you're welcome. XD