[Story] Xue Blanche: Ace Attorney

[Andrea]

~Xue Blanche: Ace Attorney~

Table of Contents for Case 1

• 1- Investigation- Opening
  
• 2- Cross-Examination- Mike Meekins
  
• 3- Dark Faerie's Blessing
  
• 4- Trial- Beginning
  
• 5- Trial- Louis' Cross-Examination
  
• 6- Trial- Nobeard's Cross-Examination and Verdict

SPOILER: Click to show

This is a story I've wanted to write for a little while when I saw that Xue was growing up influenced to be a lawyer. The "defense attorney or prosecutor" issue was decided for the story on a coinflip, just to keep the random nature of Xue's growth going.

Who is Xue Blanche? He's an alien raised by the Taco. Everything- Name, gender, personality, alignment, appearance, occupation, weapon, magic... It was determined by who he talked to for 5 days in which I brought him to the Icy Taco. Like I said, his final stats led him to be a lawyer, which brings us to...

[Andrea]

Case 1

Turnabout Transformation

---

They call me Xue Blanche. I'm a lawyer around the Icy Taco.

Well... I haven't actually had my first case yet. I only appeared at this city several days ago...

... Oh, by "appeared" I mean "crashed". I'm an alien.

So how does a person like me start out? Well, it's nice you were wondering...[/color]

{Xue’s Office}

*sitting at desk, doing paperwork*

*the phone starts ringing*

*picks up*

Hey there, Xue! It’s me. Portsman. Remember me?

(No.) Yes. What’s the matter?

Well I, uh… Heard about your new career, dude.[/I]

… Yes, I am a new defense attorney. What have you done, stabbed someone with your hair?

Yeah! … Um, wait, no. I actually need you to meet me over by the prosecutors office, dude.

Do you need me to defend you?

I might, dude. The police haven’t arrived yet.

(Oh God, what have you done.) …

I’ll see you there!

*hangs up* … (Better get moving.)

{The Icy Taco Prosecutors’ Office}

*teleports up*

Woah! I wasn’t expecting you to get here so fast, dude!

*looks around* Okay, you haven’t accidentally blown up the Icy Taco. How can I help…?

… Well.

Talk- Your Case

Start telling me about your case.

Okay. It’s in Neopia, dude, to start.

Neopia…?

It’s a nice place this time of year. Have you been?

No, I haven’t.

Oh. You totally should. The jogging weather is perfect.

Um, okay-

Here’s a travel agent business card. Give him a call and he can set up a great vacation for you.

… (What were we talking about again?)

SPOILER: Click to show

Tell me about yourself a bit, since we may end up working together.

Well, dude. I’m the one and only Jacques Portsman, prosecuting prodigy. *thumbs up*

If you were a prodigy of any kind, you wouldn’t be in this mess.

*obliviously* One time I saved the entire planet from robot kittens that were trying to defeat us in basketball tournaments, but I went “oh no you didn’t bro” and SLAM DUNKed them back into their spaceship, and-

(Why does this guy have to be my first client?!)

SPOILER: Click to show

This is my badge. It is proof that I am a professional.

Wow, dude. That thing’s a million times less hardcore than a prosecutor’s badge, like mine. *holds up his prosecutor’s badge which has a little manly arm taped to the side*

… (What.)

SPOILER: Click to show

Nice pic. Want me to autograph that for you?

No!

Talk- Neopia

Okay. Tell me more about the case in Neopia that you want me to help with.

Okay, dude.

(That was surprisingly easy…)

It was 5 AM NST. I was going to meet a new friend of mine, a red Xweetok. We were going to go jogging. We would’ve went easier, but he’s such a sissy. You know how it is, dude.

I showed up a few minutes late outside of the Haunted Woods and I saw him dead, lying on his stomach! Then I called you.

*considers this* … What was the victim’s name?

His name was Skee Rewd.

(Just when I thought this case might be serious…)

Okay, dude! We should probably head out to the crime scene to investigate! I don’t know when the bossy cops arrive, but I don’t want them to think I did it!

How will we get there?

I’m not good with magical things, but I have this! I bought it at a store called Derpmart. *pulls out a remote and opens up a portal nearby*

… (I suppose it’s time to get going.) *steps through the portal*

*follows*

{Nearby the Haunted Woods}

*They appear at the farthest outskirts of the Haunted Woods, with Neopia Central looming in the distance.*

This is it, dude. I think that the overzealous cop will arrive at any minute, so you better hurry.

*smiles* I’ll do my best, then.

~Begin Investigation~

SPOILER: Click to show

*looks* … Well, now I know why they call it the Haunted Woods.

BOO

! *swivels around* Stop!

Woah! It was just a joke!

SPOILER: Click to show

Where’s that over there…?

Pfft. That’s Neopia Central, dude. It’s where all the shops are. There’s also the Money Tree.

A tree that gives out money…?

Actually, it mostly gives out dung or rotten old boots.

…

Examine the victim

*The victim, a red Xweetok, is lying on his stomach. There’s nothing else nearby*

… Maybe I need a closer look.

*Xue gets closer to the victim*

SPOILER: Click to show

Do all Xweetoks have this eyeliner…?

Is that really relevant, dude?

I guess not…

Examine Victim’s Wound

! This is a stab wound… Poor guy.

What do you think, dude?

It’s too soon to say for certain, but it looks like a sword did this. He was probably stabbed in the back. … Literally.

Huh…

-Crime Scene Notes added to the Court Record!-

*Stomps and sounds of static electricity cut the silence*

Argh! The police are here! Hide me! *hides behind Xue*

What are y-

*A group of Robot Chias stomp up, closing off the area and investigating clumsily*

”Okay, men! Don’t rest until you’ve investigated EVERY SUSPICIOUS AREA in the crime scene! THIS IS FOR THE GLORY OF MY MOUSTACHE!”

(What kind of screwball are we dealing with now…?)

*A much larger, human-esque robot in the form of a rather strange historical figure marches forward, carrying a megaphone*

! Is that-

YOU THERE, YOU UNMOUSTACHIOED MENACES! What are you doing in this crime scene and why are you here in the presence of the glorious Stalinbot?!

SPOILER: Click to show

No, actually… Who are you?

*shouting through megaphone* I ASKED YOU FIRST, SUSPECT-WITHOUT-FACIAL-HAIR!

Agh!

SPOILER: Click to show

Do you know anything about this case yet…? Any suspects?

Well, let’s see. THE ONLY SUSPECTS I HAVE ARE THE FOOLS IN FRONT OF ME!

Agh!

SPOILER: Click to show

This is my defense attorney’s badge. It is proof that I am a professional.

I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

… (I think I just went deaf…)

SPOILER: Click to show

Do y-

NO

Okay! Okay!

SPOILER: Click to show

What can you tell me about-

I have no interest in sharing my knowledge with COMMONERS WHO HAVE NO MOUSTACHES..

…

SPOILER: Click to show

*glares*

… (Well, he didn’t shout.)

(After speaking about every topic available)

It’s no use… It doesn’t look like he’s going to help us.

I told you, dude! *shakes fist*

*shuffles by*

*grabs the robot Chia Cop* Um, excuse me? Can I ask you a few things, please?

?

SPOILER: Click to show

This is my attorney’s badge. It proves that I am a professional.

… …

…

SPOILER: Click to show

Can you tell me about this…?

… Negative.

Talk- The Chia Cops

Are you allied with… *looks at Portsman* <sub>Who are the police around here?

The Chia Cops, dude.</sub>

The Chia Cops?

Yes. We are temporarily working with the local police on account of dozens more crimes than usual taking place. Though they looked less than happy to see our Chief, they let us work with them on helping take care of all the crimes.[/size]

I see. What is your, um, division called?

The police were hoping for something simple, such as the ‘Robot Brigade’. Our Chief insisted on the ‘Moustache Brigade’, but they pointed out that robots cannot grow mustaches. In the end, they settled on the ‘RoboStache Brigade’ at our Chief’s insistance.[/size]

…

Hey, who’s that over there? *points*

*looks*

*There’s a ghost Acara lurking about nearby*

*turns to the robot Chia* Thanks for your help.

… *shrugs and goes back to looking around*

*goes over to the ghost Acara*

*looks up* …?

Hello, miss. I’m Xue Blanche. Ace Attorney.

… Acy Skye.

SPOILER: Click to show

What are you doing around here, Ms. Acy?

…

…

Watching.

Okay then.

SPOILER: Click to show

…

PRESENT: Badge



This is my defense attorney’s badge. It proves that I am a professional.

Oh, you’re the defense attorney! *looks up* You’re not as useless as I thought you looked. Huh.

… (Do I look useless?)

You see, I was hoping I could do something to help with all the recent crimes, but… I’m not a chia, nor a cop. My owner left Neopia ages ago, so I don’t know what happened to him.

Oh…

Do you mind if…

?

Could I tag along with you for a while?

… Alright.

Okay! Thanks so much! I promise I’ll be really helpful!

Talk to Stalinbot

Hi there, c-

I don’t have the time for UNGLORIOUS PEOPLE WITH NO MOUSTACHES. *keeps shouting at robot Chias*

…

Here, let me try. *clears throat, then puts on a fake moustache* GLORIOUS LEADER! WILL YOU GIVE US SOME INFORMATION FROM YOUR RESERVE OF KNOWLEDGE?

*not questioning a female Acara with a moustache* That’s more like it! What do you need to know?

Tell us about the case.

Understood.

[Andrea]

(This is going to be interesting.)

Talk- The Victim

What about the victim?

The victim was stabbed in the back with what appears to be a large, two-handed sword.

_Ouch.

We’ve found that he likely died immediately around 5 NST, but it’s too soon for an actual autopsy.

I thought Neopets didn’t die?

Right, just like how the tooth fairy rides on a magic sleigh and delivers presents to kids on Easter.

…

-Crime Scene Notes updated in the Court Record!-

Do you have any more information about the victim himself?

*hands some records over* Here.

… That was easy.

-Victim’s Records added to the Court Record!-

Talk- Suspects

Who are your suspects in this case, glorious leader? *salutes, still wearing moustache*

*crosses arms* We’re suspecting the person the victim was trying to meet up with, one Mr. Jacques Portsman. In addition, we’re going to make an arrest on our other suspect, Mr. Louis H. Ero.

Phew, that means I’m off the hook, dude?

YOU WILL NEVER NOT BE ON A HOOK.

Wait, wait… Louis?

He FOOLISHLY left this piece of evidence behind!

…?



*presents Bloodstained Glove* It even has the fool’s NAME printed INSIDE THE GLOVE!

(And he wore them to a crime. The stupidity certainly sounds like Louis.)

-Glove added to the Court Record!-

SPOILER: Click to show

This is my badge.

Badge: No, this is Patrick.

… (I’m not even going to question that.)

SPOILER: Click to show

It’s a shame that this Xweetok had to die. My glorious Robostache Brigade will catch this unmoustachioed Louis H. Ero!

… I might end up taking his case.

YOU WHAT?!

He’s going to need a lawyer, and Portsman isn’t arrested. … Where did Portsman go, anyway?

*is off in the background, doing this*

…

…

…

SPOILER: Click to show

So… The victim didn’t have a perfect record?

He was apparently caught for a few PETTY CRIMINAL ACTS. However, those were in the past. He’s had a clean record for over a year.

*considers this* …

SPOILER: Click to show

Portsman isn’t your main suspect, then?

No.

Phew, that means I’m off the hook, dude?

YOU WILL NEVER NOT BE ON A HOOK.

SPOILER: Click to show

What do you need to know about the most glorious, mustachioed man in the world? Go read a history book sometime!

For which world…?

THE ONE GRACED BY THE GLORIOUS PRESENCE OF STALIN’S MOUSTACHE, SILLY VAMPIRE LAWYER.

(I’m not a vampire!)

PRESENT PROFILE: Louis H. Ero



You think Louis did this?

*goes up to Stalinbot, reports something to him*

YES, we believe he did it! *punches the palm of his hand* WE EVEN HAVE A WITNESS!

Can we speak with him?

NEVER.

Can we speak with him, OH GLORIOUS LEADER? *salutes using moustache*

STILL NO.

*turns robotic arm into cannon* Can we speak with him?

… YES.

{Nearby}

*Two Robot Chias are standing near a man*

Here is the witness.

Wh- Y-y-you there! Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir!

(Oh, great.)

Th-they’re being really scary, sir! You’ve gotta help me!

Er… Okay. Who are you?

*sniveling* I’m Mike Meekins, sir… Formerly officer Mike Meekins, and… *flails* FORMERLY BLUE BADGER MEEKINS, SIIIIIR! They replaced me with some new guy! Can you believe it?!

{Meanwhile}

*dancing*

{Nearby the Haunted Woods}

I… see. Will you describe what you witnessed?

I… *salutes* Yes, sir! I won’t let you down!

-TESTIMONY-
What I saw

It was early in the morning… Probably about 5 NST.

I saw the Xweetok waiting around near the Haunted Woods.

All of a sudden, sir… I SAW A CAPE-WEARING GUY SNEAK UP FROM BEHIND!

*sniffs* He stabbed him and ran.

-CROSS-EXAMINATION-

It was early in the morning… Probably about 5 NST.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! What were you doing around here that time in the morning?

I was eating waffles, sir.

… Waffles?

Th- They have some of the best waffles aroooooouuuuund, sir!

It’s a new place called Granny Gantfred’s. You should try it sometime.

No thank you.

But, uh…

I saw the Xweetok waiting around near the Haunted Woods.

Press

HOLD IT! … What was he doing?

Waiting, sir. … *snaps fingers* I-I remember now! He was holding a box!

A box?

A box.

You should make a note of this.

Indeed.

-Mysterious Box Notes added to the Court Record!-

I think you should modify your testimony, also.

Y-yes, sir! … May I continue?

Go ahead.

All of a sudden, sir… I SAW A CAPE-WEARING GUY SNEAK UP FROM BEHIND!

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! A cape-wearing guy?

Y-yes, sir! *salutes* He also had long hair and boots.

*crosses arms* It sounds sort of like Louis…

He also looked really suspicious, sir!

Suspicious…? How?

I-I don’t know! Some people just have that suspicious look, like you!

How do I look suspicious?!

*smirks* Come on, Xue, you know you have that creepy vampire look going for you.

(I swear if I start sparkling…)

(After pressing Statement 2)

*sniffs* He stabbed him and ran away empty-handed.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! … Really?

Really.

Really?

Really!

(This is a waste of time…)

SPOILER: Click to show

OBJECTION! This proves you’re completely lying!

… Uh, Xue? No it doesn’t.

…

*sniff*

*sniffs* He stabbed him and ran away empty-handed.

PRESENT: Crime Scene Notes

OBJECTION!

H-huh, sir? Did I make a mistake?



*taps paper* As a matter of fact, you did. Shall I explain?

Yes.

I shouldn’t even have to point this out, but… Have you seen the state of the victim?

Not clearly, sir! Why?

Because. If he left taking nothing with him, he wouldn’t have taken the sword!

*points* So the sword would still be there! However, it’s missing!

*realizes* S- SOOOORRRYYYY, SIIIIIIIIIIIIR!

I believe there’s something else?

(What else proves Meekins is incorrect…?)

SPOILER: Click to show

TAKE THAT! This proves that you’re wrong, Meekins!

…

*sniffs, picking petals on a flower*

… Xue. Are you drunk?

(Maybe that was incorrect…!)

PRESENT: Mysterious Box Notes



TAKE THAT! If the victim was holding a box as you claim… Where’s the box now?! It’s nowhere to be found at the crime scene!

I-I-I was too busy eating waffles to notice it was missing, sir!

*crosses arms* I’m not sure if I’ll take on Louis’ case yet, or if he’s actually guilty or not… But we know that either the killer took the sword and the box, or there was another person involved.

There couldn’t have been another person, though, right?

*thinks* … If Portsman showed up right after the murder and spent a few minutes bringing me over, then likely not.

O-O-OBJECTION!

(I just got objected to by Mike Meekins. My career is over.)

I think you’re wrong, sir! … *sniffs* If you don’t mind me saying… I’m sorry, sir!

Stop crying and explain what you mean.

*salutes* Yes! Right away!

-TESTIMONY-
Magic? Magic!

You can’t forget, sir!

There’s people that can, uh, use magical abilties! Such as teleportation!

Maybe the sword and box were teleported away by someone!

That would explain where the sword went!

-CROSS-EXAMINATION-

You can’t forget, sir!

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! I can’t forget what?

Well, uh…

There’s people that can use …magical abilties! Such as teleportation!

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! You claim someone teleported the objects?

*salutes* Yes, sir! It was probably the mysterious third person you’re talking about!

Meekins… The only other person around was you.

…! I-I, uh…

HE’S CONFESSED TO THE THEFT! ARREST HIM!

HOLD IT! Let us finish this!

Maybe the sword and box were teleported away by someone!

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! That doesn’t make any sense!

Y-yes it does, sir!

Makes no sense to me.

*smirks* Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Acy?

Maybe.

That would explain where the sword went!

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! What about the box?

*salutes* Th- THE SAME GOES FOR THE BOX, SIIIIR!

There’s no need to shout!

SPOILER: Click to show

OBJECTION!

*background music keeps playing*

…

… Dang.

Maybe the sword and box were teleported away by someone!

PRESENT: Crime Scene Notes

OBJECTION!

Eeeeeep!


*taps notes on paper* Mr. Meekins, have you seen the area around the crime scene?

I-I said I haven’t seen it up close, sir!

First of all… If someone could teleport, why would they teleport those two objects and not teleport themselves away from the crime scene?!

I-I-I-I-

OB-STALIN-JECTION!

(That isn’t a word!)

Maybe the thief was going to meet a POSSIBLY-MOUSTACHIOED accomplice! They could have ran off to meet them!

OBJECTION! Then why not just teleport to the accomplice?! After all…



According to the names on the map... Why would they run either towards Neopia Central, the Haunted Woods, or Meridell and risk arrest instead of teleporting right to the ‘accomplice’ meeting place?!

It could have easily been THE UNMOUSTACHIOED Portsman, then! He had to use a portal device to get here!

(That’s true… Right?)

SPOILER: Click to show

True-

Hey, come on! I didn’t steal anything, dude!

!

Maybe you should think again.

No

Perhaps we should inspect Portsman’s “portal device” before we proceed.

*gives the remote to a robot Chia nearby*

*looks at it for a few minutes, then turns to Stalinbot* This device is only able to open and close one specific portal in one specific location for moving between the ‘NTWF’ and ‘Neopia’. It will open near the Prosecutor’s Office.[/size]

Glorious work! Go investigate this office immediately!

*opens the portal and goes through*

The prosecutors will sure have fun when that thing barges in.

What’s going on here? I can sense the usage of magic.

And who’s this? *looks*

*also looks*

[Andrea]

*a faerie Wocky flutters up, wearing an orange medallion and several other orange things*

Heyyyy. What’s going on over here?

Get your UNMOUSTACHIOED and UNGLORIOUS self out of here, Wocky! There’s a crime scene nearby!

Pfft. I’m not talking to you, gramps.

WHY YOU-

I’m talking to the creepy vampire dude over here. *floats over to Xue*

… (Someone help me.)

I can, like, sense that there’s been some magic used here so I had to, like, come over and take a look. What’s going on?

… There’s been a murder.

Oh, well, can’t they just tell him to wake up?

… (What.)

Sir, did she, um… Did she say magic was used!? This could settle the argument, sir!

… I don’t think she looks like a very reliable mage.

Sorry I haven’t like properly introduced myself. You can just call me Lacey. *flutters closer to the crime scene*

OB-STALIN-JECTION! I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS!

Can we just let her see if someone teleported the sword and the box and then kick her out?

Well, let’s see… I WOULD SOONER TRUST THAT MORON IN THE BLUE HAT TO DO IT!

*sniffs* …

*flies back up* It’s, like, no big deal gramps. I’ve already figured it out.

… How.

What.

It’s clear to me… A man named Louis H. Ero teleported the sword and the box!

OBJECTION!

*whispers to Xue* _{I don’t think her results are too… Reliable anyway.}

*sighs, polishing robotic moustache* You’ve interfered with a crime scene enough. *shouts* GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE GLORIOUS ROBOSTACHE BRIGADE PUTS YOU UNDER ARREST!

Hee~! You’ll have to catch me for that! *flies around*

CATCH THE WOCKY! *pulls out a gun and shoots*

*uses Haste and flies out of the way* ~

x 10: *keep trying to catch Lacey*

*keeps flying out of the way*

… This looks like it could go on for a while.

Probably. What now…?

Well… I think that she was wrong about the results of her ‘magic test’.

I thought that was a given.

But have you noticed…?

Noticed what?

*points at Lacey still flying around*

FOR THE MOTHERLAND *fires again*

*uses Air Shield to protect self*

It looks like she’s using abilities given to her by a faerie.

So somewhere there’s a faerie stupid enough to give her powers.

Basically. Also… If she’s lying or wrong about the sword and box being teleported, we won’t know.

…

There’s an alternate solution, though.

What’s that?

If one of us had the ability to sense if someone’s lying… It would be a bit easier.

But if we still couldn’t prove it, then what does it matter?

*smiles* Simple, Blanche. Simply knowing if someone’s not being honest is where you start… It might even get you on the right track at times. If someone’s acting strangely when talking about a specific thing, that could even be evidence in itself.

… (I… guess?)

We’ll have to find a way to make this happen, though…

Hey… You there, man…

?

Over here!

*looks over at a shady group of trees*

Well, why not. *floats over*

*follows, looking around*

*a dark faerie wearing large glasses and a headband is standing in the cluster of trees*

Hey man.

Talk- Yourself

Who are you?

I sort of forgot what my real name is. It was probably waaaay too mainstream anyway, dude.

…

Anyway, you can call me Femke. I think that’s what my name is now. I used to be called Miley before it was cool.

… (Who?)

Talk- What do you want?

Why did you call us over here?

Oh, right! I almost forgot. The brain bleach will do that to you.

… Uh.

*adjusts hipster glasses* I heard you and your pink tapdancing fish talking about, uh, faerie abilities why is the world spinning

…

And I could probably give you abilities for some Neopoints or something! _{brain bleach is expensive now}

I don’t know if I should bless a couple of kids, though. That would be really mainstream.

… Why do you keep calling us kids? How old are you?

I’m over 9000 years old!

Faeries tend to be…

Of course, there was that really bad thing that happened for a while…

…?

SPOILER: Click to show

What was the really bad thing that happened?

I think she’s talking about The Faerie’s Ruin.

Oh, The Faerie’s Ruin! That’s when I was stoned. Hee.

So you were turned into a statue also…?

Who said anything about statues?

…

SPOILER: Click to show

This is my attorney’s badge. It is proof that I am a professional.

Oh hey, are you that Smiles Edgeworth guy or whatever?

Who?



You know, Smiles Edgeworth! Look at how happy he is!

… (He sure does look “happy”.)

SPOILER: Click to show

Did you, like, write me a poem? That’s so sweet. And mainstream. Hee.

This is about a murder!

Woah, cool! A poem about a murder!

…

SPOILER: Click to show

Do you know anything about a Xweetok named Skee Rewd?

Pfft, Skee Rewd? Being named that is totally determining your destiny, man. It’s like being named Baker Cooke or Apollo Justice. How dopey would that be?

… (She’s right…)

SPOILER: Click to show

I just got a great idea for a NeoVision show! It would be called “Glovers”. It would be about two gloves that fall in love. It would be new and artsy, man! Nobody’s ever heard of this before!

… Isn’t NeoVision gone?

Oh. I’ve been standing here for a really long time. Just hanging around.

I’m sure.

SPOILER: Click to show

Is that for me?

No.

Then why do you keep typing ‘present’ in those spoiler boxes?

…

THE FOURTH WALL! IT’S DECIMATED!

SPOILER: Click to show

Ghost!

Yes.

*pulls out a vacuum cleaner* GHOST BUSTERS

!!

Just kidding. That’s too mainstream.

…

SPOILER: Click to show

*presents profile to see that it’s already been autographed* … What.

SPOILER: Click to show

Do you know anything about this person?

Nice stache! You should grow a stache, man. It would make you look less like a candy corn vampire.

*snerk* Yeah Xue, you can have a glorious moustache!

(No thanks!)

SPOILER: Click to show

I wonder what would happen if one of those Gantfred guys were painted robot. He would keep jumping into the pool and short-circuiting and then they fix him and it keeps happening.

Who’s Gantfred?

I have a feeling you’re going to find out, man.

SPOILER: Click to show

He reminds me of every loser I’ve ever met.

Have you met any losers recently…?

Well, you.

…

SPOILER: Click to show

That’s a very cute granddaughter you have there! The whole “being a 20 year old man” thing makes her not mainstream.

This isn’t my granddaughter.

Oh! Is that your dog?

No.

Puppy! What should we name it?

How about “Dungball Fartman“?

Okay!

…

-Louis renamed Dungball Fartman!-

SPOILER: Click to show

*points* You can still see her flying around over there.

Wow, she’s really high!

Yes, w-

And so am I!

…

SPOILER: Click to show

I look so much different from all those other lame dark faeries. They always were trying to do evil things like steal candy from kids.

Oh…

I was different, though. I gave candy to kids.

Until I got arrested for some reason…

~~~

I really don’t think she’s going to be any help, either…

No, really! I can give you, like, special faerie abilities. Because they called me the Special Faerie! It made me so happy!

How much will it cost us, then?

5 million.

What?!

5 million bottles of brain bleach! There’s your quest, man. Better get cracking.

*thinks* … I’ve got it.

Huh?

*takes out a pencil and turns around, drawing something*

*crosses arms*



*presents drawing* Look! Brain bleach! I found it!

Wow!

-Brain Bleach(?) given to Femke.-

Alright, it’s THE TIME! You ready to learn abilities that will blow your mind?!

No.

Yes. He does, he’s just hesitant.

Oh. Do you need some of this brain bleach? *holds up the drawing again*

Just start the blessing.

Okay! *concentrates*

_{GANTGANTGANTGANTGANTGANTGANTGANTGANTGANTGANTGANTGANTGANT}

^{DERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERP}

*points at Xue* BRAP!

…

Alright! There was a 50% chance that you would turn into Awky’s Grandma, but apparently it’s fine.

Wait, I didn’t know about the danger in this!

Warning people about danger is too mainstream. That’s what they say where I live!

Where do you live?

Um… It’s called an Azzylum. They give out lots of hugs!

Can you tell me about the abilities?

Oh yeah! Um, okay. You know the ordinary dark faerie abilities?

No.

Good! Anyway, here’s how it works. I know you guys wanted stalker-ish lie detecting abilities.

I could tell that you’re not an ordinary human, which is cool! You’re a vampire, right?

… No.

Whatever. Vampires, meepits… It’s all the same when you get mauled by them. But anyway, I can tell that you can sense Aura well.

You can?

Sensing auras… That’s how I got my fire abilities. *tosses a fireball into the air*

Fireworks!

The element a person uses is also shown slightly in their aura, as far as I’ve been able to see.

So what you have to do… Use Temporal Leak to slow down time for you and whoever is lying.

Then you have to use Night Vision to see through the darkness to better see their Aura.

Their aura will change depending if they’re being honest or not.

I thought Night Vision was… Exactly what it says on the tin?

I’ve had plenty of time to perfect these unheard of abilities! The other ones are too mainstream. And get how clever this is-

“Seeing through the darkness”? It’s a metaphor! Can you believe it, man?

What do you mean?

Like… If you’re seeing through the darkness, you’re seeing through their lies.

That’s… interesting.

I came up with that one all by myself!

So this will let me know when someone’s lying?

But it’s better!

?

Huh?

If you’re, uh, seeing through darkness then you should be able to see the light.

If you use these abilities then not only will you see when someone’s lying, but you can see past the lies and see what the truth is!

I see!

Uther! You look different!

Uther?

There was this case in Faerieland before all of us got stoned…

(Will you stop saying that?!)

But anyway, yeah.

Well… Thanks for your help.

No problem, man! Go be special just like me!

See? That wasn’t so bad.

Yes it was.

{Near the Haunted Woods}

Say it.

*wearing a pony costume* “I… am here to save you, princess. My name is Blueberry Magicsparkle and I’m the pony of heroic light-” … *throws script on the ground* THIS IS TERRIBLE!

*pouts* You’re ruining the game of pretend!

WHY DON’T YOU JUST GET OUT OF HERE

…

…

…

(I take a simple case in Neopia. I end up with Stalin as a pony.) *sighs*

Talk to Lacey

Hmm?

You mentioned that the sword and the box were teleported, correct?

Pfft, that news is, like, so old. Now we’re all talking about Granny Gantfred’s possible secret relationship with the Awkwardmobile.

Can you testify about the old news anyway?

Ugh… Whatever.

-TESTIMONY-
Like, the stuff. And stuff.

So, like…

The sword and the box were teleported by that Louis dude.

Geez.

-CROSS-EXAMINATION-

So, like…

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT!

…

…

…

…

…

… _{How am I supposed to work with this testimony?!}

The sword and the box were teleported by that Louis dude.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! Are you sure it was Louis?

Yep.

…

…

_{This sucks…}

Geez.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! You don’t have to sound so angry!

You keep shouting at me, Edward!

Edward…?

You know? Edward Cullen? You remind me of him.

Oh heck no you didn’t-

Xue! Calm down!

SPOILER: Click to show

OBJECTION! What do you have to say to… THIS?

I have to say that you’re an idiot.

(Maybe that was incorrect…)

Temporal Leak

TEMPORAL LEAK!

*time seems to slow down for Xue and the witness*

*very slowly* …So…. Like…

The… sword and… the box… were teleported… by that… Louis dude.

…Geez…

(And now to use Night Vision on the lie, right…?)

SPOILER: Click to show

NIGHT VISION!

*something starts happening*

Did… it work?

*everything else fades, being replaced with this*

…………

The… sword and… the box… were teleported… by that… Louis dude.

Night Vision

NIGHT VISION!

*a swirl of thoughts and memories become visible, appearing to Xue for only a second at a time to the sounds of thousands of muffled voices at once before one particular scene is shown*

{? ? ?}

*sees the box and the sword* …

*steps up to them and the victim*

*pauses, looking unsure* … *teleports the sword*

*looks at the box, then glances around worriedly* ?!

*puts hands to head, distressed* *teleports the box also*

*notices a note fell off of the box* *picks it up*

*reads it* …

*someone approaches*

*hurriedly stuffs note in a pocket and vanishes*

*the slowdown of time wears off, the voices going silent*

AHA!

?!

*smirks knowingly*

Lacey… I believe you have something from the crime scene?

!!! W-what are you talking about?

Your aura changed when claiming that Louis was the one that teleported the sword and the box.

S-so? How is that relevant?!

*points* It’s relevant because you’ve been blatantly lying about what happened to the murder weapon and the package! Lacey, I think you were the one who teleported them!

[Andrea]

…!

WUT?!

Do you have any evidence of this?!

Stalinbot, search her! There will be the evidence you need!

ROBOSTACHE BRIGADE!

x2: *hold Lacey’s wings so she doesn’t fly away*

*searches*

W-what?! No!

…



*takes the envelope* … *flips it over, reading something on the back* “This note should be attached to the box given to Skee Rewd.”

…

…

…

… Place this UNGLORIOUS THIEVING WOCKY under arrest!

*puts handcuffs on Lacey*

Agh!

Let’s go, men! *drags Lacey off*

x10: *follow, marching in unison*

…

So she did tamper with the crime scene…

Yes… I don’t think Louis did this. I’m not sure if it was Lacey, but I know it wasn’t Louis.

If you’re going to be his attorney, you should probably hurry up and go meet up with him and fill out the paperwork.

(I just wonder what that letter could’ve said…) *nods*

-Mysterious Letter added to Court Record!-

I guess I’ll see you when the trial starts.

See you. *floats off*

*walks away*

---

{The next day}
{Neovia Courtroom- Lobby}

(My first trial… I wonder how this is going to turn out.)

Hey! Lawyer vampire guy!

… Yes?

You know I didn’t do it, right?! I- I’m a GRAND HERO! I only slay VILLAINOUSLY VILLAINOUS VILLAINS, and-

*holds up hand* I get the point. I believe you’re innocent.

Good! Because I am. Great heroes like me don’t kill NPCs.

… NPCs?

*walks in* Hey, Blanche.

Acy. Hi.

I’m just going to say… You’re really in for it today.

SPOILER: Click to show

I still have to wonder who the real killer is…

I think it’s Lacey, still.

… (Do I have all the proof I need?)

SPOILER: Click to show

What do you mean I’m ‘really in for it’?

Today’s prosecutor. Well… He’s no pushover by any means.

Explain.

He’s not above forging evidence. Apparently he’s been charged with some crimes… Mostly assault and battery, though they couldn’t prove anything. In the eyes of the law he hasn’t done anything wrong, but to the public… It’s obvious he’s a really shady guy.

Oh, of course.

There’s something pretty odd about that…

?

Apparently a different prosecutor was supposed to work on the case, but he hasn’t been heard from.

Really? Who was it?

Apparently the guy that convinced the Chia Cops to let Stalinbot work with them.

I’ve been wondering how that happened. I guess it just took a lot of convincing.

SPOILER: Click to show

This is my attorney’s badge. It is proof that I am a professional.

That’s great, Xue. I hope you don’t plan on waving that badge around every time you see me.

… (I was just joking around…)

SPOILER: Click to show

Save it for the trial. I don’t have anything else to say about it.

~~~

What’s the prosecutor’s name, by the way?

Bailiff: Mr. Blanche? The trial’s about to begin. Please head into the courtroom.

… I have a feeling I’m about to find out.

---

{Neovia Courtroom}

*The courtroom is more chilly and gray than most, with a large arched window near the judge shining daylight into the otherwise dim room. Some fancily-dressed Neopets and Humans watch as Xue and Acy stand near the defense’s bench.*

*slams gavel* Court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Louis H. Ero.

… Wait. Aren’t you from Los Angeles?

Why, yes I am! A nice man named Mr. Portsman gave me a business card for a vacation in Neopia, so here I am!

… _{I don’t see how being a judge in Neovia is a vacation.}

Anyway… Are the defense and prosecution ready?

The defense is ready, your honor.

*There’s nobody at the prosecutor’s bench*

…

…

…

*slams gavel again* We cannot hold this trial without a prosecutor. Theref-

Relax, old man, I’m here. Had to drag myself to this gray little town all the way from Mystery Island.

!

*A fire skeith wearing shades and a pinstripe suit two sizes too small for him stomps in and takes his place at the prosecutor’s bench*

Anyway, let me introduce myself to marshmallow over here. Most just call me Skeith. Skeith Sun.

Not Skeith Moon?

Like I haven’t heard that one before. *rips off his shades and slams them into his desk, shattering them* Listen here.

*points* I don’t got the time to be messing around with you, marshmallow! Mess with me and I’ll roast you alive and eat you as a snack!

*slams gavel repeatedly* ORDER! There will be no threats in my courtroom! If you step out of line, I’ll hold you in contempt-

*deskslam, shooting small fireballs across the room* What was that, Judge?

N-nothing! I, uh, dropped my pencil, hold on… *hides*

*absorbs the fireballs* Nice try, Sun. I use fire too.

Enough of this! Prosecutor, give us your opening statement!

Gladly. *puts on another pair of sunglasses* Your honor, today the prosecution will deliciously prove that the defendant committed the murder. I’ve got the evidence that will knock marshmallow-boy right out of his socks and enough witnesses to choke him while he’s barefoot. Do you follow what I’m saying?

… Sort of. Please call your first witness to the stand.

The prosecution calls Stalinbot to the stand!

*walks up to the witness stand*

Name and occupation.

Stalinbot. I’m in charge of the GLORIOUS ROBOSTACHE BRIGADE.

Robostache?

It’s glorious as my moustache, is it not? One day the robot chia cops will have their own GLORIOUS FACIAL HAIR as well!

_{Don’t hold your breath…}

Whatever. Hurry up and outline the facts of the case. I’m gonna be late for lunch at this rate.

Understood.

-TESTIMONY-
The case

The victim, an unmoustachioed red Xweetok, was waiting on the outskirts of the Haunted Woods for Mr. Jacques Portsman. It was 5 AM NST.

The defendant snuck up on the victim from behind, wielding his sword suspiciously.

Then the defendant FOOLISHLY AND EVILLY stabbed the victim from behind!

The defendant fled. An autopsy on the victim shows that he didn’t have a moustache and that he died immediately.

~~~

Here is a copy of this GLORIOUS report for the vampire attorney!

-Mustachioed Autopsy added to the Court Record!-

Skee Rewd was stabbed in the back through the chest with a longsword at 5:05 NST. He died immediately.

*nods* Your cross-examination, Mr. Blanche.

-CROSS-EXAMINATION-

The victim, an unmoustachioed red Xweetok, was waiting on the outskirts of the Haunted Woods for Mr. Jacques Portsman. It was 5 AM NST.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! Are you sure it was that time exactly?

OBJECTION! This line of questioning is irrelevant, your honor! According to several other witnesses I’d be happy to call in, even Portsman… They were supposed to meet at 5 AM exactly! He showed up at 5 AM exactly!

*thinks* … Objection sustained. There’s enough evidence that the time was correct.

<sub>Xue, is that all you’ve got?!

I’m trying!</sub>

The defendant snuck up on the victim from behind, wielding his sword suspiciously.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! That would mean he came from inside the Haunted Woods itself, right?

I thought that was OBVIOUS, Mr. No-Stache.

Somebody may have spotted him, however!

We’ve questioned Neopians in the Haunted Woods at the time. The defendant apparently took a route so that nobody would see him as, well, NOBODY SAW HIM FROM THE HAUNTED WOODS! Witnesses did see him later sneaking up behind Skee Rewd, however!

… Okay.

Then the defendant FOOLISHLY AND EVILLY stabbed the victim from behind!

Press

HOLD IT! Has the murder weapon been recovered?

I’ve got it.



._.

Here you go.

-Murder Weapon added to the Court Record!-

The weapon matches up to the wound, by the way. MY GLORIOUS ROBOSTACHE BRIGADE left no stoner unturned.

(I think you messed up that saying a little bit…)

The defendant fled. An autopsy on the victim shows that he didn’t have a moustache and that he died immediately.

Press

HOLD IT! Allegedly… Where did the defendant flee to?

He was arrested in his UNGLORIOUS hotel. It is also where we found the murder weapon.

… Could you add that statement to your testimony?

If I have to.

SPOILER: Click to show

OBJECTION! This proves you’re lying, Stalinbot!

… That doesn’t prove anything.

*rips off sunglasses, grinning evilly* Even your little assistant thinks you’re wrong, marshmallow!

…

Your argument’s going to be smashed like grapes. But hey… *puts sunglasses back on* It’s nothing to wine about.

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH!

_{Whose side are you on?!}

SPOILER: Click to show

… This doesn’t prove anything new. I’d also need the evidence to back up my claim.

SPOILER: Click to show

… This is a pretty basic testimony.

You have some new evidence, though…

True. (I’m just not sure if I can trust Josef Stalin…)

((Return to beginning of testimony.))

After pressing the last two statements (Modified Testimony)

MY GLORIOUS ROBOSTACHE BRIGADE arrested the defendant at his hotel near Neopia Central. It is also where the murder weapon was recovered from the clutches of villainy, though there was nothing else there.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! What if Louis was there the whole time?

OBJECTION! He was alone, on a vacation that some Portsman guy sent him on. There would be nobody else to back up his claim!

Would anyone at the hotel have a record of when he checked in and if he left?

I’ve checked the records already, marshmallow. He entered some time after the murder. Clearly he fled from the crime scene there!

*audience mutters*

Order in the courtroom! Mr. Blanche, continue your cross-examination.

MY GLORIOUS ROBOSTACHE BRIGADE arrested the defendant at his hotel near Neopia Central. It is also where the murder weapon was recovered from the clutches of villainy, though there was nothing else there.

PRESENT: Mysterious Box notes

OBJECTION! Stalinbot… You remember that there were two items at the crime scene, right?

… *polishes moustache*



One was the murder weapon, which was left behind.



The other was the mysterious box the victim was holding, missing from the crime scene!

OBJECTION! If the murder weapon was left behind, then why was it in the defendant’s hotel?!

SPOILER: Click to show

This is proof!

Proof of what? That you’re a moron?

(That was wrong…)

Mr. Blanche, stop wasting this court’s time!

PRESENT: Lacey’s Profile



TAKE THAT!

… A faerie Wocky? What’s she got to do with this?

Sun, I am disappoint. This Wocky is very relevant to the case!

*rips off sunglasses and smashes them into desk, shattering them* *points* Then prove it, marshmallow!

You see… The crime scene was tampered with by this Wocky.

…

!

*polishes moustache furiously*

OBJECTION! Why was I not told about this?!

You were! You said it wasn’t relevant!

Aaargh!

The wocky, Lacey, teleported the sword and the box! The sword ended up in Louis’ hotel! And why would that be, you may ask?!

SPOILER: Click to show

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU GUYS /sap

…

…

Audience: …

… … Xue. Are you sure you’re not drunk?

Er… Slip of the tongue!

SPOILER: Click to show

Because she was the one that killed Skee Rewd!

OBJECTION! Tampering with a crime scene is more disgusting than rotten food, but it doesn’t necessarily make the wocky a murderer!

You can’t make accusations without the evidence to back it up, Mr. Blanche! Can you prove this wocky killed the victim?

… … … No.

I’m going to have to give you a penalty, Mr. Blanche. Don’t make baseless accusations again!

To frame Louis

It was to frame Louis for this crime! Which also means…



This glove may have been planted at the crime scene also!

[Andrea]

OBJECTION! She may have moved items from a crime scene, but where would she have gotten one of the defendant’s gloves to plant it there?! Your claim is only half-baked, marshmallow!

…!

Xue!

What?

Do you think it’s possible that Lacey stole the glove from Louis?

… Hmm…

SPOILER: Click to show

No, I’m not sure…

Exactly! That’s because Louis committed the murder and left it behind!

W-wait! Hold on!

Yes

Yes, but how?

*to Skeith Sun* Maybe we should ask for the defendant’s testimony! I’m sure he has an alibi for the time of the murder, and on top of that… It was his glove stolen! He would have noticed!

…

…

Well, it’s your funeral. Stalinbot-

WHAT?! You are trying to get rid of the glory of STALIN’S STACHE?!

Exactly. Get out.

OB-STALIN-JECTION! You can not get rid of me that easily!

*slams gavel* Bailiff, please remove the witness from the courtroom.

Bailiff: *tries to drag Stalinbot out*

This isn’t the last you’ve heard of my glorious moustache! *dragged out*

… Hm… Perhaps I should have a glorious moustache also!

(Please don’t, Judge.)

Anyway. Call the next witness!

*puts on sunglasses* The prosecution calls the defendant to the stand!

*takes the stand* This is the part where they prove I’m innocent, right?

*punches desk* WRONG! Name and occupation already!

Oh, um… My name is Louis H. Ero. I’m a GREAT HERO. You’ve probably heard of me.

Only when researching delusional morons. Get on with the testimony and there will still be time for lunch.

-TESTIMONY-
A Heroic Alibi

Around 4 I checked into a hotel. Heroes have to be up early to slay monsters for the best EXP, you know!

After that I practiced my cooking skill for a while.

Then later I met a dark faerie that needed help with a quest!

She wanted me to get an Usul Lemon Bomb.

I found it with a mighty wizard who searches through shops!

I brought it back only about 5 minutes later. Then I went back to my hotel.

~~~

(I’m not sure how much this proves… If the faerie just sent him off, then she can’t verify where he was during the mur-)

Oh my! A mighty wizard? That reminds me of when I was a wizard for Halloween!

You mean as a kid?

No, last year.

…

I was a wizard when I was in a child, though!

Oh. … Wait, wh-

Your cross-examination please, Mr. Blanche.

Er… Alright.

-CROSS-EXAMINATION-

Around 4 I checked into a hotel. Heroes have to be up early to slay monsters for the best EXP, you know!

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! Which hotel?

Um…

OBJECTION! That’s hardly relevant about what he was up to doing the crime and what happened to his glove!

… (I think I need a vacation after this.)

After that I practiced my cooking skill for a while.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! What do you mean?

Oh, I cooked 15 bowls of macaroni and cheese until I leveled up. Then a golden beam of light shot out of my head and victorious music played.

… What.

Then later I met a dark faerie that needed help with a quest!

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! You helped a villainous villain?

Oh, no!



She was really nice, though she seemed a bit confused!

(When Louis thinks you’re stupid…)

She wanted me to get an Usul Lemon Bomb.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! So you were going to set things on fire with combustible lemons?

Yeah!

…

OBJECTION! What’s the purpose of this line of questioning?! It sounds like you’re a mutt begging for scraps… Of information!

Doesn’t anyone get the reference?!

I found it with a mighty wizard who searches through shops!

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! Who was this wizard?

OBJECTION! A wizard… Shops… The shop wizard, marshmallow! Haven’ t you ever been to Neopia before?!

… No…

I brought it back only about 5 minutes later. Then I went back to my hotel.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! Did you have your gloves then?

I had the ones I was wearing, but I may have brought a pair of backup gloves. GREAT HEROES like me need to be prepared, you know!

To clarify… You left at 5 NST, returned at 5:05?

Yeah!

That could be useful…

………

SPOILER: Click to show

OBJECTION! What do you think of this?

What’s this? Is it about a new quest?

N-no!

Maybe that wasn’t right.

SPOILER: Click to show

…

…

_{All I can see… This idiot… Making… Noodles…}

SPOILER: Click to show

If we do this correctly, we could possibly prove that Louis isn’t guilty!

I don’t know…

Huh?

There’s still a lot that hasn’t been answered. Like the questions of that box or the letter.



That’s true… You believe Louis isn’t guilty, right?

Yes. I just don’t think this is the end.

((Return to beginning of testimony.))

I brought it back only about 5 minutes later. Then I went back to my hotel.

PRESENT: Murder Weapon OR Mustachioed Autopsy Report

OBJECTION! You claim you went back to your hotel at 5:05, right?

That’s what I said! Heroic heroes don’t lie, you know. Unless it comes to smashing open pots to get the secret items inside.

I don’t think you’re telling the whole truth, though.



According to the victim’s autopsy, he was killed at 5 exactly.



Lacey teleported the murder weapon to your hotel room right after, stumbling upon the crime scene!

*points* If you returned to your hotel, you would‘ve seen the weapon!

*audience mutters*

Thanks for that, marshmallow. *points* Now I don’t have to prove he’s a stinkin’ liar myself!

HOLD IT! I’m not saying he was lying in his testimony, I’m saying that maybe the circumstances of the weapon being in his hotel room aren’t as ordinary as we think! Louis, testify about the weapon! Is it your main sword, and did you notice it in your hotel when you returned?

-TESTIMONY-
All those questions! I mean, gosh!

The weapon isn’t the sword I usually use! I use a much more heroic one. It’s gold and has a gem.

I don’t have a spare sword, though… I don’t know what that sword’s from!

M-maybe it’s a villainously villainous villain’s one?! It’s all… dark and gloomy…

About the weapon…

I didn’t see it when I got back to the hotel.

I actually ended up practicing my sleeping skill when I got back! … I was tired. Heroes get tired too.

-CROSS-EXAMINATION-

The weapon isn’t the sword I usually use! I use a much more heroic one. It’s gold and has a gem.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! Where is this sword?

OBJECTION! Stop asking stupid questions, marshmallow! They wouldn’t let a murderer walk into a court with a sword!

OBJECTION! I’m not saying he would have it now, b-

Oh, I do.

WHAT?!

Just kidding!

…

…

…

*rips off sunglasses and throws them at Louis* You idiot!

OW!

I don’t have a spare sword, though… I don’t know what that sword’s from!

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! Could we check the murder weapon for fingerprints?

OBJECTION! Not only does Louis wear gloves, your hypothetical “real murderer” have access to Louis’ gloves!

OBJECTION! They had access to a glove.

That’s enough to carry a sword if you’re strong enough! We don’t need to waste time by dusting for fingerprints!

OBJECTION! Why are you so hesitant to check for fingerprints?!

Because it would be a waste of time, marshmallow! We can’t sit around all day while some sweaty lab guy dusts the weapon daintily! I’ve got a lunch meetin’ in an hour!

_{He sure sounds busy…}

M-maybe it’s a villainously villainous villain’s one?! It’s all… dark and gloomy…

SPOILER: Click to show

Uncle Press: Hi.

WHO ARE YOU

About the weapon…

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! What about it?

Well…

I didn’t see it when I got back to the hotel.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! How did you not see a large, bloody sword?

I, er…

…

…

I actually ended up practicing my sleeping skill when I got back! … I was tired. Heroes get tired too.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! You… fell… asleep.

Yep!

What happened next?

I had dreams!

No! When you woke up!

Oh! This villainous villain put me under arrest for no reason!

Hm…

SPOILER: Click to show

OBJECTION! *tries to present evidence*

Professor Oak: Xue! There’s a time and place for everything!

WHO ARE YOU

SPOILER: Click to show

He seems hesitant to talk about what happened to the murder weapon…

Maybe you need to put your new powers to use?

Maybe.

Temporal Leak

TEMPORAL LEAK!

*time slows down for Xue and the witness, the former glowing a faint blue color*

*extremely slowly* The weapon… isn’t the sword… I usually use! … I use a much more …. heroic … one. It’s… gold and… has a … gem…

…I don’t… have… a spare … sword, though… I don’t… know what … that sword’s… from!…

…M-maybe it’s… a villainously villainous villain’s one…?! … It’s… all… dark and gloomy…

…About … the weapon…

I didn’t… see it when… I got back to… the hotel…

I actually… ended up… practicing my sleeping skill when… I got back! … I was tired… Heroes… get tired too.

SPOILER: Click to show

*pauses* … This isn‘t correct.

I didn’t… see it when… I got back to… the hotel…

Night Vision

NIGHT VISION!

*a swirl of thoughts and memories become visible, appearing to Xue for only a second at a time to the sounds of thousands of muffled voices at once before one particular scene is shown*

{? ? ?}

*walks back into a room, cape tangled up behind him*

*notices a large sword in the room* …!

*picks it up* … *moves it to the other room*

*tries to pick up the phone, but the line is dead* *slams phone down*

*notices something else* ?

*sees box in the corner*

*the memory quickly fades with the sound of an explosion*

*time returns to normal, the vision dissolving*

AHA!

?

Louis, you claim you didn’t touch the sword and then went to sleep?

Yes! Great heroes like me don’t lie.

I’m sorry to tell you this, but… I know you are lying.

Huh?

*points* I believe that you did move the murder weapon, and then there was an explosion in the room!

!

!

!!! Why do you say this?!

You can’t hide your aura, can you?

OBJECTION! You’re trying to use magic as evidence in a court of law? Get outta here, marshmallow!

And on top of that… *rips off sunglasses and smashes them into desk*

*points* Where’s your actual, physical evidence of your claim!?

SPOILER: Click to show

TAKE THAT!

… *growls* This isn’t relevant at all! What are you thinking?

…! Wait, this isn’t right!

Bring in a witness

An explosion would’ve been loud enough for people to notice! There has to be a witness!

Trying to bring in another witness because yours is a dirty stinkin’ liar, huh?

*grumbles*

Who is the witness, Mr. Blanche?

… The hotel manager.

*nods* Very well. The court will take a short recess until the witness has been brought to the courtroom. *slams gavel*

---

{Neovia Courtroom- Lobby}

Things are really getting right down to the wire…

Yeah. Too bad for you had a case like this to be your first one.

… Indeed.

*both wait for court to resume for a little while*

There’s just one thing that’s bugging me…

?

Where’s Stalinbot?

*walks in* What do you want?

I have to mention, if my theory is correct…

?

You were lying when you said nothing else about the hotel room was unusual, weren’t you?

*polishes moustache* Lying is an UNGLORIOUS thing to do. However…

?

It was Skeith Sun that told me not to mention that explosion! He is fearsome like a lion! A big, fat, sunglasses-wearing lion!

Wait… That means he knew about the explosion!

He went to get the hotel manager, who probably heard it also…

What kinds of lies could he be feeding the witness?

Bailiff: Mr. Blanche? Court’s about to resume.

… I hate these “I’m about to find out” moments. *enters the courtroom*

*follows*

[Andrea]

{Neovia Courtroom}

*slams gavel* Court will now reconvene.

*at the defense’s bench, next to Acy* …

…

*Skeith Sun is nowhere to be found*

…Is the prosecutor late again?

*crosses arms* … *arm and cannon* It appears so, your honor.

Well, it appears we must wait for him. How’s your day been, Mr. Blanche?

… Isn’t this a strange time for small talk?

Not at all! I’m actually preparing my costume for next Halloween. I’m thinking I might be Harry Potter!

So… Not Dumblejudge? I guess it’s still a wizard…

Indeed! I might use my gavel as a special w-

*the door slams open and Skeith Sun barges in, small flames flickering on him*

*stomps over to the prosecutor’s bench*

Mr. Sun? What’s with the flames? They make you look so… hot!

…

I’m a fire skeith, old man. Now… *points at Xue* Ready to be toasted, marshmallow?

… Sure.

The prosecution calls the hotel manager to the stand!

*an elderly pirate Kau steps up to the witness stand*

Name and occupation!

Ye ask me name? Me name’s Vince Vaca. Most just call me Nobeard. As for me occupation… I’m in charge of the Cheap Motel.

Give us your testimony.

Aye.

-TESTIMONY-
An old sea kau‘s thoughts

It was early inna mornin.

This ‘ero kid got ‘imself a room in me motel. Then the crazy kid left.

Why would ye even need a hotel room if ye just want to leave?!

He came back a few turns o’ me hourglass later. He was carryin’ a box and somethin’ else all suspiciously.

Later ‘ere was some metal police that dragged ‘im away…

~~~

…!

_{The witness is a complete liar!}

*slams gavel* Your cross-examination, Mr. Blanche.

-CROSS-EXAMINATION-

It was early inna mornin.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! What time?

I don’t got no fancy time-tellin’ thing… Just me ol’ hourglass.

So you don’t kn-

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Agh!

I was already done talkin’, ya dog!

This ‘ero kid got ‘imself a room in me motel. Then the crazy kid left.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! Was it the defendant?

Aye.

Why would ye even need a hotel room if ye just want to leave?!

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! Maybe he wanted to have a room for later!

It wasn’t that way when I was a wee lad! Ye didn’t check into a hotel for later, ye checked in when ye were tired and needed to stay somewhere! An’ while I’m at it, there was none o’ this “fast food” either! Back in my day, the only “fast food” was ye prey runnin’ while you chase it! An’ another thing-

XUE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

He came back a few turns o’ me hourglass later. He was carryin’ a box and somethin’ else all suspiciously.

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! What was he carrying?

He was carryin’ a box and somethin’ else all suspiciously.

Yes, I know… Did you see the other th-

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Agh!

I would’ve said if I saw what it was, ye nincompoop!

Later ‘ere was some metal police that dragged ‘im away…

SPOILER: Click to show

HOLD IT! Do you mean the RoboStache Brig-

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

!!

SPOILER: Click to show

OBJEC-

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

!!

Don’t ye make any baseless accusations, ye dog!

_{Try again, Xue.}

SPOILER: Click to show

TEMPORAL L-

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

!!

Don’t ye use yer fancy faeire abilities on me!

SPOILER: Click to show

It’s obvious that Skeith Sun got this witness to lie… There’s no way he could’ve missed an explosion.

You just have to prove it, Xue!

((Return to beginning of testimony.))

He came back a few turns o’ me hourglass later. He was carryin’ a box and somethin’ else all suspiciously.

PRESENT: Lacey’s Profile

OB-

MOOOOOOOOOOOO

-JEC-

MOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-TION!

*slams gavel* Let the defense attorney speak, witness!



*present’s Lacey’s profile* Who is this, witness? Do you know, beard?

Me name’s Nobeard! I’ve got no clue who the lass is!

*taps paper* She was one who tampered with the crime scene.

…

*points* Not only that… It was proven that she teleported both the murder weapon and the mysterious box into your hotel!

M-M-MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

Tell us the truth, witness!

… Aye. Everythin’ was true except for ‘the lad was carryin’ a box‘ thing.

Did anything else unusual happen?

If ye must know… There was an’ explosion later on.

Just like I thought…!

OBJECTION! Witness, I-

Don’t ye talk to me that way, landlubber! Ye were the one who said not to mention it!

W- WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

*audience mutters*

*slams gavel* Order! ORDER! Mr. Sun!

… Judge.

Did you tell the witness to commit perjury?

Ha ha ha ha…

?

Can you prove that? This old Kau was lying at the witness stand. He’s just blaming me to get out of it.

Why ye little…!

*slams gavel* This will be looked into. However, I’m not sure if we can continue…

*grins*

(No…! If court is let out of session for the day, he’ll forge more evidence! What do I do?)

SPOILER: Click to show

…

… Xue.

?

*slaps*

!

Do something!

Raise an objection



Your honor! The defense wishes to continue the trial!

It is possible that the prosecution has been forging witness testimony and potentially, evidence. Why do you wish to continue?

I, uh…

…

*points* Your honor, the defense has already figured out the identity of the real killer!

*audience gets worked up, starting to shout*

*slams gavel* ORDER! Who is the real killer, then, Mr. Blanche? Keep in mind that if you make a baseless accusation, court will be adjourned!

…

…! (Who could it have been…? Who‘s actually guilty, even if we least suspect them…? Someone who seems like they have something to hide?)

SPOILER: Click to show

TAKE THAT!

…

…

Audience: …

*points* That’s it, marshmallow! Game over!

Wait! Hold it! Objection!

PRESENT PROFILE: Skeith Sun



The real killer is right in this room! Skeith Sun, it was you!

!

!

Audience: !!!



Hah! Another baseless accusation! Where’s the actual evidence? Huh?

… …

Xue! You should ask yourself what his motive would be!

Motive…? *thinks*

SPOILER: Click to show

TAKE THAT!

OBJECTION! Another idea as rotten as old beets! And Ill beet you if you don’t present actual evidence soon, marshmallow!

(Of all the times for a bad pun…)

PRESENT: Victim’s Records



TAKE THAT! According to these documents, the victim was not above breaking the law!

… And?

There’s someone else in this courtroom not above breaking the law…

… …

Now let’s ask ourselves this. What’s the possibility that the two of you were working together?

OBJECTION! What do you mean, working together?

(What proves that they were working together…?)

SPOILER: Click to show

Wrong again, marshmallow!

PRESENT: Mysterious box notes

TAKE THAT! I believe that the actual contents of the box can answer this!

Huh?



There was an explosion in the room caused by the box! It’s obvious the box was packed with explosives! Howver…



It’s obvious that explosive never reached its target however… Because of one faerie wocky!

OBJECTION! Why would this Wocky want to teleport a bomb to a hotel anyway, huh? Bad rates?

First I thought it was to frame Louis. However…



I believe I’ve uncovered something else…

Wh- what could it be?

This letter was attached to the box. According to Lacey’s memories, she eagerly picked up the note and read it, then kept it with her! Furthermore…

OBJECTION! You’re trying to use magic as evidence in a court of law? Get outta here, marshmallow!

*points* The truth? The group of you were in on it!

!

!

!

Your magic abilities seem limited, if you have any at all! Lacey had much more advanced magic, which is why she teleported the two objects! She had to do it for you! As for the victim, Skee Rewd?



He was trying to give the box to Portsman, so he would take it back to the office he works at… Destroying it!

*points* W-where’s your evidence that this is true?

Always with the evidence, aren’t you?

I think you’re just making this up, marshmallow!



The evidence should be right here. The message attached to the bomb!

Where is this letter?



The letter should be with this person! Stalinbot, who found it in Lacey’s possession!

*slams gavel* Bring this person to the courtroom immediately!

*enters*

Witness! Please read us the note!

*takes out the note and reads it*

Rewd.

Give this to Portsman. Destroy the prosecutor’s office.

Destroy this note at once after it is read. If you need, you can ask Skeith Sun to burn it for you.

Forget the petty rivalry between you two fools, also. Should I hear of more squabbling, I’ll dispose of the both of you.

- Your boss

…

…

…

…

All: …

There you have it, your honor. Skeith Sun murdered Skee Rewd as a result of their growing feud.

*sneaks up behind the Xweetok, wielding sword* _{This ends today…}

But then realizing what he’s done, he tried to cover it up and make it look like someone else did it! With the help of another organized crime member, Lacey, he framed the defendant!

*looking at the body* No… I’ve gotta cover this up! …

No… no…

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Egad! The prosecutor is on fire! … Again!

*sizzing from flames* Nice one, marshm- No, Xue. I didn’t think you had it in you. There’s just one thing…

?

You forgot the lemon bomb that Louis got. Ever wonder where that went?

… Sort of?



I’ve got it… Right here…

Audience: *screams, running out of the courtroom*

!

See you, marshmallow! *throws lemon bomb*

*the bomb explodes weakly, spraying the scent of fresh lemon all around the courtroom*

…

…

…

… This sucks.

MEEKINS TO THE RESCUE *leaps out of the audience flailing wildly and tackles Skeith Sun*

GAH

I’ve got him, siiiiiiiir!

GET THIS IMBECILE OFF ME

I’ve got you now, angry fat lion in sunglasses! *puts handcuffs on Skeith Sun*

*Mike Meekins and Stalinbot drag him out of the courtroom*

__________________________

{Later}
{Neovia Courtroom}

*slams gavel* Well! It seems that the prosecutor was set on fire and then arrested, so he is not here to hear the verdict.

…

It was a shock finding out he was tied to the organized crime going on in Neopia! With those flames… Someone as hot-looking as him actually was a villain!

Will you stop saying that?!

But anyway. I will now deliver my verdict!

This court finds the defendant, Louis H. Ero…

NOT GUILTY

*smiles*

Audience: *cheers for Louis’ acquittal*

…

This court is adjourned!

________________

{Neovia Courtroom- Lobby}

You did a good job out there… Rookie. You won your first case!

Yeah. It feels great.

Hey, everyone!

Louis?

I can’t believe I’m finally free! This was the second time I was arrested. The first time I was defended by an orange mobster!

… What.

But that doesn’t matter. Thanks for your help, Xue! Quest complete!

*smiles*

I do wish I had something else to do, though…

What do you mean?

Well, my hotel is blown up… I think the owner is a pirate who’s being questioned for perjury. I’m not sure what to do now or where to go!

Hmm… I think there was one thing still unresolved.

?

SPOILER: Click to show

Wow, you’re right!

… Actually, no I’m not.

PRESENT: Mysterious Letter

There’s a whole group of villainous villains running around out there, Louis! Maybe you should start chasing after them!

Yeah, that’s a good idea!

*walks in, coming from the audience* Good job out there, Xue! Maybe all vampires aren’t evil.

I’m… not a vampire…

Whatever, dude! This place is a bit too dreary for my tastes. How about a heroic celebration?

Yeah!

Alright. Just stop calling me a vapire.

Okay, revenant. *walks out*

*follows*

…

Don’t pay attention to him. For some reason I don’t think anyone does.

Heh… Well, let’s go. GREAT HEROES like me need to party also.

Going to party with porty? Well… Why not.

*leaves*

*follows*

~End of Case 1~
~Turnabout Transformation~

[Andrea]

If you’ve been reading AAI:UP… I’m borrowing its format with Hunter’s permission though we're still stealing from capcom, so. In between each case is a bunch of intermission scenes to take up the rest of the page. I’ll do the same, but with short blurbs of things about the characters in between cases. It will mostly be derp, but with some theory fuel. :U Enjoy.

SPOILER: Click to show

{A celebration}

There’s something I should mention, though…

What’s that?

I did ask to be your assistant to help with all the crimes going on, but there’s something else…

What do you mean?

There’s a large organization in charge of this. I’m not sure of their goal, but there’s one person I know is involved…

My relative…

Oh…

But… That’s irrelevant. We should just relax for now.

*smiles* I guess. I’m sure we’ll find your relative and you can speak with them again.

I hope so.

[Andrea]

SPOILER: Click to show

{A crime scene}

*shouts* COME ON, MEN! THIS IS FOR THE GLORY OF MY MOUSTACHE!

x10: *salute* *keep looking around*

? ? ?: Working hard, there?

! … *Turns around* Why, yes! I am doing everything in a EFFICIENT and GLORIOUS way, you see.

? ? ?: Okay. Don’t forget our agreement, Stalinbot.

Er… I won’t, sir!

? ? ?: *walks off*

x10: *watching* …

*turns around*

x10: *quickly turn around and keep investigating*

[Andrea]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Prison}

*crosses arms* Can’t believe I actually lost to that marshmallow… I don’t even have my shades anymore!

Hey, it’s okay, fats. Look, I have a present for you!

*looks*

*sneaks in* I managed to, like, bypass that creepy old guard!

*grunts* I don’t care. What do you want?

Geez, I’m just here to give you a gift to cheer you up!

What is it?

*holds up orange nail polish* I thought this would, like, look great on you!

…

Here! *hands the nail polish over*

… *eats it*

Hey! You don’t even know, like, what I had to do to get that smuggled in here!

It was delicious.

Ugh, you’re hopele-

*sounds of the guard approaching*

Eep! *runs*

… *rolls over and falls asleep, grumbling*

[Andrea]

SPOILER: Click to show

{The Cheap Motel}

*on the phone* Ye… Me hotel’s been blown up. … What do ye mean, that’s not your problem!? What’s an old sea Kau to do?

Hey!

*slams the phone down* What do ye want?

Can I get a room here, man?

… The hotel’s blown up, lass.

Like, I know! Staying in a regular hotel’s too mainsteam.

Er… Okay, then.

Sweet! I want a room on the top floor.

Why?

I want a room as high as me!

Ye mean high in social status…?

Not quite, dude.

[Andrea]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Portsman’s Hotel Room}

*someone knocks*

*opens door*

Trick or treat!

*closes door*

[Andrea]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Courtroom, not in session}

I can’t believe I got a job!

I’m a bailiff now! Can you believe it, sir?

Mike Meekins to the rescue! Hiyah! *does a flying jump kick across the courtroom*

*falls on face* …

[Andrea]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Living Room}

*There’s a fire lit in a fireplace. Louis sits in an armchair nearby*

Hello, and welcome to “Louis’ Tales, Part 1!” Today I will give you part of the full story of my heroic quest in the Blueberry Kingdom before going to the NTWF.

You see, it all started several years ago. I was born on a farm in a world with no problems whatsoever. The rulers were fair and just, the economy was stable, and farm animals happily frolicked in grassy meadows while the fluffy white clouds rolled overhead.

Then an evil villain in a top hat, dark cape, a monocle, and dressed entirely in black with a large moustache appeared!

They say that this person was of ancient evil and was sealed in a tin can that was finally released!

Now the world was in peril! The rulers were killed. Darkness filled the skies and thunderstorms flooded the towns! It looked like all hope was lost.

However, a powerful wizard emerged! He held up an ancient text which was a prophecy! It said that four heroes would rise to take down the big bad after taking down his army of mooks. But first, there would have to be the call to adventure!

You see, it all happened when my father, Typical H. Ero, went missing! He left me a magic enchanted sword and a page from the prophecy saying that I was one of the heroes that would SAVE THE WORLD!

I realize this is an amazing tale, but it seems we are out of time. Tune in next time for part 2!

*the camera zooms in on the cozy fire in the fireplace*

[Andrea]

SPOILER: Click to show

{? ? ?}

They disposed of three of my minions, have they?

*there’s the sound of something shuffling around*

*holds up a photograph*

Xue Blanche… I will remember this name. I will remember it very well.

((The next case starts soon.))